Chapter Three

Bloom

August 20, 2006

"Happy Birthday to Aaliyah! Happy birthday to you!" Everyone sang as Leah sat there awkwardly in her chair. It's been twenty two years, and she still hasn't figured out what you're supposed to do when people sing happy birthday to her.

Once the birthday song was finished, Aaliyah blew out the golden candles on the cake. The cake had white frosting, with Oreos sprinkling the top of the cake along with the rim of it as well.

"What did you wish for?" Lotte asked excitedly

Leah rolled her eyes at the stupid question her sister asked every year, and every time she says the same thing. "If I told you then it wouldn't come true"

"Right" Lotte laughed. The truth is, is that she wished for happiness for herself and for her sister, and that her sister graduates college of course.

"Since you're the birthday girl, I'll cut the cake" Charlotte said grabbing the cake cutting knife. Lotte cut the cake into equal pieces for everyone, the pieces were all very symmetrical; and Leah couldn't help but be proud of her cooking and baking skills that her sister learned from her.

"And the birthday girl gets a piece first" Lotte said placing a piece of cookies n' cream cake in front of Aaliyah. Leah immediately grabbed a fork and began to chow down on the cake in front her.

Amanda sat down next to Aaliyah "Happy twenty second birthday my dear". Leah smiled at Amanda's comment. "How does it feel to be twenty two?" She asked

Leah shrugged "same as I felt as I was twenty one"

"You say that every year" Amanda deadpanned

"And I feel the same, every year" Aaliyah replied. "You have to ask me a bigger age difference like I was ten and now I'm twenty two. That would be a different because I didn't have boobs and now I do. I didn't have a period and now I do"

Amanda rolled her eyes at her friends answer. "Whatever" Amanda mumbled taking a bite out of her piece of cake.

Lotte sat down on the other side of Aaliyah at the table, "you have a great turnout this year sister"

Leah looked up from her cake and looked around the room. She was right, this is definitely the most amount of people she's ever had at her birthday party. Voight and the team were there, which was what made it the most amount of people she's invited, and then of course her sister and Amanda. Unfortunately Amanda's sister Kim has failed to show again. But it's not like it's the first time she hasn't showed. She's probably out drug dealing or getting drugs somewhere; doing what Kim does best, ruining everyone's lives.

And then Shay and Gabby came, which was surprising, well not Gabby coming because she is Antonio's sister. But Shay coming was a bit of a surprise. It wasn't like Aaliyah minded, she did fancy Shay a bit; but wasn't sure if it was worth pursuing.

Finally after everyone was done eating cake it was time for Leah to open her presents. "Guys you don't have to watch me open presents, I'm not ten" Aaliyah said.

"Well we want to see what everyone got you" Erin said "It's a thing that you do you know"

Leah sighed and sat down on the couch and grabbed a present in front of her that was on the brown coffee table. Looking at the card she saw it was from Ruzek. She almost wanted to laugh now because she knew he probably got her a gag gift, since that has been his reputation since he first invited himself the first time.

Aaliyah removed the pink tissue paper from the glittery green gift bag. Aaliyah pulled out a black t-shirt, lifting it up so the front faced her, Aaliyah rolled her eyes and chuckled a bit.

"Thank you Adam for the I heart dick shirt" Leah said dryly, because that's exactly what the shirt said in big white letters with an actual red heart.

"Really Ruzek" Platt said with her arms folded across her chest, clearly not amused with the I heart dick shirt.

The little bit of tension was cleared when Aaliyah went to go grab another gift for her to open.

August 20, 1985

The cool summer air in Amsterdam flowed in the room through the open window, just barely a crack. A baby laid in her mother's arms as she gently rocked the baby, singing a soft lullaby.

Bright, blue, sapphire eyes opened from the once sleeping baby. Her golden fuzz of hair just barely noticeable, as it was so light. "How is she?" Ron asked

Alice hummed lightly "good"

"She's a beauty" Ron said, his voice full of admiration for his newborn daughter. Ron had always wanted kids. He loves kids, but he did have to convince his wife to have children. She did not want to at first, but after her trip to Europe; she came back and told him that she wanted kids and then less than a week later, Alice said she was pregnant.

"Ron, do you think you can go get me some food?" Alice asked. Ron nodded his head "of course I'll go get you food, my darling wife" he said and left the hospital room.

As soon as Ron was out of sight, another man slipped through the room. His light dirty, blonde hair with strands of grey, standing out in the light.

"How is she?" He whispered

"Healthy" Alice replied "beautiful"

The man smiled his blue eyes glowing. "She has your eyes" Alice said looking down at the now sleeping baby; and then looking back up at the man.

"What are you going to name her?" Alice asked

The man took in a deep breath "Shaina Lauren" he said. Alice smiled "that's a pretty name"

"And she'll take your last name, so she can't get hurt if anyone finds out" he said.

Alice nodded her head, looking down at the baby. "Okay" she said looking back up again, only to see that her lover had left, disappeared into the night.

After Aaliyah opened her presents, everyone was starting to mingle around her. Amanda was taking to Erin, Voight was taking to Platt, Gabby was talking to Lotte. Leah felt a dip in the couch, she looked to her right and saw Shay. "Hey" Leah said.

"Hello" Shay replied with a smile. Aaliyah wasn't sure what to say, so she started picking at her nails. It was a bad habit, she's always done it when she's anxious. The awkward silence was slowly killing her. God Aaliyah, just say something that's not stupid or nerdy. No one likes that.

Aaliyah grabbed her can of Sprite and took a gulp, slowing her nerves down. "Thanks for coming to my party."

"You're welcome, I mean I know I wasn't exactly invited but, when has that stopped me." Shay laughed, Aaliyah chuckled with her.

"So" Shay said, turning her body on the couch to face Leah. "I need to give you my other part of my birthday present"

"Which is…?"

"I want you to go out with me" Shay said

Aaliyah wasn't sure she heard that right. Go out? Does that mean like a date? Or be my girlfriend? Or both? Or...just a hangout with friends!? What does she mean? Aaliyah has only had one girlfriend in her entire life and that was when she was a teen. They didn't have sex. They never fucked. But this also means she's never been with a woman. She's kissed one, but never been with one psychically.

Leah always wanted her first time with someone special or whatever. She knew it was cliche but...it has been what she always wanted. And even if Shay did not want to have sex tonight or later if she did go out with her. Is Shay the right person she wants for her first time?

But there was also another problem. Aaliyah feared sex. Maybe it was because of the all the years she had been violated. But whatever it was, she feared it. She never actually tried to before, but she knew she was afraid. She can't even fucking touch herself! How on earth can she give someone pleasure and then let them give her pleasure! Sure Aaliyah gives off the vibe that's she's all experienced and what not, but sex is really her worst insecurity. Maybe Shay could help her with that.

"Umm yeah, sure why not" Aaliyah said.

Shay smiled real big. "Really!?"

Again her just saying really, made Aaliyah question if she did want to go out with her. Last chance to back out. But do I really want to? It may not be that bad.

Aaliyah nodded her head yes not being able to trust her voice right now. Shay's smile got even bigger like the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. She even went as far as to hug Aaliyah. Very tightly.

"Alright I'm going to take you out tomorrow night. That is if we don't have work of course" Shay said.

"Okay" Leah whispered, already starting to doubt her decision on going out with Shay.

Around ten was when everyone left. Leaving Aaliyah, Amanda, and Charlotte. "Hey" Amanda said walking up to Aaliyah and sitting down on the couch next to her. "You okay?" She asked. Aaliyah nodded her head yes. "I'm fine" she said.

"You sure? You seem a bit off" Amanda said. Leah thought for a minute, contemplating if she should tell her the truth or not. It was a big deal but at the same time, it wasn't.

"Umm...Shay asked me out" Leah said, deciding to just be out with it.

"Wow!" Lotte said, excitedly. "You've never really had a girlfriend before" Lotte said as she grabbed another piece of cake and sat down one of the sofa chairs Leah had.

Leah shrugged. She wasn't exactly sure how she felt about it.

"Or is this bad?" Amanda asked.

"That's the thing, I don't know!" Leah exclaimed. "I don't know how I feel about it." She said standing up from the couch to pace back and forth. "I mean she's pretty, but I don't think she's the prettiest I've seen I guess. But I don't really think of her romantically. Like I don't feel a connection"

"Okay" Amanda said "let's take a deep breath" and Amanda took a deep breath so Leah could follow along. Aaliyah stopped in her tracks and took a deep breath, letting the fresh oxygen fill her lungs.

"Okay, you know what I think" Amanda said "I think you're afraid to actually date someone. So you always find a reason not to-"

"But I don't feel a connection with her! Aren't you supposed to feel a connection when you date someone!"

Amanda paused before answering "I'm not equipped to answer that question"

"Ugh" Leah groaned shoving her head into her hands.

"Aaliyah, I think you should just go out with her; and if you like her or what you're doing then stay in the relationship. If you don't like it then say 'listen you're a nice girl but I'm not really feeling that connection' and then break up with her" Lotte said.

"Yeah do that" Amanda said "and you could invite her for girls night tomorrow"

"Oh shit, she's supposed to take me out though" Leah said, remembering her original plans for tomorrow.

"Then invite her to our night out, since you already committed to us first" Lotte said

"And if we get a bad vibe from her, we'll tell you if she's worth perusing or not" Amanda said.

"Okay" Leah said, sitting back down on the couch.

Later that night, blue eyes staring up into darkness, unable to close them. Aaliyah's mind wandered back to the same question over and over again. Is she really the one for me? Deep down Aaliyah knew that she was not the one for her. Her gut told her that someone better was to come. Not that Shay was bad but she just wasn't the one.

July 16, 1997

Shaina leaned into the warm body next to her in the darkness. It was the only place she felt safe. Her head rested on the rising and falling chest. The steady heartbeat drumming against her ear.

Fingers gently brushed her hair. Tucking strands behind her ear, before brushing her fingers all the way down.

The gentle movement lulling her into sleep. The soft fingers stopped dancing across her hair.

"Coralie?" Shaina whispered barely audible

"Yes" she whispered

"Just wanted to see if you were still awake" Shaina whispered.

Coralie smiled and brushed Shaina's hair again with her fingers. "Yes I'm still awake" she replied.

"What do you think is going to happen tomorrow?" Shaina asked.

"Don't know, best not to think about it" Coralie said, still continuing to play with the blonde locks.

"But what if-" Shaina started

"Shaina, just sleep, you need it"

"But-"

"Shhh. Sleep"

With one last exhale of breath, Shaina closed her eyes. Welcoming sleep and the nightmares that come with it.

Waking up to an alarm going off quietly on her nightstand, Aaliyah reached her arm over to turn off her alarm on her phone. Luckily for her, her phone was on the lowest setting with brightness so it wasn't blinding her at eight in the morning.

Leah set her phone back down and leaned back on her pillows. What do I have to do today? Morning run, make breakfast...Call Shay, tell her you had other plans and invite her to the girls night out. Go to the girls night out...yeah that's about it.

Her eyes had closed while she was thinking of today's plan. For some reason she always felt so much more comfortable after laying back down from initially waking up. I'll get up in thirty seconds, she thought to herself. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen…

Aaliyah started to lose track of which number she was on and dozed back off to sleep. Thoughts of Shay seeping into her dream.

Aaliyah jolted awake abruptly. Wait what number am I on? Reaching back over to her nightstand to retrieve her phone, Leah pressed the home button making the basic blue background glow and the time light up. It was eight fifteen. Thirty seconds had come and gone a long time ago.

Leah sat up from her warm, inviting bed and headed towards the bathroom. Gently pushing open the door, she stepped into the restroom. She shivered as she entered, her feet cold from the chilling, tile floor.

Grabbing her yellow brush; Leah brushed through her fair locks. Attempting to brush through all her knots that seemed to form at the base of her neck.

Once her hair was completely brushed out, with its natural waviness. She put it in a ponytail. Then she took off her loose, long sleeved shirt. Revealing her breasts, which Aaliyah thought were pretty okay. B-cup, not bad she thought as her nipples perked up in the cold bathroom.

Leah grabbed her deodorant, her eyes catching sight of her scarred wrists. The white lines horizontal all way up to the crease where her elbow is if she turned her arm. It was the worst thing she had to look at every morning, which is why she normally tried so hard to avoid looking at her wrists ever. Even in the shower, she uses a loofah to wash herself but never looks when she's washing her arms.

After she put on deodorant, she walked out of the bathroom carrying her pajama shirt with her. Aaliyah put her pj shirt on the black bean bag by her bookshelf which was full of books. Leah then also stepped out of her 'butt shorts' is what Leah called her pajama shorts because they were so loose her whole ass would be out at times.

She threw her shorts on top of her shirt and went into her closet. Deciding not to turn on the light as the bathroom light and the sun light seeping through the cracks in the curtains was good enough for light.

Aaliyah grabbed her grey workout leggings, unhooking them from the hanger, then putting the hanger in a basket so it can be reused later when she hung up her clothes.

Bunching up the pant leg of the leggings she stepped one foot through; then repeating the process again. She then pulled up her leggings around her long, toned legs.

Once they fit snugly on her, she walked out of the closet and back into her room. Walking over to the white dresser she opened up the drawer on the top left, revealing all her bras. After lifting a few of her sports bras up and down, she found the grey one she was looking for. It matched her leggings.

Sliding it over her chest, Leah walked back into the closet and pulled off a black workout tank top off the hanger. Tossing the hanger aside to the basket she put on her tank top before walking out again.

Again walking over to her dresser she opened a different drawer revealing socks. Picking out a white pair she slipped into the socks. Walking back into the closet, she bent down to her shoe rack and grabbed her black running shoes.

After putting them on, she stood up and walked out; grabbing her phone and earbuds with her.

Leah made she sure she closed the doors gently when she left so she wouldn't wake up Amanda and Charlotte.

Once she was outside her condo building, she took a deep breath of the cool summer morning air. And she took off.

The wind running through her hair, the cool breeze on her face, the way her ponytail bounced while she ran, the music in her ears. It was a feeling that she could never replace with anything. Aaliyah loved running, it was her only healthy escape from reality: well besides from working out.

While she ran, her mind went elsewhere. It also gave her time to think through her problems. For instance right now it was Shay. Hopefully she won't be offended if I tell her I can't go. But I'll invite her to the girls night out so, it shouldn't be too bad. Maybe she'll have fun. I could also say I already committed to my friends before you asked me out. Yeah I'll say that.

I'll tell her—hey Shay, I can't make it to dinner with you tonight because I had forgotten that I made plans with my friend and my sister to have a girls night. But don't worry you can come along—if you want to course.

Yup that's what I'll say. Aaliyah thought to herself turning a corner. Her legs felt fine and she didn't feel her lungs burning, which was good. The music she was currently listening to was one of those songs where you're like fuck yeah! I'm on fire right now!

Leah chuckled to herself on her bizarre thoughts. The one thing she was hoping Shay would be is a nerd. Not like over geeky, but likes the little things in books and makes nerd jokes about literature or something that's really interesting and fascinating.

Aaliyah stepped back into her condo at around nine thirty. She was surprised that no one was up. Normally Amanda wakes up around nine and her sister wakes up around nine-fifteen; but the place was silent. Aaliyah herself wasn't a morning person but she knew she had to run today, because they would be out at dusk.

Leah walked quietly to her bedroom, closing the door silently behind her. She walked into the bathroom. For once relieved of its coldness as she was hot and sweaty.

Pulling the shower curtain aside, she turned the knob to turn on her shower. The loud water ran its way through the pipes before coming out of the shower head. If they weren't awake by now, at least one of them will be.

Closing the bathroom door. Leah stripped of her sweaty clothes, leaving them on the floor before grabbing her towel mat that she sets down on the floor to step out on when she's done with her shower.

Pulling her hair out of the ponytail, Leah stepped into the warm shower. Tilting her head back to get her hair wet, she closed her eyes letting her body relax in the warm water.

June 8, 1996

Shaina sat in the same room that she sat in last year. She didn't want to be back here, but yet here she was. It was her mother's fault. She dragged her back here, even though she cried, yelled, and screamed not to come back here. But here she was thousands and thousands of miles away from the people she cherished most. Form the person that could protect her no matter what.

Sapphires stared back at her in the mirror. The same ones she stared at about a year ago. In fact— they looked worse. It was like they no longer glowed. They looked sad, and dull.

Dozens of dozens of red and white horizontal lines filled her forearms. Some lines looked more angrier than the others.

A soft knock at the door, made Shaina jump slightly. She quickly recovered pulling her sleeves down as she saw the bathroom door open.

A girl with caramel brown hair and chestnut, brown eyes, and fair skin entered the bathroom closing the door behind her. The girl immediately took notice of Shaina's demeanor and immediately pulled the girl into a tight hug.

Shaina stiffened at first contact of the hug but, immediately relaxed when her mind caught up to who was actually hugging her. Her best friend here in Europe. Coralie.

"Hey" Shaina whispered.

"Hey. How long have you been in town?" Coralie asked

"Got here two days ago" Shaina replied solemnly.

"Well he's left, for now if that's what you're wondering" Coralie said

Shaina nodded, and let Cora take her hand to get her out of the bathroom. She led them to Shaina temporary bedroom, while she stayed in hell.

Cora let go of Shaina's hand to close and lock the bedroom door, before grabbing her hand again and leading her to the bed so they could sit down.

The comforter was poofy, and it was white with bronze designs in it. Even though the bed was comfortable, she could never fall asleep peacefully in it.

"You've grown since last summer" Cora said, her eyes examining Shaina up and down. Shaina shrugged, she could say the same about Cora, but chose not to. She simply just didn't feel like talking.

She had been confused about herself since last summer, and coming back here has brought it all back. The confusion, the pain, the hurt. Shaina had given it some thought. She knew liking girls was considered bad. But she can't help it. When she first left this place last summer, the confusion—for the most part went away. But now the sole object of her confusion was sitting right next to her.

Shaina also felt guilty for thinking these thoughts, when she's been violated but, it was one of her escapes she'd use when it happened. "Are you mad at me?" Cora asked, kind of feeling hurt that her friend wasn't really talking to her. She knew under these circumstances it sucked but they have each other and their other friends.

"No" Shaina whispered "I just don't want to be here again"

"I know, at least you get to go home for the rest of the year. I have to stay here" Cora said, putting her hand on top of Shaina's hand. Shaina immediately pulled her hand away, cradling it within her own.

"Okay what it is?" Cora asked "because normally after shit happens to you or me we come to each other and now you're pulling away from me. So obviously it's not that." Cora paused thinking "is it me?"

"No" Shaina whispered "well yes I guess" the blonde puzzled for a second laying out her pros and cons for this situation. 'If I tell her then she might think I'm weird, and then she might not want to be my friend anymore. If I tell her she might not care'.

"It's embarrassing" Shaina whispered

"Okay I've had a lot of embarrassing moments on my part" Cora said trying to ease the blonde into conversation.

"I...ummm—I like you" Shaina blurted out

Cora raised an eyebrow at Shaina's statement. "There's nothing wrong with that" Cora said "I mean I like a girl to"

"Really?" Shaina asked

"Yup, her name is Aaliyah Sawyer" Cora whispered into Shaina's ear. Shaina pulled back from her a bit and Cora saw her shocked expression, with a hint of worry in her worry in her eyes. "Do you think I forgot your real name?" Cora whispered barely audible.

Shaina shook her head slightly. "No" she whispered barely audible.

Glossy lips and smokey eyes stared back at her in the mirror. Her hair, with big curls. With one last glance in the mirror, Leah walked out of the bathroom and into the living room; where Amanda and Charlotte were waiting.

Amanda also had one a black dress like Aaliyah did, but Lotte had on a dark, blue dress. "Okay Shay is going to meet us there" Leah said.

Charlotte and Amanda both nodded their heads. "Alright let's go" Amanda said walking towards the door. "I'll drive!" Leah called out. It only made sense for her to drive, since she lived in the city and Amanda did not and well Lotte...is a hard braker.

The drive was a quiet but not awkward. Leah was just scared of Shay, well she wasn't scared of her, she was just nervous about the situation. She needed to at least have a girlfriend at some point in her life, or else she'll be lonely forever. She'll be the crazy cat old lady and have like fifty cats, when she retires.

Aaliyah definitely did not want that. She just wants to be with someone at least once in her life before she dies with her short lifespan. One because of the job and the other...well she'd rather not think about that.

Once they pulled into the parking lot of the already packed club, Leah's heart rate sped up to at least a hundred-sixty.

Stepping out of the car she felt she was out of breath. The nervous pit in her stomach growing more and more with each step she took closer to club.

She could faintly hear music from outside. Opening up the door, the music got increasingly louder, and a rainbow of lights filled her vision.

Leah held the door open for Amanda and Lotte. This would be her first time coming to a club after her alcohol incident. This place is the perfect place for her to relapse but, she was not going to let that happen. The only people who are drinking tonight is Amanda and Shay. Charlotte swore to herself that she wouldn't drink since her drug incident that landed her her in rehab five years ago, and the fact that she's not old enough to drink. If charlotte could do it, then so could Aaliyah.

Immediately Shay saw them and ran up to them in a silver dress, with her hair straightened, and blue eyes gleaming. "Hey!" She yelled over the music, hugging Leah in a bone crushing hug.

Once Shay released Aaliyah, her eyes traveled down to Aaliyah outfit "you look really hot!"

"Thanks" Aaliyah yelled over the loud music. Shay grabbed Leah's hand and lead her to the crowd of people on the dance floor. Shay's hands on Aaliyah's hips, moving her with the music.

Aaliyah tried to let herself relax but her mind kept buzzing on what to do. She was scared, she didn't quite trust Shay; but she had to. She needed to get over herself.