Hellsing Abridged Part 2

The Izuku Mansion

Sleepy sat next to the other Izuku's watching a compilation of every Izuku beating up or killing Muscular, which everyone was enjoying. When it was over Sleepy got up and said, "Y'all are wondering why I'm here, so I'll tell y'all. I came to give y'all raffle tickets."

The Izukus were confused as they were each handed a raffle ticket, then FAS Izuku asked, "May I ask what we get from this raffle?"

Sleepy then said, "Well since you asked nicely, I am going to bring six of you to watch one universe with us, the gods and a few other people."

The Izukus were excited by what Sleepy, then Sleepy rigged the machine to make sure the original Izuku was going to be one of the six. The first draw was the original Izuku, which then Sleepy set it to random since he got what he wanted and began drawing for the other five.

Theater

Bored then said, "I'm this world Kurogiri is their butler, who is a vampire hunter. He was offered a chance by All for One to have the perfect opportunity to kill Alucard again, which he quick excepted on the spot because he fell like a failure every time, he sees Alucard."

Everyone was starting to get the picture of all of this, All for One smiling that he still has a talent of manipulating others.

Alucard and Kurogiri stood in front of each other, until Alucard said, "Kurogiri, how you doing buddy? You look moisturized, you got some work done."

Kurogiri then said, "I have been seeing a doctor and he has given me an unorthodox treatment."

Alucard then asked, "Shot of the dart, was it vampire DNA?"

Kurogiri then said, "It was a spa day, tissue massage, and a face mask of vampire DNA."

Alucard snuffed, "If you wanted one of those, you could have asked me."

All Might then said, "Kurogiri."

Kurogiri said, "Mam."

All Might then said, "If you are betraying us, I will personally mount your head over the urinal in our men's room."

The gods laughed at what All Might, while All Might couldn't believe he said that.

Bakugo then said, "That explains the third-floor restrooms, which are now currently the first-floor restrooms."

While the gods were enjoying the conversion, Nana asked, "With this version All Might has mounted people's heads of toilets before?"

Hardcasekara looked her in the eyes after taking a drink of the carbonated blood of Christ, "You better believe it."

Alucard then said, "Now, now before we start throwing around words like betrayal and cucked, let's let Kurogiri explain himself."

Kurogiri deadpan, "I'm betraying you."

Alucard said, "Come on you cuck."

Bakugo asked, "Is he using words he learned on social media again?"

All Might then said, "You treasonous little dishwasher, after all these years you are stabbing us in the back and for what."

Kurogiri said, "I am just doing my job mam, what you fail to understand is that I'm a butler second and a vampire hunter first."

A church woman with a katana charge at Kurogiri and said, "You are already dead."

Kurogiri then said, "I know you are, but what am I?"

Then he used his strings to cut her into pieces, then another church woman pulled out a gun but was stopped by Dabi who had an extremely long pistol pointed at her. Then Dabi shot her in the mouth then threw a first aid kit at her and flew off. Kurogiri surrounded by strings then said, "With her out of the way, how about we finished what we started 50 years ago."

Alucard then said, "Hold that though Kurogiri."

Alucard bowed to All Might and said, "All Might… I want to hear you say it, I need to hear you said it."

All Might pulled out a cigar, she lit it up to then smoke it, then yelled, "FUCK HIM IN THE VAGINA!"

Everyone busted into laughter by that comment, because the unneeded intensity of the wait to All Might yelling those words.

Alucard laughed, "Alright, but I'm going to have to make one."

Then AFO said, "I think the ladies might want to take a step back, their in the slash zone."

Alucard then said, "Auch, it smells like Smurf here."

The blimp landed, the door opened while the Nazi anthem was playing in the background which Twice revealed himself and said, "Come ladies, let the boys have their fun."

All Might then said, "Bakugo come."

Bakugo went up to Alucard and asked, "Master?"

Alucard then said, "Do what mommy says, Daddy got work to do."

The gods and some other laughed that Izuku just referred to himself as daddy to Bakugo and All Might as the mom. Which the two are hiding themselves in embarrassment from that comment.

Bakugo then asked, "Am I the child in this situation?"

Alucard said, "Our relationship can be summarized as tags on Pornhub, now go."

Bakugo then said, "Fine dad and to you Kurogiri, thank you for the cannon."

Kurogiri then smiled, "And thank you for your service."

All Might and Bakugo walked into the blimp as Twice said, "Everyone aboard the SS Schutzstaffe (it took me a while to find out how to spell it), or was we like to call it the SS S..."

All Might shot Twice in the face without hesitation to shut him up.

The gods continued to laugh and Bored said, "To bad it didn't kill him, but that is the beauty of his power."

Nezu then asked, "What is his power?"

Hardcasekara was said it until Bored said, "They will reveal it to you later."

Alucard then asked, "So how are we going to do this are you going to come me, am I going to come at you, should we come together at the same …"

Kurogiri didn't answer, so Alucard charged, "You'll come, they always come."

The two charged at each other which Kurogiri used his strings to cut Alucard's arm into pieces. Which then Kurogiri's strings grabbed him leg and started throwing him around like a rag doll.

Kurogiri and league was honest impressed by his skill and power.

Alucard landed on the ground and said, "You ever hear of Up Dog."

Alucard released a huge dog to attack Kurogiri with, but Kurogiri split it in half. Kurogiri said, "Not much, how about you?"

Alucard revealed himself and said, "First you kill my dog and now you take me like a joke."

Alucard then shot but his hand got cut off by Kurogiri's strings, Kurogiri then said, "Wire you getting upset?"

It was safe to say everyone liked that pun Kurogiri made to piss Alucard off.

Alucard then said, "I know this is filthy rich coming from me, but you power is bullshit."

Then Moonfish came out of the hound which AFO said, "Hold on is that, uh what's his face? Didn't we send him on a mission?"

The Doctor said, "Oh that's Moonfish."

AFO said, "Ah, Moonfish"

Moonfish then asked himself, "I'm alive?"

Which then Kurogiri stabbed Moonfish with him wires to gain control of the hound he was attached to which Kurogiri said, "It's time to put this dog on a leash."

Kurogiri was use them controlling the dog to attack Alucard, which Alucard cocked his gun with his mouth and said, "No more, since he is my dog, I will do it."

Which Alucard shot Moonfish which killed the dog.

Momo then said, "I don't believe that one could cock a gun with their mouths."

Bored then said, "He's a vampire, he has inhuman strength. He has a contract with Satan as well, that should give him the right to cock his pistol with his mouth."

Bored then handed Mei the blueprints for the blimp and guns from this world so far, because he was in Sleepy's head at the time when he promised to give her blueprint for thing she found interesting, so he was going to for fill his and Sleepy's promise.

Kurogiri then asked, "I'm sure you are wondering why I went through all of this? Why I abandon my home and my duty just to kill you?"

Alucard chuckled, "Because you want to fuck me."

The gods laughed their asses off while everyone's jaws dropped to the floor.

Which Kurogiri cut his arms and legs off. The scene changes to All Might walking through the halls of the blimp while it was exploding, the Nazis approached her and yelled, "FIRE!"

Which Bakugo came in to kill them all, which All Might said, "These fouls die with a smile on their face, their religion is death and carnage. A cult of monsters."

Bakugo shouted, "And I will be their fucking Kool-Aid!"

AFO then spoke through the speakers, "Fun Fact, Jonestown it was mostly Flavor-Aid, a less popular competing brand. Let me assure you though, we aren't here for cyanide or valium. We are here for glory, after the war we were band from our home, we lost our purpose but worse we lost our true gift that can be given to men like us. The gift of a glorious death, our glorious deaths would be meaningless in this world of peace and stalemates, we had to break though, little by little we carved away until finally we can see our glory. Thank you All Might for finally giving us a glorious death that we have wanted for decades from our glory hole."

All for One laughed and the gods did because they were the only ones who actually knew what this version of All for One was talking about and the glory hole.

Dabi appeared right in front of All Might and Bakugo, then All Might said, "And there it is."

Then Bakugo heard a voice in her head, "Hey, I give it a ten out of ten."

Bakugo then asked "Shoto?"

Everyone then laughed hard.

All Might asked, "What are you talking about Shoto, sweetie?"

Bakugo then said, "I just heard heard him."

All Might then said, "Could have been that guy."

Dabi then grunted, and Bakugo said, "I don't think he's French."

All Might pulled out a cigar and said, "Well excuse me, I'm going to see if my sword can fit in All for One's gloryhole."

Everyone laughed their asses out by All Might's comment.

Dabi then pointed at a sigh that reads no smoking in German, which All Might threw her cigar and said, "Fucking Nazis about everything."

All Might went down the hallway to AFO to leave Bakugo and Dabi alone to fight it out. Bakugo then saw Dabi's wolf transformation and said, "Fuck me Geogrey, he's a Nazi fucking werewolf."

The league found it funny that Dabi is a Nazi werewolf.

Which Dabi then dropped kicked her through floor, which Shoto in her mind said, "I would call him a wolf in sleep's clothing, but his dressed like a Nazi so."

Everyone laughed at Shoto's French accent and Aoyama said, "Oh, another fellow Frenchmen."

Bakugo dodged Dabi's kick, and Shoto in French said, "Long time no see, my dear!"

Bakugo then said, "Shoto."

Shoto then said, "When you took my blood, I gave you permission and thus I am apart of you Katsuki."

Bored then said, "Hashtag Bakugo x Todoroki."

Some of the girls were in amazement, while Bakugo and Todoroki hid in embarrassment and couldn't even look at each other after this.

Bakugo then said, "So you're finally inside of me, how does it feel?"

Shoto said, "Ouh, first let's take down Kibbles and Bits over there."

Bakugo and Dabi continued fighting each other, until Bakugo said, "So he's also a ghost, what the fuck."

Shoto in French said, "Come on, my dear."

Money, gold, silver, and jewelry fell out of the boxes as Shoto continued, "The only way to kill a werewolf is with silver."

Bakugo then said, "Sorry, I left my silver bullets at home."

Shoto then said, "There is another way but it pretty gross."

Bakugo then notice a silver tooth on the ground under her hand which she picked it up. Shoto then said, "Yep, we are going to shove that in his heart."

Bakugo then said, "I will show this Nazi where in London he can stick it."

Then after Bakugo caught Dabi's fists, Shoto emerge from her and shoved the silver tooth in Dabi's heart.

Dabi smiled then howled like a wolf until he turned into blue flames and was now he was dead. Bakugo then said, "Ok, get out of my boob Shoto."

Shoto then said, "But it's so roomy here."

The gods were fucking dying from laughter from Bakugo's and Shoto's conversion which the two were hiding behind their hands.

Kurogiri got on his knees and said, "It's always about you isn't it."

Kurogiri then pulled a pipe out of the ground and said, "A person with that much power that acts like a child sickens me to my core. Which is why one must spare the child and spoil the rod."

Kurogiri stabbed Alucard, but then saw Alucard turn into Moonfish which a voice behind him said, "After these years you finally get to stick it into me, and you put it in the wrong hole."

Kurogiri turned around to find Alucard in a different form, which then Alucard punched him in the face really hard. Which Alucard said, "Look at you went from daddy to daddy all because you wanted this."

Kurogiri became younger, which then Alucard said, "And here it is folks, it the return of…"

Kurogiri said, "Don't you fucking dare!"

Twice then asked, "Kurogiri, is that really you?"

Kurogiri said, "Yeah,back in my young days."

Alucard then said, "Jolly Wally!"

Kurogiri then said, "Fuck you, that name wasn't even clever in the first place."

Alucard then said, "Ooo, Jolly Wally doesn't like his nickname. Jolly Wally is being a sad lad."

Kurogiri then said, "Fuck!"

Then the light was finally slowly revealing his new form as Alucard said, "But if only we had the opportunity, we could have avoided the sexual tension and treachery."

Kurogiri in rage asked, "Excuse me?"

Alucard said, "Please we both know the reason you sold you soul, is because you never got hear 'Uhhh, Kurogiri-san fuck me harder'."

Everyone got really uncomfortable except the gods, they were having a blast.

Then the light really a female vampire version of Izuku, which he/she continued, "That's right, it's a blast from the past with that sass and loli ass. Am I Kawaii enough for you?"

Kurogiri then yelled, "WHY CAN'T YOU TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?"

Alucard then said, "Because that is what you want and I'm not going to give it to you. That and my pussy, but you are really dodging a bullet there and rows of teeth."

The students and some members of the league were really questioning their sexuality on this Izuku, first he was a man and now he is a woman. Bored then said, "This version has the ultimate trump card, when you think about. He can become any race and any gender he wants to where people ask him for his privileges, he can become those privileges and make fun of everyone and get away with it."

Kurogiri then said, "For the love of…"

Alucard interrupt him and said, "Like a shark."

TO BE CONTINUED …