Hellsing Abridged Part 3

Izuku Mansion

Sleepy then got the other five Izuku's who won the raffle with the original. He led them to the back and said, "I so glad Izuku 1 is with us."

Izuku then asked, "Why is that, sir?"

Sleepy then said, "No need to call me sir, and to answer you question I need help explaining to other versions of you about your world. Because the others are going see are your class, your mom, All Might, All for One, Eri, Kota, and a few others."

Izuku then explained to the other five about them and Sleepy then thought to himself, 'I got the original Izuku, Father and Son Izuku, Chaotic Neutral Izuku, Izuku Snow from Game of Thrones, Antihero Squad Izuku, and All for One Izumi to bring back to the theater. Man, this is going to be fun, but my only problem is Chaotic Neutral Izuku loves to piss off All Might and the other heroes. Oh shit, he's going to do his thing with All for One where he calls him 'dad' just like All for One Izumi, but I would love to see everyone's face when Antihero Squad Izuku calls All Might 'dad', this won't bite me in the ass later.'

The Theater

The gods were having a good time with this, some people were their sexuality because of gender changing vampire Izuku, and some people are disturbed yet fascinated by the vampire.

Alucard then said, "Let me see your grand scheme here Benjamin Button, the Jerrys thought if I purged all my souls, I would no longer have my #Lifehack, and at least one of you could kill me. So when the fine people of the Nazi military, the KKK looking sons of bitches, and Motherfucking Stain couldn't kill me; you thought that you were the only one to do it."

Alucard was on a pile of rumble looking at a young and injured Kurogiri then continued, "Quick question Jolly Wally, how many people lived in London, no, how many many people died in London? Let's take a census."

Bored's phone went off and his ringtone was the Awaken My Masters. He went to the back of the theater to answer the call.

All Might entered the room where AFO was at, AFO turned to her and said, "Welcome za spider to za fly but I say your more of ze hornet …"

All Might started shooting at him, but the bullets do anything. AFO continued, "And unlike it's cousin the bee, it doesn't die like za bee after one sting …"

All Might finished reloading and unloading the clip she just reloaded with, then tried to stab through the bullet proof glass and yelled, "YOU COWARD!"

AFO then said, "We all have a shield of some kind, some have bullet proof glass, and some have Dracula."

Bored came back, which Ghost asked, "What was that about?"

Bored then said, "Sleepy has the guests, but I told him to wait a little bit longer because we are watching Hellsing without him, but I told him I made carbonated blood of Christ and I got an early Christmas present for him. Which said, he will let it go."

AFO said, "Speaking of whom."

AFO clicked a bottom on his remote to reveal Alucard absorbing the blood of every citizen in London, which All Might said, "Oh, Jesus…"

AFO said, "Someone's on a binge after purging, and it seems like our dear Alucard is looking to get white girl wasted."

Then scene changed to show Twice standing on the bell tower while AFO said, "Let's hope that no one spikes his drink, ja?"

Twice then laughed as he killed himself and became part of the blood. Alucard then said, "Look at me, Kurogiri! I'm sucking everyone except you! So incel-ebration of your wasted attempts, I'm going to give you the death you deserve. And before you ask…"

Alucard then made a pose and said, "YES! THIS IS A JOJO'S REFERENCE!"

Kurogiri then said, "I gave up everything to kill you! So lie back and die!"

Kurogiri sliced Alucard into two, but Alucard fixed himself and said, "Good now do that 3 million times, why don'tcha?"

AFO said, "Ah poor Kurogiri… each second ticks his life down, all to grasp victory zhat never belong to him. A piece of our puzzle… 3,708,917 pieces large. Und now… it falls to Millennium… to finish it."

All Might then said, "What's going on?"

AFO then said, "Have you ever heard of Schrodinger's cat?"

Bored then said, "Nezu, this is Twice's power in this world."

Nezu was wide eyed by what Bored said.

All Might then said, "I SHOT Schrodinger's cat!"

AFO said, "Indeed! And yet it lives! And yet it dies. It is here, yet it is not. It is a curious creation, von of infinite possibilities, as long as it remains unobserved. Yet to consume a zhing is to know thing. Alucard is now partaking of Varrant Officer Twice paradoxical existence, und as our dear cat-boy stares into the abyss that is within Alucard… that abyss stares back."

Everyone was trying to absorb the information about Twice's power which the gods, AFO, and Nezu knew how it worked and why it would defeat this version of Izuku. AFO wrote down a few quirk combinations he can try later to make this power possible.

Alucard had a flashback then stared at the sun and asked himself, 'Am I a bad person?'

Then he disappeared without a trace, All Might then yelled, "ALUCARD! WHAT DID YOU DO?"

AFO said, "I CALLED HEADS!"

The room was now on fire, then All Might said, "Whatever you've done to him, you're not making out alive."

AFO then said, "Then my last meal will be victory."

Bakugo came in with her huge gun shooting at AFO which he laughed and said in German, "Excuse me, my dear…"

The AFO smirked to say, "… but you are a few dozen millimeters too thin."

Bakugo then ripped an even bigger gun out of the blimp and AFO yelling, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! COME ON BITCH! SHOW ME VHAT YOU LOOOOVE!"

Which Bakugo shot the gun to destroy the glass wall and rip AFO in half, which in the room next door the Doctor was collecting his things and thinking about leaving to Russia until an explosion from the bullet killed him. Kurogiri then stood tall as he enjoyed his victory then when depressed that he had to betray his country for it, which then some church people shot him dead.

All Might then said, "The gates of Hell will have to widen for your fat Nazi carcass."

All Might and Nana silently giggled from that comment.

AFO then said, "Ah, All Might if I'm so fat… how did you miss?"

Then revealed that AFO was a cyborg with gears and oil oozing out of him.

Everyone was shocked that this AFO wasn't even human, but he was a cyborg.

All Might then asked, "I'm sorry; what the fuck am I looking at? Is that metal and oil?"

All Might was pissed, "WHY ARE YOU A CYBORG?!"

AFO then said, "I am no less a man then anyone in zhis a pacemaker or hearing aid… for vhat is zhe maker of a man, but his interminable-"

All Might interrupted him to said, "NO. A man is a homosapien made of meat and blood! Not cogs and coolants and- I assume a hamster on a wheel?!"

AFO smiled, "His name is Hamburg."

All Might then said, "You're just fucking with me."

AFO in the room said, "You bet I am."

The gods and him laughed their asses off from his comment.

AFO then said, "Und you finally get it. I … I see zhe the line. The factory seal on society. A world mired in complacency. Slaves to their instincts, und fueled by anger und haterd! A rocket propellent as volatile as it is potent und frighteningly… self-sustaining."

All Might then said, "Is their a rest stop between ow and the fucking point?"

AFO then continued, "Zhe point, All Might, is zhat ve are nothing but scared, spiteful children, playing at adulthood; a fictitious lie of comfort und complacence! So vhat is a man to do… but vage var so calamitous und glorious… zhat it would snap humanity out of its foolish, vorthless charade?! Und who better… an opponent… zhan All Might?"

All Might looked at him and said, "… Okay, but why are you a cyborg, though?!"

The gods, the student, and the league were laughing about how AFO gave such a beautiful speech and All Might just wanted to know was he a cyborg.

AFO then said, "Oh your still on that? Well you see…"

AFO shot All Might in the eye and All Might him in the head. Which AFO let out a sigh then sang a song and died. All Might then said, "You're not entirely wrong, you just don't have to be an asshole about it."

Then Bakugo carried All Might out of the exploding blimp.

Everyone was wondering what happened to Izuku.

30 years later…

All Might was sleeping in her bed until someone else came out to try to bite her, which All Might got her gun to shoot the intruder. Bakugo came through the door, they both then saw it was Alucard, which he then said, "How are my favorite ladies?"

Bakugo then said in joy, "Master!"

Bakugo was going commit suicide after this, but Bored though, 'Maybe I will convince Sleepy to fix his mentally when he gets back.'

All Might said, "You're finally back, how was your walk?"

Alucard then said, "It was intense, then I got a little lost."

30 years ago in his head

Alucard appeared in a dark abyss alone, until another person appeared to say, "Hey"

Alucard said, "Hi?"

The person then said, "Name is David, I'm accountant."

Alucard rolls his eyes and said, "Don't remember asking."

David then said, "And I'm saaaaad."

Alucard then said, "Jesus"

(This will be present day Alucard's voice)

"Turns out I was trapped inside myself with 3,424,867 people."

Alucard then said, "So you didn't have a lot of friends."

David then said, "Yeah, I think it was because I was ulgy."

Alucard said, "Probably"

A lot of people were thinking, 'What the hell!'

The gods were enjoying this, and they knew it would only get better.

David then said, "Ohhhh…"

But Alucard continued, "But who gives a fuck? That means they like you for you which is better."

David then said, "Oh, your right!"

Then David disappeared and Alucard then said, "Well that was easy."

Then another person appeared and said, "I'm Becky."

Alucard said, "Ohhhh…"

Becky then said, "I don't want to be racist, buuut…"

Alucard then said, "Shiiiiit"

"My only way out… was to help them out"

2 years later…

A male soul then said, "And I just… I j-just get angry when a man kisses another man."

Alucard then asked, "You think you were angry that you couldn't be one of those guys? Because if you were, all your friends would think less of you?"

The male soul said, "Oh shit!"

Alucard then said, "Yep."

The male soul asked, "You want to make out?"

Alucard then said, "Sorry, I don't date patients."

The male soul said, "Fair."

Then he disappeared and Alucard said, "NEXT!"

"And I started getting go at it, and it turned out a third of them were in the closet."

The gods laughed and Bored said, "Do you struggle with that sometimes Ghost?"

Ghost then said, "Sometimes."

10 years later…

Alucard was help out souls left and right until he saw his own soul and his soul asked, "Are we a bad person?"

Alucard looks at himself then said, "Well, let's start with the 20 thousand people we impaled."

His soul then said, "We were mad at dad that day."

Present

Alucard then said, "I then spent the last 10 years on that."

Everyone laughed at that comment, because he had to give himself help, like a self-help situation.

All Might then said, "Couldn't you just killed them all?"

Alucard then said, "Oh I try, especially on me."

All Might asked, "So, your back for good?"

Alucard then said, "Bitch, I'm everywhere... And yet nowhere."

All Might then said, "Welcome then Michael McDoesn'tExist."

All Might then gave Alucard her blood for Alucard to continue serving her as her servant. Then screen turn black.

Bored got up and said, "Okay guys, how did y'all like this world?"

Everyone agreed, except Bakugo, that it was good. Bakugo was still in embarrassment. Then Bored said, "Ok, Sleepy is bringing some guesses over, now before you jump up to see them let Sleepy explain each of the guesses he brought."

Then Sleepy came through the portal with six mostly green haired people, which Sleepy then Sleepy said, "Okay Izukus, meet Izuku 1's friend, family, heroes, and villains."

The original Izuku waved and said, "Hey guys, how are you all?"

His mom and friends went up to hug him, then Sleepy said, "Okay, so from left to right no count Izuku over there being taken by his friends and mom; we have Father and Son Izuku, Chaotic Neutral Izuku, Izuku Snow, Izuku from other world I created called the Antihero Squad and he is the son of All Might, and All for One Izumi also known as All for One's daughter."

They all greeted themselves, which FAS went to Kurogiri and asked, "Is it okay if I called you 'Dad'? Because in my world, you raised me, and you may not be my father, but you are my dad."

Kurogiri though about it and said, "You can call me 'Dad'."

FAS Izuku looked at Toga and asked, "Can I call you honey, or do I have to call you Toga?"

Toga's eyes lit up and said, "You can call me whatever you want."

FAS Izuku smiled, "That's why I married you."

AFO Izumi went up to AFO and asked, "Can I call you 'Dad' or what can I call you?"

AFO smiled and said, "Yes you can."

Then CN Izuku said, "I may not be you son, but in my world, I look up to you like a father. The reason I help the league with my resources is because you showed me the league helps promotes freedom. And I call you 'Dad' just to piss All Might off as well."

AFO smiled wider and said, "Yes you can call me dad as well."

AHS (Antihero Squad Izuku) Izuku went up to All Might said, "In my world I'm you genetically modified son made by All for One to kill you, but me and my squad helped you defeat him. Is it okay to call you 'Dad'?"

All Might thought about it for a little bit, then said, "I guess it won't hurt."

Izuku Snow sat next to the gods, which Sleepy said, "How does it feel to sit next to gods, think of this a break before you have to go face the White Walkers."

Izuku Snow said, "I guess I could relax a little."

After Sleepy got his carbonated blood of Christ and Bored gave him the nail that pierced Christ, he excepted Bored's apology. Then Sleepy summoned his dartboard then threw the dart, he smiled and said, "We are going to see Izuku Snow's world, a game of thrones. We are going to see…"

Bored rolled the dice then Bored said, "The Battle of the Bastards!"