I am borrowing the characters and imaginings of the great Callie Khoury. I do not own these characters.
Your comments and feedback are welcome and appreciated. Hope you enjoy!
_
"Whatcha doing, Ray?" Deacon asked as he approached Rayna who was sitting out by the pool, wrapped in a blanket to ward off the chill from the cool Fall night.
"Oh, hey, babe. Just enjoying the quiet and the clear night sky. Come sit with me."
Deacon shimmied onto the chaise lounge with Rayna and wrapped her in his arms and covered them both with the blanket.
He sat quietly with her for a spell before he broke the silence. "This is nice."
"Yay, it is."
Deacon put a finger under Rayna's chin and turned her face toward him and gently kissed her lips then he guided her head onto his shoulder. "Whatcha thinking about, Ray?"
"Well, you know..." Rayna said noncommittally.
"No. Tell me. Come on. I know there's something racing through that pretty head of yours." Deacon stroked her head and pulled her closer to him to try to bolster her up.
"I was just thinking about this house."
"What about this house?"
"I sat in this spot the night before we moved in. Teddy was out of town. I just cried."
"Why'd you cry, Ray?"
"You, know."
"No, I don't know, babe. Tell me."
Rayna sighed deeply and he could hear her choke back the tears. He let her have her moment.
"Did you write about it, Ray?"
Rayna slowly shook her head acknowledging that she imprinted her feelings from that night into her journal for posterity.
Deacon gently extricated himself from Rayna and went to the bedroom to grab her journal. He knew she needed to get it out to shake off the moroseness weighing her down.
When Deacon returned, he handed the journal to Rayna. She slowly turned the pages until she found the entry.
"Read it for me, babe. Please."
"Sure, Ray."
June, 19, 2000
I should be happy, but all I can do is cry. Tomorrow, Teddy, Maddie and I move into our new house. It's bigger than daddy's. It has a huge pool, hot tub and outdoor kitchen. The foyer could host a small barbecue! It is impeccably decorated by the best decorator in Nashville and will be featured in the September issue of Southern Living. Tandy is pea green with envy.
But other than the music room, it's not me. This is never what I wanted. This is daddy's world...and Teddy's. Not mine. God help me, but all I can think about is how happy I would have been in the cabin, by the lake with Deacon and Maddie.
I know Teddy hears me cry myself to sleep most nights. I hate myself for doing it, but I can't stop thinking about how I've betrayed Deacon and how I miss him. Teddy is wonderful and kind beyond belief. He is a model dad to Maddie. He adores us both and would do anything for us. When I think about all he's done and how I feel, I'm even more saddened because I can't love him fully when part of my heart will always be Deacon's.
I can just hear the contempt in Deacon's voice when he sees this place. He'll surely be disappointed in me. And, when he finds out that I've lied to him about our daughter, he'll hate me forever. I have betrayed everything he and I held sacred. I've mocked our lives together and our love.
Deacon paused and brushed a hair off of Rayna's face. She glanced up at him, her eyes red and moist. "Babe, don't." Deacon urged gently. "We had to go through that to get to this. Never. And, I mean, never, apologize for having what you have. You earned it."
"But, truth, Deacon. What do you think of this house? Wait. Wait. Hand over the journal."
Deacon look at Rayna confused, but did as she asked and handed her the journal.
July 4, 2000
We hosted our first July 4th celebration at the house today. We had Nashville hot chicken from Hattie B's with all the fixins. It was quite the crowd. Teddy's compatriots from the credit union, Tandy and Charles, Bucky and my band (including Deacon) and studio musicians. It was a little water and oil until we started to jam then everyone started to bop a little, even stick-in-the-ass, Charles.
Rayna paused to look at Deacon who was laughing heartily. "Charles definitely had a stick up his ass. He was more uptight than Tandy!"
"Ok, enough. He was my brother-in-law for a full year. Anyway, back to my entry."
I almost forgot my sadness about the house until Deacon arrived. It was the first time seeing the house. I watched him pull up from the kitchen window. He got out of his truck and stood in front of the house taking it all in. I watched his reaction intently. I shouldn't care, but I can't help but care about what he thinks and if he approves. His derisive snicker, head shake and eye roll tell me he definitely doesn't approve. I can't lie. I expected it, but it still hurt. And, it hurt thinking again about what I could have had with him if he only could have stopped drinking.
Deacon looks good, though. He's been clean now for six months. His eyes are clear, he dropped a few pounds and he started trimming his beard real close. I'm happy for him. I'm sad for us and I'm sad for our daughter - that she doesn't know, may never know - the amazing man I knew.
Deacon rubbed the back of Rayna's hand. "Ok, you want honesty here? My first impression holds. It's a monstrosity. It's too big for the four of us...soon to be three of us. But, it's home, babe. You and the girls have memories here. And, now we're making memories here."
"If you choose where we lived, where would it be, Deacon?"
"Oh, un huh. I'm not going to play 'what if'. I'm just fine here."
"Are you, Deacon? Are you really?"
"Come on, babe. That's not fair."
"Ok, then I'll say it. I want to make memories in a new house, that is 'us', Deacon. And, I think if we asked the girls, they'd want a fresh start, too."
"What did you have in mind?"
"Honestly, I'd love to build the house we always talked about. Something rustic, isolated, with plenty of room to roam around in. Something with a studio so we - the girls and you and I - can record and write there. I'd love a cozy kitchen where we can all hang with a pot belly fireplace to make it homey and warm. I want a wrap-around front porch that we can sit on while we watch our grand babies catch fireflies. I want a big ole fire pit in the backyard to make s'mores. And I want a giant master bedroom with a wrought iron bed that we can make beautiful, sexy love in. And I want a closet for my shoes!"
Deacon chuckled. "Now, that's my Rayna!"
"Babe, honestly, I want whatever you want. As long as I have you and the girls by my side, I'll die a happy man. But, the house sounds idyllic."
"Really? Can we start over, Deacon?"
"As far as the house goes, yes, we can start over. Let's see what the girls want to do and go from there."
"Always thinking of the girls. You're such an incredible girl dad, Deacon. I couldn't love you any more!"
"Ok. Show me, babe. Let's write this next chapter of our lives, together."
"No one I'd rather write my story with. Hell, no one I'd rather write a song with. Why don't you go get your guitar, Deacon. I feel a hit damn song coming.
Girl, it's high time, I tell ya
No more messin' around
Time to lay these cards on the table
And just throw it on out
I'm talkin' you and me with the same street name
Same last name, same everything
It's a real thing, a how I feel thing
So I'mma go on and take a swing
You find the spot and I'll find the money
You be the pretty and I'll be the funny
You plant the flowers, I'll plant the kisses
Baby, let's get right down to business
I'll hang the pictures, you hang the stars
You pick the paint, I'll pick a guitar
Sing you a song out there with the crickets and the frogs
You name the babies and I'll name the dogs, yeah
You can park your car in the driveway
I'll park my truck in the grass
I'll put a little swing on the front porch
If you put a little tea in my glass
Watch the sun set from a gravel road
Kiss me in the kitchen on your tippy toes
Still lovin' on you when the rooster crows
Watching way more than the garden grow
That's a pretty picture. I want that. Let's go talk to the girls. But, no dogs or babies, please!
WRITER'S NOTE: Songwriters: Benjamin S. Hayslip / Joshua Dennis Anthony Bagles / Matthew Peters Dragstrem
I'll Name the Dogs lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Round Hill Music Big Loud Songs