As we approached the manor house I found myself questioning why I had said we'd stay at the Morgenstern Manor in the first place. It had been my idea after all. At the time I thought I'd have to face the Manor sometime as Sebastian and I were the owners of it now. But as we got closer I felt myself filling with dread, remembering when Sebastian and I had come home to find out my father was dead.

I tried to keep a blank face as we begun to pull up the familiar drive, because I was still sitting in Ashton's lap. Either I had a horrible poker face or he saw through it as he whispered my name quietly, "Clary?" There was only concern in his voice.

When Luke pulled up in front of the manor I probably exited the car much too quickly as Ashton opened the door. It felt good to get fresh air, to be free, to not have-

"You're not to collect the Ascended until tomorrow morning," Luke started as he got out of the car. "So feel free to come over when you guys are done unpacking, if you feel like it," he offered.

"Thanks, Luke," I said to him, before finally facing my old home. It looked exactly the same, albeit darker and more empty looking. If I tried I could have imagined my father sitting in his study while my mother was cooking dinner.

I felt a hand grasp mine, recognizing the familiar shape of Izzy. She was offering me a kind, sympathetic smile. I tried to return one and gave her hand a squeeze before I let go to walk away and bid farewell to Luke as he drove off down the drive. It was still odd to see a vehicle in Idris. Only a few were allowed and were only to be used for transport to and from the neighboring nations. Luke was one of the few who owned one.

I turned back towards the manor, sighing before I walked up to the front door. I unlocked the door with an open rune. I hadn't even thought to bring my key or ask Luke if he had one. Unlocking the door to my childhood home had been the last thing on my mind.

It was dark inside as I found the curtains had been pulled over the windows. Surprisingly they weren't coated in dust as I opened them to find the living room largely how I remembered it. Someone must have been in here to clean up recently.

"Alec you can take Sebastian's room and Ash you can-" I stoped short as I turned back to face my friends. I realized we didn't have a guest room. Sure, there were plenty of other rooms in the house but those had their own purposes: training, weapons, art studio, etc. The only other room with a bed was my parent's room. Well, it had been my parent's room.

"It's fine," Ashton said. "I'll take the couch." Was my face that much of an open book? The only other person who could do that was Izzy.

"No," I decided. Our sofa had been lumpy at best. I wasn't going to let him sleep there. Not when there was a perfectly good bedroom for him. "You can sleep in here." I began leading him to the first floor bedroom without giving myself time to chicken out. I would have to deal with it sometime.

Inside, I found that someone had packed my parent's belongings. Only the furniture remained. And the bed even had new linen on it. "There's a bathroom there-" I told Ashton as I pointed to the open door on the other side of the room. "And I'll be upstairs if you need anything."

When I turned around I found Ashton much closer than I had left him. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" I could tell he wasn't just referring to him sleeping in my parent's room. He was talking about being in the manor again. "It's okay if you're not."

"I'm fine," I lied as I quickly brushed past him. I moved so fast I made it to my room before I realized on more thing: Izzy and I had fallen into our old pattern. She was sitting on my bed as I came into the room.

"Did I ever tell you how much I loved this room?" My Parabatai asked as she stared outside the great bay window.

"Only every time you came over," I answered her as I unzipped my suitcase. I had only brought two changes of clothes, things that didn't even really warrant unpacking, but I needed something to do with my hands.

I froze when I opened the top drawer of my dresser to find the fragile object inside. The gift my father had given me that was the most precious to me, a music box. I hadn't taken it to New York with me, when I had left. It had been too painful to even look at, much less bring along.

"Clary, are you okay?" Izzy jerked me from my thoughts. I threw my clothes in the drawer, moving the porcelain box to the top of the dresser, out of the way.

"Why does everybody keep asking me that?" I snapped, as I slammed the drawer shut.

"Because we're concerned for you Clary-"

"You're concerned for me? That's rich." I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth. Any caring expression Izzy had on her face disappeared.

She crossed her arms as she stood up. "Maybe I'll just leave you here to fester with your childhood memories." Stubborn, I refused to look at her as she walked past stopping for a moment, perhaps considering not leaving, before she finally left my room.

When the door shut I slumped down to the floor, leaning against my dresser. Why had I said that? She was trying, why couldn't I?

"Stupid," I mumbled to myself as I banged the back of my head on the dresser. It wobbled, I had forgotten how unstable it was. I hit my head on it again. This time, however, I heard a terrifying crash.

Wide-eyed I scrambled to the other side of the dresser to see the music box lay shattered on the floor. I reached towards one of the dozens of pieces, hissing as I pricked myself. It was broken. The music box was broken. The last real thing I had from my father was gone.

And it was there, on the floor of my bedroom, that I finally let it all out. I hadn't wept, not really, for my father. I had been too much in shock and confusion to manage more than a few tears. I hadn't cried for my mother at all, not even at her funeral. I hadn't left myself feel the loss for either of them, not completely.

Jonathan had been the only thing on my mind. Get to him and serve justice. Their deaths would be avenged and it would be okay. Sebastian would be okay. Izzy and I would be okay.

But standing still like I had been wasn't helping anything. Sebastian was still lost in his mind. Izzy felt like an ocean away. Jonathan hadn't been apprehended. The wounds my parent's death gave me hadn't healed.

My door creaked open and I didn't have to lift my head to see who it was. "Go away..." I said quietly, almost in a whisper.

Izzy remained for a moment before leaving my room again because that's who she was. I had been the one to snap at her, but she still came back. I had been the one to ruin her trust but she was trying. I didn't deserve someone like her. She was far better than me.

They ended up leaving for Luke's without me sometime later. Izzy had given me another chance that I had met with silence.

The sun was setting, dimming my room. I would have to get up soon to turn on the light or sit in dark despair. When a knock came at my door I was surprised. Was Izzy trying again? Hadn't she left? "Izzy-" I cut myself off, unsure of what to say.

The door opened. "I'm not Izzy," Ashton said as he stood in my doorway. Hearing his voice I had lifted my head up. He held his hand out to me. "Come on."

"I don't want to go to Luke's," I told him. Not like this. I couldn't do that to him. He seemed so put together considering everything that had happened.

"We're not going to Luke's." His hand was still held out. And perhaps curiosity got the best of me because I reached out my hand to take it, letting him pull me up.

A/N: Dun dun dun! It's a new chapter! Also, Happy New Year! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I had fun writing it hehe. And...I have a little surprise for you all! I will be posting a new story titled Blood or Love: A Shadowhunters Tale. Originally I wasn't going to publish it until this story was almost finished but I've decided to do it soon! Check out the excerpt below and let me know what you think!

"Brady isn't one of you, he hasn't been for a long time," I said. Years ago I remember that he had been. He was one of the regular customers at Coast Diner. Blood-lust changed all that.

"The fact remains that you aren't either," the red-headed vampire pointed out. "Nephilim." He stat the word with such hatred that he barred his fangs at me.

I just stared at him. "I don't get it. Are you trying to scare me? You look more like a chihuahua than a vampire."

The vampire let out a growl as a stood up from his booth. "You'll regret that." He was on me in vampire speed. But I was ready for him. My hand was around his throat faster than he could even show his teeth. My nails dug into his skin. That wasn't something I'd learnt from anything Shadowhunter.

"You really want to do this, Dylan? Again? Last time I beat your ass I heard you went and cried to Maverick, like he would do anything to me." I pushed Dylan away with such force that he landed on the ground.

Want more? Be sure to check back once I post the story (coming TODAY)!