Through The Ups & Downs
Couple; Harrison X Briana
Rating; Mature
Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD or any songs I might use! In addition, from this point in the story and in future chapters, I do not own the character Ella (Eira) Solveig. She belongs to a good friend, ShadowSpirit020.
53) Long Way To Go
{Normal POV}
No one understood what was happening. They'd all come home early to try and cheer Harrison up, but all they were seeing was Harrison look unconscious and being loaded into the ambulance with a sad and worried looking Glenn watching from the door of the house. After the ambulance sirens turned on and drove off, Harrison's father was first to speak. "Lieutenant Belmore, what's going on? Why are you here? Why is Harrison being taken away by ambulance?" Spencer demanded. Before Glenn could answer, he put a finger up and called someone.
"Aaron, it's Glenn. We've got a problem," Glenn started, there was a brief pause. "Harrison is on his way to the VPH by ambulance," he stopped again and sighed. "Aaron, for Odin's sake, he was a mess and that's the best place for him right now. I'll explain later. I have his family and friends to inform. And this wasn't my choice, it was his. I'll meet you there in a bit," Glenn stated, after that he ended the call.
"Glenn, please tell me what happened?!" Briana pleaded.
"Where is Harrison going? What's VPH?" Nate asked while worrying for his older brother. An officer came out of the apartment now and whispered something to Glenn, then the officer left after Glenn nodded to him.
"Listen, there is no…easy way to say this. Harrison tried to kill himself," Glenn said as they all gasped, eyes widening in shock at the news. I don't know what happened, but Harrison called me about twenty minutes ago saying he needed help. I figured out the suicide attempt based on what I saw when I arrived. Harrison cut his wrists, few times on each one, he was drinking heavily and tried to overdose. VPH is the Veteran Psychiatric Hospital and Harrison is on his way there because that's where he wants to be," he said.
"Wh-What do you mean its…where he wants to be?" Addilyn asked quickly as she tried to calm down. Everyone was in shock, how had they gone so long without seeing the signs that Harrison wasn't suffering from severe depression and PTSD?
"After he threw up a bit, he started regaining some consciousness and he told me to admit him because he couldn't control it anymore. VPH is a military psychiatric hospital, they have round the clock staff to keep an eye on him and offer help if he has anymore of these breakdowns. And I don't want any of you blaming yourselves, we all thought he was okay. I had the officers clean up a bit in there, happened in the living room. I gotta go to VPH and talk to Hagebak about this, its protocol. You're welcome to come too, but it takes a while for processing, evaluations, and what not. I know it scares you, but he made the right choice to admit himself, it means he knows what he did and doesn't want to die, he just doesn't want to feel this way anymore," Glenn informed. "Why don't you stay here and I'll go, and then let you know what's going on," he offered.
"That might be best. I think we need a little time to…take this in before we try to see Harrison," Dexter said gently. "We don't want to make it harder on him, I'm sure he knows we were told what happened and if we make a big deal out of it, it could affect him more,"
"Correct. I'll go and keep you updated. Besides, visitors usually aren't allowed to see patients until cleared by doctors first. They want to make sure Harrison is stable before people see him," Glenn stated as he walked to his dragon and left. Everyone was in shock of what they'd learned; Harrison tried to commit suicide before he broke down and was left alone. If someone had been there, they would have been able to stop this. Now Harrison had admitted himself to the psychiatric hospital to get better, which was good, but it still made the group feel bad because they never saw it coming.
[Three Week Later; May 2020]
Harrison spent three weeks in the Veteran Psychiatric Hospital under close watch and care of the staff members. There were five more episodes of Harrison breaking down and wanting to kill himself within the first week, however, the doctors were able to calm him down and keep working towards a solution. Most of Harrison's PTSD stemmed from his time in the army such as losing friends and witnessing those deaths, then the three-year secret operation. In the hospital, Harrison was on a mild tranquilizer to even out his mood, then moved on to anti-depressants and working through the things he'd been through with a doctor. By week two, Harrison was coming around to stay calm and managing to get past smaller problems without help, yet, he still didn't feel stable enough to return home.
In truth, Harrison refused to see all visitors who can to spend time with him and check in. Harrison didn't want to be asked every ten minutes if he was okay and he didn't want to face them after his attempted suicide. Harrison took phone calls if he was in the mood, that was two to three times a week. Finally, after three weeks, he was feeling stable again. Harrison already spoke to the doctor he'd been working with about ways to control himself if things became too much again, also about the options to return if he felt a desire to hurt himself. The doctor told Harrison that a lot of what might be the problem is how useless Harrison mentioned that he felt needing someone's help since he couldn't walk. The doctor suggested in the middle of week two that maybe Harrison try physical therapy again, but Harrison was still undecided if he should continue it or not. While in the hospital, a military therapist offered to give it a go and Harrison did alright but still had trouble, he was told that it might be due to the fact Harrison hasn't used his left leg since December.
"So, Harrison. We're on week three now, how are you feeling from when you first arrived?" the doctor, Bryan Michaels asked calmly.
"I'm…better than when I came in. I still get the nightmares and flashbacks," Harrison admitted.
"Well, unfortunately, son, those might never go away. They were tough times during your military career, and you will always remember them. All you need to do is take a few deep breaths, splash your face, maybe get a drink of water and remind yourself that it was a risk of the job. The same way you had no hesitation in going against that dragon or that Dominic guy, you knew something had to be done and you were willing to give up your freedom and life for that cause of saving people you care about," Bryan informed.
"Yeah, I know. I feel like I'm stable enough to go home, I just…worry what they'll all think of me. I told them time after time that I was okay when I knew I wasn't, they only wanted to help and I-I wouldn't let them in," Harrison looked down.
"Harrison, listen to me. Those people are your family and friends, they knew you were struggling and didn't want to push you. Yes, I'm sure it hurt them that you closed yourself off, but they understood you were dealing with a lot. I don't think they'll judge you, they were just scared to almost lose you. And you can't blame them for wanting to be around you after everything that happened, however, another way to view this is that they want to be here for you as the staff here have been. Your family and friends are your support system and everyone plays a different role, don't be afraid to let them in and tell them how you're feeling. Someone will always be willing to sit and listen to you," Bryan smiled.
"I just…didn't want them to see me weak," Harrison looked down.
"Needing help doesn't make you weak, Harrison, it makes you human. We all need a little help sometimes, and you can't be afraid to ask for it. So, are you ready to go home?" Bryan inquired. Harrison thought about it for a moment before he took a deep breath and nodded to his doctor. "Alright, I'll start your discharge and get you a ride back home. I'm going to send your prescription for the anti-depressant to the pharmacy closest to you and refer you to a colleague of mine outside the hospital. I want you to continue counseling, twice a week and if you start feeling better, take it to once a week. You can stop when you feel like you're better, okay? I'm releasing you because you said you feel stable, but it doesn't mean you're cured,"
"I understand, Dr. Michaels," Harrison replied to him.
"And remember to give the physical therapy another go, the more you work with that leg, the stronger it will become and perhaps a prosthetic won't bother you as much. Now, if you feel any desire to harm yourself or suicidal thoughts return, I want you to call this number and we'll send someone to pick you up, alright?" Bryan reminded. Harrison nodded as the two exited the office, Harrison signed what he had to then waited in the wheelchair for his ride, Harrison learned that the psychiatric hospital also doubled as a rehabilitation center so he managed to quit smoking and drinking within two weeks. Harrison took a deep breath as he was loaded into the transport van and the door closed. So he was on his way home to see everyone after he hadn't for three weeks. Wouldn't this be interesting for him to deal with?
[4:45 pm-Briana and Harrison's Place]
The van pulled up outside and Harrison remained in the van as Bryan got out to speak to Briana first, explaining the last three weeks so they knew not to overwhelm Harrison when he came out. Bryan reached the porch door and knocked a few times. Briana answered the door and stood there see the man.
"May I help you?" Briana asked.
"Hi there, I'm Bryan Michaels, the doctor who has been working with your husband for three weeks. I was wondering if you had a few minutes?" Bryan smiled.
"Yes, of course. Don't mind all the people in here, we get together once or twice a week for dinner. I-Is this about Harrison?" Briana asked.
"Yes, and not to worry, I assure you he is in a much better state than last time you saw him. I just wanted to go over a few things before I release him into your care, I have him in the van right now. The first thing is that Mr. Haddock is being released because he feels stable enough to be out of twenty-four hour care. The second thing is that he is on anti-depressants, twice a day until his outpatient psychiatrist says he can be off them as they double to keep him level in a mood sense. I referred him to a colleague of mine, and will be having sessions twice a week for now. Lastly and I'm glad everyone is over because you should all be aware of it," Bryan paused.
"What…is it?" Viviana said gently.
"Harrison is feeling a little, shall we say, self conscious about being home after what happened with the attempted suicide, afraid to be judged or that people will be upset with him for not opening up about what was bothering him," Bryan said.
"So, we let him know that we're just glad he's okay and that we're here for him," Glenn stated.
"Exactly. Now, as he's not even close to being cured so to speak, Harrison is aware that if he ever feels that way again, he can contact the hospital directly and we'll send someone to get him. I suppose what I'm saying is to be patient and not all over him. Harrison is still working through a lot and as I said before, he's home because he feel stable to be home and not lose control like last time. Harrison still has little breakdowns at random and times where he just wants to be left alone. You get what I'm getting at?" Bryan asked.
"Let him know we're here if he needs us, understand he's still dealing with a lot, and keep a distanced watch on him?" Aaron asked.
"You got it," Bryan nodded as he looked back to the van and gave a thumbs up. "Oh, the anti-depressants do make him quite tired. I've suggested one in the morning and one at night, keeps him stabilized for flashbacks and nightmares. In addition to that, there isn't much you can do besides remind him that he's safe and it's okay. If you touch him and he jerks away, do not try again until he is calm and aware of where he is. We had an incident during the first week where a male nurse tried to help him out of a flashback and Harrison got a tad violent thinking he was in danger. So I'll leave you with that warning," he added.
Everyone watched as two staff members lowered the ramp with Harrison in his wheelchair on it. Once it hit ground, they began pushing him towards the door. No one rushed him, they just waited anxiously and kept their calm, not wanting to do anything that might set Harrison into relapse. One thing was for sure, they knew not to bring up the almost suicide because it would not help any. Harrison was wheeled inside the apartment and the two staff members patted his shoulders and exited the house. Harrison was nervous; he didn't like all eyes on him after everything that happened. Moreover, Harrison could see the spot where he had tried to kill himself and looked away instantly.
"Harrison, remember what I told you. It's in the past and what do we say about the past?" Bryan asked him gently.
"My past does not define me because my past is not today," Harrison replied.
"Good man. You're gonna be, Harrison. Just remember what you're fighting for. Now, you have my card?" Bryan inquired as Harrison lifted his hand and held the business card between his fingers. "And you can call anytime for anything. Here's all the information for the colleague I mentioned before, first appointment is Tuesday the 19th at 1 pm for you,"
"Thanks, Doc," Harrison told him. Bryan and Harrison shook hands before Bryan left the house, as it stayed silent for a few minutes as Briana closed the door. Briana stood in front of him. Harrison almost could not make contact with her eyes; however, he was shocked when Briana just hugged him tightly.
"I'm not mad or upset with you for what happened, all that matters now is you're getting the help you need and you're home with us again. No matter how long it takes, we'll all be here for you anyway we can be. For right now, all I want is your arms around me, holding me," Briana said softly. Harrison pushed her back a little and she got a little hurt, but Briana watched as he locked the wheels of his chair in place, and then he moved the foot pieces out of the way.
"If that's all you want," Harrison put his hands on the armrests and pushed himself up slowly until he was balanced on the right leg. Everyone's eyes widened, Harrison had never stood on his own since the accident, he always had the chair or crutches, but here he was, balanced on the right leg, though with the fake limb and long pants, it looked like he was standing on both. Harrison took Briana's hand in his, and then he pulled her close with his arms around her. "Then I'll hold you the right way," he finished his sentence. Briana could have cried, she buried her face into his shirt and held on to him tightly. Sure, it wasn't much, but it meant the world to Briana that Harrison stood up for her to embrace him. The others were stunned to see the scene and overall just glad he was doing better. For Harrison, it made him feel good to know he did something so small to make his wife happy. However, he knew he wasn't okay and still had a long way to go.