Through The Ups & Downs

Couple; Harrison X Briana

Rating; Mature

Disclaimer: I do not own HTTYD or any songs I might use! In addition, from this point in the story and in future chapters, I do not own the character Ella (Eira) Solveig. She belongs to a good friend, ShadowSpirit020.

54) Like Himself

{Normal POV}

[June 20, 2020-Berkville Beach]

It had only been a few weeks since Harrison's return home from the psychiatric hospital, things were a bit better, but still on edge with Harrison's mood. Of course, Harrison went to his appointments with the psychiatrist and took his anti-depressants, but they didn't do much other than keep Harrison's mood in the middle. Harrison's wasn't sad or happy, just blah. Today, everyone would be getting together to go to the beach. Now, there were three beaches in Berkville and it just so happened that they chose to go to the one where Harrison had been wounded in the grenade blast that caused him to lose his leg. Nobody realized it right away until Harrison's mood deteriorated and he remained silent while staring out to the water. At some point, Harrison wheeled his chair through the sand and got closer to the water, but was still close to them.

"What's that all about?" TJ asked.

"I don't think we chose the best place to be for a summer picnic," Nate stated.

"Why is that?" Addilyn inquired now as none of them quite understood.

"You don't recognize where we are?" Trevor motioned around the area. "This is the beach where Harrison took on Red Death, that guy, and got so wounded that they couldn't save his leg," he said as everyone gasped and looked towards Harrison. How could they have forgotten? No wonder Harrison seemed exceptionally miserable today. Harrison seemed to be struggling with the location, they could see him close his eyes and start shaking. Toothless got up from the warm sand and moved towards his friend, nuzzling his head under Harrison's hand for comfort.

"We should go. I don't want to see him relapse," Briana said softly.

"Let's just give it a few minutes. I think it might be good for him to be here, a way of coming to terms with what happened. Any psychiatrist would say the same, that he has to accept it to cope properly," Aaron offered. For a while, they just watched Harrison sit in his wheelchair with Toothless beside him as he stared out to the water silently.

"Isn't there anything we can do for him?" Olivia wondered.

"Unfortunately, no, not really. All we can do is be here if he needs us, but depression and PTSD is a battle that he has to overcome to beat it. It is not easy, PTSD has been known to last years and even if someone has it under control, anything could trigger it. I have a friend who was diagnosed with PTSD thirty years ago, still has moments where it affects him," Glenn informed.

"How's he doing?" came a familiar voice. The group turned to see Bryan Michaels, the doctor who worked with Harrison at VPH.

"Well, he was alright until we came here. It's the same place where the accident happened," Briana sighed.

"It will be good for him. I know it seems harsh, but he has to face his past to conquer it," Bryan informed. "Things like this will only make him stronger because he'll remember what he's fighting for," he added.

Toothless licked Harrison's cheek and he chuckled a little. "I love you too, Toothless," Harrison told him. "Thanks, Doc. I needed to hear that," he stated as he glanced back at Bryan. "Here with your family?" Harrison asked.

"This is just my lunch break. I love coming to the beach," Bryan chuckled.

"I used to," Harrison nodded before looking forward again.

"Keep your faith, Harrison. Rome wasn't built in a day, getting over PTSD and depression at the same time is no different," Bryan reminded. "I know it's hard, but the only way to beat this is to overcome it. You have to tell yourself you can, believe it too. The only way to be truly happy is to accept what you can't change, overcome your fears, and move forward in life," Harrison didn't respond but Bryan knew Harrison understood what he was saying. "You're probably sick of hearing it, but it takes time, my friend,"

"I know, Doc," Harrison replied calmly, still keeping his eyes forward. Bryan smiled as he looked to the family and friends, he gave them a look that said to leave him be for now. Bryan ended up leaving after he put a hand on Harrison's shoulder, the others just looked at Harrison, he looked miserable again. Nate couldn't stand this, Harrison had always been there for him when he needed someone and now when Harrison needed someone for him, all anyone did was stay back instead of trying. Nate understood that Harrison needed is space, but that was no reason for everyone to just sit around and tell Harrison they were there for him and not prove it. The doctor did something to make Harrison relax a little, so why couldn't they do the same? Nate finally got up off the blanket and moved towards Harrison.

"Nathaniel, come back here," Spencer demanded. Nate ignored his father's command to return as he moved in front of Harrison.

"Hey. Why don't you come back to the group, big brother? I've been practicing with the guitar you gave me, can I show you?" Nate asked.

"Maybe later, kiddo," Harrison said quietly.

"Please? I wrote a song and want you to be the first to hear it. To, uh, critique it, maybe tell me how to make it better?" Nate tried again. Harrison sighed as he unlocked the wheels of the chair and tried to turn it around, but it seemed he was having some trouble with it. Nate moved behind the chair and started pushing it a bit to turn it around.

"I'm sorry that you have to push me," Harrison told him with his eyes closed.

"I don't mind given all the things you've done for me. And hey, isn't this what brothers are for?" Nate told him. After Harrison was turned, Nate when over to the radio and hook up his phone, then grabbed the guitar that Harrison gave him. "I started working on this song when you left for Kuwait and finished it about ten seconds ago when I thought of the last lines. I wrote it for you, Harrison," hearing that, Harrison's head lifted a little, some surprise showing in his green eyes. Nate pressed the play button on his phone as the music started.

"The house was like a tomb. I was hiding in my room, as my brother made his way on down the hall. I didn't want to say goodbye and I was trying to deny there was a war, that he got the call. I watched him from my window walking down the drive, then I ran down the stairway, through the front door and I cried," there was a pause as Nate took a breath.

"You come back you hear? And I let him see my tears. I said I'll give you my rookie of DiMaggio. I'll do anything you want, clean your room or wash your car. I'll do anything so long as you don't go. But he said, this is what brothers are for," that line alone made Harrison's eyes widen. That was something Harrison always said to Nate, that everything he did for him was because that's what brothers were for.

"Well, I have my heroes, but the one I love the most, taught me how to hunt and swing a bat. And I wrote him every night, I said I missed our pillow fights, but lately I just wonder where you're at. And sometimes freedom makes it hard to live, when it takes things from you, that you don't want to give!" Nate sang as Harrison could only listen to him, still in shock that his brother wrote something like this.

"I said you come back you hear. I miss you being near. Laugh and fish down in the maple grove. Yeah, I'll do anything you want. There must be someone I can call, and just maybe they would let you come back home. But he wrote, this is what brothers are for," Nate only looked at Harrison; the others were moved by the song and kept looking between Harrison and Nate, watching Harrison's reactions mainly. The music picked up a little and Harrison listened closely.

"I may never have to face the anger of those guns. Or lie cold and wounded in my blood. Or know the sacrifice of what it must have cost, for him to love me that much," the music softened as it almost looked like Harrison was going to cry, but he held firm.

"Well, it had been two years and I held back my tears when I saw him in that wheelchair on the shore," Harrison's eyes widened. Did Nate work on this from the time Harrison went to Kuwait all the way up until now when Harrison was in a wheelchair? Nate did mention that he just finished the song after thinking up the final lines. "And as I ran and held him tight, that's when he looked me in the eyes and said I'm sorry that you have to push me home," Nate looked at Harrison as the others gasped a little. Harrison had just said that before Nate started singing. "And I said; Hey, this is what brothers are for," after that, the song played a few more notes before it ended.

Harrison didn't say anything at first, still in shock over the song. Most of the girls were in tears, the guys were equally shocked. "It's what you've always told me, Harrison. Everything you've done for me, you always tell me that it's because that's what brothers are for. You've always been here for me when I needed you and now when you're going through all this, I wanted you to know that I'm here for you as you were for me. You wouldn't let me give up and I won't let you do the same by wasting away in that chair. Get up," Nate ordered.

"Nate, I get what you're trying to do, but it doesn't work that way. I've tried before and I just can't do it," Harrison told him.

"Then you aren't my brother, because my brother wouldn't give up so easily. My brother doesn't let anything get in the way of what he wants in life because he's a fighter. My brother is a former Second Lieutenant of the Arc Isle Army, a hero to his family and friends, to his hometown, and island. You can still walk, Harrison! You can, you just refuse to try because it failed a couple of times MONTHS AGO while you were still in the hospital healing," Nate yelled at him.

"Nathaniel Haddock. That's enough," Viviana commanded firmly.

"No, this is enough. You can all sit on your asses and do nothing because you're afraid to set him off. I'm not. I'm not going to let time run its course and let him believe that he can't walk. I'm gonna get up and do something about it just like he did for me when I was battling cancer. How do you expect him to get better if you won't help him? You're just going to sit back, let him believe lies about himself? You said you were here for him, so why are you letting him battle this alone? Harrison didn't let me give up and I'm not gonna let him do the same," Nate said sternly, leaving them in shock to ponder if Nate was right. The seventeen-year-old turned his attention to his elder brother, who had never seen such a fire in his brother before. "Get up, Harrison. You're letting your PTSD and depression get in the way, letting it tear you down and keep you there in that stupid chair. Fight back and get up!"

"I can't, it hurts," Harrison closed his eyes.

"What hurts, Harrison? Trying to walk or is the fact you lost the leg in general," Nate asked. Harrison flinched a little. "It hurts that you mentally and emotionally that your leg couldn't be saved after the explosion. Your physical wounds have healed, not the other ones. In your mind, you're still fighting that guy and trying to change something you know you can't. You want to know what your PTSD is, its you still fighting Dominic. He's in your head, a constant reminder that his grenade caused you to lose your leg. Stop letting him win, Harrison," Nate told him.

"Think it's that easy, huh?" Harrison sighed.

"It IS that easy. You want to know how to win? Don't think about Dominic's grenade going off and your leg was so badly wounded that it couldn't be saved. Think about the fact you saved this entire island with what you did. You rushed back from SYRIA to take on Red Death when you learned it was a massive dragon, not a weapon. You didn't hesitate to take that thing on by yourself because you knew what would happen if you didn't. You were willing to give up your freedom to keep us safe when Dominic's men had us at gunpoint. You tricked him, fought him, because you knew he'd kill you if you did go with him. Stop thinking about what he did and remember what you did. You could have lost your life if that leg hadn't been removed, Harrison. And I don't know about you, but I rather have you legless than dead and me brotherless! Now for fucks sake, stop letting that guy win. Show me you're a fighter, show me you're still you and get up!" Nate glared. "This is what brothers are for, I'm not going to let you do this to yourself. Get up."

"Harrison, don't listen to your bro-," Spencer began, wanting to assure Harrison that he didn't have to do anything he wasn't ready to do or try. However, looking at Harrison, they saw his head down. Harrison finally moved, he put his hands on the armrests of the wheelchair and tried to push himself up from the seat. Though, he struggled quite a bit and fell back down with a sigh.

"No. No, don't do that. Don't give up. Come on, Harrison," Nate encouraged as he crouched down and moved the two foot holders out of the way. "Try again. I know you can do this," he said as Harrison put his hands on the rests once more, forcing himself to stand on the right foot, his left touched the ground slowly as he finally put weight on it and tried to find his balance. Harrison panted a bit, finding it hard to do all this when his leg had been inactive since December 2019, nearly five months ago now.

"Nate, stop pushing him!" Viviana said.

"Shut up," Harrison growled almost as they were quiet, shocked that Harrison was telling them to leave Nate alone now. Harrison focused on his legs, he tried to take a step forward with the left and faltered. Harrison started to fall but Nate prevented him from doing so.

"I won't let you fall, brother. I promise that it's going to be okay because I'm here. You can do this, I know you can. Nothing is holding you back anymore except you. I believe you can. Believe that you can walk, believe that you are still you," Nate urged as he used one arm to hold Harrison balanced, then he used his other hand to offer to Harrison, who ended up connecting his hand to Nate's. Harrison tried to take another step, it was wobbly, but he kept going. After seven, Nate removed his hand that kept Harrison mostly balanced and Harrison kept taking steps, slow ones but steps never the less and on his own balance. Finally, Nate released Harrison's hand and Harrison stooped, a little nervous to keep going. "Believe, Harrison. Believe in yourself," Nate told him. Harrison took a deep breath before he took a step forward. "Come on, you got this, brother,"

Harrison stepped again, then again and again until he had it down. Harrison ended up smiling, shocked that he'd done it. Harrison actually laughed as he looked at Nate who was smiling back. Harrison put his hand out to Nate. "Side by side or miles apart," he started.

Nate lifted his hand to Harrison's as the two gripped hard. "We'll always be brothers connected by the heart," Nate finished as Harrison pulled him over and hugged him.

"Thank you, Nate," Harrison whispered.

"Hey, this is what brothers are for," Nate replied. No one could believe it, what went from a moving song about brothers turned into Nate forcing his elder brother to get up, believe in himself and walk. And by the Gods, Harrison did it. For Harrison, nothing was better than the feeling he had right now. Sure, he knew he had everyone else, but Nate did something they didn't. None of them stepped up and made Harrison believe he could do it, all of them walked on eggshells around Harrison, afraid to upset or push him too much. Nate hadn't been afraid, he made Harrison see that his fear stemmed from something he couldn't change no matter what. Harrison didn't have a word for the emotions he felt right now, he wanted to cry but didn't. Harrison knew one thing though, he was starting to feel like himself again.