AN: Please give me prompts. I like prompts. I like writing prompts. I love hearing whatever you want me to do with these guys. I want to reach 285 rules at least. I would appreciate it if you guys could help.

Each chapter will be at least 39 rules.

Enjoy.

Rule 79: I need to bleach my brain.

Alexi blinked. "Huh. All the other ones were so specific, too."

Rule 79,1: I need to bleach my ears.
Rule 79,2: I need to bleach my eyes.
Rule 79,3: Stop bleaching yourself. Why are you bleaching yourself?
Rule 79,4: PEOPLE WON'T STOP HAVING SEX IN THE INFIRMARY!

Rule 80: Defacing the Defiant is not a secret invitation to the Inner Circle and therefore one of your best guarantees for survival. Random Ensigns, stop doing it.

Rule 81: Researching the mating practices of other species with the intention to seduce them is very weird.
Rule 81,1: Especially when you ask their dads about it.
Rule 81,2: THAT'S NOT WHAT I WAS DOING WITH TAIN!
Rule 81,3: So you were sleeping with your boyfriend's dad? GROSS!
Rule 81,4: GRAAAAHHHHH!

"I have so many questions about this," Alexi sighed.

Rule 82: Contrary to what Quark may tell you, absinthe will not make the heart grow fonder.

"That pun is horrible," Alexi propped up her feet.

Rule 83: Stop setting things on fire to keep the attention of the Admirals and Bajoran Council (especially the Kai) away from me. Like, I still need to work.
Rule 83,1: I really appreciate it, btw. Don't tell them.

Rule 84: Killing people for breathing wrong is not allowed.

Rule 85: No, you cannot create medical techniques to make humanoids into the equivalent of clownfish.
Rule 85,1: It was only to study reproductive systems!
Rule 85,2: EVEN BIGGER NO!

"Um. That's... Pretty impressive. I wonder how far he got with his research."

Rule 86: Nog's candy is not to be messed with.

Rule 87: Anyone too intelligent to be true is probably too good to be true. Approach at your own risk.

Alexi thought back to Julian Bashir, who was revealed to be genetically enhanced a while ago. "That sounds vaguely racist... I'm kinda worried."

"Back to the list," the admiral said, appearing out of nowhere.

Rule 88: the god fly H.U.M.U.N.K.U.L.E.S does not exist.
Rule 88,1: Yes, I do. SPIT IN MY FACE!
Rule 88,2: "I'LL KILL YOU!"

Alexi blinked. "What?"

"It's a reference."

"Wasn't there a rule banning references?

"Yes."

"Do they know it's a reference?"

"I don't know."

The two shrugged and turned back to the list.

Rule 89: No Rules of Acquisition in Ops.

Rule 90: Mixing cocaine and medicine is not a good idea, and I'll shove a knife through the chest of the next person who tries.

Alexi's mouth watered. "Violence!"

"Down, girl."

Rule 91: Those originating from canine species: you cannot use the excuse 'marking your territory' to urinate on anything.
Rule 91,1: Yes, that includes people.
Rule 91,2: And yes, the Klingons will beat the shit out of you if you try.

Rule 92: Giving Julian French fries still counts as a reference, and you absolutely must not do it.

Rule 93: Having sex with your Mirrorverse-self is prohibited.
Rule 93,1: Especially if they're your opposite gender and you want to know if your offspring will be your clone or horribly inbred.

"That's so gross."

"Mm-hmm."

Rule 94: Martok is not to be referred to as Old One-Eye, and was not found on planet Macragge. It was an asteroid.

Rule 95: Wood-based phasers will not work on vampires.

Rule 96: Playing pranks and then blaming them on Jake and Nog will not get them in trouble.
Rule 96,1: Unless you are Jake and Nog.

Rule 97: What the hell is the Matrix of Leadership, and why are you sending gullible ensigns to search for it?
Rule 97,1: It is most definitely not a reference, I promise.

"It totally is," Alexi sighed. "What is the doctor's obsession with references?"

"The admiral shrugged.

Rule 98: Today is not a good day to die, thank you very much.

Rule 99: No Inner Circle member (as in, anyone who played baseball with us against the Logicians) is allowed to die before Benjamin Sisko is back from the Wormhole.

Rule 100: Screaming 'BUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSS' around insectoid species is not only inappropriate, it will get you fired.
Rule 100,1: Setting up electric insect lamps around their quarters will get you extra-fired.
Rule 100,2: Singing 'the ants go marching one by one' around them is similarly disrespectful.

"Did we actually get that court-martial?"

"Seven, actually. Mostly ensigns and civilians. They were all punished."

"Good."

Rule 101: Calling Quark a pervy old man just because he's about 70 in human years is not acceptable. Mentally, he's the same age as a twenty-year-old.
Rule 101,1: This especially applies if there are visiting dignitaries.
Rule 101,2: And it extra-applies in case they want to check if it's true.

Rule 102: Odo is not allowed to choke people by turning part of his body into air and manipulating it to crush their throats unless they're on missions.
Rule 102,1: Odo is not allowed to say 'you lack of faith disturbs me' even if they are enemies.

"Alexi, I feel like this is a reference. Look it up."

"Searching," the woman obliged. It took barely a minute. "Star Wars. Darth Vader."

"Well, who in the world introduced Star wars to the Security Chief?"

Rule 103: Julian, what did we say about bringing Odo to holosuite programs?
Rule 103,1: No, that was scary holosuite programs. You said nothing about adaptations of Star Wars.

"Yeah, there it is."

Rule 104: Doctoring photos of Julian Bashir and E. Garak will not encourage anyone to write about them.
Rule 104,1: And no, they will not give you a free show, you sick, sick perverts.
Rule 104,2: Seriously, go see Ezri.

Rule 105: Don't burst into song, ever.

Rule 106: Fuck you all, papercuts are not medical emergencies.

Rule 107: Setting Data's cat on fire is not an acceptable pastime.
Rule 107,1: Neither is setting Data on fire.

Rule 108: You are not allowed to call Miles's SIC, Lieutenant Hallen, Mrs H, H-sama, or any other way of calling her H.

"I could be wrong, but is that a reference?"

"They're making so many rules against it."

"While also using those references."

"Are they noticing the dissonance?"

"Perhaps."

Rule 109: Do not start your reports with 'once upon a time' or 'in a land far, far away'.
Rule 109,1: Writing them on scrolls is also prohibited.

Rule 110: If people keep asking me what my favourite sexual position is, I will not hesitate to go into a 30-minute spiel about the pros and cons of every position I've ever tried, with emphasis on gender differences or species differences.
Rule 110,1: WHERE THE FUCK DO I SIGN UP!

The admiral went off to get some brain bleach.

Alexi sipped her tea noisily.

Rule 111: If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, there's a good chance it's a changeling coming to kill everything.
Rule 111,1: Shoot it.

Rule 112: Don't tease people who can kick your ass. Even if they're older than you. Especially if they're older than you.

"I wonder what prompted this rule," Alexi wondered aloud.

Rule 113: Our motto is not 'The fundamental laws of the universe are for lesser people'.

Alexi's tea got cold really quickly. She really didn't like cold Plixiplaxian tea.

Through force of will, her tea reheated. She sipped it.

Rule 114: Keep your victory dance urges to yourself.

Rule 115: "Do you want the official version or the real version" is not a question to be asked when referring to your last mission.
Rule 115,1: Especially when referring to espionage, sabotage, or assassination.

Alexi sipped her tea. "I thought that went without saying."

Rule 116: If a colleague or close friend reappears after being dead for any amount of time, you are not allowed to freak out and yell 'DOES NO ONE STAY DEAD IN THIS MOTHERF*CKING WORLD!'.

Rule 117: You are not pirates.
Rule 117,1: Nor does this make you inherently better than actual pirates just because you have a better ship.

Alexi blinked. "I don't have enough tea for this shit."