AN: Please give me prompts. I like prompts. I like writing prompts. I love hearing whatever you want me to do with these guys. I want to reach 285 rules at least. I would appreciate it if you guys could help.
Each chapter will be at least 39 rules.
Enjoy.
Rule 118: No one is allowed to sell their soul.
Rule 118,1: Or their skeletons.
Rule 118,2: Or their vacuum-sealed bodies.
"Isn't that a Ferengi death ritual?"
"Yes."
"Is there a reason why it's forbidden?"
"Probably."
"Should we go check it out?"
"Why would we do that?"
Rule 119: No one is allowed to challenge Julian Bashir or Miles O'Brien to a game of darts. One is genetically enhanced and the other frequently beats him. You are, however, free to bet against them. See how far it gets you.
Rule 120: Benjamin Sisko and Odo are not gods. Whoever set up the shrine in the break room, take it down or be prepared to face a manhunt.
"But Sisko is technically a Prophet..."
"And Odo's people are revered as gods among the Dominion..."
Rule 121: Any form of the word 'accident' cannot be used as an excuse.
Rule 122: There is no ethics committee.
Rule 122,1: And if there was, no member of Senior Staff would be allowed on.
Alexi sipped her tea. "Well, murder is a part of the job description..."
"Don't finish that thought."
Rule 123: Miles O'Brien is from an alternate timeline, but you must not tell this to other people.
Rule 123,1: Especially if they're tech nerds.
Rule 123,2: Or investigating the possibility that the wormhole is the key to an alternate dimension.
Rule 123,3: Or they want to travel through dimensions.
Rule 123,4: And he cannot issue orders to corrupt the timeline, even if he's done it himself multiple times.
"Doesn't that go against the temporal prime directive?"
"In fact, it does."
"Then why was the Chief doing this in the first place?"
"I have a better question. If there's a rule made about this, how many times did this happen sequentially?"
Alexi and her boss had a bit of a staring contest before turning back to the dreaded List.
Rule 124: Phasers are not the immediate solution to every problem.
"Wasn't there already a rule about this?"
"That was about drinks and pyrotechnics."
Rule 124,1: Nor is it 'more phasers'.
Rule 124,2: Except for that one time.
"I don't even want to know."
Rule 125: The speed dating incident will never be spoken of again.
"Do I want to know?"
"No, you don't. Keep reading."
Rule 126: Nothing can be rated 'over 9000'.
Rule 126: Why not?
Rule 126: Because it's still a f*cking reference. If I'm not allowed my references, then you're not allowed your either, and f*ck you.
Rule 127: The following statement is true.
Rule 127,1: The preceding statement was false.
The Admiral blinked. Alexi slurped her tea.
Rule 128: Worf is not allowed to declare war on anything.
Rule 129: If Sisko has to ask something, it's above his security clearance.
Rule 129,1: If it's above Sisko's security clearance, get the f*ck out of dodge.
Rule 130: "My evil twin did it" is no longer an acceptable excuse, especially if your twin isn't identical.
Rule 130,1: Nor is "My good twin did it".
Alexi slurped her tea really loudly. "Fuck you, I am so allowed to use that excuse."
Rule 131: Age regression is not something to be studied. I was a baby for a week, and I don't want it to happen again.
"I don't even want to know."
"I think I do, though."
Rule 132: Anyone claiming to be from the Mirror Universe is to be shot.
Rule 132,1: Especially if they're the mirror-verse version of you that wants to experiment with your offspring.
Rule 133: A full minute of stunned silence means you should get the fuck out of dodge, not continue with your explanation.
"What does 'get the fuck out of dodge' mean?"
"No one cares."
Rule 134: The Federation is not and never has been associated with Hogwarts, School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, no matter how compelling the evidence may be.
Rule 134,1: Nor has the Federation ever been associated with vampires. That was coloured contacts, hairspray, body glitter, and bad acting.
"I feel like that's a reference to something."
"I feel like it's something that shouldn't be explored."
"But maybe we should read a hastily-slapped together think piece on the subject, written by someone who hasn't actually seen whatever it is they're talking about?"
"No, that sounds like a bad idea. Let's get on with the List."
Rule 135: Making your password 6969696969 is too easy to guess, so you should change it.
Rule 135: -
"What was crossed out?"
"DO NOT INVESTIGATE WHATEVER WAS CROSSED OUT!"
Rule 136: Miles O'Brien is not allowed to upload deadly viruses to the following message boards:
a) GalaxyNet
b) Any imageboard
(Well, maybe chan boards. It would be doing the gene pool a service.)
c) Any Fanfiction circles
(Unless said content involves Julian X Miles.)
d) DeviantArt
(Unless said content involves Julian X Miles.)
e) Intelligence operations
(Especially the Obsidian Order, Tal Shiar, and Starfleet Intelligence.)
Rule 137: No letting the Tal Shiar or Obsidian Order spy on us.
"WhY dId ThIs NeEd To Be SaId!"
"HoW aRe We YeLlInG iN aLtErNaTiNg CaPiTaL aNd LoWeR-cAsE lEtTeRs!"
Rule 138: Why did you throw a dart at Morn? I know you have better aim than that.
Rule 138,1: Okay, so what you've got to understand is that I was REALLY high.
Rule 138,2: Don't do it again in the middle of a game!
Rule 138,3: Blah.
Rule 138,4: YOU'RE STILL HIGH NOW, AREN'T YOU?
Rule 138,5: F*CK YEAH!
Rule 139: Trying to prove Section 31 exists is futile.
The Admiral stood up and danced away.
Rule 140: Trying to disprove the Prophets' existence to the Prophets' face is ludicrous.
Rule 140,1: I don't care how compelling the evidence is, Worf. Don't do it.
Rule 141: Jadzia, no one wants a talking spider so f*ck off.
"I'm RATHER DISTURBED BY THIS."
Rule 142: Calling everyone by their titles all the time will eventually make them abandon their names. See: Head Desk Ensign. And that's not nice. I had to go digging through years of files to find his actual name. He actually started signing his paperwork with 'Head Desk-Ensign' AND I KNEW WHO HE WAS!
"Erm."
"Erm."
"So that happened."
"Apparently."
"Why?"
"Because the people on that station are insane."
"Do they need a therapist?"
"Possibly."
"Should we send them one?"
"No."
Rule 143: There are no security codes for the following:
A) The lemur has an arrow glued to its feet
B) Admiral Kl'ahk forgot his clothes again
C) Jadzia's experimenting with Frankenstein-type monsters again
D) Especially spiders
E) The paperwork is impossible to read
F) My present wasn't wrapped
G) I don't know where the runabout's gone
H) Vic's been replaced again
I) Weyoun has left the station
J) The Kai is on the station, HELP
K) Bashir family reunion
L) Julian's making references none of us understand
M) Like seriously, what the hell is the SCP foundation?
N) Hula-hoops in restricted areas
O) F*CK OFF
P) Pizza stains on the explosive metals
"I have so many questions about this."
"No one cares."
Rule 144: Turning metal into rubber is prohibited.
"WHAT!"
Rule 145: We don't need a repeat of the Halloween Incident, so no more dressing like werewolves to spite Worf.
"I feel bad for laughing at this."
Rule 146: Poker is forbidden. Tongo, on the other hand, is essential.
Rule 146,1: I have left this here to remind everyone why we don't let Quark add to The List.
Rule 147: Adopting people who are older than you is weird. I'm looking at you two, Worf and O'Brien.
Rule 148: Fruit.
Rule 148,1: What?
Rule 148,2: Fruit.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"I don't have enough vodka for this shit."
Rule 149: For the last time, Martok, you are not allowed to replace your own body parts.
Rule 149,1: Would you f*ck off already?
Rule 150: Julian, I forbid you from getting high.
Rule 150,1:
B
R
U
H
Rule 150,2: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THE CRYBABY SEAL!
"WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT CRYBABY SEAL?"
"AND WHAT TYPE OF SEAL? WHAT SPECIES, AND WHICH PLANET OF ORIGIN?"
Rule 151: Quark is not allowed to use the following as payment for bets:
A) Anal beads and other various sex toys
B) Various weapons
C) But especially swords
D) Absurd amounts of bloodwine
E) The clap (actually, he might deserve that)
F) Menstrual blood
G) Record labels
H) Alphabets
I) Cereal (of any kind - ESPECIALLY EYEHOLES)
J) Clothing (especially off a dead person)
K) Memories (no idea how that worked in the first place, but screw it, it's on the list either way)
L) Marijuana
M) ESPECIALLY Dr Bashir's SCP-420-J
N) Aphrodisiacs
O) Regular beads
P) Body parts (especially heads or hearts)
Q) The power to summon thunderstorms
R) Gamma-Quadrant babies (And f*ck off, it happened twice)
"How long does this list go on for?"
Alexi scrolled... And scrolled... And scrolled. "It goes to G-F."
"Fuck it, let's skip the rest."
Rule 152: Breaking more than three phones will guarantee you do not get a replacement.
"Did this really need to be written down?"
"Apparently so."
"And why can't they use replicators?"
"Fuck me, that's too much critical thinking."
"Let's keep reading."
"And stop drinking vodka, sir."
"Fuck off."
Rule 153: Re-entacting the Locker Scene from the ending of Men In Black 2 is forbidden, especially if you're going to go all Godzilla on their asses.
Rule 153,1: I apologized for referencing Godzilla in this rule! What the hell else do you want me to do!
Rule 154: Telekinesis is forbidden.
Rule 154,1: F*ck screws, yes it is.
Rule 155: No senior Staff member, ESPECIALLY Commander Dax, is EVER allowed on the loudspeakers. Especially not when looking for her pet Trisk'a'plixplisian Tarantula.
"I didn't know Trisk'a'plixplis had a species of spider."
"They have so many legs..." the Admiral shuddered.
"STOP DRINKING SO MUCH!"
Rule 156: Claiming responsibility for murder will lead to a formal investigation, and if you're an Inner Circle member, nothing bad will happen, so don't confess to anything, because it won't really get you anywhere.
"What's the Inner Circle?"
The Admiral sighed. "You wouldn't even understand if I told you."
"Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that? My other bosses, they would just tell me whatever was bothering them, and then we'd move on from there!"