"Hal, are you sure that you're all right?"
Hal breathed tersely through her nose, trying to keep from snapping at the woman. "You keep asking, Tena, my answer has not changed."
"You do look a little sickly, love," Mai, an older woman, said thoughtfully, leaning forward to gaze into Hal's eyes, as if to uncover the truth.
"I'm just tired," Hal admitted dismissively. "That's all."
They were sitting in the shade, weaving baskets for the harvest while the children ran around and played in the shallow river. Hal was quietly grateful for the easy-going day they were having. But she was in no mood for conversation, which, unfortunately, was in short supply when she was with the three women currently present.
"O-ho, did you hear that," Sarah said suggestively. "Hal is tired."
The three women snickered and Hal lowered her basket, hating that she was taking the obvious bait. "What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," Sarah said, suddenly tight-lipped.
"Of course, by 'nothing' she means that dragon rider you've been spending so much time with," Mai cackled.
Hal stared. "Excuse me?"
"Oh, come on," Mai said. "We've seen you two wondering off into the woods alone on our rest days, only to come back hours later. Is he the reason you're so tired?" she suggested with a slight waggle of her brows.
Hal had never blushed so hard in her life. But her temper flared just enough, rearing its ugly head as she sought to defend herself. "Are you suggesting I've compromised my honor with a man I met a few months ago?"
The women all laughed again. "Relax, Hal, we're just teasing you," Sarah said lightly.
"Well it's not funny!" The women continued to laugh, having put up with her tempers for too long for it to be of any cause for concern now. Did anyone else in the village think such a thing? "You're all awful," Hal whispered, mortified beyond reason.
"Besides, we've been around long enough. We know what a pleasured woman looks like," Tena added with a wink.
"It is too hot for this conversation," Hal said sharply.
"If I was about forty years younger," Mai said. "Woo-wee!"
Hal swallowed, not trusting herself to speak. Because in technical terms, yes, Murtagh was the reason she was so tired. Ever since she had successfully blocked him from her mind, and even before then, Hal had been trying to increase her training and practices, anxious to improve even further. She studied deeper into the night, sometimes not realizing it was too late to go to bed until she could see the sun begin to rise. And while her night terrors were, at times, weaker, they still persisted. She hoped, by improving in her training, she could ease her mind into a less stressful state so that she may begin sleeping properly again. But if she managed to avoid them by not sleeping at all, she wasn't going to complain.
But then they had started using actual magic too, and it was not her favorite. He had started small, teaching her stenr raisa until she lifted the wobbly pebble from his hand. Then they would carefully move on to bigger items. The practice taught her to focus the direction of her magic as well as understand how variables like size or distance depleted her strength, two things that she struggled with since it took so much out of her just to draw on it. She wasn't used to tapping into this magical part of her. She still had a hard time believing it actually existed at all.
The lessons were taking a slow toll on her, but she didn't want to complain. She knew she just needed to get stronger. Murtagh only had a month or so left, and she wanted to feel confident in her abilities before then.
And, if she were being honest with herself, a growing part of her was eager to hear him say, even if it was just once more, that he was proud of her. She couldn't comprehend why the words had meant so much to Hal, but they had.
When they were done, everyone rose to their feet at once. Hal moved too fast and her vision blurred frighteningly fast. She stumbled to her knees, squeezing her eyes shut and waiting for the dizziness to pass as she was suddenly ambushed by the others.
"Heavens child, are you all right?" Mai squeaked, shoving her canteen under Hal's nose. "Here, drink some water."
"I'm fine," Hal feigned, waving her hand to ease their minds. "Just the heat got to me, is all. I should've moved more carefully."
"All the more reason to drink up, love," Tena said, her eyes narrowed with suspicion. Hal ignored her gaze and took the canteen gratefully, taking small sips.
"Are you sure you're all right, Hal," Sarah asked, rubbing her back gently. "We can take you to Mennes —"
"NO!" They blanched in surprise at her outburst and Hal flinched. If Mennes knew, he would tell Denu, who would tell everyone, including the rider. Hal had no desire to have her business put out for others to hear, and she certainly didn't want to risk having any of her lessons cancelled. They were too important. And even when she didn't like them, she still looked forward to them. "No," she repeated, her voice gentler. "I'm okay. There's no need to make a fuss."
They seemed unconvinced, but complied, which was fine with Hal. As they made their way back so they could get started on dinner, Hal unconsciously decided to walk with Tena to see how the hut was progressing. Amon was delighted to see his wife, coming over to kiss her sweetly on the lips. He embraced Hal, who protested loudly because the man was so disgustingly sweaty.
"How are you boys doing?" Tena asked. "Keeping cool I hope?"
"We have our next break in a bit. Hal, you should stay. Murtagh's been telling us about the dwarves!"
He was so giddy with it that Hal could not help but smile. "Perhaps another time," she said lightly, aware of Tena's eyes on her. And Tena's eyes missed very little when she was looking for information. "But take notes for me in the meantime."
Amon nodded agreeably. "Aye, will do."
Hal pretended to casually glance around while the husband and wife talked about their plans for dinner. Murtagh was laying bricks with Cado, chatting amicably. Eli, who had started coming out, offering what assistance he could, said something and the men laughed. Hal herself smiled at the obvious delight amongst the group, even though she had no idea what was being said. It was nice to see everyone so happy. Especially Murtagh. His face was red from his work, but impossibly redder as he threw his head back and laughed again, gripping his sides as if he could not contain himself. Her smile widened, her heart racing at the sight. She was happy for him. Hal had not come by the hut too often, but she realized how well Murtagh was getting along with the others, which was nice to see. It looked almost natural, like he had just melded right into the group.
Tena cleared her throat, snapping Hal to attention. When she saw the woman's teasing grin, Hal blushed and her smile fell. "Oh, shut it."
She stalked away. "What's that about?" she heard Amon ask.
"Nothing. She's just tired."
…
They were always unpredictable, her night terrors. Lately, they were minor enough that she could wake herself up, lying and listening to the silence. Imagining Denu, Murtagh, and Thorn snoring in their respective rooms and right outside. She was safe here. She was fine. And sometimes she would fall back asleep, other nights, she would use the opportunity to study and further her lessons.
But other nights…
When Hal woke up, she was alone. She must've managed to keep quiet this time. However, she was still covered in an unsightly amount of sweat, her nightgown and sheets clinging to her. The air felt rather stifling, although she didn't recall it feeling this warm when she went to bed. As she climbed out of bed, groaning at the thought of facing another sleepless night, the sheets trapped themselves around her legs, and she felt the room spin as she tried to stand. She hit the ground hard, swearing under her breath as her wrists absorbed most of the impact, reverberating up her arms.
She just stayed there for a moment, huddled into a heap on the floor of her room, waiting for the black spots to leave her vision. Hot. It was so hot. She eyed her washbasin in the corner of the room, then decided against it. She had a better idea.
Instead, she gathered herself to her feet, grabbed a clean nightgown and stumbled out of the hut. She felt uncoordinated, like she was drunk. But she was grateful that the river was a short walk away. The moon and stars shone brightly overhead, a peaceful silence long having swept over the village. Hal undressed, pulling her sweat-soaked gown over her head and dumping it on the ground to be washed later. The clean one she left on a rock near the water so it wouldn't accidentally get wet, along with her towel.
She waded in, the water a perfect, comfortable temperature. She was waist deep when she held her breath and dunked her whole head under. Then she opened her mouth and screamed. Then she rose up for air, took another breath, then pulled herself down to scream again.
When her throat was sore and she felt moderately better, having cooled off and let off a bit of steam, Hal climbed out. She dried off and dressed quickly, heading back to the hut. She paused, blinking, as Thorn paused, blinking, and stared right back. How long had he been awake? She tried to ignore his gaze, act like she hadn't seen him at all as she walked past.
It's a lovely night.
She stopped, her eyes wide with surprise as her head slowly turned to Thorn. For that melodic voice in her head could be nothing and no one else. And it was so breathtaking and surprising that she almost forgot herself.
"Aye," she said, her wet hair dripping down her back and shoulders.
He examined her slowly, silently. Although they had gotten along, he had never spoken with her directly. It was always through Murtagh or simple gestures that conveyed what he wanted or needed. And Hal had been fine with that. And it wasn't that she minded him speaking to her directly — any other time, she would have marveled at it. However, all she could think about what was he had seen.
Are you well, Halen-Murtagh's-friend? Should I fetch my rider?
Hal vehemently shook her head. "No, please don't wake him. I want him and Denu to sleep for once."
Thorn eyed her again carefully. All right then. And perhaps he would be embarrassed by my saying-so, but do know that my rider is concerned about you. He would not mind it if you needed to talk.
She did feel rather embarrassed, but even she had to bite her lip to hide her pleased smile. "I know. And he's been wonderful. I just…not right now."
I understand.
"Thank you."
You know, you don't have to voice your responses. You may think them and I will still hear them.
Hal frowned. "Is it — how do I do it?"
Just direct your thoughts towards me like you would your words and I will be able to hear them.
Like this? Silence. Thorn, like this? The dragon just blinked at her, waiting. Thorn!
A low, scratchy sound erupted from somewhere in the back of his throat, and it took her a moment to realize he was laughing at her. Yes, just like that. Apologies, I could not help but tease you a little.
And Hal smiled, shaking her head in wonderment. You are as awful as your rider, she said in jest, taking a step towards him. There was a lull in the conversation, a comfortable silence as Hal listened to his large breaths, feeling a sense of ease in the presence of such a creature.
Are you not tired? Thorn asked.
Actually, she was exhausted. The effects of the water were already wearing off as the warm night began to dry her off. She could feel the heat returning to her skin, making her head thick and fuzzy. Yet she had no desire to sleep right now.
She shook her head to answer Thorn. Unfortunately, no.
Would you like to sit out here with me for a bit?
Her eyes grew a little. You wouldn't mind?
Not at all. And, I admit…I want to talk with the people of the village more, as Murtagh does.
I think they would be beside themselves with joy should you ever decide to do so. It has certainly made me very happy.
And it did. She felt like she had earned his trust, like he had opened himself up to her. She wasn't sure if that's what it was, but it was how it felt. She wobbled a bit as she went to sit down, leaning against his warm scales. She felt a flash of heat again and her skin prickled uncomfortably.
Thorn…could you tell me a story?
A story? What kind of story?
Anything. Absolutely anything. What was your first memory? Why did you select Murtagh as your rider? What do you see on your flights? Tell me everything!
The dragon chuckled. All right then. I will start from the beginning, as my earliest memories are from when I was still just an egg…
Hal listen with rapt attention, curled up against his side with a slight contentment she had not felt in a while. And as he spoke, she began to see flashes of his memories. Nothing too personal, but she saw through his eyes the moment he beheld Murtagh for the first time, the joy and hope in his little body despite the disgust and fear he was met with by his rider. The rejection. Hal flinched, but Thorn pressed on like it was just a slight hiccup. And she could see why. Considering how he had frightened a village and Murtagh had nearly killed himself to heal his dragon, she knew how the story ended; therefore, there was no point in dwelling on it.
The touches of his memories as he spoke were awe-inspiring. They were beautiful and heart-wrenching, hopeful, and sweet. She began to cry quietly as she listened, gleaning more from Thorn in this one moment than she had the entire months he had been on the island. And she regretted it. Regretted not thinking of talking to him sooner.
Eventually, she curled up against him, his voice gentle in her head as she began to drift, her eyes growing heavy as the sky began to grow light. By the time she finally fell asleep, she was not remotely concerned about her dreams. For in her mind, there was no safer place to be than at a dragon's side.
…
Murtagh woke up groggy and disoriented, blinking in the sunlight that streamed into his room. Strange. He could normally hear Hal moving around by now, but it was still rather quiet in the hut. He stretched, scratching his bare chest as he rose to his feet. He paused. He had the faintest thought that Thorn had perhaps tried to wake him up in the middle of the night, but the dragon had quickly pulled away as though changing his mind. Murtagh decided to go out and see if he was fine, as it felt like the dragon was still sleeping.
However, as soon as he opened the front door, he almost ran right into Mennes, his hand poised to knock. He stepped back in surprise, and the old man looked quickly peeved to run into Murtagh of all people. "Dammit. You damn-near startled me."
Murtagh raised a brow, unsure what his response to that should be.
"Where's Halen?"
"Why?"
"Are you her keeper? I need to see her."
Murtagh thought it best not to point out the fact that Mennes had just asked him where she was. "Well I haven't seen her. If she's not here, she's probably out taking care of her chores."
Mennes sighed. "And how has she seemed to you? Irritable? Tired? Distracted?"
Now Murtagh was interested. "It's hard to say. You basically just described Hal herself." The old man's lips twitched, but he didn't smile. But Murtagh also knew that if the medicine man was asking, it was probably serious and he shouldn't jest. "Has something happened?"
"I won't know for sure until I see her for myself. Tena came to me saying Hal nearly fainted yesterday but brushed off their concern. That idiot is always hiding when she gets sick, making me chase after her. So, help me, if she's ill I'm boxing her ears."
Murtagh turned on his heel, stalking towards Hal's room. Mennes called out after him but Murtagh ignored him, the man's words stirring something in him. In his mind, he kept picturing how exhausted she had been. She had been moving slower, struggling as if everything was harder to do. And yet she never complained. She always said it was her nightmares, affecting her usual habits. Claimed it was the training, as her body adjusted to her use of magic and swordsmanship. But his mind kept ringing with one thing, a warning Amon had given him after they had returned from being hunted by the Ra'zac:
She'll keep all of her feelings locked up, what happened to her. She'll put on a pretty face so as not to worry the villagers...And then she'll collapse from the strain of it.
Dammit. Dammit all.
He knocked hard on her door as Denu emerged from his room, rubbing his eyes as he spoke to Mennes, inquiring as to what was going on. Huffing, Murtagh shouted, "Hal, I'm coming in!"
But he found out he was only addressing an empty room. She wasn't there, and he frowned, confused as to where she could've gone. Her bed was unkempt, so she was in it at some point. Murtagh stormed past the two men who only followed him quietly. Murtagh could feel his temper flaring. If Mennes was right, if Hal had been lying to him, then Murtagh would box her ears himself.
Around the corner, Thorn felt his presence as he approached and opened one sleepy eye, yawning. Good morning, young one.
Thorn, tell me, did you see Hal at all last —? "Hal?" He said aloud, surprised, as he got closer, to find her sleeping on the ground.
She could not sleep last night and wandered outside. We talked for a bit and she fell asleep here. I had not the heart to wake her; she didn't fall asleep until first light.
It was easy to see why. She had hardly gotten a peaceful sleep since her torture and the night terrors had started. And although they were fading in intensity, it was hard to miss the dark circles under her eyes, especially now. He paused, torn between letting her sleep and waking her so that she could at least sleep in her bed and not on the ground. There was nothing protecting her from the hard earth.
As he got closer, he realized how strangely her chest moved. Rapidly, like she was panting. He frowned, moving closer and spotting beads of sweat on her forehead, her nightgown sticking to her. It had not gotten that hot yet; even he felt that the weather this morning was surprisingly pleasant.
"Dammit, Hal." He dropped to his knees, rolling her onto her back as he pressed his forehead against hers. He recoiled. She was burning up! He wrapped an arm under her shoulders, pulling her up and slapping her cheeks gently. "Hal? Hal, can you hear me? Can you wake up for me?"
She flinched and buried herself in the crook of his arm. "Go away," she slurred, her voice heavy with exhaustion and sickness. "I'm tired."
"Hal, tell me how you feel. Does it hurt anywhere?"
"I'm hot," she whimpered. She tried to push him away, as if he were the problem, clawing at her nightgown as if to free herself from such confinements.
I can't believe I didn't realize it, Thorn said, his voice laced with guilt. And she was pressed up against me all night, which I'm sure made it worse.
This is not your fault. It is mine. He thought of how easily he had dismissed his own concerns after she had simply smiled at him, as if knowing what affect it would have on his worries. Because surely no one would be ill with a smile like that. Amon had warned him, and he felt stupid for not realizing sooner that she was lying. I should have cancelled our lessons and let her rest —
She never would've have let you. She would have only studied on her own.
Then I should have made her. She's so stubborn.
Like her teacher.
Murtagh rolled his eyes. Thank you, for keeping her company last night. I'm glad she at least was not alone.
The pleasure was all mine. I just wish there was more I could do.
She'll be all right, of that I have no doubt. Do not worry, my friend.
Mennes turned the corner and approached, took one look at her, and swore. "Halen, you bloody, good-for-nothing idiot! Move!" He snapped this last part at Murtagh who stumbled back as Mennes got to his knees. "I outta string you up by your ankles you raving moron. Look at you! Look at the state you're in!"
"Hey, calm down," Murtagh said sharply, rather irritated with the man's total lack of propriety.
"Don't start on me right now," Mennes hissed, turning his wrath on Murtagh. "Let me show you something, and then perhaps you'll think better before questioning me."
Murtagh opened his mouth to speak when a warm hand graced his shoulder. He looked up as Denu shook his head, looking equally concerned and disappointed. Murtagh turned as Mennes roughly shook Hal awake, and she protested with several colorful swears that made Murtagh's brows rise in amusement, but he fought the urge to laugh knowing now was not the time.
"Oh heavens, not you," Hal whined, trying to turn away from Mennes who manhandled her so that she was facing him. He shook her again and she winced.
"Enlighten us, smart girl: how long have you felt ill?"
Her head rolled and he shook her again.
"Answer me, Hal, or I shove a handful of pambu roots down your throat."
She winced at that, and Murtagh surmised that pambu roots were not pleasant. She mumbled something under her breath and Mennes shook her again. "Louder, so that we can all hear you."
"I said nearly three weeks!" she snapped, and Mennes practically flung himself away from her. Murtagh froze, stunned and horrified that it had gone on that long and he hadn't noticed. He had assumed it was only a few days. A week at most. "I outta let you fight this on your own, you damn fool." Hal glared at him, but she didn't respond, wavering unsteadily even from her spot on the ground. "How many times are we going to do this, Halen? Year after year after year and you never learn. Do you expect a prize for biggest village idiot? Do you expect that Denu and Amon and the others will coddle you for your arrogance?"
"Hey, that's enough!" Murtagh said sharply.
"I'll say when it's enough!" Mennes roared. "Do you not realize this could kill her? Do you know how many children and mothers and fathers and grandparents have been taken by illnesses like this? I can only help her if she is honest and every year she lies. Every year she hides her fevers and her nausea and the aches and the insomnia, and every year it has gotten progressively worse. And do you want to know why she falls ill?" Murtagh didn't respond. "Stress! Every year she insists on doing everything on her own, she insists on doing everything without asking for help from anyone. She eats less, barely sleeps, works herself into a state of exhaustion. And one day it will get—her—killed, leaving the rest of us to wonder what we could have done differently to prevent this."
Murtagh watched Hal with a stony expression, understanding dawning on him. Not just a one-time thing. But an ongoing habit that she had yet to break. And knowing that his training had contributed to it only made him feel worse, and for that, he was disappointed. But not, he was surprised to find, with himself, but with Hal, for putting him in that position.
"She is not a child and I refuse to treat her like one. I'm sick and tired of having the same conversation with someone who refuses to listen to reason and I will stop wasting my breath. Now if you're done giving me lip, pick her up and take her to bed so I can treat the little brat and get on with my day."
Hal avoided his gaze as Murtagh lifted her. She was light in his arms, her head falling against his chest as her arms fell limply at her side. When she was in bed, Murtagh said, "I can heal her, with magic."
"Absolutely not," Mennes said. "The idiot got herself sick, the idiot will get herself un-sick. Then I can properly have someone like Ayo whoop her later for her severe lack of self-preservation and for her inconsiderate behavior towards those who would obviously be upset if she got this ill."
Hal feels so indebted to the man she won't even tell him when she gets a splinter. Something else Amon had said. Murtagh shook his head, so confused by her motivations. He knew they had only known each other a short while, but he had thought he was beginning to make sense of her. Now he felt like everything he thought he knew was unraveling, but mainly because he had not been looking to see what had obviously been there the entire time. He knew she was stubborn, knew she could be proud and arrogant. She was, as Thorn had said, much like him in that regard. But he had always assumed her reasoning was her intense protectiveness of the villagers. And in a way, he knew it was. But this…this felt like something else. It felt personal, private. Something only Hal would think, and something Hal would fiercely protect to keep others from knowing the truth.
Murtagh consented to helping as much as he could, fetching several bowls of cool water from the river, rags, and starting a fire so that Mennes would have hot water for her herbs. Despite his earlier harshness with her, Mennes was gentle as he took one of the rags, soaked it, and began washing the sweat off of Hal's skin, attempting to cool her down. He muttered irritably under his breath all the while, but Murtagh began to feel guilty for being short with the man. It was obvious that he, like everyone else, loved Hal dearly.
Deciding to stop being useless, Murtagh dropped down beside Mennes and picked up another rag. He soaked it and began to wash Hal's legs and feet, mimicking the man's long, smooth strokes. His brows were set as he ignored the man's stares. But Mennes did not protest — not that it would've stopped Murtagh if he had.
Murtagh noticed small scars on her body as they washed her, ones he hadn't noticed before when he was healing her. They looked fairly innocent compared to the ones on her back. Injuries likely from her time spent in the woods. He failed to keep a small smile off his face. He did not know too many women with such testaments to a life lived so fully. And he had never seen her upset or apologetic for having them. Perhaps one day he would ask her about where she had gotten them, as he grew more curious the more he discovered.
He felt her grow stiff as he reached her feet, and he tried to keep himself from blushing at such an aware reaction. Of course, washing someone's feet was typically a sign of humility, taking on a position of one lower than the one being washed. But it was also very intimate, as many wives did it for their husbands. But Murtagh did not let that stop him, until Hal suddenly jerked away from his touch. He looked up at her, his heart dropping as he feared he had offended her. Her eyes were embarrassed, if not rather dazed from her fever, as she muttered, "That tickles."
Relief tore through him as he smiled.
When they were done, Murtagh fetched Hal clean sheets before helping her back into bed as Mennes left to steep the herbs for her tea. Denu went to find her some fruit to help put something gentle on her stomach, leaving her and Murtagh alone for a few minutes.
However, he could not think of anything to say. Despite his anger that she had lied, had put herself at risk, he took one look at the way her eyes fluttered rapidly underneath her lids and felt the fight leave him. He dampened one of the rags again and set it on her forehead, letting some of the water trickle down her face and neck to cool her.
She opened her eyes and looked at him, and he could see the apology in her unfocused gaze. He shook his head. "Just focus on getting better. We'll talk then."
She ate, then drank the tea in silence, gagging like a child at the bitter taste. "Drink it all, or I'll pinch your nose closed and force it down your throat," Mennes warned, and Hal shot him a dirty look before finishing the drink, wincing all the while and looking like she might throw it back up. As she did, Mennes said to Murtagh, "That tea will put her out for a good bit, which will allow her body to hopefully break that wretched fever. Make sure she takes it again when she wakes, and do this every time. If you run out, fetch me or Eren so we can bring more. Use the rags to make sure she stays cool, and make sure she continues to eat with the tea, otherwise it could upset her stomach. She's not to leave that bed unless I clear her to do so."
"As always, thank you, Mennes," Denu said appreciatively. "I don't know what we would do without you."
"I think we're all aware of what would happen, Denu. So, some of us in this room better start wising up before it's too late."
He gave a pointed and wholly unnecessary look at Hal's sleeping figure — everyone knew who he was referring to. With a final shake of his head, he turned to Murtagh and said, "Steel your heart now, Dragon Rider. When she is ill, her night terrors worsen beyond belief. And they will be enough to frighten even you."