Hal struggled to pull herself awake, her head thick and full of wine. She could already feel the sun on her face and knew she had overslept. But she hardly cared at this point. It was a rest day anyway, and there were leftovers that Denu could eat for breakfast if he was hungry.

"Ooo, I think they're waking up," someone whispered, but it wasn't quietly.

"This is too good," another voice added giddily.

Hal sneered, pressing her head deeper into her pillow. Was she dreaming or was someone in her room? What did they want now?

Wait.

They're waking up?

Hal opened one bleary eye, then another. She winced. She didn't realize she'd had that much to drink, but she would apparently be feeling it today. She felt a hand squeeze her shoulder and she sat up a bit as Murtagh lifted his head. "Mornin'," he grunted, his voice just as groggy and confused. For whatever reason, Hal continued to find the sound oddly pleasant.

"Morn —" she yawned, cutting herself off. Then she froze as she slowly began to register what had happened. Feeling his arm around her shoulder, her hand on his chest, and their legs tangled.

"Three, two —"

Hal looked over her shoulder to find Cado, Amon, and Tena all grinning at them from the doorway. Her eyes grew wide.

"One," Tena finished with a teasing look.

Hal struggled to leap to her feet, accidentally pressing down hard on Murtagh's stomach. He let out a pained grunt as she tried not to trip over the edge of the table, the room spinning a bit as if she were still drunk. "This isn't, we weren't —" Her face was so hot and she was so flustered she could not figure out what she was trying to say. "I was just —"

"Tired, right?" Tena finished.

"What are you three even doing here?" Hal whispered, mortified. But not because they had been caught. Well, not only because they had been caught. But because she certainly would not have minded remaining in that position for a few minutes longer. Her body was still flushed from where it had been pressed against his.

"We came to see if the rider wanted to join us for a hunt," Cado said. "Denu let us in on his way out."

"And when we saw how cozy you two looked," Amon added, "I just had to fetch Tena so she could see for herself."

"Mai and Sarah are going to die when they hear this."

"Well if it keeps them from running their big mouths…" Hal deadpanned.

"Go on without me," Murtagh sighed, sitting up. "I'm in no condition to wield weapons today."

Amon chuckled. "Fair enough. Perhaps another time then, before you head out."

The three village idiots left with final knowing looks and teasing smiles, making a show of slowly closing the door behind them. Hal felt like a rock was stuck in her throat. She looked down when Murtagh slipped his hand into hers and, before she could react, yanked her back down. Hal yelped in surprise as he caught her, his eyes still faintly closed with exhaustion.

"What are you doing?" she hissed as he began to fold her back into the curve of his body. Hal didn't even fight it, she didn't want to. But she was still confused. So very confused.

"I'm still tired," he complained.

"And apparently still drunk," she added under her breath, wondering if he'd be this bold if he were properly sober. Wondering if she was still drunk, because why was she going along with it?

"Those idiots woke me up, and from a good dream too."

Hal smiled at the sleepy irritation in his voice. "What was the dream about?"

"Nothing important. But I never have good dreams."

He squeezed her tightly, and Hal seemed to understand his implication. "So, you're just using me then?" she teased, feigning hurt.

"Perhaps," he said. Hal wanted to ask what he meant, but he was already fast asleep. She waited until his breathing became smooth and easy and his grip on her relaxed before turning so that she could look at him. A piece of hair had fallen into his face, and she moved to push it back when she hesitated, not wanting to wake him. Not to mention it was absurd.

What were they doing? What were they thinking? They were lucky to have been caught by Cado, Amon, and Tena, who would not care. If it had been Tengene or Mennes, they would likely declare Hal would need to be wed to avoid further disgrace.

She placed her arm across his chest and rested her chin on top. Gone were the frown lines that would often settle down between his brows, or the vein in his forehead and neck. His chest rose gently with each breath he took, his mouth barely parted. It was the most at peace he had ever looked. When he left, if he found the freedom he was looking for, would he always sleep like this? Would he have more good dreams and laugh as easily as he had been?

Hal would certainly like to think so. She was unsure of how or when she became so invested in his emotional well-being. It was hard not to care after hearing about his past. About how much he's struggled to find a semblance of something good to hold on to, to figure out who Murtagh Morzansson truly was. The Tenari had been her saving grace. Denu, her silver lining. And she had selfishly hoped that the same would hold true for Murtagh.

She eventually sat up, her back to him as she hugged one knee to her chest, laying her head down on it with solemn despair. He had quickly become her confidant. He knew things about her, secrets that he would take with him. Their conversations flowed naturally, a clear indication of comradery and growth since their first conversation in the beginning when they had been wary of each other. How was she supposed to let go of the only friend she had ever truly had? How was she supposed to accept that she would never see him again, and resolve herself to mirrored communications for the rest of her life? What if he left and this…connection they had on the island didn't survive? What if he became disinterested or found another and moved on and forgot about her?

Her chest tightened, her thoughts making her feel rejected even though she knew this was just as hard for Murtagh as it was her. She resigned herself to stand and vacate the room as quietly as possible. His proximity alone muddled her thoughts. But before she left, she took a final, longing look at his sleeping form. She truly hoped he found whatever joy or peace he was looking for. And if that search must take him east, then east he should go.

She just wished…

Hal shook her head, turning out of the room. She was so very foolish.

…

If Denu knew she and Murtagh had accidentally spent the night together, he didn't say anything. He spoke amicably of the engagement of two people Hal barely interacted with. The terms of the woman's dowry were still being discussed by the families, but they expected a positive resolution in a few days so that plans for the wedding could begin. The old man loved weddings, and was already discussing the ceremony. Hal fed the horses, her thoughts elsewhere. And eventually, Denu had to ask.

"You're awfully quiet today," he began. "Is something troubling you?"

Hal decided to be honest. "I told Murtagh I didn't want him to leave."

"And what did he say?"

"That it's something he needs to do for himself and for Thorn. That I am likely to never see him again." And thus, proving why she never told people how she truly felt. Thus, reminding her, why it was better to keep a healthy distance from the other people in her life.

"And that upset you."

"Of course it did! But he…" Hal hesitated, unsure of how much to reveal. She swallowed thickly. "He asked if I would consider coming with him."

"Layla would be deeply envious of you right about now."

"It's no laughing matter, Denu."

"Why — are you so horrified by the thought of going with him?" She couldn't look at him, and he read her silence like it was an open book. "Or rather," he said slowly, a sad smile pulling at his lips, "you want to."

"I told him I couldn't," she said quickly, afraid she had upset the man. "I couldn't bear never seeing you or the village again. Of course, he understood."

Denu shook his head. "You don't have to explain yourself, my child." He was thoughtful a moment. "If you would have been able to visit when you liked, would you have gone with him?"

"I probably would already have my bags packed," Hal sighed, finding a stool. She found another for Denu and he joined her as they both sat down.

"I always thought you had a great spirit for adventure," Denu said with an agreeable nod. "And I would trust Murtagh and Thorn to keep a careful eye on you — although you are formidable in your own right."

"It matters not," Hal said. "I cannot go, and that is that."

"Why can't you go?"

He seemed genuinely confused and Hal stared at the old man in bewilderment. "I would never see you again," Hal reiterated with concern that he seemed so casual about all of this. "I couldn't possibly —"

"I am an old man, my love. And I imagine my time will come soon enough —"

"Don't say that," she breathed, horrified at the thought.

"I'm not trying to scare you. But I have done all I have set out to do. I have lived a good life. And all that is left for me is knowing that you will do the same, wherever and with whomever that may be. You are restless here, Halen. You know this — and I think you knew what I would say if you broached this subject with me."

Her chest grew tight.

"I would rather never see you again, knowing you are the happiest you can be, rather than have you at my side filled with regret and misery. It is no way for a young woman — with so much life ahead of her — to be."

Hal was quiet, her mind racing with the burden of the choices laid out before her. "I will support you in whatever you decide," Denu said with a tone of finality. "But just make the decision on what you want, and not what will make anyone else happy. That is all I ask."

It was an ask easier in theory than in practice. As she moved through her chores, Hal stayed in deep thought, thankful that it was a quiet day with not much socializing going on.

It seemed ridiculous. She had only known Murtagh and Thorn for a few months. And now they were talking of traveling together like they had been companions for years. But Denu did not think it far-fetched, and against his logic, Hal felt her resolve weakening.

Could she really do it? Could she really pack her things and leave behind her life on Illium? Did she want to or did she just like the idea of it? Was it adventure that called out to her heart, or something else entirely?

"If you stare any harder, you're going to burn a hole through the sheet."

Hal glanced over at Murtagh, unsure of how she had missed his arrival. She tried to smile, but her heart wasn't in it. It fell flat and she blushed, feeling sheepish. "Just thinking."

"About this morning?"

"About last night," she clarified, avoiding his gaze. She continued hanging up the laundry, the wind whipping the clothes and sheets away from her. "About your…proposition."

He followed after her as she moved down the clothesline. "About you coming with me."

Her eyes darted quickly to him, trying to gauge his reaction. But she couldn't read his expression, and she quickly looked back at her work. "Yes."

"And?"

He had taken a small but eager step forward. Hal could not help but smile. So, he truly wanted her to come? It hadn't just been the wine talking? "Denu is not put out by the idea," she hedged carefully. "He thinks I should give it healthy consideration."

"Will you?"

She turned to face him, unable to keep the desperation out of her voice. "Do you truly want me to come with you? And if so, why? This is a huge decision that we shouldn't make lightly. You say you won't tire of me but what if you do? And what if I become depressed being away from home? We've only known each other a few short months — is that enough time for us to make this kind of decision? How are you so calm about this?"

He shrugged. "I knew as soon as I asked you that I wanted you by my side," he said matter-of-factly. She flushed at his words. "You worry about things that could just as soon happen if I stayed here." He took an emboldened step forward and Hal, shocked by his proximity, remained frozen in place. "We both may become depressed if we stay, we both may become depressed if we decide to go. But all of those scenarios keep you and me together, and that is all I want."

"It's all I want too, but why?" she stressed, finding the root of her concern. "Why is this so difficult?"

"Because against our better judgement, we have become attached to one another," Murtagh said, not unkindly. He placed a comforting hand on the top of her head and Hal leaned forward, placing her forehead on his chest. "And neither of us are very comfortable with goodbyes."

She sighed, dejected by the truth in his words. She wished there was an easy fix. An obvious solution that would not make her heart ache so. But then again…she already knew. Wrapping her arms around his narrow hips, her face hidden in the soft material of his shirt, she made her decision.

She felt the tears run freely. "I have to stay here," she said, fisting his shirt tightly, hating herself. "I want so badly to go with you. And see the mountains, and a city, and laugh with you, and yell at you, and to see all of what this life has to offer." She took a deep breath. "The memory of you will not hold for long, and scrying will not be enough. But it's something," she hissed, pained. "I cannot do the same of the Tenari. I cannot talk with them or check on them and see how they're doing. And I do not have it in me to sever all connections. I want so badly for it to be you, but I just…I can't."

"I know," Murtagh whispered. "I know." He wrapped his arms around her as the gravity of the situation took its toll on her. He was leaving to places and parts unknown. He knew things about her no one else ever would. She knew things about him that perhaps no one would ever know. Secrets that had brought them together and made the days feel a little less lonely. He had been someone in which Hal had been unabashedly herself and it was freeing. And to him, she would always be grateful. Hal already missed him terribly.

By the time she had calmed down, her nose was running and her eyelids were puffy. "Your shirt's a mess," she whined, embarrassed and suddenly very tired. She tried wiping at it, although there was nothing she could do without, at least, a damp washcloth. "I'm sorry."

"No, this is my fault," he said, his voice low. "I shouldn't have put you in that position — I didn't mean to cause you such distress."

Hal shook her head. "I'm glad you asked me," she admitted. "It may sound ridiculous, but I like knowing that you…thought enough of me to ask."

"I could stay," he began, his eyes troubled, but desperate. "I don't have to go —"

"Absolutely not," Hal interrupted firmly, looking up at him so he could see how serious she was. "When you talk about going east, you talk of finding peace. Foraging your own path as your own man." She cupped his face in her hands, dismayed by how torn he was. "I want that for you, more than I want you to stay. You and Thorn deserve happiness, Murtagh. I will not be another obstacle in your life who takes that away from you."

He put their foreheads together, the frown lines returning between his brows. The first time he had done this, he had touched her mind when she had been on the brink of death. He had almost lost her then, and now he was faced with losing her once more. His grip became tight on her, their bodies flushed together in a way that made Hal's head spin. He looked as though he was fighting with himself, and Hal smiled, recalling Denu's words from before. She brushed her fingers across his cheeks, and his eyes snapped open in surprise. "I would rather never see you again," she said, speaking carefully, "knowing you are the happiest you can be, rather than have you at my side filled with regret and misery."

He blinked back tears, and she could see that, like her, he had already made up his mind too. Otherwise, this wouldn't hurt so much. "Hal," he breathed, his voice pained.

"And if you ever need someplace to come home to," she finished, "I hope you will think of us first." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his cheek. She carefully avoided his gaze as she turned away from him, returning to the hut as she covered her mouth with her hand, holding back her sobs until she was in the comfort of her room.

…

The next few days seemed to unfairly speed up after that. Murtagh tried to hold on to every memory as tightly as he could, but it all felt so fleeting and pointless. At one point, he debated if it was worth trying to cherish every little thing if it would only make leaving more difficult. Yet he could not resist the allure of the friendships he had made. He did not have the heart to turn down an invitation to play from the children, or to grab drinks with the men after the women retired to bed.

The hardest, of course, was Hal, for she was everywhere. She was one of the first faces he saw when he woke up, and the last face before he retired to bed. Her smiles came slower, her eyes filled with a sadness that could not be lifted. Sometimes she cried, sometimes she just looked numb. But whenever he broached the topic of staying, she was adamant that he think only of himself.

But Murtagh didn't know what to think anymore. Everything was so muddled and difficult. He would hurt either way.

Thorn, you have been awfully quiet on the matter, Murtagh pointed out one day. They were with Hal, her nose in a book. It had been another day to return to their hidden trove in the woods. They had all but abandoned her lessons at this point. She had mastered scrying, and Murtagh did not want to introduce anything new to her now. She would sometimes bring her notes, studying quietly to herself or asking questions she had not thought to ask before. But today, she read only from a small book of short stories, her back up against the same sturdy oak as it always was.

I do not think this decision is up to me, Thorn said thoughtfully, lying in the small patch of sun that managed to infiltrate the circle of trees right in the center.

Murtagh scoffed. Why wouldn't it be?

Because I know what I want, but I do not want it to influence your decision. You should come to it on your own. And know that I will support you, no matter what.

Murtagh, who had been flipping through another one of Hal's sketchbooks, sat up and looked at Thorn. Hal briefly glanced up, but when realizing he and Thorn were talking, lowered her gaze once more. If you have a decision, I want you to tell me. This is your life too.

Perhaps. But although I have an opinion, I am ultimately satisfied with whatever you choose. I can see how much this decision haunts you; therefore, I believe you should be the one to make it.

But that's just it. I don't know what I want.

Well, you want freedom.

Yes.

You want peace, and peace of mind. You want a place to call your own.

Of course.

But you also want Hal.

"No!"

Hal jumped, staring at him in alarm, her hand already reaching for the dagger she kept at her waist before realizing there was no threat. "What is wrong with you?!"

"Sorry," Murtagh mumbled. "I'm — Thorn's being a pain."

She shook her head at him slowly, clutching her chest in obvious fright. When her concern finally lessened and she was back to ignoring him, Murtagh shot Thorn a murderous glance. Don't say things in a suggesting or misleading way like that, he snapped.

Apologies, Thorn huffed, not sorry at all. I didn't mean for anyone to overhear.

That's not what I meant and you know it.

Besides, there is no point in denying it when we share a mind. You have come to care for Hal. It is not so much leaving the village that is ailing you, but leaving her. When Murtagh didn't respond, Thorn continued. The issue is easier to resolve when you are willing to admit what is bothering you to begin with.

And what, pray tell, is bothering me?

You have talked of going east for some time. If Hal had been coming with us, it would be easier to tell yourself that her feelings for you were stronger than yours for her. And they would, therefore, be easier to brush aside. Or even more ideally, if there were no feelings involved at all. But if you were to stay, then it would mean admitting that she has enough sway over you, and that is frightening for even the most rational and sane man.

That doesn't mean anything.

Thorn yawned, rolling onto his back to let his stomach bask in the sun. Hal momentarily watched him, a soft smile on her face, like she was still amazed that she was watching a larger-than-life, magical predator take a nap like a cat in the sun. Murtagh smiled, but his face grew serious again when Thorn responded.

Before, we left everything behind because we had no choice. We knew we would be shunned and we would spend our lives looking over our shoulder. That is the life we have come to expect, and it is, sadly, the only life we know.

Until we got here.

Until we got here, Thorn agreed. It is frightening, I admit. It's like a perfect dream. Despite how things started for us, I have found peace here. And a happiness that I was beginning to fear we would never have. I do not think we will find this anywhere else, young one.

Murtagh's face became grim. You want to stay.

Yes — and I think you do too.

Thorn —

At worst, we leave one month, two years, or twenty years from now. At best, we have found a place to call our own. But why rush into something we don't know will turn out in our favor? And I know you, I sense your emotions and feel exactly what you do. We both know that you do not wish to be parted from Hal. You would not be happy, no matter how far we went, if she were to stay behind.

Murtagh looked over at her. She was watching a ladybug crawl up her arm, setting down a finger when it got too high and almost went under the sleeves of her dress. She's just one person, Murtagh said. I would be risking everything for one person.

Nasuada was just one person. To me, you are just one person. For Hal, Denu was just one person. One person can have a profound impact on our lives. The man you were back then is not the man you are now. That, I can promise you. Even in these last months, you have changed. Nasuada gave you hope, and because of her, we got a second chance. But Hal gives you peace, and I think that frightens you more because you have never known yourself without your anger. And that is why I think you owe it to yourself to stay.

Murtagh sat there, speechless. But as Thorn finished speaking, his words taking shape in Murtagh's mind, he realized the truth in them. And he felt even more anxious at the realization.

Be honest with me, young one: Would staying here with Hal make you happy?

Murtagh swallowed. Yes.

And would leaving, knowing she will remain on Illium, make you happy?

He shook his head.

Then stop being a stubborn ass about this, Thorn snapped. You know what you must do.