Having passed the rest of the afternoon on their own, it was dusk by the time Murtagh walked Hal back to her tent, which she thought was rather unnecessary, but put up little resistance when he offered. She was a little disheartened to see Thorn go, but reminded herself that tonight was the last night in the village, and she would see him almost daily once more.
She was surprised when Murtagh took her hand in his as they walked back, and she was so embarrassed by how happy it made her that she had to duck her head down to hide her smile. The afternoon had not gone how she had expected. They didn't really talk about what was happening between them. But she was somewhat glad that the events unfolded the way they had. All this time, and she had never understood the final weight bearing down on Murtagh. The guilt raging inside his mind. And all those years, isolated with Thorn — either keeping it from him or having him endure it as well — likely did not help.
She was just grateful the dragon had been there at all. Hal had no doubt that Thorn's very presence was often the only thing keeping Murtagh tethered to this world. And today, when Hal had seen his distress after he admitted to what he had done, she had genuinely feared he would injure himself, yanking on his hair, digging his nails into his neck. But when Thorn had opened his mind to her, had allowed her to hear the dark thoughts coursing through Murtagh's mind…something in her had snapped. A helplessness, that she didn't know how to help him. A hatred for Galbatorix that burned like it had the weeks and months after she had lost her family. And she was scared, truly frightened, that Murtagh might actually do more than hurt himself. And the thought of losing him was crushing.
She didn't know what would happen next. But she meant every word she had said. She would stay by his side as long as she was able and as long as he wanted her there. No, even if he didn't want her there, she would stay. Because that's what Denu had done for her. And Amon, and the others. They had stayed, even when she cursed them. Even when she kicked and screamed and hurled insults at them. When she despised them because she had begun to realize how much she loved them, they had stayed.
When they reached her tent, Hal felt dejected at the thought of being separated from Murtagh. He shot her a sad, but knowing smile. His hand still tightly holding hers, he pulled her into him, cupping the back of neck so that he could kiss the top of her head.
She felt the tremors all the way down to the soles of her feet. She could hardly resist the temptation to pull him down and kiss him herself. To relieve this burn in her body, to feel his lips on hers. But she knew it would only add to his turmoil. He wanted to get stronger, for himself and for everyone he cared about. She did not want to complicate matters for him now. She knew she needed to wait, and perhaps then, when he was ready to hear it, she would have figured out how she felt and would be confident in telling him.
"Goodnight, Murtagh," she said as he stepped back.
Something flashed in his eyes, but she couldn't make it out. "Goodnight, Hal."
She couldn't take her eyes off of him, loathed to part with him so soon. And when he reached his tent and saw that she was still watching, he flinched as if to move towards her. He didn't, but Hal still grinned at the gesture anyway.
As he moved towards his tent, she moved towards hers, keeping him in her sight for as long as possible. She was partially worried about him, yes. And she wanted to mess with him, if she were being honest. But she felt closer to him, something she hadn't thought was possible. And she cherished that, and she wanted to do more to show him that, so that he never had to worry about whether or not she was ever on his side.
They peered at each other one last time, and Hal chuckled before they both ducked their heads into their respective tents. Today felt like another step towards something greater. As Hal switched into her nightgown and collapsed into her cot, she felt a newfound determination. And she closed her eyes, anxiously anticipating what tomorrow may bring.
It only felt like seconds had passed before her eyes were flying open.
She didn't recall falling asleep, but she could tell by the stillness and the silence that it was late into the night. Yet something felt distinctly off, and it took Hal a moment to realize she was being watched. She turned over in her cot, sitting up and expecting to find Invidia. Yet she saw no one. But she felt it, a presence. She was not alone in her tent.
Her eyes widened.
"MUR—!"
Her voice left her, and the final act of defense Hal could perform was to increase the shield around her mind as she was slammed back into her cot, her body immobile. The only thing she could move were her eyes, which searched the tent with trepidation. She knew. Even though she couldn't see them, Hal knew.
"Who are you?" a voice whispered in the air, falling and lifting with such softness that it sounded like something from a dream. Of course, Hal couldn't respond, nor did she have any intention of giving away her identity if she could avoid it. "I had sensed you for quite some time. Sensed your magic, growing stronger. I almost had you. And then you vanished, only to reappear. I must admit that you are a difficult person to find."
Screams erupted from the village and Hal's eyes widened in panic as the sound grew tenfold. She struggled against the invisible bonds holding her in place, but they only seemed to grow tighter. But Hal dared not try and use magic, realizing that the greatest advantage she had at the moment was that the Shade — and she had no doubt this was the Shade — did not know who she was. And if she had no longer been able to sense Hal, then the wards around the village were working.
"I wouldn't worry about yourself," the voice continued, sounding rather nonplussed. Hal had no idea what the Shade could or could not see, could or could not hear, did or did not know. It was quickly growing frightening. "You should be more concerned about whether or not your precious village will survive the night. I have too long denied the hunger of my babies. But I figured tonight could very well be a special occasion, so why not treat them a little for all of their hard work and patience while you and I get to know each other."
No! Hal thrashed uselessly as she understood the implications of what was happening outside, tears burning her eyes. A shadow darted past her tent and her eyes widened in warning and relief as Murtagh entered. "Halen?!"
His eyes glanced right over her, desperate. Murtagh swore and ran off, screaming her name before the chaos of the villagers screaming drowned him out.
"I sense his magic too," the Shade breathed, as if surprised by it. "Another magic user — powerful as well. But he is of no concern to me at the moment. I will get what I came here for. And you will give it to me."
Hal squeezed her eyes shut as the Shade reached out towards her mind. Hal gritted her teeth, tightening the shields. She could feel a vein throb at her temple as she put all her energy into keeping the Shade out.
Hal felt like nails were digging into her skin, like a hand was actually on her forehead, and Hal felt like her head would explode from the pressure building within it. But she kept fighting, seething as the pain magnified. She felt her body shake, the magic keeping her frozen growing unsteady as the Shade began to focus more of her energy in attacking Hal's mind. Hal doubled her efforts, feeling like her body was about to combust like the Ra'zac who had tortured her. But the more fight she put in her defenses, the more the Shade let her guard down on keeping Hal locked in place. And when Hal felt her arm loosen, she didn't hesitate. She let out a scream as she put all she could into attacking the Shade with her mind, managing to throw her back as she grabbed the dagger under her pillow.
Hal hurled it with all her might at where she thought the Shade might be, but of course, there was nothing there as it clashed against the tent pole and fell to the ground. Weakened considerably, Hal fell to her knees, her head pounding as she struggled to catch her breath. Hal could feel the Shade's disbelief and rage. But when she spoke, she sounded almost amused. "That's the second time you've managed to keep me out. I'm impressed."
Hal reached for the washbasin beside her bed, her body feeling clumsy and uncoordinated. She struggled to regain a bit of composure as she hurled the bowl where she had thrown the knife. It passed right through, useless. Even though Hal could not see the Shade, and she had the distinct feeling the Shade could not see her, she felt her all the same. Which seemed more terrifying. Murtagh had told Eragon there was no Shade on Illium and no wards that would be capable of hiding her. So if she was, indeed, not on the island, and still able to attack Hal the way she had…
"Clearly we must meet in person. That's the only way I will know for sure. Until then."
The Shade's presence vanished and Hal collapsed to her knees, which were shaking so bad they would no longer support her. Her head was ringing from the pressure of shielding her mind, but it seemed she had been successful. She saw a shadow move past her tent and looked up just as a Ra'zac entered, hissing in delight when it saw her.
Disgust and fear welled up inside her at the sight of the foul creature. She hated them. She hated them. But she couldn't move. She was still too exhausted from keeping out the Shade. Not that it mattered. The Ra'zac hardly took a step when a blade was thrusted in its chest, bloody and unsightly as it was yanked back out. The Ra'zac collapsed and Invidia stood behind it, her clothes stained with blood and dampened with sweat.
"Halen, what happened to you?"
"Shade," she whispered, forcing her tongue to move. Invidia's eyes widened as she rushed to Hal's side, wrapping her arm around Hal's waist and lifting her to her feet.
"We're evacuating the village to the beach. You will go there —"
But Hal wasn't listening, lunging for the dagger she had thrown at the Shade and plunging it into the Ra'zac that had crept up behind Invidia. She fell out of Invidia's grip as she went down with Ra'zac. She yanked the blade out and drove it in between the creature's eyes. It fell still. But Hal stabbed it again, for good measure. But once more, just to be safe. But how could she really know if they weren't even human? And her fear turned to rage as she heard her bones breaking, despite her begging and pleading. It had shown her no mercy. And now it thought it would just prey on an innocent village and she would simply let it?
She froze.
The village.
Her arms were tired and there was a numbness, cold and frightening her chest. The village.
The village.
Hal moved like lightening, unfurling off the Ra'zac and darting back into her tent. When she emerged, she had pulled her boots on and grabbed every weapon she could strap on under and around her nightgown, including her bow and arrows. It felt awkward and clumsy, but she felt more level-headed. The village was her priority.
"How many?" She asked Invidia. Her head still felt fuzzy, and she blinked trying to clear it.
"It's hard to say. A dozen, possibly more."
"Show me."
Invidia stared at Hal, studying her. As if deciding Hal was now properly focused, she took off towards the southernmost part of the village. As they ran, she informed Hal of what had happened. That it had been Thorn who smelled them first, alerting her and Blödhgarm. She assured Hal that they had checked on her village first, telling Thorn to get to Murtagh and alert him as soon as possible. They had managed to evacuate the main part of the village, where Murtagh and Thorn were making sure the villagers made it to the beach while dispatching any Ra'zac who came to close. But they hadn't been able to save everyone.
"Halen, I should warn you —"
But it was too late. Hal came to a stop as they reached the initial attack site. And Hal felt like she had been cleaved in two at the sight of the bodies on the ground. People who had tried to run and found themselves ambushed by Ra'zac. More than that was the location of the attack, and Hal felt a numbness overtake her as she forced herself to scan the ground for one family in particular.
"Berjis," she whispered, glancing around quickly, not wanting to stray too long on a face. "Berjis! Celia!" No answer. "BEA!"
Unsure if it was a good or bad sign that Hal had not yet found them and they were not responding, she rushed towards the familiar hut. But Hal paid it no mind, praying to the high heavens that Beris and his family had made it out.
Please.
Please.
The door was hanging off its hinges. "BERJIS! CELIA!" Hal rushed in and immediately lost all feeling in her legs when she entered. She had seen, plenty of times, the cruelty of nature. The cruelty of man. Her village had been left to burn by Galbatorix's soldiers. But not even the horrors of that night could prepare her for the sight of the Ra'zac doing what it did best. Feeding. And Celia's wide, unseeing eyes, Hal knew, would never leave her. They would always be there, accusing. Blaming. And Hal would take it. Just like she had twelve years ago. Because she left nothing but a trail of bodies in her wake.
The urge to throw up was strong, but Hal couldn't move. Couldn't breathe, unable to look away from the gory sight before her, unable to hear anything else but flesh as it was ripped and mangled from the body.
The Ra'zac paused, sniffing the air as the wind shifted. It raised its head towards Hal. "Massster?"
She let out a furious sob, shaking as she curled her fingers into fists at the thought of being even slightly mistaken for a Shade. What was it about her smell that attracted the Ra'zac to — and that's when Hal got an idea. A stupid, reckless, asinine idea. But she needed to get the Ra'zac out of the village as quickly as possible.
She rose slowly to her feet, unsteady and unsure beneath her, but they kept her upright all the same.
"No," it hissed. "You are not my massster. But why do you sssmell like you are?"
Hal carefully walked backwards as the Ra'zac rose to its feet, following her as if entranced. Hal's heart was racing, but her mind was clear as she led the Ra'zac out of the hut. And it followed her, as though drawn.
"Halen!"
Invidia shouted in the Ancient Language and the Ra'zac neck twisted in a full circle before it dropped. Shaking, Hal stared at the body as Invidia ran up to her. "The Ra'zac are moving deeper into the village. We have to get you to the beach now. Murtagh and Thorn are there now but we need them fighting — Halen, where are you going?!"
Hal turned on her heels and ran towards the stables. "To the beach!" she lied, pumping her arms in an effort to cover ground as quickly as possible. Invidia shouted after her, but Hal ignored her. Murtagh and Thorn were on the beach — they were safe. At least for now. She needed her plan to work but…were the Ra'zac looking for her? Or were they doing as the Shade had suggested and simply gorging themselves?
After stopping to throw up in a bush, Hal was relieved to find the stables relatively untouched, and Nani, along with the other horses, teetering inside with frightened nerves.
Hal didn't bother saddling her horse. She didn't like riding bareback, but she could do it for the sake of time and innocent lives. She hopped up on Nani's, using her knees to grip the horse's side since she didn't have her reins. The horse was skittish, but obeyed.
Please let this work.
Hal pulled out a fresh dagger, small in size, from her boots. She held it high, shaking as she swallowed her nerves. She tightened her muscles, flinching in anticipation of the pain as she dragged the blade of her weapon from just below the inside of her wrist to the crevice of her elbow. She cried out, but she didn't stop until the blood was seeping out of her arm. Then she did the same thing to the other arm. Predators could pick up the smell of prey easy. But without fail, the smell of blood would often bring them running. Would the Ra'zac be the same? Or had she injured herself for nothing? She shivered at the sight of it. But she felt he wind shift, and she knew it was carrying her scent towards the village.
She waited.
It was still, and Hal held her breath as the first Ra'zac appeared. Walking slowly, sniffing the air as if unsure. Two more followed, doing the exact same thing. Now there were five. Eight. As they zeroed in on Hal, the blood dripping down her arm, she swallowed her nerves again and pressed her thighs against Nani's sides.
The horse took off for the forest and the Ra'zac began sprinting after her. The Ra'zac were frightfully fast, faster than she had anticipated. And, of course, they thrived in the night. Hal's arms were throbbing painfully, shaking with the blood loss. But she pushed forward because she had no choice. She would not let the villagers suffer because she had brought these demons to their home. She could not fight them, her fear still consuming in their presence. But this was, at least, better than doing nothing at all.
She yelped in surprise when up ahead, a spirit appeared seemingly out of thin air. Hal shifted Nani to the right to avoid it just as Ra'zac hit the nearby tree, having lunged towards where Hal would've been otherwise. Hal look back, horrified to see that some of the Ra'zac were gaining on her. Furious, Hal ignored the pain in her arm, firing her arrow and catching one Ra'zac off guard, hitting it in the face as it leapt over a fallen tree.
Hal turned back around, reminding herself that Nani was depending on her as well. But Hal need not worry. Another spirit, or perhaps the same one, appeared to her right, and Hal swerved left as another Ra'zac narrowly avoiding hitting her. She had no time to dwell on why these spirits insisted on helping her or who they were. But she was grateful all the same that they were, at least for the time being, on her side.
Hal urged Nani forward, her eyes adjusting enough that she recognized where she was. "Come on, girl," Hal encouraged, and the horse pressed forward even faster. Hal sat low on the saddle, looking over her shoulder every so often to make sure the Ra'zac were following, but were not too close before it was time.
She could see a bit of light up ahead, the sunrise beginning to break through the trees. The Ra'zac seemed to pay it no mind, but Hal didn't care. It only meant she was close to where she needed to be, and the sun was the least of their problems.
She felt something just barely manage to grip the ends of her hair, and Hal's eyes went wide as she realized she was being yanked off her horse. Barely able to react, all she could think to do was shout, "Nani, home!"
She cried out just as the command left her lips, feeling weightless as her neck snapped back so suddenly and painfully that Hal actually feared it had been ripped from her body. Nani whined nervously, but she never disobeyed an order, and kept riding hard and fast away from the sight of Hal's capture.
Hal felt herself being thrown, and she cried out again as she roughly hit the ground, rolling and rolling until her back slammed against a tree trunk. She felt the air rush out and her vision briefly blacked out on impact. But she barely had a moment to try and recover when she was being yanked up by her nightgown collar, thrown onto her back where a heavy boot planted itself sharply on her chest, keeping her down as the remaining Ra'zac began to surround her, their beaks clicking and hissing to each other as they stared down at her from under their black hoods.
Hal could feel the open space behind her and knew she had at least managed to get them were she needed to be. It was a precarious drop to the water below, and Hal swallowed. The sharp rocks would be hard for even her to miss. But she had to try. She was all out of options now.
She couldn't count how many Ra'zac there were here on this cliff's edge, but it was maybe ten or so. Was that all of them from the village? There was no point in wondering now. Murtagh and the elves would have to take care of the stragglers. As long as this was the majority.
"You are not our massster," one hissed.
"But you will come with usss," finished another.
Hal set her palm to the ground, breathing and focusing on her magic as she spoke. After months of training with Murtagh and weeks training with the elves, her magic responded to her call much quicker now. No longer did she have to wonder why it abandoned her most when she needed it. No longer did it hide from her because she feared it. So long as she found the will to do it, it would come. She could feel the drain on what remained of her energy, but she forced herself to push through it. She would destroy every last Ra'zac, regardless of what it did to her. "Your master is a Shade, isn't it?"
"We do not have to answer your questionsss."
Without taking her eyes off the Ra'zac, Hal searched the crevices off the cliff, finding every last weak spot to exploit. She dug her magic in as far down and as far back on the rock as she could, breaking it down. "What do they want with me?"
"That'sss none of your businessss?"
"I killed one of your kind months ago," Hal continued, as if she hadn't heard. "He seemed delighted to have found me. He claimed I was the one your master has been looking for because of my magic."
The cliff shuddered and shifted, groaning at the exertion Hal's magic was putting on it. But the Ra'zac hardly noticed, the wind from this height blocking out some of the noise.
They hissed. "Magic, you say? What magic?"
"This magic."
The ground shook underneath them, then it completely broke off from the main part of the cliff. Her stomach flopped at the sudden weightlessness underneath her, the fall sudden despite the fact that Hal knew it was coming. The Ra'zac screeched in fear as they all dropped towards the ocean below. Large chunks of rock and dozens of trees fell with them, Hal having taken off as much as she could so that even if they scrambled for safety, they would find nothing but air beneath their feet.
She smiled at their panic.
And just as she closed her eyes, fading into unconsciousness, she hit the water below.
…
It was Thorn who spotted the tiny spirit amongst all the chaos, snapping Murtagh to attention as he withdrew his blade from the chest of another Ra'zac. Look!
Murtagh turned, grimacing as he wiped the blood off his cheek and followed Thorn's instructions. His eyes widened. Not one, but many spirits had appeared, forming a line back towards the beach where he had been ushering as many people as he could. A few of the nearby villagers noticed his gaze and, when they spotted the spirits, began pointing and screaming again, scurrying even faster towards the water to distance themselves.
"Rider, are those what I think they are?" Amon asked, breathless and covered in sweat and sand as he ran up. In his hand was a pickaxe he had grabbed from an abandoned hut they had managed to clear out.
"Yes," Murtagh said, distracted. He forced his gaze towards Amon, his throat tight, eyes pleading. "Any sign of her?"
Amon's expression grew hard as he shook his head.
Murtagh had to force calm into his very being. Dammit Hal, where are you? "Let's go back to the beach," Murtagh said aloud. "The others should be back by now." And hopefully Hal is with them.
Amon nodded and they hurried back, Thorn flying overhead. There were not nearly as many stragglers, and Murtagh hoped that meant that everyone, at this point, had been evacuated to safety. He could not spare a thought for those who help came too late. Not when there were still so many others confused and panicked. Murtagh's own hands were shaking with adrenaline, and he kept glancing back, expecting to see Hal right behind him.
People were huddled in the ocean, crying and calling the names of loves ones, trying to locate them in the madness. Murtagh was grateful to spot Ayo and Sam, who kept to the front.
"Did you find Hal?" Ayo asked. When Murtagh shook his head, the man swore. "Should we go back in and look again? Maybe we missed her somehow?"
Before Murtagh could respond, a voice called out to them. They turned to find Cado waving his arms towards them, Invidia right behind him. "The rest of the demons have retreated!" he cried out, breathless as he reached them. "The village is abandoned. The Ra'zac are gone."
Murtagh turned his head, confused. "What do you mean retreated?"
"They just took off, all headed towards the woods like they'd received a beacon of some sort. It would be rather creepy if I wasn't so relieved."
Murtagh frowned, staring again at the spirits in confusion before Invidia asked him, "Has Halen found you yet?" Her eyes scanned the beach desperately.
Something in his chest tightened. Had Hal found him? "What do you mean — we're still looking for her."
"And I found her, Shur'tugal. And she said she was headed to the beach. I assumed it was because I had just told her that's where you and Thorn were."
"Hal's alive?" Amon breathed, hope breathing new life into his features. Murtagh had to swallow his instinct to feel the same excitement. He did not want to assume the worst, but for Hal to have completely vanished just before a Ra'zac attack of this caliber…? Had she been taken?
"She was as of several minutes ago. But it's been far too long. She should have arrived here already. And I know without a doubt she would've come straight to you, Murtagh."
Murtagh tried not to let his panic show, but he had been thinking the exact same thing. Hal would not have let him worry about her unnecessarily without reason.
"Something is wrong," Invidia said in a low voice. Stepping closer to him, she said in a low voice, "Even though you swore it was empty, I found Halen in her tent. She looked considerably weakened, like she had used magic. And I felt it. The magic surrounding her was unprecedented. But it was not only Hal's magic I felt."
Her eyes were sharp, the information passing between them silently as Murtagh swallowed. "You said she was coming to the beach?"
"Aye."
"How long ago was that?"
"Several minutes ago, if that. She can't have gone too far if she's on foot. I will look for her and I will find her —"
Invidia's head snapped around, and at first Murtagh thought she was only just noticing the spirits. "No," she breathed.
Murtagh was about to ask what was wrong when he felt it, like a pulse in the air. The ground trembled underneath him and everyone glanced around in a panic. But he knew this feeling. Because the last time he had felt it, the magic in the air and the earth moving underneath him, Hal had been taken by the Ra'zac and —
He looked at the spirits, understanding dawning on him.
"Halen," he breathed, dread washing over him.
He ran towards Thorn, quickly clamoring up to the saddle. Murtagh barely had time to get situated before Thorn took to the skies, staying low to the ground to keep the spirits in sight. Murtagh stared in awe. He had assumed it was few. But below him were dozens, lighting the way even across the water to, he hoped and presumed, Hal. What was their connection to her? Why were they involved? The sun was beginning to peak over the horizon, a sight that, on any other day, Murtagh would've appreciated.
There!
Murtagh still had to squint to see, and his face paled when he realized what she had done. "HALEN!"
He was too far away for her to hear, and she was too far for his magic to reach, but there was no way that collapse of an entire cliff's edge, holding the remaining Ra'zac, had been an accident. He shouted when she hit the water, terrified she would be trapped under the falling debris. The Ra'zac screeched, flailing madly as they struggled to stay afloat.
"Thorn —"
But he didn't have to ask. The dragon nosedived towards the water and Murtagh counted in his head, gasping for air just as the dragon hit the water. It was still relatively dark, but Hal was drifting unconsciously on her own, a spirit resting nearby to light Murtagh's way.
Just before he could reach her, she was yanked down by a still panicking Ra'zac, desperate to find something to hold on to. Thorn slowed, allowing Murtagh to lunge towards Hal and the Ra'zac, keeping a safe distance lest the creatures try to use him for anchor as well. With the ability to swim, he had somewhat of an advantage, reaching Hal and wrapping his arm around her waist. But the Ra'zac was flailing, incapable of letting go, and Murtagh struggled to stay upright, hold on to Hal, and stab his sword towards the Ra'zac without hurting her in the process.
Frustrated, Murtagh released Hal and angled his body down, gripping the cloak of the Ra'zac who took a swipe at him. Murtagh dodged and thrusted his blade into the creature's throat, satisfied when it fell still.
He turned, panicking when he realized Hal was still sinking. His lungs were screaming as he reached her, but thankfully Thorn was ready, appearing long enough for Murtagh to pull himself back into his saddle, Hal in his arms, as Thorn sped towards the surface, dodging what little debris remained from the collapse of the cliff.
When they broke the surface of the water, Murtagh gasped for air as Thorn quickly took them to the beach. Murtagh slid off, dragging Hal with him as he hit the sand. He laid her down and immediately began to give her mouth-to-mouth and chest compressions. Before true panic could set in, Hal's body lurched, and she turned on her side and threw up water, coughing.
Her breathing was labored as she struggled to catch her breath. She turned her head, her eyes wide with fright. "The Shade!"
Murtagh felt his heart drop. "What?"
"She was there — but…she wasn't. I couldn't see her. But she…"
Hal reached for her temple but collapsed almost instantly. But Murtagh's eyes widened when he saw it. A half-moon cut on her head, in the shape of fingernail.
…
Hal woke up sometime in the night, delirious from the use of her magic. Her throat felt raw still from almost drowning. She was incapable of forming a coherent thought, her mind plagued by Celia's dead body, the stench of blood and death. Fear, mind-numbing fear, gripped her, and she covered her mouth to hide her sobs as guilt racked her body. But she couldn't hold back the heartache she felt, that she had done this. Perhaps not intentionally, but her presence had caused it. And she could not help but be relieved that it had been the Xano village, and not her own, and the thought made her want to die with shame.
She struggled to release her sobs, her throat constricting to the point that she felt she was going to pass out if she didn't get enough air soon.
That's when she felt hands on her back, smoothing down her hair and massaging her gently, trying to coax her into a relaxed state. She knew those hands and turned her head to find Murtagh lying beside her, his expression filled with sorrow.
She let out a sob of pain as she turned into him, feeling his arms wrap around her shoulders. She was so relieved that he was okay. But how many families had lost loves ones because of the Ra'zac? How many had kissed mother and fathers, children, and sibling goodnight, never realizing it would be for the last time? Hal knew how hard it was to lose a loved one to violence. To never have a chance to tell them you loved them, just one last time. To never say goodbye. It was cruel and unfair.
And she had brought that pain upon these people.
She cried for Celia, and the others. She cried for her own family, and her village. But she also, selfishly, wept for herself, until she had nothing more to give, but to fall back asleep in Murtagh's arms.
…
The next time Hal awoke, she felt slightly more coherent, but strangely numb. She recognized the temporary tent and knew she was still in Berjis' village. But she was alone. She wasn't sure if she had dreamed crying into Murtagh's arms, as the bed was cold where he would've laid.
She struggled to stand, her legs feeling as unsteady as a newborn calf. She glanced down at her arms, noticing that there was no sign she had cut them. Had she not felt so wretched, had there not been proof of where her tears had dried on her face, Hal would've wondered if it had all been some cruel dream. But she touched her hand to her temple. That excruciating pain. She would never forget how that felt, like her head was slowly being cracked open, ripped apart.
Hal squinted against the harshness of the sun overhead, unsure of where she was going but continuing to walk.
There was activity around her, people carrying jugs of water, bandages, and food, solemn-faced and frightened. Some wore more hopeful expressions, but Hal could still see the anxious looks in their eyes. A few called out to her, but she didn't really pay them any attention.
She realized where she was going long after her body had decided. The village center, much like in her village back home, had a structure built for the village leader. It was where Hal often met with Berjis to discuss official matters. She wasn't sure if he would be here, but it was the best place to start.
She walked around to the main entrance, only half paying attention to Thorn who was sitting outside. He raised his head, but Hal continued on, pushing the curtain out of her way, her eyes now having to adjust to the lack of sun.
Berjis stood before her, eyes filled with grief as he turned and looked at her. Hal paid little attention to the others in the room. All she could see was Celia's empty eyes, the chunks torn out of her neck and stomach as the Ra'zac feasted on her body.
Hal couldn't save his wife. She didn't even know if his children had been spared. She had wrecked his village. He had granted her access to his home as a friend. And she had needlessly trashed it. Had given no thought to what her presence in his village would do when they had no wards.
Hal fell to her knees before him, tears streaming down her face as she bowed before him, placing her forehead on the ground. The room was still, the only noise being Hal trying to hold in her sobs. She dared not ask his forgiveness, for she did not deserve it. But she needed him to know, regardless, how truly sorry she was that she had let this happen.
She soon felt a hand on the back of her head. She knew it was Berjis and she began to cry openly and loudly when she felt his forehead on the top of her head. She did not want nor deserve his kindness. She wanted him to be cruel and spiteful. She wanted him to hate her, to say this was her fault. To blame her. She could not bear his kindness.
"You did not do this, Halen. Please, raise your head."
But she couldn't. She couldn't face him. Couldn't face the damage she had wrought. She couldn't even begin to make this up to him. What he had lost…
"Halen, please," he said again, this time more firmly.
Not wanting to seem petulant, she struggled to lift her head, keeping her eyes downcast as Berjis took her face in his hand. He placed his forehead against her, his eyes brimming with tears of his own. "You nearly died trying to save my village and spare my people. Please. Raise your head."
Hal shook her head. "Celia —"
His expression faltered, and Hal felt her chest tighten. Just as she dropped her head again, Berjis raised it once more. "She gave her life so that I would have a chance to take the children and run," he said, his voice pained at the thought and loss of his wife.
Hal's eyes widened some. "The children —"
"Are shaken, but unhurt. As is much of my village, thanks to you."
She would not, could not, accept his thanks. But if she dared ask one request of him…
"M-m-may I see them?"
His smile was kind.
He led her to a hut Hal had not visited in quite some time. That of his aging parents, his father the now retired village leader. Hal had, of course, grown close with his parents when she and Berjis were in talks of being married, but they had been kind to her still when she officially declined his proposal.
His family was out back, his parents sitting in rocking chairs, quiet and contemplative. Berjis went to them so that they would not have to stand on their tired feet. His son, Aiden, was sleeping soundly in a crib beside them. He would never know his mother the way he rightfully should, and Hal hated herself for it.
Bea was playing with her dolls on her own, looking rather put out and bored until she looked up and saw Hal. She yelped in joy, rushing over and taking Hal's hand in hers. "Have you come to play with me?"
Hal felt like she might shatter right then and there, but she smiled. "Yes, I have. I promised you I would, didn't I?"
Bea sat her down, then situated herself between Hal's legs. "You hold this one," Bea commanded, giving Hal a female doll. She had black, button eyes and yarn sewn carefully into the head for hair. Hal used to do something similar when she made dolls for her sister, Thea. Hal looked up into the sun and blinked. The last thing she could stomach thinking about right now was her own family.
"Everyone's acting funny," Bea complained quietly.
Hal sniffed. "Did your papa tell you what happened?"
"Only a little. He said bad guys came and hurt people in our village."
Hal swallowed. "They did."
Bea frowned, perplexed by the idea. "He said mama had to go away for a while to make sure the bad guys didn't come back."
Hal wiped at her eyes. "She did," Hal agreed, sniffing. "Bea, sweetie, promise me something, okay?"
"Okay."
"Don't forget to give your papa a lot of kisses all the time, okay? They give him special powers," she added in a hushed whispered, like it was a secret.
Bea's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Nuh-uh."
"Yeah-huh," Hal countered. "Wanna see what happens to you when I do it?"
Bea shrieked with delight as Hal smothered her face with kisses, tickling her sides. Hal's tears fell incessantly, but her heart took solace in the childlike laughter. It gave her just a fragment of strength, that Bea could still laugh like this. With such joy and innocence.
"Hal, stop!" Bea cried, giggling as Hal released her.
"See," Hal teased. "Now you have powers too."
"Do not."
"Do too. I bet anything — ohmygoodness Bea you're flying!"
The girl shouted in surprise and delight as Hal lifted her off the ground, throwing the girl over her shoulder and running around. Bea held out her arms like a bird. "Look papa! I'm flying!"
They accidentally woke Aiden, but Hal quickly scooped the child in his arms to console him. Hal didn't know how long she played with Bea and her brother, making faces and inventing stories, rocking them both until they fell asleep in her arms.
…
Dinner, once again, was a silent affair. With his own family needs to see to, Amon had insisted to Berjis that he need not worry about their meals, and the men had taken shifts setting up a fire and hunting food for the group. Where the mood had once been somber due to the nature of the attack, there was a new layer of pain with Hal having finally awoken.
Murtagh's chest seized as he recalled the expression on her face. Any confidence, any hope, any life she had been rebuilding the last few months had been completely snuffed out. He had seen it in her eyes. She had been completely and utterly destroyed by the attack. And he hated himself for thinking it, but the only consolation had been that it wasn't the Tenari. He didn't even want to think of what that would do to her.
Of what that would do to him.
But he dared not voice his thoughts aloud as he chewed on the deer meat Ayo had caught them. He glanced around the group, Hal's absence noticeable. Not long after she and the children had fallen asleep, Berjis had gingerly taken Bea and Aiden in his arms, weeping quietly, as Amon took Hal in his.
Murtagh glanced over his shoulder at Hal's tent where she slept. She had already been out almost a whole day. He had pressed Invidia and Blödhgarm about what spell she could've possibly used to destroy such a large section of the cliff, but they had insisted there was no spell they would have taught her, no combination of words that would fit. He couldn't figure out how she had done it, and wondered if it had been an accident. Her body simply sensing what she needed in that moment, much like how her magic had responded when she had been tortured. But regardless, he was relieved she was alive, marveled at her magic, and terrified for what could have been.
"Do you think Hal will be all right?" Cado asked, looking to Amon. Murtagh was aware that Amon had known her longer than anyone in the group, his proximity to Denu's hut meaning that he and Tena had been some of the first to assist in Denu's raising of Hal.
Amon ran his hand over his face, exhausted in both mind and body. Murtagh knew, because he felt the same way. "It's hard to say. Hal is unpredictable at best. Being with children usually lift her spirits, which was probably one of the reasons she wanted to see Bea and Aiden."
"Aside from torturing herself," Murtagh grumbled loudly. If it had been anyone else's children, perhaps he would have been less concerned with Hal going to them, but it was so clear the death of their mother was tearing her up inside.
Amon sighed. "I know. But when she was younger, Tena made Hal join her and the other women in watching the children. Even at that age, being around the little ones seemed give her a second wind. I've never understood it, and Hal's never brought it up. But I think she knew what she was doing today. But we'll keep an eye on her, all of us."
Murtagh had never before thought about Hal's connection to the children. He had always assumed it was because she watched them with Tena, Mai, and Sarah, and had simply gotten to know them. But it never would have occurred to him that they were just as much part of her healing process as they were. It was sweet and heartbreaking all at once. Did she relish in their innocence knowing that her own childhood had been spoiled by Galbatorix?
Murtagh barely managed to finish his food, eager to check on Hal before he went to bed. But just as he was walking past his tent, Thorn curled up, asleep, out front, Murtagh saw something that gave him pause. He stepped gingerly around Thorn and lifted the flap of his tent, his shoulders softening when he realized it was just Hal. He wasn't sure when she had moved from her own cot, but she was now fast asleep in his. Her back was to him, curled up on the far side so that he would have space.
Murtagh ducked inside, and he felt Thorn move to place his body in front, blocking access to anyone looking to come in. Murtagh gave the dragon a small smile, grateful. He pulled off his boots before lying down beside her. Hal immediately rolled over, burying her face in his chest as he dug his hands into her hair, pulling her close.
"The Shade was in my tent," Hal whispered, her voice sounding almost hollow. Murtagh's grip tightened, but he didn't respond. "She tried to break into my mind. I think I kept her out. But she wasn't here, not fully. I could feel her presence, hear her, even feel her hand on my head, yet when I attacked her, my weapons were useless."
Silence.
"She even shielded me from you," Hal continued, and his eyes widened with disbelief. "You ran into my tent, looking for me. I was in the cot, but she made it so I couldn't move or speak."
And he had left. He had left Hal at the mercy of the Shade without an inkling. He knew that was not why Hal was telling him this, but he felt so stupid. He hadn't even felt the Shade, and she had literally been right in front of him.
"She's strong," Hal finished, pressing herself tighter against Murtagh.
"But we're stronger," Murtagh countered, trying to muster an ounce of enthusiasm. "She did this because she thought you would be weak. But she could not break into your mind and you destroyed the Ra'zac. She may be strong, but you are stronger."
She pressed herself closer against him, tears falling silently down her face. Murtagh felt a surge of protectiveness as she eventually drifted back to sleep, her breathing ragged from crying. No, not just protectiveness. A silent promise. To himself. To Hal. And to those who threatened to take her from him.
Should any harm come to her, he would tear this world apart.
…
Murtagh kept very still throughout the night, not wanting to disturb Hal knowing she needed as much rest as possible. To have taken on a Shade and the Ra'zac alone was an astounding feat. Despite how much he feared for her, he could not help but be in awe. He hated that she bore the burden of what happened to the village on her own. He, Invidia, and Blödhgarm were all better trained, had actually experienced war. And none of them had thought of what might happen if Hal left the confines of her wards.
He only felt himself begin to drift off when the sun began to rise. It wasn't so much that he was tired, just that he knew his body, too, still needed rest. But he kept waking himself up, afraid Hal would vanish or another attack would happen. Despite his role in the war, he had forgotten how frightening the night could be, especially the first few days after a battle was over. The paranoia that, the moment you let your guard down, was when the next attack would strike.
At one point, he managed to sleep for an hour or two, which felt like more than enough. But he was woken up gently, Hal's fingers gliding through his hair. His body hummed pleasantly as her fingers traced the curve of his ear, brushing along the length of his jaw. Such soft touches, yet they set his body on fire in the most frightfully delightful way.
When he finally opened his eyes, Hal had moved so that they were eye-to-eye. She smiled, but there was sorrow in it. Murtagh couldn't see her blush, but he could imagine the heat in her cheeks in the way her gaze shyly moved away from his. He never took his eyes off her as her fingers continued to trace the curves and outline of his face.
"What are you thinking?" he asked, keeping his voice low. Like they were the only ones in the world.
Her fingers glided down the length of his nose, slowly and meticulously. "That I wish I had been brave enough to leave with you when we had a chance," she admitted, her expression full of regret. "Then perhaps the villages would've been safe. And I would have still had you."
"You will always have me," he said quickly. "There is nowhere you can go that I will not follow."
She shook her head, tears filling her eyes before she squeezed them shut, clutching the material of his shirt tightly, the ghost of her fingers still felt on his skin. "I'm so scared."
He pulled her into his arms, trying to console her as much as he was trying to hide his face. He blinked back his tears, knowing Hal needed him to be strong for her, just as she had been for him. "We will fight this," he promised her. For that promise, he most certainly could keep. He would continue to fight this, for her and the villagers. "We will fight this, Halen. I promise you."
She looked up at him, eyes swimming with tears. She sniffed, slowly nodding her head in agreement. But neither of them mentioned whether they felt they actually had a chance at winning. Because in that moment, both felt too helpless to think otherwise.
…
"Promise me you'll reach out if you need anything," Hal repeated. "Anything at all."
Berjis smiled. "I promise, Hal."
"I'll check in as often as I can. If you ever need me to watch the children —"
"Papa, I want to go with Hal!" Bea cried with a pout, crossing her arms adamantly as she stomped her foot.
Berjis looked down at her with love and pain in his eyes. Hal had never realized it, but Bea was a spitting image of her mother. But with her father's personality. "Next time, my love," he said sweetly, tucking the girl's hair behind her ear.
"Promise?"
"I promise."
Hal felt wretched. She didn't think this feeling would ever leave her. At least it wouldn't anytime soon. Holding Aiden in his arms, Berjis shifted his son to his hip, moving closer to Hal so that he could grip the back of her neck, pulling her in to kiss her forehead. Then he pressed his forehead to hers, sighing with the weight of it all.
"You have always had more strength and more kindness than anyone I have ever met, besides my wife," Berjis said gently. "I have always marveled at it. Remember that Hal. If ever demons may come — although I pray they do not — do not let them take your strength or your kindness. Do not let them win. Lean on your family and your friends. Do not fight this alone. Remember that you are not alone." Then, in a much lower voice so that only she may hear, he added, "And lean on Murtagh, Hal. When you feel your strength alone is not enough, that is when you should lean on him most of all. He is strong enough to bear it. And for you, he most certainly will."
When they pulled away, Hal wiped at the tears on her cheeks. With a final hug, he reminded her, "You are always welcome here. I would not have it any other way, my friend."
Hal kissed Aiden, who only cooed gently, very much unaware of what was happening. Bea was a little harder to say goodbye to, but after numerous promises of playdates and tea time, Bea seemed satisfied enough to go to her father's side.
Hal took a final look at the village, her throat tight. On the surface, from where she stood, it looked fine. Normal even. But the damage was there all the same. But it was still standing, which was more than what her village had had. And that gave her some comfort.
The others were waiting for her, already on their horses, ready to head home. Hal caught Murtagh's eye as she walked and he gave her an encouraging smile that made her blush. But she managed to contort her face into something she hoped resembled composure so that he would not continue to worry. Nani stomped her hooves as Hal approached and she ran her hands down the horse's neck before climbing up.
She looked at her friends, her smile pained. "Let's go home."
As they headed out, Hal spared one final look over her shoulder, where Berjis was lifting the hand of his son, making him wave as Bea called out to her, waving both hands in the air. Hal's chest tightened at the unfairness of it all.
She buried her face in Nani's mane, unable to stop thinking of her own mother. Just like Celia, her mother had given up her own body to aid in Hal's escape. And Hal suddenly missed her with such ferocity that she felt as if her heart my burst out of her chest. She wanted to be strong, like her mother. Like Celia. Yet she thought it cruel that Bea and Aiden would grow up without their mother. But she knew Berjis would never let her sacrifice be forgotten. Perhaps when they were old enough to understand, he would explain the truth about what happened that night. And about the woman who had taken on the Ra'zac.