The village was quiet this late at night. And as Hal stood in the middle of it, she felt an ache in her chest unlike anything she had ever felt. In the past, she had lost so quickly, she did not have time to process until after the fact. Her people, Uden, and Denu. But now, as she stood amongst the rows of huts that had become her home, she was faced with the realization that she would have to leave it all behind. And she was too cowardly to say goodbye.
She turned in the spot where she was standing, then slowly proceeded down the row of huts. She couldn't even properly accept her grief, wouldn't allow herself to believe that this could be the last time she saw her village. She was already creating a running checklist in her head, all the things that would need to be done in the next few months. The people who would need to be checked on. The huts that would need to be rebuilt. The fields that would need tending to. There was much work to be done, and despite the heavy losses they had just sustained, it would be reckless to let anything slip.
Her boots kicked up the dry dust around her skirt as she walked. When she finally stopped, she was standing on the edge of the fields, scanning the cultivated lands, eerily empty when cast under the dim glow of the moon. She wasn't sure what was compelling her forward, but she headed towards the wheat fields first, already braiding her hair for the first time in weeks to keep it out her face. She rubbed the wheat head of one stalk between her fingers, then plucked it and took a small bite, chewing thoughtfully. Not quite ready to be harvested, perhaps in a week or so.
She went through the rows of vegetables, cotton, cocoa beans, checking for ripeness, picking what was ready and carrying them in baskets over to the stalls where they would be checked in the morning and divvied up amongst the families. She didn't mean to work in the middle of the night. But she needed something to soothe her scattered mind and aching heart. And it was just enough of a distraction that she carried on for the comfort it provided. Not to mention with the lighting of the moon and the lack of direct sunlight making it too hot, the conditions actually felt rather ideal.
She was not surprised when Murtagh eventually came out and joined her. She knew he would notice her absence eventually, and was sure he had wandered around, not expecting her in the fields. He watched her for a moment, curious. And then, without preamble, he rolled up his sleeves and set to work on the row opposite Hal. Having worked in the fields much more than she had, he was quick, and Hal unconsciously found herself competing to keep up, both of them grinning as their paces quickened in an effort to out-do the other. And it was such a small thing, but she loved him dearly for it.
Her skirt was filthy, and Hal was coated in a thin layer of sweat as she dug out weeds from the ground. When she looked up to check Murtagh's progress, movement over his shoulder gave her pause. When Murtagh noticed she had grown still, he quickly looked around to see what she had. They both rose to their feet in surprise as the villagers streamed out onto the fields. Some waved at them cheerily, and others just went straight to work, mining the sections that Murtagh and Hal had not yet reached.
"Hope you two saved some for the rest of us," Cado said with a grin, slapping Murtagh on the back as he walked past.
"What are you all doing here?" Hal asked. "You should be resting —"
"Oh come now, Hal," Eli said from beside her. "Wouldn't be right letting our new village leader do all the work. We can at least chip in for half?"
"I was just going to do this row right here," Cado teased, gesturing to the one Murtagh had already finished. "But seeing as how the rider beat me to it, I guess I'm done."
"I have one hand, so I'm here for moral support," Eli countered. He grinned at Hal. "But you've got it all under control, right?"
"Who told you I was village leader?" Hal asked, ignoring their quip. "I haven't even accepted the position."
"Hondo told Sarah —" Cado began.
"Who told Mai," Eli finished.
"Enough said," Hal sighed. "I honestly think it would kill those two to not gossip." The men grinned as Hal shook her head. "That still doesn't explain what you all are doing here?"
"Sam saw Murtagh leave, followed him and saw the both of you out here working. He realized what you were doing and started knocking on doors. And everyone wanted to help."
"I was doing this so that people could rest," Hal retorted, watching people continue to pour out of their homes and set to work. She was frantic with worry, not wanting them to overexert themselves. "They've been through enough; I can manage a few crops."
"Well that's just the thing, Hal," Eli said with a faint smile, "you don't have to do this on your own. This is our home too; let us help take care of it."
The words gave her pause. Hal found herself looking over to Murtagh, who was watching her carefully. She recalled the evening he insisted on taking on her chores, the first time he had called Illium his home. And it had filled Hal wish such a sense of warmth that she had cried. She had always felt like she had to earn her place in the village. She was an outsider, and she had been a troublesome one at that. Everything she had done, she had done to pour her love and appreciation back into the people who had taken her in. The recent events had undermined all of that effort. She had brought bloodshed and grief where there had not been any before. She had felt like she had needed to repent.
And yet, her people continued on. They were more cautious, wearier even, but they were smiling, laughing, and working. Even in the middle of the night, because they hadn't wanted her to be alone. They had heard she and Murtagh were in the fields, and joined them. Hal kept waiting for their hatred, their resentment. The outsider who had brought trouble. She had always been so aware that she did not fully belong.
Until now.
And although it broke her heart to realize, she knew then that her village would be okay without her. And she knew then that she would be able to leave her people and her island behind. And she would have to trust that it would be okay. And for perhaps the first time, Hal could understand — not just appreciate, but understand — her mother's sacrifice. To trust that the boat would somehow carry Hal to safety, that she would find a better life, even if she would not be there to see it.
As if he knew what was ailing her, Murtagh stepped over the mounds of dug up earth and stood in front of her, taking her face in his hands. Hal could barely stand to meet his gaze, her own pain reflected in his steely, grey eyes. "I don't want to go," she whispered, her voice catching. "I don't want to leave them."
"I know," he said, his voice just as low. "I know. But we will come back. Do you hear me, Hal? We will come home."
She finally looked up at him. "I cannot ask you to come with me. I cannot risk your safety as well. It is not an option."
"I will not leave you alone, Halen. I was always set to follow you, whatever you decided."
"But you told Blödhgarm that the soldiers —"
"Ahh," Murtagh draws out, understanding dawning. "You overheard our conversation then?"
"It's not your fault you did not think to look up."
"Truthfully, I did not." His lips twitched humorously. His fingers brushed against the skin of her cheeks, his expression softening.
"You've only just made Illium your home," Hal continued. "And if you travel with me, you will be looking over your shoulder for both Thea and the soldiers. I cannot ask you to accept a life you came here to avoid in the first place."
She didn't know why she was pushing so hard against this. She knew she would unravel entirely without Murtagh by her side. But if she has to choose between leaving him behind on Illium, or risking his life on the mainland, it's no contest. She barely protected him from Thea once. What if she failed the second time?
"I did not come here to avoid a life of looking over my shoulder," he stated. "I came here, because there was a woman in grave danger, who needed my help." He lowers his forehead to hers. "And I stayed because she did. And if you leave, then I will leave as well. Wherever you go, I will follow. You are just as much my home as Illium. More so, if I am being honest. And I would be lost without you."
"Murtagh —"
But he cuts her off with a searing kiss that's dizzying in its intensity. Despite knowing what his choice would be, Hal cannot deny how relieved and grateful she is to hear his resolve. But their moment is cut short when a resounding howl fills the air, and they startle apart to find Cado cupping his hands around his mouth, grinning at them both. And mortified, Hal realizes they just gave themselves away in front of the entire village, those nearby staring with broad smiles and exchanging excited whispers. Her eyes widen in shock, her face quickly heating up.
"I bloody knew it!" Sam shouted, running towards them. He threw his arms around Hal and Murtagh. "I knew you two idiots had fallen for each other. How long? Please say since that dinner gathering; I have a bet running with Tena that it was at the dinner. She says the wedding."
"You're such an ass," Hal scolded, her face blazing with embarrassment as others begin to gather around. Murtagh looked equally uncomfortable with the sudden attention, shooting Hal apologetic glances as some of the men clap him on the back as though in congratulations. Sam continued to stare expectantly, waiting for a response. Hal rolled her eyes. "I don't know, it's complicated," she hedged, unsure of what to say. Had she not been so skittish with her own feelings, how soon could they have been together? The wedding? Perhaps, even before?
"Okay, but if you had to pick—?"
Just then, to Hal's relief, Amon breaks through the crowd. "All right, all right, either get back to work or go to bed. They're not getting married yet, so calm down." He looked directly at Sam and said, "You and Tena still have that bet going?"
"Hal refuses to tell me anything." Sam's eyes widened. "Oi, Dragon Rider—"
"Oh, if Hal refuses to say, then I most certainly will not," Murtagh said quickly, holding up his hands in mock surrender.
Sam rolls his eyes, stalking off in irritation. "Neither of you deserve my friendship."
Hal caught Murtagh's eyes and they both broke into teasing, knowing smiles. "He really took all the romance out of it," Hal commented, but she was quietly grateful, and Amon's smile said he knew it as well. Her friends were happy for her, that much was obvious. She could not have asked for more in their acceptance. As the crowd dispersed, Murtagh stepped towards them. Hal looked over at Amon. "Are you angry? That we kept this from you?"
He put his hands on his hips, observing Hal and Murtagh with proud eyes. "I'm happy for the both of you. Truly, truly happy. I understand why you wanted this to remain private. Expectations are stressful on any healthy relationship. You both know who you are as individuals, but learning who you are together is something else entirely, something special that only you can figure out. And you are both deserving of love and of happiness. Perhaps more than any two people I have ever known. So no, I am not angry."
Hal nodded, relieved, but still feeling as though her stomach were in knots. And she could not place why until Amon added, "And I know your old man would've been happy too."
Hal's exuberance quickly deflated, her chest growing painfully tight as her eyes begin to burn. And there it was. The truth that would hang over her head: that she would never get to share this moment of happiness with Denu. That she would never be able to tell him that she had found love with the unlikeliest of people, and was loved in return. And once started, her tears would not stop, no matter how quickly she tried to wipe her eyes. Embarrassed by the sudden and uncontrolled emotion, she tried to apologize only for Amon to stop her.
"Don't apologize for missing him, Hal," Amon tells her. "Ain't nothing to be sorry for." He looks at Murtagh. "You two have been running around all week. Why don't you go get some rest? We'll finish up here."
Unable to speak through her tears, Hal can only nod as Murtagh agreed out loud. Amon reached down and took them both in his arms, embracing them tightly. "It's about damn time," he chuckled. "I've been rooting for the two of you. We all have. You both bring out the best in each other, and that is such a rare gift. Cherish it."
Murtagh thanked him before taking her hand as they walk back. The further away they get, the more Hal was able to slowly get a grasp on her composure. Murtagh wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his side, and Hal laid her head on his shoulder, grateful for his sturdy presence. "I hope you're not upset," Murtagh began sheepishly. "I completely forgot where we were. I know you wanted to wait. I'm sor —"
"I'm not," Hal admitted, raising her head to look at him. "I'm not upset and I'm not sorry. I was tired of hiding you like you're something to be ashamed of. And I don't think we were very good at it, to be honest."
"You're not worried about their…expectations of us?"
"I mean, they have yet to make me do anything I don't want to. And you and I have agreed not to consummate anything. That will just have to do for now, even though it's none of their business." She paused mid-step. "Wait, are you worried?"
He laughed. "No, Hal. So long as I am with you, I am not worried."
When they reached Sam's hut, they paused outside for a moment. "I actually considered taking it, you know," Hal admitted. "The role as village leader. Although I supposed there is no point in that now."
"I wouldn't say that," Murtagh said thoughtfully. "There may be short-term options to consider."
Hal shook her head in true disbelief. "Why are you so eager for me to take this position? What could I accomplish as village leader that I could not do as Halen?"
"It is not about the titles or lack thereof. I've told you before, you have accomplished more than anyone I know with much less. This is about recognizing what you have earned, Hal. You may be too humble to admit it, but you would make a damn good leader. And I think — no, I believe — that you are meant for this. You would be outstanding. I believe that with all that I am. And if you truly want this, I will back you completely."
"You will?"
"Aye."
Flushed from his praise, Hal cannot help but smile. "Okay. I will go talk to the rest of the village elders in the morning to discuss my options."
Murtagh grinned at the pleased look on her face. "I'm so damn proud of you, Hal."
She feels light for the first time in weeks under such praise. Perhaps, just for the moment, Murtagh's confidence in her is rubbing off. Or maybe it was the sight of her people coming to her aid. Her friends cheering for their happiness. Whatever it was, Hal knew this was a night that she needed. And she closed her eyes to hold on to it, to preserve it, for as long as possible.
…
"Halen. It is time."
Hal wasn't really asleep; her nerves wouldn't allow it. But her eyes still flew open as Murtagh gently shook her awake. "Come, iet dunei, get dressed."
They both moved in silence, their expressions forcibly calm and neutral to hide the pain of all they were losing from the other. They had already packed their things in their bags, blankets, spare clothes, dried food, spare weapons, canteens, medicines, Hal's map, and, for Hal herself, her last sketchbook and ink. She did not know yet if she would ever draw again, but she knew she would come to regret it the moment she left it behind. She only had a few pages left, but she planned to use them wisely.
It was still dark as they stepped outside, quiet. Invidia and Blödhgarm waited outside Sam's hut, their expressions polite and kind. Hal was grateful that they had both agreed to stay for a few more months and make sure the village was protected. If and when they were needed, they would depart as well. But Hal was surprised to find her throat tight at the notion of leaving them behind. She would miss them as well.
The last few days had been a whirlwind of activity and preparation. After swearing the utmost secrecy from the village elders so that she and Murtagh could leave in peace, Hal granted Chijioke temporary leadership. She and him had met to discuss preparations for at least the next six months. After that, things were fuzzier, but they had enough to get started. And Invidia and Blödhgarm would be staying close enough to relay in messages to Hal as needed. But they would keep communication to a minimum for now, just in case. And when Hal and Murtagh returned, she would resume her duties as the village leader.
The official induction ceremony would be done when they came back. Instead, there was a small swearing in, with just the village leaders and Murtagh, who beamed with pride the entire time as Hal held her right fist over her heart and made her vows to serve the Tenari. Even Tengene began to smile, although he quickly dropped it when he noticed Hal watching him.
Mean old man.
After that, there was nothing left to do but pack, which didn't take long. Hal took Nani out for one last ride before dinner, preferring to go alone despite Murtagh's hesitation. Somehow, Hal doubted Ra'zac or Thea would burst from behind a tree to get her. And besides, she reminded him, he had placed enough wards over her to know when she sneezed. She would be fine.
Now, on the morning they were set to take their leave, Hal was grateful she had taken that time to herself. It did nothing for the ache in her stomach, but her mind felt more clear-headed and resolute.
"Remember," Blödhgarm said, speaking in a low voice as they walked towards the edge of the village to meet Thorn, "lay low for a bit. Avoid any cities and towns unless absolutely necessary."
"We still have not thought of a way to clear Murtagh's name," Hal reminded them all with a slight frown. "We will have to remain in hiding if revealing ourselves risk his and Thorn's safety."
"I told you my idea," Invidia said with a scowl.
"We need a less mad idea, Invidia," Hal retorted. Invidia threw up her hands and Hal caught Murtagh's gaze. He blushed furiously and looked away, and Hal felt equally embarrassed.
"You two are such children," she chastised.
"Well if you think of something better," Blödhgarm interrupted with an airy tone, "you are welcome to try it. We certainly don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with."
"Honestly," Invidia snapped, as if insulted. But she let the matter drop, to which Hal was grateful.
When they reached Thorn, Murtagh began to strap on the saddle before tying their bags to it. Murtagh began to climb up first when a small voice rang out. "Hal? Murtagh?"
They both spun around as Layla approached, rubbing her eyes tiredly and staring at them in confusion. Murtagh quickly jumped down and went to her. "Layla, what are you doing out of bed?"
"I couldn't sleep," she explained in a tired voice. "I wanted to come see if Thorn would play with me."
The dragon crooned regretfully.
"I'm sorry, Thorn can't play right now."
"Why not?"
Murtagh struggled to answer and Hal had refused to turn around, staring at Thorn's scales and unable to convince herself to move. Realizing Hal was of no use, Murtagh sighed and said, "Because Thorn and I must go away for a while."
Layla inhaled sharply. "Why? When are you coming back?"
"I don't know."
"Is Hal going too?"
"Yes, she is."
"But why? You can't go now; I don't want you to!" Hal heard her stomp her foot aggressively and flinched at the sound. She felt her shoulders shake as she tried to suppress her tears. Of course this couldn't be easy. Since when was anything these days easy?
"I'm sorry, Layla. We have to go. We have to —"
Murtagh fell silent, and Hal quickly knew why. Even on the hard ground, she could hear the approaching footsteps, familiar in their weight. She grew tense.
"I thought it might come to this," Amon said gruffly, suppressing a yawn. "Although I admit I didn't expect you to try and leave without saying goodbye first."
Murtagh was speechless and Hal bowed her head, trying to hide her face. Trying to hide her shame at being caught in such a cowardly act.
"We thought it'd be easier this way," Murtagh said after a while, covering for the fact that it was Hal who had asked for the secrecy.
"Easier for who?" Cado challenged. "Everything we've been through together and you thought we'd let you three sneak out of here without so much as a 'see you later'? Now that's cold, my friends."
"We weren't trying to be cruel. We just —"
She could hear someone clap him on the shoulder. "We know, Dragon Rider," Sam said. "We know."
"Papa, make them stay!" Layla snapped, her voice cracking. "I don't want them to go. They can't go."
Hal could feel the cracks in her resolve begin to deepen. She felt her breathing become labored as her lower lip began to tremble with emotion. She thought she could do this. She thought, if she set her affairs in order, she would be content with this inevitable decision. But Layla's insistence was somehow like a slap to the face. She was leaving. And try as she might, there was no guarantee she would see her home or her people again. Once again, she would have to say goodbye. And she was unraveling with the stress of it.
She sucked in air to try and breath and released a heartbreaking sob. She curled at the waist, the pain in her stomach and chest too agonizing to bear. But before her knees could hit the ground, arms wrapped themselves around her shoulders and guided her gently down. She could feel hands on her back, smoothing down her hair despite the braid she had set it in. They all tried to whisper words of comfort as Hal wept with the unfairness of her life. She did not want to go. She didn't want to leave.
"We know, love," Amon whispered, kissing the top of her head. "Shhh, it's going to be all right. Breathe, Hal. Just breathe."
She cried even harder, letting out all of her hurt and anger. She gasped with the shock of it, her body shuddering violently as she struggled to get air into her lungs. Something tiny wriggled its way through, and Layla situated herself on Hal's lap.
"I'm sorry, Hal. I didn't mean to make you cry. Please stop crying, I'm sorry!"
Hal wrapped her arms around the girl's tiny body, sobbing into her neck, no doubt ruining the fabric of her nightgown. Hal cradled her like she would an infant, rocking back and forth hysterically as Layla wrapped her arms around Hal's neck. "It's okay, Hal. We'll be okay."
Hal wasn't sure how long they sat there. Wasn't sure how long she cried. But the sky began to grow faint, and she knew she had taken up too much time. But she hugged Layla tightly, sniffing and trying to maintain her composure, lest she start crying again.
"Papa says you're going on an adventure," Layla whispered.
Hal nodded, whimpering pathetically. "It'll be just like the stories," Hal whispered, squeezing Layla carefully. "The ones I always tell you about."
Layla's brief delight grew concerned and she frowned. "Will you be in danger?"
Hal brushed the child's hair from her face. "Have I ever been in danger?"
"Yes."
"And what do we do when we're in danger or we're afraid?"
Layla grinned. "We fight until we win."
"That's right," Hal said, tickling her stomach playfully. She committed the laughter to memory, tucking it away for the days when it was harder than she would have liked. Hal sniffed, giving Layla a bright and genuine smile. "And now, I'll have Murtagh and Thorn with me."
"You'll be practically unstoppable."
"You bet we will."
Layla looked over Hal's shoulder as Murtagh came and kneeled down beside them. "You'll come back, won't you?"
"That's the plan," Murtagh said gently, neither promising nor denying. For that, Hal was grateful.
"And you'll tell me everything when you do?! Including battle strategies and spy techniques?"
"How could I not tell my Lieutenant Commander Warrior Princess of our daring travels?"
Layla beamed, throwing her arms around both of their necks. Murtagh kissed her cheek while Hal kissed the top of her head, shaking as Murtagh gently lifted the girl from Hal's arms. Hal was loathed to part with her, but she knew it was for the best. Returning Layla to her father's arms, Murtagh then walked back to Hal and helped her onto her shaky feet.
Everyone was already crying as she turned to face them. Her eyes welled up in response. "I have not known a day without you all these last few years," she told them. "And I never thought the moment would come when I must leave. At least, not like this. I wish — I wish…"
But she couldn't speak, and only shook her head with madness. Ayo stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Hal hugged him back as he squeezed her tightly. Then he moved to hug Murtagh as Eli stepped forward, then Cado, then Sam. Amon was last, holding Layla in his arms. Hal kissed the girl one last time. "Take care of Nani for me, okay?"
Layla was crying, but nodded resolutely. Amon leaned forward and wrapped an arm around Hal. His beard tickled her cheek as he kissed it. He hugged Murtagh, and kissed his cheek as well. "You three look out for each other."
"We will."
"We promise."
Thorn snorted, billowing a cloud of smoke.
"And when you have done what you have set out to do, you come home, you hear me? You. Come. Home."
Murtagh was crying quietly and only nodded his head. Amon stepped back, wiping his face as Murtagh climbed onto Thorn. Hal gave a final bow to Blödhgarm and Invidia. "Until we meet again, Halen Zarasdaughter," Invidia said with a slight bow of her head and a kind smile.
Hal turned to find Murtagh's outstretched hand waiting for her. She took it, sturdy and warm in hers. He heaved her up like she weighed nothing, situating her in front once again. Hal looked over her shoulder as her friends stepped back to give Thorn space. She felt her eyes well with tears as everyone raised their fists and bumped their chest twice.
"I love you!" she shouted as Thorn's wings unfurled. "We love you all and we will think of you every day until we return!"
They smiled through their tears, waving, as Layla squirmed out of her father's arms. As Thorn rose higher in the sky, Layla, laughing through her tears, waved at them. "Bye Captain! Bye Murtagh! Bye Thorn! I'll miss you! I love you!"
As Thorn continued to rise, Layla gave chase to his shadow. Soon, they were high enough that not even Hal could hear. But she knew Layla was still waving goodbye, still shouting. And Murtagh and Hal both waved and shouted back as loudly as they could. Soon, Hal could not see any of them, and her village soon disappeared amongst the early morning clouds. The treetops passed by quickly overhead as Thorn began to pick up speed.
She felt Murtagh's lips on her neck as she cried. But for the first time, she did not weep out of despair. She would see them again. She would make sure of it. They would return home, all three of them.
She was sure of it.
Perhaps then, we both can go to Nowhere. Together. How does that sound?
She could feel Murtagh's tears on her skin as he kissed her neck and shoulder, his own heartache a mirror of her own. She reached back, sliding her fingers through his hair.
Soon Illium was behind them, and Hal and Murtagh looked back at the island. Hal sniffed at the sight, as their home grew smaller in the distance. The sun was blazing overhead, the wind fierce against her skin. Her heart ached at the sight.
No. This was not goodbye. As Thorn soared overhead, Hal closed her eyes and allowed herself a moment to forget everything. She focused instead on the sensation of going against the wind, the sun on her skin. It was like being kissed by the heavens.
She reached out to touch Murtagh's mind, and Thorn's. Through the bond, she felt their pain and heartache, their doubt and their fears. She also felt their love and devotion, how strong it resonated between the three of them. It was surefire and unwavering, confident and sturdy. She would not wish for anyone else by her side during such times. And she was grateful for their companionship and support. She could not have done this without them.
Hal breathed at the warmth and love she felt in response to her thoughts. And she allowed her shattered heart and weary mind to focus on this sacred bond. Because not out loud, certainly not even to herself, could Hal admit that, already, each second felt like a countdown. To what exactly, she could not be sure. All she did know that she felt like she was living on borrowed time, and she could not afford to waste a second.
Somewhere not even she knew, her future awaited her. Thea waited for her. And when the time came to face them both, Hal prayed she was strong enough to survive.
To be continued…
A/N: Hello! I wanted to quickly say that, obviously, this is not the end of Hal and Murtagh's story. But I thought it best to stop here and give myself an opportunity to breathe (phew!) so that I can devote all of my attention to part II! I'm very excited to share with you all what our characters have been up to, while they also begin to meet a few familiar faces from the Inheritance Cycle.
I do want to say thank you, to everyone who has read, reviewed, and followed this story. Your support has meant a lot and I have enjoyed engaging with a few of you and reading your theories/comments. And I hope you will join me for the finale, slated for January 2020.
Until then - may your swords stay sharp! (And if any of you are doing NaNoWriMo - good luck!)
- A