CHAPTER 3:
"A Return To Form"

Bereavement is a common term for someone who is in shock or denial of a tragic event. In his current circumstance, this was Light Yagami's mental state. He couldn't believe what he had been told.

Ryu lead Light to a separate room with furniture and the like, so he could speak to him in private. He thought it was his providence to act like a grief councillor and to further explain things. He said he would be with Light to help him deal with what he was feeling. In no uncertain terms, Light was told that without the Death Note, no matter how hard he tried, he would never remember the true episode of his death, and that his memories would be forever fractured.

Light wanted and yet didn't want to know further about the Death Note, as he sat on a leather couch. He was told it was a supernatural book that its owner wrote down names in to kill people. They died by default of a heart attack and if nothing else was written to facilitate and extend death, a person would die within forty-seconds.

He was never one to cry, but streams fell down Light's cheeks as he began to come to grips with his situation. He cupped his face and cried, sobbing uncontrollably.

There was a small, half-moon bar in the room with three stools, and a normal looking wooden chair with a high back up against the wall next to it. Everything here was mainly for deceptive purposes. Ryu leaned up against the bar causally, his arms crossed.

"This is an honest reaction to knowing that you are deceased and are beginning to come to terms with it, Light," he said. "In the Human World, no one knows what to expect after they die. I bet this is a real shock?"

Light nodded, with his face still cupped. He had achieved knowledge that so many people wondered and sought, researching in depth. But now that he knew, he wished he could forget. He now knew the eternal truth and he hated it. There was no Heaven or Hell, only this place. Was this a form of purgatory?

Ryu then stood silent to give Light the time he needed to grieve. Due to the circumstances, someone had to be with him. Normally, this would be called suicide watch.

Ryu then retrieved the chair against the wall and turned it around backwards. He sat down and folded his arms across the tall back. Just then, he gave a low throat chuckle. "Cheer up, Light," the Special Arbiter said with some amusement. "I have good news. Not everything is as bad as it seems."

Light looked up from his hands, his eyes red. He didn't appreciate the ridicule. "I'm dead, that's bad enough."

"Are you? I mean, do you truly believe you are dead? Oh, c'mon, Light? Don't you remember what was said to you when we first met? I told you it would fall to me to write your name in my Death Note. That was the contract between you and I when it was your time to die. You're dead. That's why you're here."

Ryu produced the biggest grin any human could produce, and then suddenly, it began to contort and expand, into a half moon smirk, enlarging abnormally, stretching ear-to-ear.

Light's eyes widened. He jumped to his feet and backed away. "What the hell are you?"

Ryu stood, pushed the chair aside, and put his hand to his face. He grabbed his skin, his hand locked in like a claw. He dug his nails deep and pulled, stretching his face as if it were putty.

Then, like a magician's cape, he whipped it off in dramatic fashion, his true appearance now revealed.

His body expanded and began to grow to his full height of up to fifteen feet tall. Instead of being human, he was now a lanky, grotesque, clownish creature, with a feathery shoulder covering, chaotic hair that looked like it had been subjected to electric shock, with large yellowish eyes, and a huge toothy grin.

He wore all black, like leather, and his head was stapled at the neck and shoulder line, like it had been amputated from a dead body and put into a reedy, but somewhat toned torso. He also wore a silver skull-clip belt and a left hip pouch.

Light fell to the floor and shouted in shock, inching, backing away further on his elbows.

Ryu laughed. "History repeats itself," he said gruffly with a chuckle. "That's exactly what you did when we first met. You fell out of your chair and to the floor, only without the chair this time. I am Ryuk, with a k—the Shinigami." He then pulled out an oversized, large black book from his pouch that had a skull and crossbones on the cover, and extended it to Light. "Here, touch it. This is not the original Death Note I gave you, this is my personal Death Note, but as long as you hold even the smallest scrap of the paper inside, your memories, when they come back to you, will remain."

Light was hesitate in doing so, but when Ryuk thrust the book into his arms, he had little choice.

The moment that Light touched it, he let out a silent scream, jerking his head backwards, as if a thousand different needles were penetrating his brain simultaneously, as every single memory, every experience he ever had with the Death Note, came flooding back in kaleidoscope-like fashion, shocking and painful at first, bombarding his thoughts, and filling in the missing gaps of his memory that the person known as Duo said were lacking—like pieces of a large jigsaw puzzle.

When the shock lapsed, Light collapsed to his knees, grasping the Death Note in his arms tightly, and breathing heavy. Then he began to laugh with hysteria, boisterously. After a seemingly insane display, he gazed up at Ryuk with a gleaming, sinister smile, and his eyes gave off a dark glower. Unlike the emptiness and confusion he felt before, of falseness, he had everything back now, and he felt whole again. Knowledge was power and Light felt like a god.

"Ryuk…"

"Welcome back, Light."

With the Death Note in his arms, Light embraced it like a long-list relative. He felt he had to hold it tight or he'd lose his memories again. And he didn't want to forget anything now.

It was indeed not the same Death Note Ryuk had originally dropped to the Human World that Light picked up in the yard of his high school—that of a simple looking school notebook.

Ryuk's Death Note was larger and bound with an antiquated hard animal skin binding like that used in the realm of a long forgotten time. It was soft to the touch and Light welcomed its power.

Kira was back!

Light got up and sat back on a couch he had jumped up from, he crossed a leg over a knee, to be comfortable. He looked inward as he held the Death Note one would like a baby, but not so gently.

"I can't believe that bastard Matsuda shot me, and several times, in fact, after Kira's true identity was revealed," he said in disgust. "And I can't believe Mikami was so stupid to allow Near to steal and duplicate the Death Note. If it wasn't for him, I would still be alive, and the entire Kira Task Force would be dead, including that idiot Misa."

"You never liked that girl, did you?"

He gave Ryuk a hard stare. "No, she is/was the poster-child of stupidity. I only allowed her to tag alone because she knew I was Kira, and admittedly, I was concerned, one day, she would smarten up, and kill me. So, I gave into her whims and allowed her infatuation to flourish. But one day, she would die. I knew Rem would have to die first."

"You are the only human I know to kill a Shinigami. Quite impressive!"

Light nodded. Then he thought of someone, and her face burst into his mind. "My only regret was Takada had to die to rid myself of Mello. She was more on my level. She was smart and beautiful, and would've been the perfect complement to Kira, and I was very attracted to her. Her death was unfortunate…"

"I bet you wish you had done it with her, eh? Mr. Heart Throb," Ryuk said, releasing a low a throat chuckle.

Light glanced around, ignoring the remark.

"So, this place…This is where people are sent to when they die? Atheists are correct then. Heaven and Hell are nothing but fabricated constructs, drummed up with religious undertones to explain other-worldly happenstances."

"Not quite," Ryuk began. "We are just in a place between worlds. The Human imagination is capable of concocting anything that suits its beliefs, and when death comes, the human brain can give the person exactly what they wish, and they can die happy with a smile on their face. Heaven and Hell are based on concepts developed over centuries of story-telling. This place was designed to deal with the overcrowding of dead people, because so many humans die each day. Someone has to judge them, and to make sure they go to the proper place: either Reincarnation (Heaven: Your life as your know it is over, your memories erased…) or The Void (Hell: where a soul, that has committed unspeakable acts, is subjected to repeated negative emotions for all of eternality).

"And, in Quindecim, is where Raye Penber resides," Ryuk revealed. "Better try to avoid him here. He cannot go to either Heaven or Hell either. You tricked him into using the Death Note. So, technically, he is the same as you. Only you are the more unique case. Everyone hates you here for the trouble you caused, not just because of all the extra work, but because the space time continuum was altered. Or, maybe that was my fault when I dropped the Death Note into the Human World? I'm not quite sure?"

Ryuk then said: "From what I could learn from this place, it's what humans call Draconian. You do what you're told, no questions. There is no grey area. There is an administration, and several other departments. Much like your NPA."

A deep, seething hatred quickly enveloped Light. "I can no longer judge people the way I wish as I did in the Human World," he said. "If I am to become an Arbiter here, then my judgements will be limited. The Human World needs Kira, but I'm stuck here. When you said you killed me by writing my name in the Death Note, I noticed a but in your voice."

"Yes, and that is precisely why I'm here, and engaged this clever, elaborate charade as a Special Arbiter. I'm doing so with help from others, who support an independent Shinigami Realm, save from the boredom and stagnation of the Shinigami King's rule," Ryuk explained. "The Shinigami higher-ups wanted me to return, and explain why I did what I did, causing a lot of trouble in the Human World. But I chose to do come here instead to be with you, because I knew I would be punished with my Death Note taken away. I would most likely be imprisoned for a long time, too. I still want to be entertained and you gave me a thrill of a lifetime as Kira. I wrote your name in my Death Note, but something went wrong. You did experience a heart attack, but it was not my doing, My theory is, it resulted from the shock of being shot. You died sooner than I would have thought. You died seconds before I could finish writing your name down and I was robbed of obtaining your remaining lifespan. That was not part of our deal."

"I don't understand? Are you saying there's a loophole wherein I can live again?"

"Yes, technically, if a contract between a Shinigami and a Human is not fulfilled to satisfaction, there are grounds for a Retry. Normally, I would need permission from someone for this, but I wasn't willing to ask. Sometimes it is better to just do something and ask for forgiveness later, then ask for permission and be denied. However, there is a snag. While the loophole applies to you, due to the nature of your death, you can no longer return to your original body. Your death was labelled a homicide, but that aside, you died from a heart attack after being shot, the shock was overwhelming. The official police records say you died while you attempted to apprehend members of the Yukaza during a sting operation and got hit in some crossfire. I went to your funeral, disguised as a lonesome mourner." Ryuk chuckled. "In accordance to your will, you were cremated. You put yourself down as an organ donor, but it was said your organs were damaged by gunfire. It was Matsuda who insisted you burn whole."

Light frowned.

Ryuk chuckled. "Oh, you should've seen his face. He really hates you. And in secret, he prays you burn in hell. However, in the time Kira has disappeared, crime has begun to run rampant throughout the world again. As I said, a Shinigami doesn't care how a human uses the Death Note, only that he uses it. Someone I knew went down for a short stint to the Human World, but the idiot who he gave his Death Note to committed suicide with it because he couldn't handle the pressure when Near came after him, unlike you."

Light smirked and chuckled. Then his thoughts turned back to what Ryuk said before.

"Matsuda truly believed in my innocence, more so than my father," he said. "How ironic that it was him that killed me. The naive fool didn't realize Kira was helping the world. Some law enforcement can only see black and white. If I do manage to return, he'll be the first one I kill, along with Near and the SPK. So, let me get this straight, I can live again, but I can't be restored to my own body?"

"Yup, that pretty much sums it up. There may be a way to do it here, perhaps even travel back in time, but I have to do more research. I'm not as dumb as I look, Light. I was pretty smart way back in my hey-day, so don't think I don't know what I'm doing."

"Looks and intelligence don't always go hand-in-hand, except for me, of course," he said boastfully. He cleared his throat when Ryuk didn't take lightly to his dry humour. "Sorry, do what you can, Ryuk. I trust you to make the right decisions in my absence, and if you do really well, I'll buy you a whole bushel of apples."

Ryuk got excited.

"Can I be reincarnated into someone else's body? In other words, possess and takeover the host? That would be the ideal situation, as then I can walk amongst the masses without Near knowing who I am, judging the wicked—once I get another Death Note. If I recall, I did bury some additional papers under another tree when I buried my Death Note before I turned myself into L, attempting to convince him I may suffer from split personality disorder." He smirked. "Maybe they're still there? I don't recall ever retrieving them."

Ryuk shook his head. "You can't possess a body already inhabited by a soul. Despite what some religious people believe, two souls cannot inhabit the same body, or a human would go insane."

"That's the set definition of split personality disorder," Light said, "but with both personalities aware of the other. Yes, I can see how a person would go insane with that happening… And whose to say, the second personality wasn't psychotic? It would drive the other out of his mind. Perhaps that's what happened to that user you mentioned?"

"Or you…" Ryuk said.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," the Shinigami said. Ryuk momentarily mused. "There are cases where a Shinigami have attempted to possess a human without a Death Note contract. But mostly, they're referred to as Demon Possession, and only a highly trained Exorcist can separate the two. Here, in Quindecim, those souls that remain in this realm, are transferred to Shell Bodies or Dummies, because eventually a soul will dissipate without coherence or a host it to keep it shut-in. But trust me, you won't have to worry about that. You're a unique case, because of your 'evil nature' and amnesia from the Death Note. Raye Penber was dealt with, his memories intact, and was assigned to a department far from here. I could get that information, if you want? The likelihood of you two meeting up is moot. Despite its looks, Quindecim is a pretty large place. My advise: play along and go through the testing. I know you'll pass the trails. Think of them like multiple choice questions. In the meantime, I'll figure something out that'll be mutual beneficial to the both of us."

"What do you have in mind?"

"I have friends who can literally work miracles, but for a price." Ryuk chuckled. "I'll have to work behind the scenes, so no one knows what I'm doing, or both of us can get in big trouble. There are worse places than this realm, Light, much, much worse. So, be careful what you do and what you say. Stay in character with amnesia. But that shouldn't be difficult for you. You're a natural born actor, a habitual lair, and genuine sociopath. It should be easy for you."

Ryuk chuckled, and Light scorned him.

Ryuk allowed Light to continue touching his Death Note as he opened it, then he ripped off a small corner piece. He held the edge with the tips of two fingers to Light's face. Light looked at it with minute confusion.

"Swallow it," Ryuk said, "and your memories will remain with you."

Light took it from Ryuk's grasp, but then gulped it down without a second thought. He coughed, and cleared his throat, then put faith in what he had just done and handed over Ryuk's Death Note. He looked at his hands, they were empty, but he could still had his memories. It had worked.

Ryuk slipped his Death Note back into his pouch.

Then, in the blink of an eye, he reverted back to his human form—Poof! As if everything had been one big illusion, or in human terms: a psychotropic episode. His Death Note was no longer visible.

Light looked upon the blond-haired human form of the Shinigami, youthful in appearance, and was intrigued. Ryu had been just an attending member of Quindecim when he first saw him, now he gave off a more important presence. "You're quite handsome, Ryuk—I mean, Ryu. You chose a good disguise. I bet women love you?"

Ryu smiled. "I'll let you in on a little secret. This is what I used to look like before I became a Shinigami and that grotesque being. All Shinigami are converted by the Shinigami King, none of us can use our true form. When we appear to a human, we must look menacing for them to obey the rules. That is part and parcel of our existence."

Light mused. "So, for the sake of argument, if I were to become a Shinigami, what would my body be converted to? Do you think? Something as grotesque and hideous as yours?"

"Care to rephrase that? You were narcissistic and nasty to me when we had a contract, Light. I don't have to stick around. I could drop my Death Note and allow something else to pick it up? And we can part ways forever."

Light laughed. "Forgive me," he said. "But you do have to admit, it's quite a startling change. If you think of it logically, however, most other species would probably say the same thing about humans—that we look ugly to them."

"You seem happy, Light. Why?"

"Because I have another chance. I'll train to be an Arbiter here and then cast my judgements upon the dead. My word will be god here. This is the last stop for all souls. It's nothing like the Death Note, and I would prefer to cleanse the Human World of evil, so only good, hard working people, can survive. But until Kira returns, this will have to suffice."

"Just don't let Duo find out that you have your memories back, or he may find a way to cast you into The Void. But even if he can't, he may just place you in solitary confinement forever. Call me selfish, but I enjoyed our time together, and I want to be entertained again. I'll pop back in from time-to-time. I'm Special Arbiter Ryu to you."

"I understand," Light said. "If you can achieve a miracle and allow me to cheat death, and emerge from this repose destitution, I'll give you all the entertainment you wish, and much more." Ryuk looked excited. "In the meantime, I'll play along here. And perhaps, it will alleviate some of my own boredom…"

To be continued...