Harry: Seriously, what the fuck was that? That was Wormtail, and I'm guessing the foetus looking motherfucker was Voldemort, but who was the old guy? He has no connection to me whatsoever, so why did I possess him?
Vernon: BOY! Stop monologuing. It's four in the freaking morning.
Harry: Sorry Uncle Vernon. I just need to write a quick letter to my serial killer godfather and I'll go back to bed.
Vernon: Oh…remember to tell him how well we're taking care of you, will you? *goes back to bed*
Harry: Actually, writing to Sirius might not be a bad idea. My head is killing me. When was the last time my scar hurt? Was it when I accidentally got Quirrell stoned? Or was it when I killed a minor eldritch abomination that was hiding beneath the school? Well, whatever, I need to tell him.
*Harry grabs out a quill, ink, and some parchment*
Harry: "Dear Sirius, how are you doing? I'm doing fine, especially since the Dursleys still believe you're a psycho killer. I hope you don't mind that I haven't told them that you're actually innocent. I just feel like it's something a trouble maker like you would appreciate. Anyway, the main reason for my letter is to mention my scar is hurting again, which hasn't happened since I was last in contact with something Voldemort related. Do you know anything about this that might be helpful? I'd have asked someone else, but Hermione's still clinging to the belief that everything is science, Dumbledore's an idiot, and Ron's…well, Ron. Please write back soon. From, Harry."
Harry: "P.S. You're gonna have to tell me how the hell you managed to get to the Bahamas when you look like a dirty hobo. And don't tell me you swam there as a dog, because I still hardly believe you got away from Azkaban like that." Yeah, that ought to do it. Now, to actually write all that.
Author's note: Hey guys, sorry for the EXTREMELY short chapter, but in the actual book this chapter was 90% recap of the previous books, so there wasn't much to really work with. Plus, I have a finale to write, so I wanted to do something to get my mind off it for a couple of days before I work on it. Speaking of which, because of the anticipated length of the finale to Total Drama, the next chapter of this won't be for a couple of weeks (at best). Hopefully early next month I'll be able to continue this fairly regularly. Until then guys…