Harry: I can't believe we made it through those flames.
Ginny: They knew better than to burn me or anyone I care for.
Harry: Okay…so I get me and you, but why's Hermione unharmed?
Ginny: She's smart. I might have a use for that.
Harry: Right…and the twins?
Ginny: Fellow agents of chaos. I can't disrespect fellow practitioners of the art.
Ron: Hey Harry, I'm a little on fire. Can you pee on me please?
Hermione: Aguamenti *puts Ron, Percy, Bill, Charlie, and Arthur out*
Ron: HEY! I already asked Harry to do that.
Harry: You know that wasn't going to happen.
Ron: You don't know that.
Arthur: On to our seats then.
Hermione: Sir, you're still smouldering a bit. Maybe we should…
Arthur: I paid a scalper good money for these tickets…
Harry: That you magicked into fake tickets.
Arthur: …and I'm not having them wasted now.
Hermione: This will only take a…
Arthur: Let's go kids *enters the arena. Everyone else follows*
*at their seats*
Harry: You really went all out when you forged these, didn't you?
Arthur: What would be the point otherwise?
Man: Excuse me sir, you appear to be in our seat.
Harry: Wow, like we didn't see this happening.
Arthur: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought my tickets said these were our seats. Let me just double check *holds out portkey for the man* Could you hold this for a moment for me?
Man: Uh…sure *takes portkey, and immediately disappears, while screaming*
Harry: Wow…did you plan that in case someone tried to claim their seats?
Arthur: You mean did I plan for someone to steal my souvenir? Hell no.
Fred: Did you really expect any different?
Harry: No, not really. So, any idea who else will be in here with us?
George: Probably someone important, but so far there's only that freak over there.
Harry: What freak over… *sees who it is* Dobby?
Winky: You know Dobby?
Harry: Oh, sorry. You just look like him.
Winky: I'm a woman.
Harry: I'm just saying you house elves all look very similar.
Winky: YOU RACIST ASSHOLE!
Harry: I didn't mean it like…err…how is Dobby, by the way? I haven't heard from him since I freed him.
Winky: You did that?
Harry: Well, I don't mean to brag, but…
Winky: Because since then, he's been homeless. Finding work by selling himself on the street.
Harry: Oh God, I'm sorry. And disgusted that there are people who are into house elves, though considering I'm sitting next to Charlie, not entirely surprised.
Charlie: Hey, scalies are perfectly normal. Elvies are not.
Harry: Why do you know what they're called?
Winky: Dobby's not to upset about strange men slamming him though. He enjoys the pain too much to care.
Harry: Oh God, I don't need to hear this.
Winky: In fact, sometimes he lets the centaurs run a train on him…
Harry: THAT'S IT, shut up and bring someone else here to shut this up.
Fudge: What's up, peasants?
Harry: Not much of an improvement, but I'll take it.
Fudge: Arthur, what are you doing here?
Arthur: Err…you invited us?
Fudge: What? No I didn't, I invited Steve…
Arthur: Oh, right. Steve couldn't make it, so he gave me his tickets.
Fudge: Oh, well that was nice of him.
Arthur: Yeah, it was *to himself* Note to self: Obliviate Steve. Also, find out who Steve is. Or just Obliviate everyone named Steve. Yeah, that'll do.
Fudge: Ah, I see that Crouch has sent his house elf to reserve his seat for him.
Harry: Wait, he left before us. How is he not here yet?
Fudge: Probably because of that freak forest fire that started randomly. I guess we'll never know how it began.
Ginny: Never know? I posed for photos and had an interview with some trash bag reporter about it.
George: Was it anyone we've heard of?
Ginny: Just some blonde tabloid slut.
George: Ah, Rita Skeeter then.
Lucius: Excuse me, coming through, I need to get to my… *sees Arthur* Oh, I'm sorry, I must be in the wrong section. I specifically asked for a seat with no poor people nearby. I don't want to get infected with it like I did a couple of years ago.
Arthur: *glaring* Lucius.
Lucius: Yes, that would be my name Arthur. How are you today?
Arthur: Who did you bribe to get into this box?
Lucius: Bribe? Are you kidding? These tickets were cheaper to buy outright than to bribe for. If anything, people should be suspicious of YOU bribing someone to get those seats.
Draco: But father, they're poor.
Lucius: That just raises more questions. So, whose body did you sell on the streets, your wife's or your daughter's?
Ginny: Are you sure you want to make a joke like that about me in front of me?
Lucius: Oh, what's the worst that could happen? You're just a little… *sees his robes are suddenly made of leeches* Huh, well played.
Ginny: Now, get the fuck out of here, Lucy.
Lucius: My name's not… *sees Ginny's face* Yes ma'am *leaves with Draco*
Percy: Hey look, they're having a display of the country's mascots.
Harry: Cool. So, Ireland will have leprechauns…
Bill: HARRY! That's racist stereotyping.
Harry: Well what the fuck else are they gonna have?
Bill: …potatoes?
Harry: So, what do Bulgaria have?
Ron: Those *points at Veela*
Harry: What are…
Veela: Do you love us?
Every man in the arena: Yes.
Veela: What will you do for us?
Every man in the arena: Anything and everything.
Ginny: *sees Harry is hypnotised by the Veela too* Oh no you don't *slaps him really hard*
Harry: *shakes his head to clear it* Oh, thanks, I guess.
Ginny: I don't want you leering at other species. Your leering should be reserved for me.
Harry: Uh…no thanks.
Ron: Yeah, he only leers at me.
Harry: Why weren't you hypnotised?
Hermione: He's too infatuated with you for that.
Harry: So, do you finally believe that magical creatures exist?
Hermione: Hell no. Do you still believe in magic? Obviously they just released a mixture of testosterone, dopamine, and serotonin into the air so that all the men had a reaction like this.
Harry: What reaction *sniffs air* And what's that smell? *sees what every man in the arena is doing* …HOLY CRAP! There are children present…who seem to be…you know what? We need to skip this vulgarity before we get kicked off the internet.
Ron: No Harry, they're called Bulgarian, not vulgarian.
Harry: *glares at him, before punching him in the face* Well, I feel better now.
Charlie: *snapping out of Veela spell* Why do I feel like I just masturbated to something that wasn't a dragon?
Harry: Because you did. Everyone did. Honestly, I'd be surprised if some of the women don't get pregnant off just the smell.
Ginny: I won't be. I won't allow it. Unless it's you. Get in me.
Harry: Please stop that.
Ron: Yeah, he's mine.
Harry: I was talking to both of you.
McFondles: What about me?
Harry: Where the fuck did you even come from?
McFondles: Where children are present, so shall I be.
Harry: *pushes him out of the box* Get the fuck out of here.
Bill: Hey guys, they're about to bring out the Irish mascots. I wonder what they could…
Harry: They're leprechauns.
Bill: You don't know that.
Percy: They're totally leprechauns.
Bill: You can't prove…
George: What the fuck are you trying to convince us they are?
Bill: Just saying, you can't officially say it until…
Bagman: And now, the Irish mascots, leprechauns.
Bill: Oh my God, who could have seen this coming?
Fred: Everyone. Everyone saw this coming.
Arthur: I didn't.
Fred: You don't count.
Bagman: And now, to introduce the Bulgarian players: Meaningless player 1, Meaningless player 2, Meaningless player 3, Meaningless player 4, Meaningless player 5, Meaningless player 6, and VICTOR KRUM!
Ron: WOO! Only worthwhile player on the field.
Bagman: And now, the Irish team, except who cares because the only player to do anything in this series has already been introduced.
Harry: Wait, we're actually gonna get to see the game? We're not gonna jump past it like in the movie?
Hermione: Don't be silly Harry, no-one can see anything. This is a fanfic.
Ron: Yeah, just like the readers didn't see those five goals the Irish just got.
Harry: Wait, WHAT?!
Charlie: Yeah Ron, it's actually seven.
Harry: Wow, we are seriously abridging this game, aren't we?
Percy: Kieran can't be bothered memorising the names of the thirteen irrelevant characters, so Ireland are now thirteen goals up and Bulgaria have their only goal.
Harry: He just wants to finish this chapter, doesn't he?
Bill: Well, the score's now a hundred and seventy to ten, and Krum's about to catch the snitch, so…
Bagman: And Victor Krum catches the snitch, ending the game. Even though one of his teammates was about to score a goal, which would have brought the game to a tie and at least reset the scoreboard for them…I think. Rowling's never mentioned that. Once she stops deciding every character's sexuality, maybe she'll get to it.
Fred and George: Money please.
Bagman: What are you talking abou…oh, the bet. Right…
Ginny: You know, I have a good feeling about this year.
Harry: Why did you, SPECIFICALLY you, have to say that?