AN: This chapter is the beginning of the journey through Nico's past. While Uncle Rick included Nico in his novels, I don't think his true feelings were explored, which I believe is important. So, I'm doing that! I will eventually write Nico's journey through Tartarus, but it might take me a little while.
Warnings: PTSD, panic attacks, violence, mentions of self-harm, character injury. Please do NOT read if any of these themes upset you
Disclaimer: All rights to Rick Riordan. I own nothing, but the plot.
Themes of self-harm, anxiety, and depression are expressed within this story. TRIGGER WARNING! Please do NOT read if these themes upset you. TRIGGER WARNING!
Criticism is appreciated, but please no hate. Please review and leave me suggestions! Enjoy!
Nico's POV:
The tunnel was an entrance to Tartarus. The very same entrance that he had gone down. He had traveled down that tunnel, thinking he could go anywhere, as a son of Hades, without consequence. How his own arrogance had turned on him. Why had his father taken him here? Did he not know what he was putting Nico through by exposing him to this place?
It was the first time he had been so close to Tartarus since he had escaped. Since Percy and Annabeth had fallen in. All the memories started seeping in. The terrors and horrors he had witnessed. In nightmares, waking up was his escape. But he couldn't escape by waking up now. The hell-scape was no more than ten feet away. He remembered the pull of gravity that had taken him down to the Tartarus. He started breathing heavily. He didn't want to go back there. But he couldn't move. He was frozen. He was sent back in time. Back to when he had first fallen into Gaea's trap.
Nico looked around. Up the hill, the gates to Elysium took residence. If only he was going there. Unfortunately, he had a much more serious mission. His father's palace was to his back. To his left, a tunnel. He peered down it. The stench coming from it was rancid, it smelled like a dead corpse rotting. Pure evil emanated from the tunnel. It seemed like the best place to start looking for the Doors of Death.
Nico had been briefed about the Prophecy and Percy had been deployed to Alaska for his quest with Hazel and Frank. Nico had made it his mission to find the Doors of Death. He was currently trying to find one of them in the Underworld.
He pulled his sword from his belt, ready to fight whatever came his way. He slowly started approaching the tunnel. It narrowed considerably, providing no light. He raised his sword, using the dark glow to lead his way. The tunnel reeked of death. But Nico had just started his search; he couldn't have found the doors so quickly.
He had a bad feeling pass over him. Something was wrong. Even the Field of Punishment didn't have this kind of aura. Only one place did. His eyes widened in fear. He started scrambling back, out of the tunnel. But whatever forces controlled the tunnel had already found their prey.
Nico tried to run, but he wasn't making any progress. It felt like he was stuck in a black hole. He lost his footing. He hit the ground hard as he was sucked down the tunnel. The only thought he had was to keep a tight grip on his sword. He couldn't lose that. Not where he was going.
He looked down at his feet, trying to discern where he was going. The tunnel path continued for a little while, before dropping off a cliff. It was ten feet away. Five feet. Nico screwed his eyes closed as he dropped over the side, screaming.
"Nico!?" He heard Will scream. A couple of minutes had passed, and Nico's companions were attempting to get his attention to no avail. He had just frozen.
Nico looked at Will with haunted eyes. Will immediately took a step back; terrified of the hate and fear he had just seen in Nico's eyes.
"What?" Nico spat with some much venom that even his father took a step back.
"You froze- What's wrong?" Will took a step towards him.
Nico took a step back. "Don't touch me."
"Is he having a fit or something?" Persephone murmured to Hades in what was meant to be a whisper, but Nico's senses were heightened. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins, trying to stave off the fear. But the fear was overwhelming him as well.
"Am I having a fit or something? Yes, that is exactly what is happening!" Nico's voice was high. "If that's not too much for your godly brain to comprehend."
Persephone looked deeply offended, but Nico was past caring. "Your word obviously doesn't mean anything, demigod. You haven't changed one bit."
"Shut up!" Nico and his father said in sync.
Persephone looked at her husband with hurt in his eyes. "Hades-"
"Something is wrong with my son, so stop talking!" Hades demanded as he swept across the lawn closer to his son.
Nico heard his words and his defenses went up. "So, there is something wrong with me, father?" His heart was trying to beat out of his chest. He was having a hard time breathing. "Maybe, it's you that there is something wrong with, bringing me here!"
"What, what is he talking about?" Will whirled around to Hades. Hades' face dawned with understanding. "The Underworld?"
"That tunnel. That's an entrance into-" he trailed off.
Will's eyes cleared with understanding. "Tartarus." He whispered.
The air seemed to get simultaneously colder and hotter with the name. The humidity increased in the air as Nico saw ice appear on the ground. The air was suffocating. A hand broke through the surface. Nico leaped back with a scream. The hand was torn up. There was grey skin, but it was ripped open revealing blood and muscle tissue below it.
"What? What is it, Nico?" Will looked around in fear. "What do you see?"
Nico raised a shaky hand. "That."
Hades and Will looked but failed to see anything.
"He's hallucinating," Hades informed Will. "He thinks he's back there."
"Nico, Nico, look at me." Will's voice was calm, but it agitated Nico even more, "Look at me!" Nico heeded the command, eyes shooting up to meet Will's. Will smiled encouragingly. "That's right. Everything is okay. You are going to be okay."
"You can't- you can't know that."
Will nodded. "Yes, yes I can. Because I know you. You are going to get through this."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his father trying to approach him. He whirled around to stop his father. "Please, don't."
Nico's hands were steaming, the grass around him was withering and dying. Hades held his hand out. Nico detected fear in his eyes. In the back of his mind, he realized that his father had never actually seen him having a panic attack. He had seen him in the midst of self-harm, but not a full-blown panic attack.
"I can help, Nico. I can take the pain away." Hades wasn't looking directly at Nico, but Nico was too focused on his fear to notice.
"I- I don't want help. I just- I just want it to stop!" He screamed.
"What? What do you need to stop?" Hades gave a slight nod, and before Nico realized what was happening, Will lightly touched his arm.
The contact led to another rush of memories. Giants grabbing him to force him into the bronze jar. He jerked back, attempting to get away from the contact.
"I said don't touch me!"
He threw his hands towards his attacker, power energy rushing out of him. The figure who had touched him was sent flying through the air. His momentum was stopped by a nearby tree. The figure hit the ground with a loud thud.
Another hand grabbed his arm. He turned to send the new assailant flying as well. But this attacker was more powerful. Nico felt himself expel a huge force of energy. A figure in the background was hit with the force and went down. But the person holding him seemed to have absorbed Nico's energy. He didn't move an inch. The figure wrapped his arms around Nico. Nico tried to fight back, but the attacker holding him was stronger. Nico allowed himself to slip to the ground. The person holding him followed.
"Let me go-" his voice was cracking. He was going to be taken again. He was going back to Tartarus. "Please. I'll- I'll do anything!"
He felt a cold finger touch his forehead. Suddenly, the fog of his memories faded. He was in the Underworld, with his father's arms around him. His heart was still racing, his limbs still shaking, but the fog faded. He knew where he was.
"It's okay. You're okay." Nico listened to his father's words, but he didn't trust himself speak just yet.
He focused on the tangible things. The dead grass beneath his feet. The tight grip that his father had on him. Breathing in and out. Now that he knew where he was, the fear started to fade. He got control of his emotions as he fought his way out of his panic attack.
"Oh my gods," he pushed his father away, embarrassed by his breakdown. He was still shaking. "I am sorry."
"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I didn't realize where I was taking you." Hades said solemnly, sitting on his knees. He was carefully watching Nico.
"Hades!" Persephone's panicked voice rang out. Hades stood immediately. Nico tried to stand, but his father stopped him.
"Stay here, it's best for you to just stay here. You need to catch your breath." Hades advised.
"What's going on?" Nico was fearful. Why had Persephone sounded so panicked? Wait a second, where's Will? "Will?"
Hades faced took one of concern. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted.
"Hades, please!" Persephone's voice sounded even more agitated.
Nico thought back to his panic attack. There had been a first attacker. He had sent him flying into a tree. That had been- "No-"
Nico sprang up, spinning around quickly. He spotted the tree. Persephone was crouched over a figure. She looked up as Nico stood. She had ichor running down a cut that had appeared on her face. The figure on the ground had blond hair. Will. Nico's vision tunneled. His feet were moving faster than his mind, and before he knew it, he was crouched over Will as well. His eyes were closed.
"Oh my gods, what have I done?" Nico whispered, guilt stabbing through his body. He looked up at Persephone.
Persephone looked at him, pity reflected in her eyes. "It wasn't your fault." She mused quietly.
"Is he-?" He couldn't let the last word out. He felt his father arrive above him. Nico could figure it out himself, but he was too emotionally compromised.
Will suddenly groaned. Nico felt the grip on his heart loosen a little. Will was alive. His blue eyes fluttered open. "Nico-"
Nico threw himself on top of Will, squeezing the life out of his boyfriend. "Oh my gods, I am so sorry!"
Will gasped in pain. Nico released him quickly. Nico scanned him, trying to find out what was wrong. Will had taught him the basics when it came to first aid, but he didn't possess any healing skills.
"What's wrong? What hurts?" Nico asked, panicked. Nico lightly felt around Will's head for any bumps. "You were unconscious when I got over here. That could be a sign of a concussion-"
"Nico, calm down- you are panicking," Will informed. "You just had a panic attack and you can't send yourself into another one."
"I'm trying to figure out what's wrong!" Nico said, still looking over Will's body. "If I hurt you-"
"I'm okay-"
"If you are just saying that-"
"It's just my arm, Nico. I dislocated my left shoulder when I hit the ground."
Nico cocked his head to look at Will. "But you passed out-"
Will grinned sheepishly. "I'm not very good with pain. The impact of hitting the ground hurt me, causing me to pass out, but I'm okay, it's okay."
Nico looked deeply into Will's eyes. "Are you sure that's it?'
Will nodded, wincing ever so slightly. "I'm a doctor; and I'm fine. I am more worried about you. Are you okay?" He reached out to touch Nico's face.
Nico hit Will in his approaching good arm. "I thought you were dead!"
"Ouch!" Will lowered his arm, glaring at Nico. 'I'm okay. A few scrapes and bruises, but once you pop my shoulder back into place, I'll be as good as new."
"Me?" Nico asked. "I can't- I don't know how to do that-"
Will pushed himself up with his good hand and the help of Persephone. He sat up against the tree. "I will walk you through it. It is a piece of cake."
"Shouldn't we take you back to Camp? Kayla can do it, or Brandon-"
"You can do this," Will assured. "I trust you."
"What if I hurt you?" He whispered, closing his eyes. "I caused you this pain in the first place. I don't want to make it worse."
Will put his hand on Nico's face. Nico heard a silent rustle and realized that his father and Persephone had backed off to give them space. "This wasn't your fault. You cannot help when your panic attacks strike. I should have known better than trying to touch you while you were in the midst of one."
Nico felt Will brush away the tear that had fallen down his face. "I- I thought I was back there. That tunnel… that's how I got sucked in the first time. I thought you were the giants- kidnapping me- and when I found out it was you and I had hurt you…"
"I'm okay, Nico. I am honestly more worried about you and how you are feeling. Your panic attacks can be dangerous. You can overtax your powers and exhaust yourself when they happen. The stress you go through isn't healthy."
Nico opened his eyes. "You are the one who just got catapulted into a tree. You need more medical attention than I do."
Will was searching his eyes, trying to gauge Nico's pain. "Emotional trauma can be just as if not more destructive than physical damage. My arm isn't going anywhere."
Nico looked away from Will's eyes. "How can I help you?"
Will's POV:
Will hadn't been entirely honest with Nico; he had hit his head pretty hard. He knew that he had a mild concussion, which had been the reason he had passed out. He didn't tell Nico because he hadn't wanted to further his anxiety and make things worse. Also, he didn't want Nico to feel responsible for hurting him. It had been Will's own fault, but he knew that the son of Hades was going to blame himself regardless of what anyone said.
"So, popping my arm back into place isn't going to be hard," Will reassured. "I'm probably going to scream, but after it's over, I will be fine."
Nico looked uncertain. "Are you sure we shouldn't wait?"
Will nodded. "I'm sure. Are you ready?"
"As ready as I will ever be." Nico steeled himself.
"Okay, so first, I need to lay on my back." Nico helped him lay flat on the ground. "Next, I need you to move my left arm away from my body at a 90-degree angle."
Will winced at the pain as Nico moved his arm. "Like this?"
"Perfect-" Will gasped. "Now, you need to firmly grab my hand and pull my arm. Slowly. It should pop back into place."
Nico slowly started pulling his hand. Will dug his right hand into the ground at the pain but did not cry out. Nico kept pulling. Will heard a 'clunk'.
Relief washed over him. "Stop. You did it. It's back in place." Nico let go of his hand. Will moved his hand around, feeling a lot less pain than before. "Thank the gods, that's much better."
"Do you think you can stand?" Nico asked. "I want- I want to get out of here." Nico was looking back at the tunnel.
"Yes," Will answered, bringing Nico's attention back to him. "Let's get back to the palace."
Nico helped Will sit up. Will looked carefully at Nico. There was so much tension in his body movements. He was still panicking. The moment the adrenaline left his body, Nico was going to crash. Hard. Will hoped that he would be okay enough to help him when Nico hit his wall.
Nico climbed over him to his right side and carefully wrapped his arm around Will's torso. The two boys stood. Will felt light-headed, but he kept his footing. He couldn't pass out. Not when Nico was in the state he was in. Nico coaxed him into wrapping his good arm around his shoulder. He complied.
Will looked up, trying to focus on not passing out. He saw Hades and Persephone standing off to the side, but close enough to help if needed. Will noticed a gash on Persephone's head. Nico must have sent her flying as well. She didn't look angry, however. She just looked concerned for Will. Will liked Persephone. They had spent about an hour together, but Will liked the goddess. He understood Nico's feelings towards her, but he hoped they could move past that.
He looked at Hades. Hades looked concerned for his son. He most likely knew that Nico was close to the breaking point. But he was keeping it together for Will.
Nico had had panic attacks about Tartarus before, but he had never been so close to the entrance. He couldn't imagine what was going through Nico's head at this point. He knew he never would, but he wanted to understand what Nico was going through. He wanted to help him.
They started walking forward. Will stumbled, causing Nico to come to a stop. "You okay?"
Will nodded, but then instantly regretted it. His head was pounding. "Let's just keep going."
"Do you need help, Nico?" Hades offered his other arm to help bear some of Will's weight.
"No," Nico said defensively. "I can do it on my own."
"But you don't have to."
Nico glared at his father. "I put him in this state, I should be the one to help him."
Hades backed off, showing his defeat. But, as the two boys walked, he and Persephone kept close by. Neither boy talked, but instead focusing on the task at hand. Nico focused on not thinking of Tartarus and paying attention to what Will needed. Will tried not to pass out.
They made it about halfway to the palace before Will's vision turned upside. "Nico," he gasped.
"What is it? What's wrong?" His tone was panicked and too loud.
"Sit- sit down," he felt himself fall forward. Nico slowed his fall, but they both hit the ground.
"What's happening? Will?" He slowly laid Will on the ground. Will shut his eyes against the colors of the Underworld. "Father!" Nico called out in desperation.
Will heard footsteps and whined at the noise and the movement. "Will?! Look at me!" He opened his eyes to look at Nico. He was blurry. "What's wrong?"
"Concuss…" his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he knew no more.