Fudge: Ah, Harry. How is it going my boy?
Harry: Well, I...
Fudge: Excellent, excellent. But right now, me and your Headmaster have some important matters to discuss, like the arrest of Madame Maxime.
Harry: Huh? Why?
Fudge: What do you mean why? You provided the evidence yourself. You said Crouch was with you and Cedric...
Harry: Krum.
Fudge: And when you got back, he was gone. Therefore Madame Maxime must be guilty.
Harry: Do you really think I'd miss someone as big as her if she was there?
Fudge: ...hmm, I guess she does have that defence. In any case, we've got to investigate the place where it happened.
Harry: But...
Moody: Don't worry Potter, we won't be too long...
Dumbledore: Don't touch my shit *leaves with the others*
Harry: Somehow, I expected this meeting to go much worse. Now, what can I do until he gets back? *sees a strange reflection coming from a nearby closet* I have to look at whatever that is, don't I? *the reflection seems to nod* God damn it *goes over to check out what's causing it* It's just a stone basin with weird looking water. Can I go now? *the reflection seems to shake its head* Well what am I supposed to do with... *looks into the basin, and falls in* Oh crap, I'm doing an Alice in Wonderland...or is this more Narnia because it's in a closet? *lands on a wooden bench* Great, where the fuck am I? *sees Dumbledore next to him* Professor? *gets ignored* Yo, Professor *still ignored* God damn it old man *tries to hit him, and his hand goes through him* Well that's disappointing.
Crouch: *sitting at a judge's desk* Okay, bring in the prisoner.
Harry: Great, I'm in the fucking past. That stone basin actually Inuyasha-ed me *sees who the prisoner is* Karkaroff? Yep, the past.
Crouch: So, you decided you want to talk finally, have you?
Karkaroff: Yes, I told you that when you caught me. Six months ago.
Crouch: Don't sass me, douchebag. Just tell us what we want so I can throw your ass back in Azkaban and I can go back to banging my wife.
Karkaroff: You know, that doesn't seem like appropriate language for court...
Crouch: Names or get the fuck out.
Karkaroff: *sigh* Okay, well, now that I've renounced my allegiance to Voldemort...
Crouch: *cough*Bullshit*cough*
Karkaroff: *glares at Crouch* The names I have are: Antonin Dolohov, Evan Rosier, Edward Travers, Randall Mulciber, Augustus Rockwood, Severus Snape...
Crouch: Caught, dead, caught, caught, we'll look into, switched sides. Okay, seeya.
Karkaroff: Wait, I still have one more...
Crouch: I said goodbye.
*memory suddenly fades, and then comes back to the same courtroom*
Crouch: Alright, bring in the prisoner *Ludo Bagman gets brought in, and the crowd in the courtroom starts cheering* Jesus fucking Christ.
Bagman: Hey, what's up buddy?
Crouch: I'm not your buddy, friend.
Bagman: I'm not your friend, guy.
Moody: And this isn't South Park, fuck knuckle. Why were you leaking Ministry secrets?
Bagman: How the hell was I supposed to know what Rockwood was up to? He said, and I quote, "hey, can you get me some Ministry secrets? I'm not in league with the Dark Lord, I swear, I just want information."
Crouch: That's literally the problem.
Bagman: Hands up, members of the jury, who else would have believed someone who said that to them *everyone raised their hands* See? I'm completely innocent.
Crouch: Fuck my life.
Harry: Now you know how I feel.
*courtroom fades and reappears again*
Crouch: I've decided you're all guilty, of the horrifying torture of Frank and Alice Longbottom.
Scary and psychotic looking witch: Without even hearing the evidence?
Crouch: Quiet Lestrange.
Harry: Man, she looks creepy. I hope I never meet her in person.
Crouch Jr: Father, please. I didn't do it.
Harry: Doctor Who is that? HA! I got it in at the right place.
Crouch Jr: Father, please. You've got to believe me, I'm your son.
Bellatrix: Oh, don't lie little Barty. You enjoyed it more than any of us.
Crouch Jr: FATHER!
Crouch: Sorry, but the crazed lunatic said you did it, and I'm inclined to believe her.
Crouch Jr: But father...
Crouch: TO THE DEMENTORS WITH YOU!
Bellatrix: *psychotic laughter* Come along Barty.
Crouch Jr: FATHER! *gets dragged from the courtroom*
Dumbledore: God damn it kid *drags Harry out of the pensieve* What did I tell you about touching my shit?
Harry: Was I just in your memories?
Dumbledore: WHAT?! Who told you?
Harry: No-one, but else could it have been?
Dumbledore: *narrowing his eyes* Okay, I'll believe you. This time. Yes, this pensieve is an interesting item. Simply remove a thought or memory that you want to examine, and throw it in the bowl. Like so.
Harry: No, I don't really need to... *Dumbledore uses his wand to pull out a memory, and it starts projecting itself above the pensieve*
Memory Dumbledore: Oh Gellert, take me. Take me now.
Memory Grindelwald: As you wish, Albus *the sounds of clothes being removed is heard*
Harry: STOP THIS SHIT RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
Dumbledore: *sigh* Fine, be a prude and miss the beauty of love *turns it off* So, I assume you came to me for a reason.
Harry: Yeah, but I doubt you can really help me, so I'm gonna go now *starts to leave*
Dumbledore: *grabbing him* Oh no you don't. You ain't leaving this office without telling me what's happening.
Harry: I could probably wait for you to die *Dumbledore just stares at him, waiting* Fine, whatever. My scar started hurting after I woke up from a dream in Divination.
Dumbledore: Oh, boohoo. Your scar hurts. Guess what? It's a scar, it's meant to hurt.
Harry: It's only ever done that when something Voldemort *distant thundercrack* related happens.
Dumbledore: Probably because he's getting stronger. Something you should have worked out when it was hurting you over the summer.
Harry: ...how do you know about that?
Dumbledore: From my pen pal Sirus. Weird that he spells his name with an S rather than a C, but whatever. I suggested that he start living in a nearby mountain since he's going through some hard times right now.
Harry: I think you mean Siri...actually, no, you're right, it's Sirus.
Dumbledore: Exactly. Now, unless you can tell me the link between the deaths of Bertha Jonkins, a muggle named Frank Bryce, and the disappearance of Barty Crouch and my pizza, get out of my office.
Harry: Well, guess that's my cue to leave.
Dumbledore: And it's about freaking time. Oh, and don't tell Neville you know about his tragic backstory.
Harry: I didn't care in the first place *leaves office* Well, that went as well as could be expected.
Author's note: Well, I think we all suspected it for a while, but now it has been confirmed once and for all: Dragon Ball Z Abridged, one of the main inspirations for this series, will not be continuing. It's disappointing, but I understand what must be going through Team Four Star's heads. Burnout is a horrible thing, and anyone who remembers the fourth season of my Total Drama fic knows I'm not immune to it. I doubt anyone is. It's a creativity killer, and there's no good cure for it. Rest in peace Dragon Ball Z Abridged, and thanks for all the laughs over the years. I'll never forget the good times you gave us.