Harry: ...T! *hits the ground with Cedric*
Cedric: Harry, I don't think we're in Hogwarts anymore.
Harry: No shit, we're in a graveyard. And somehow I don't think this is part of the challenge.
Cedric: Really? Well, that's just rude. I should give whoever's behind this a piece of my mind *sees someone wearing a hooded cloak and carrying a bundle of rags moving nearby* There's someone now.
Harry: Cedric, I don't like this. It's probably a trap, one designed to kill me. You know, because I was forced to enter the Tournament despite the fact I'm nowhere near old enough to be competing.
Cedric: Don't worry, I'll handle this. I said I'd stand up to the next person I saw, and who better than the ones trying to kill you?
Harry: That sounds like a suicidally horrible idea.
Cedric: *ignoring Harry* Hey there, whoever you are. Did you bring us here?
Harry: *scar suddenly starts hurting* AHHH! Cedric, get out of there!
?: Who the fuck is this extra person? Kill him, he's unnecessary.
Hooded figure: But sir, do we really need to leave another body? They might suspect that...
?: DO IT! Nagini's hungry.
Hooded figure: *pulls out wand* AV...
Cedric: Oh, it's a fight you want? Well *pulling out his own wand* I'll be more than happy to...
Hooded figure: ...ADA KEDAVRA! *blasts Cedric, knocking him to the ground, dead*
Harry: Oh my God, they killed Cedric. YOU BASTARDS!
?: Bind him, Pettigrew.
Harry: Pettigrew? Oh, it's just you Peter. How's it going, rat boy?
Peter: *glares at him* Fuck you Potter *blasts Harry with a spell that ties Harry to a nearby headstone*
Harry: Oh, come on man, do you really think you're a threat?
Peter: Me? No *points at the bundle* But he is.
Harry: What do you... *sudden realisation* Oh God, that's not...
Peter: It will be. I just need a few things *summons a stone cauldron and some water, before lighting a fire to boil it* First, I need a bone from the father. Would you mind moving a little to the left?
Harry: What? *sees the grave he's tied to says Tom Riddle* Oh...what if I don't?
Peter: Then I'll make the bone go up through your butt and out your mouth. I'm trying to be nice by doing the less painful thing.
Harry: This coming from the guy who got my parents killed.
Peter: That's it, I'm gonna bone your butt.
Harry: Phras...AHHHH! *bone comes out of Harry's mouth, and floats into the cauldron* Was that necessary?
Peter: Of course not. Now, next I need flesh from the servant. And since there aren't any other Death Eaters around... *Peter raises his hand above the cauldron, and swings the knife down. Unfortunately, it doesn't cut through his wrist* Wait, hold on *starts sawing through his wrist, much to Harry's horror* SWEET JESUS, this hurts. Oh, God, who'd have thought cutting off your own hand would hurt so much?
Harry: EVERYONE! Everyone would think that.
Peter: Hold on, nearly got it *sickening squelch, followed by the hand dropping into the cauldron* Well, at least the last one doesn't hurt. At least, not me.
Harry: I'm filled with unease.
Peter: Just need some blood of the enemy, and we can complete this.
Harry: Well, I mean, Voldemort made a lot of enemies, so you could use anyo... *Peter stabs him in the arm, and collects the blood in a flask* FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
Peter: *pours blood into the cauldron* There, perfect. Now, are you ready for a dip my lord?
?: Wait, what? The book said I just had to drink some of it.
Peter: *picking up the bundle* In you go.
?: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE! *disfigured looking baby falls into cauldron*
Harry: Come on, drown. Please let the baby drown...don't take this out of context *smoke erupts from the cauldron, with a figure standing within it* Oh, shit...
Voldemort: I'M BACK, BITCHES!