Chapter 36: The Breakup of Courses

Harry: So, I guess it's off to the Hospital Wing then?

Dumbledore: Well, yes, but actually no. My pen pal Sirus decided he wanted to meet me in person, and he's currently waiting for me in my office. Since he knows you too, he might be interested in meeting you in person for the first time too.

Harry: Err...yeah, first time.

Dumbledore: Of course, since sneaking a stranger into the school might be viewed by some as creepy, he insisted on coming in as a dog. Though I don't remember seeing his name on the Animagus Registry...

Harry: Yeah, funny that.

Dumbledore: Oh well, I'm sure there's a perfectly good explanation for that *leads Harry into his office* Harry, I'd like you to meet Sirus.

Harry: Hey Snuffles.

Sirius: God fucking damn it.

Dumbledore: Good, you already have a nickname for each other. Now Harry, I need you to tell us everything that happened tonight. And I mean EVERYTHING! Every, excruciating detail that's left you physically and emotionally drained, and should probably be in the Hospital Wing recovering from.

Harry: Well, the Cup was a portkey, Voldemort *loud thundercrack* killed Cedric, Pettigrew brought Voldemort *loud thundercrack* back from the dead, he summoned his followers to the graveyard, he tried to duel me, I made something plot convenient happen, then I grabbed the Cup and Cedric's body and escaped.

Dumbledore: You were gone for three chapters.

Harry: And that's what happened. If you want more detail, just go reread those chapters. Oh, and also Moody was Crouch Jr.

Dumbledore: I know.

Sirius: Wait, what?

Dumbledore: It's okay, Snape's getting Fudge to go arrest him. Yep, that's what Fudge will do. Arrest that man for his crimes. He won't do anything stupid that will allow Voldemort *loud thundercrack* to return more powerful than ever.

Harry: Stop. Talking. Now.

Sirius: Too late Harry, he's fucked it up for everyone.

Harry: MOTHERFUCKER!

Dumbledore: Now, would you like me to shed light on why you and Voldemort's wands reacted that way to each other?

Harry: No, I want to go to the Hospital Wing and sleep.

Dumbledore: Don't you want to hear about how Fawkes gave two of his feathers to make you and Voldemort's *loud thunderclap* wands?

Harry: Is it important to the plot?

Dumbledore: Not really.

Harry: Then why bother mentioning it? *leaves with Sirius in dog form*

*in the Hospital Wing*

Pomfrey: Okay, let me drug you.

Harry: Shouldn't I be in bed first?

Pomfrey: I mean, if you want to be comfortable, I suppose you could...

Hermione: Harry, are you okay?

Harry: Yeah, I'm fine. You know, other than the physical, mental, and emotional abuse I suffered over the last three hours or so.

Molly: Give me their names. I will blast them into next week.

Harry: I don't think...

Pomfrey: Go to sleep *forces potion down Harry's throat*

Harry: This seems like the opposite of medical care.

Pomfrey: I'm sorry, who's the doctor here?

Harry: Well, you, but...

Pomfrey: Exactly. I didn't have my medical license revoked for nothing.

Harry: Wait, what *passes out*

*later*

Harry: Ugh, how long was I out?

Ron: About twenty minutes. The plot demanded you be awake for what's about to happen.

McGonagall: *entering with Fudge and Dumbledore* Fudge, you fucking moron.

Fudge: Minerva, you shouldn't speak to your fearless leader in such a tone.

McGonagall: Oh? You're going to stop me? Of course not, you fucking suck at your job. Asshole.

Ron: Wow, you've never gone off at anyone like that before. Not even Fred and George have invoked this kind of wrath.

McGonagall: That's because your brothers have never INTENTIONALLY screwed up the whole justice system.

Harry: I do not like where this is going.

McGonagall: This MORON...

Fudge: You mispronounced fearless leader.

McGonagall: Like I said, this MORON took a dementor with him to confront Crouch, and, well, I think we all know what happened next.

Harry: Are you FUCKING kidding me?

Dumbledore: So, what happened next?

Harry: My main problem is the fact that you somehow got a dementor here so fast. Like, how close is Azkaban to here that you got one here in, like, an hour?

McGonagall: You don't seem overly concerned about us losing a key piece of testimony in regards to Voldemort returning.

Harry: Oh, I'm thoroughly pissed about that. It's just that we have another source of testimony in this very room...

Fudge: What, you? After everything Rita Skeeter wrote about you?

Harry: And now you shred any lingering doubt that McGonagall was wrong by telling us you not only READ tabloid trash, but you believe it too.

Fudge: I don't understand. She's a published journalist, and everyone knows how fair and unbiased they are. Why would someone in the media lie about something? Clearly you're just trying to scare me so you can get the Minister of Magic job.

Dumbledore: I'll answer this one.

Harry: Professor McGonagall, stop him.

Dumbledore: So what if I'm trying to get your job?

Harry: God damn it.

Fudge: There, that proves it. Well, I'll be leaving now to completely ignore the dementors and giants, as well as whoever decides to talk to them. But first *hands Harry a large bag of galleons* Your reward for winning.

Harry: Really? You're still giving me this even though Rita Skeeter told everyone I'm a dangerous sociopath?

Fudge: Probably poor judgement on my part, but I'm not paid enough to think about these sorts of things *leaves*

Molly: He could have ended that sentence five words early and still been correct.

Harry: He also didn't let me mention that we have Moody that could have testified to the fact that Voldemort's *loud thundercrack* back. Damn it, why is saying his name suddenly so much more ominous?

Ron: Saying whose name?

Harry: Voldemort *loud thundercrack* Jesus Christ, this is going to be terrifying for the next three books, isn't it?

McGonagall: We have bigger problems Potter. Namely, how to deal with the situation at hand.

Bill: Should I go tell my dad?

McGonagall: Can he get people within the Ministry to believe us?

Bill: ...maybe?

McGonagall: Well, that better than nothing.

Harry: That's very debateable.

McGonagall: I'm going to have a word with Hagrid and Maxime, see if they can talk to the giants on our behalf. Then we just need someone to get the rest of the crew back together *Snape enters*

Snape: So, I just saw the Minister leaving and talking about how you guys were full of shit for saying Voldemort *loud thundercrack* is back.

McGonagall: And what did you say to him?

Snape: I told him that he is back and showed him this *pulls up sleeve to reveal his Dark Mark*

Harry: You let him teach at this fucking school with that?

Dumbledore: Don't worry, he signed a contract that said he wouldn't harm any of the students.

Harry: What about Professor McFondles?

Dumbledore: Nah, he seems trustworthy enough.

Harry: Sounds about right for you.

McGonagall: Well, me and Mr. Weasley have to start recruiting for the Order. Could you round up some of the others? *leaves*

Bill: Suppose I should see if Fleur's up for a farewell slam before I go *leaves too*

Dumbledore: Well Sirus, I guess it's down to you and Severus to get the gang back together.

Snape: Sirus?

Sirius: *turning back into a human* He means me.

Molly: Albus? Why is there a serial killer within three feet of my son, my adopted son, and my future daughter-in-law? And why aren't they horrified by this?

Hermione: Wait, what did you...

Sirius: Oh please, what I was arrested for was blowing up a street. That's not serial killing, that's terrorism. And I didn't even do that, since the guy I was supposedly trying to kill is still fucking alive. Also, why do I have to work with him?

Dumbledore: And why does she think you're a serial killer? Just because you look a little like Sirius Black, and your name is just one letter away from being his, doesn't mean you're the same person. Now, you two kiss and make up *Snape and Sirius open their mouths to protest* I said KISS *forces their faces together* There, now get to work.

Snape: Fuck everything about this *leaves with Sirius*

Harry: Well, I'm going to go dwell on my guilt for making Cedric grab the Cup with me in my dreams. Peace out y'all *goes back to sleep*