30. The Pain in his Eyes

.

There will be one chapter upload a week.

Enjoy the new one!

.

.

Kakashi was sitting on the bed in his bedroom, with his head leaning heavily in his shaking palms propped on his knees. The dark of the night bathed his skin in silvery shadows. All those times… all those memories… It tore him apart.

Sakura will be gone…

The love of his life was seeping through his hands like sand.

Sand, what cruel irony.

.

.

Ino went to see Tatsuo to confront him why he did not appear at Sakura's birthday dinner or better said to strangle him for that. As furious as she was she swore to rip the hokage's head off as well for cancelling that late. While she was stomping angrily through Konoha, she recalled that she had no clue where Sakura's boyfriend lived, he was nowhere to be found, nevertheless there was one hot spot to find every ANBU. So, she decided to go to the hokage tower. If somebody could help her find any Konoha-nin, then it was the hokage himself. Also she needed to have a word with the highest shinobi of Konoha as well.

The moment Shikamaru in the foyer saw his former teammate heading directly for the hokage's office, he sat back down behind his desk and watched with an amused smirk. He knew her good enough for what was about to come. He would not dare to stand in her way right now.

The moping Yamanaka heir arrived at the tower and found Hoshi on guard duty at the door of the office.

.

The ANBU greeted her friendly, "Good morning, Yamanaka-san!"

Bluntly, kunoichi stated, "I was hoping to find Tatsuo here."

.

The handsome young man snorted, "In fact he is, but where I come from we say hello first."

"Sorry. Hi." Ino said sheepishly as she recognised the bartender she had a fling with in the past.

.

Hoshi bid her to take a seat in the waiting room, then he went inside the hokage office and came back quickly. "Hokage-sama awaits you."

"But I wanted to talk to Tatsuo alone?"

.

"Not possible. He's on personal guard duty inside the office. After the recent happenings he couldn't be left without at least two guards."

Ino clenched her teeth. "Ok." It's two birds one stone then.

The kind personal guard opened the door to the office for them both to go in. Hoshi shared a brief eye-contact with a very amused Shikamaru, then he closed the door.

.

.

"Hokage-sama! I'm sorry that you will have to witness", she greeted and continued, "Tatsuo, come here so I can rip your damn ANBU head off!"

Said man stepped forward and took his mask off to face whatever his inevitable fate would be.

Right in the middle of the hokage's office she slapped him hard in the face. "Tatsuo, what the fuck happened to my friend! What did you do?! What the hell did you do!"

Sakura's friend was furious like a lioness protecting her pup.

"Nothing." Tatsuo just stood there and did nothing to block her. His eyes reminded her a bit of Hoshi when she once told him off. Somehow his blue orbs reflected the same intense pain that Kakashi had bared at the flower shop.

.

"Why the hell is she even leaving with Gaara again?" Her hands tugged at his ANBU vest in desperation.

The light brown haired man shrugged and she slapped him again.

.

"Don't you think I deserve an answer? It all seemed to work so well with you two. Why, Tatsuo? Why?! Why don't you fight for her?! Why do you let her go so easily! Why do you give up on her!?"

Kakashi stepped in between. "That's enough, Ino. Let him go!"

.

"YOU!" Ino's eyes spat fire. "Why do you let her go? For God's sake, answer me, Kakashi!"

His inner turmoil seemed to seep through his infamous battle face, "Ino, it's… hard to understand."

.

The Yamanaka heir was still fuming, "No, I think I can follow. Go ahead!"

"There are certain circumstances." The hokage tried hard to stay professional, but his stoic facade began to crumble.

.

"Aha." She did not believe a single word.

The great copy-nin felt caged by her raging best friend, "I can't reveal village secrets to you, you must understand."

.

"No, I don't. First, I'm a Yamanaka, the capabilities of my clan are a village secret itself. Second, therefore I'm able to keep such secrets. Third, Sakura is my friend, my best friend. She is like a sister to me. I have to know what's going on." Her voice eased a little.

"Ino, I can't." His mismatching eyes looked right into her blue ones and she knew he was telling her the truth. " The only thing I can tell you is, that she has lost her memory due to an unpredictable incident during her recent trip."

.

"Yeah, I have figured that one out. Do you mean a complete memory loss?"

"All that happened after some time in Suna."

.

She looked at Tatsuo, who was leaning on the wall seemingly deep in thoughts. His eyes closed with so much hurt contorting his face. Then her eyes caught a sight of the copy-nin she could not interpret. Something did not fit. Both men in this room were broken by an unknown force.

"What about Gaara?" The kunoichi had calmed down and seemed to be very worried.

"He offered his help." Kakashi rubbed the bridge of his nose and averted his eye for a moment to continue. "Otherwise she would have died."

.

Ino understood. "So they both suffer from memory loss."

The pain in his eyes…

The look on his face…

The inner fight he is leading.

And she understood more than she had ever imagined, the look in Kakashi's eyes showed her his true feelings. Although she had suspected that Sakura and Kakashi had a thing for each other and probably had a fling or something in the past, she had never seen those feelings so clearly laid out before her eyes.

He cares for her.

He is worried about her.

He loves her.

.

A smile emerged on Ino's face. Kakashi looked at her as if he was bidding her to keep her thoughts to herself.

"Don't worry. I'm very aware of the penalty for revealing s-class secrets, hokage-sama."

He nodded, still in visible pain, but somehow relieved.

.

"Is there anything that we can do?" She asked emphatically.

"Sadly no. We have to wait. Our experts say they must find their memories back on their own or they will be lost forever. No-one can tell if it's even possible for sure or if it's permanent."

.

In deep empathy she was about to lay a hand on his tense shoulder, "I feel so sor…"

"Don't." He looked up to give her the best fake eye-crinkle that he could muster up. "We should be grateful that she survived. And if they won't get their memories back, it would be beneficial for both villages to unite, don't you think? Maybe they will find happiness together or something."

Exactly what I was expecting from him.

.

Ino nodded and bowed respectfully, then she gave the depressed unmasked ANBU in the corner an encouraging smile full of hope before she left the office.

He's trying to hide his true feelings again. If he did that all the time, I can understand Sakura. But he loves her and so does Tatsuo. And Gaara? He's so tense… I'm not sure if he really loves her. What a fucked up situation you caught yourself in, forehead! I hope you're well. Please take care and don't lose yourself, Sakura. Come back to us…

.

.

The blonde clan heir returned home, the recent impressions tugged heavily on her very soul.

The pain in his eyes, the fear, the uncertainty. I'm afraid to lose her forever and so is he.

.

"Are you alright?" Sai walked into the kitchen where she was standing with her hand clutching her mouth.

Without any further words spoken she approached him quickly and caught him in a hug. He had never been good with emotion perception and he was even worse in expressing feelings, but he wrapped her instantly in his strong arms. Sai noted that the woman was shaking in his embrace as the tears started to fall down. He laid his head on hers and hugged her even closer.

The former root nin whispered softly, "I know she will come back."

She has to.

.