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31. This is Goodbye

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When new doors open, it is always a little frightening for me. I'm assigned to a new station soon. This time I try to not overthink too much and just let things go their way and stay open-minded. It will be better than it has been. I have done a lot of selfcare and practised mindfulness since our vacation and I promised myself to keep it up. Our relationship has finally gotten the time that it deserves, we had the time to just be. I feel so much better and much more connected with myself. Relaxation is the best cure when you overdid it physically and mentally. Take good care of yourself and your loved ones!

So, let's open the new doors of my story and see where it leads ;)

SquaMata

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The most wonderful scent floated in the air as a silent and unmistakingly reminder of their current activity. Bodies clashing together, passionate kisses with fervent tongues exploring and demanding touches craving for more. Both were breathing hard while their bodies danced in erotic unison, sweet moans escaped her swollen lips only to be responded to by deep masculine groans. Pink curls pooled around in shiny sunlight reflected by smooth skin with a captivating play of contracting muscle underneath. His fingers dug deep into her thighs as she shivered in anticipation. A deep male chuckle in such a naughty way struck right to her core, she thought she would burst. Before she could cry out and would set everyone nearby on alert, he captured her lips in a flaming kiss. All she could see was white pure bliss. Her convulsing muscles took their toll as she took him with her into sweet release. Passionately he nibbled her neck as she still felt like floating. When she opened her eyes they were covered by her pink tresses, between rosy locks she could faintly see his powerful figure and her fingers traced lazily the strong shoulders of the man lying beside her. Then all of a sudden she could feel him ebbing away. Her hands tried desperately to get a hold of him, but they soon dug into thin air.

What the fuck?

She sat up in shock, only to find out that she was completely alone in the bed.

Who was he? Who was I dreaming of? I didn't even see his face! But, oh my god...

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She looked around and noticed she was in her bedroom in Konoha, she could not sense anybody else around except for the ANBU that she was sure of had been securing the area outside.

Both relief and disappointment washed over. The pinkette laid back onto her bed with a sigh. She could not remember ever having such amazing sex before. It was not like the times before. It was not just sex, that guy was making love to her.

Do I remember you? Or is it just my imagination?

There was no answer.

It was still hard for her that she could not hear her inner voice. She missed their talks. It had to be an after effect of the recent incident, that she was sure of. Hopefully together with her memory loss it would be just temporary. Absent-mindedly her fingers traced the edges of her delicate pendant.

I want to remember. I want to know who you are.

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In the shadow on a rooftop nearby a dark figure sat down soundlessly. His gloved hand traced the edge of his white mask as if he was deep in thoughts.

He took a deep breath and tried his best to keep his mind focused as the sun slowly began to rise.

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A few days later Sakura would arrive with her escort team in Suna.

Gaara had already rushed ahead on his sand to prepare everything for her arrival. She would be directly brought into Suna main hospital to grant her the best recovery possible.

The pinkette had been too weak to travel by herself, therefore she had to be carried. She slept most of the journey peacefully on an ANBU's back. In between her naps Naruto told her that Sasuke returned regularly to Konoha and they had smoothed over differences. At first she did not like the idea of being accompanied by the last Uchiha to Suna, but with time she eased up. They told her that Sasuke had played an important role in her rescue and so had Kakashi. Indeed with Sasuke's help on sharingan features he had ensured her rescue, but that information would demand too much of her current condition. Somehow Sakura accepted their former teammates naturally, she was not angry and grieving anymore like she had been before that mission. Furthermore she would even give them a chance as friends again. On their journey Naruto told her some funny stories of his kids and the weak kunoichi was stunned how much she could not recall. The babbling blonde encouraged her to try to remember without pressing her. The pinkette was glad they accompanied her and she felt safe, but memories of her departure saddened her to the core.

At the gates of Konoha Ino had hugged her and did not want to let her go, so did Tsunade, but Kakashi wasn't even there. Gaara had told her that the hokage apologized for not being able to come, sadly he had to meet with ambassadors of Earth.

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As she drifted off on their journey again, the kunoichi with the pink hair remembered how a certain copy-nin had been visiting her at the hospital in Konoha:

She was still sleeping as he took her hand in his ungloved warm palms. The comforting gesture warmed her heart and she could hear him faintly whispering: "I won't give up on you. Please try to remember. Remember, Sakura. I know you can."

She stirred in her sleep.

"Come back to me." Then he let go of her hand as she woke up bit by bit and he put his gloves back on.

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By the surprising sight of the formal robes he was wearing she came to know about his new profession. "My, my, have you become hokage in the meantime?"

His only answer was his trademark eye crinkle, but she could tell something bothered him. Sakura sighed, "Seems like I've lost track of time." She chuckled shyly, but the look on his face - as little as it had been visible due to his mask - did not betray that she unconsciously hit on a raw nerve.

Without her knowing, his heart ached and screamed to tell her more, to beg her not to go, to keep her close by his side, to hug her and to do everything that he could to bring back her memory, but he knew that he couldn't. The last Uchiha had visited him daily for they had a lot to talk about. They had been rummaging in countless scrolls of Uchiha clan secrets, desperately trying to find another way, but they just couldn't find one. This was not the first time in his life that Kakashi felt helpless and blamed himself for the misery, but never before did it hurt so much.

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He took a deep breath and stepped closer. "According to Tsunade you and Gaara can't remember what happened during the last three years."

"Oh my god… That's a lot of time." In shock she covered her gaping mouth with her hand.

His answer was a silent nod.

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"Why am I here, Kakashi? Why am I back in Konoha? What happened to..."

"The doctors say you will get your memory back." His glance moved from her to the open window. "It just takes some time."

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"I've already lost three years. Could you please just tell me?"

Silently he shook his head.

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"Did somebody die? Kakashi, what is going on?"

He chuckled bitterly.

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"Kakashi?"

His lone eye met her worried deep forest green ones.

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"Are you okay, Kakashi?"

Her question hit him hard. He didn't know what he should answer. She noticed how he averted his gaze and stopped breathing for a few moments.

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"I am not sure why, but I'm getting anxious more and more." She reached out and tried to touch his arm reassuringly, but he took a step back to put some much needed distance between them.

"Don't." His forehead contorted as if he was in sorrow, his voice was barely audible.

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"I'm worried about you." Sincere emerald searched for mismatching orbs.

"I am fine." His voice sounded raspy and he coughed once before he continued in his stoic teacher tone. "Remember you are the one currently lying in a hospital bed."

Sakura smiled at him, whereas she did not believe him a single word. She could remember they had a weird past due to their training and she would not push him. Though she could feel she was missing something important.

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Their brief talk ended strangely when he stood by the door and looked at her with so much pain in his eyes on which he made an awful attempt to hide with a pretended eye-crinkle and the trademark wave of his hand. Then he was gone and it was the last time she saw him.

Something was clearly off, she just couldn't put the cards together.

The great copy-nin had always been there to save her. They had become especially close during their training for the Suna mission, maybe too close, but what could have happened within the last three years? At least he had accompanied her back then on her mission, now he was hokage and would not be by her side ever again. She hammered her head for half of the time during her travelling why he had been not willing to leave her side at the hospital while she had been unconscious, but when she had left the village he couldn't even muster the time to say goodbye. It was strange, even for someone like him. Even more strange was the feeling that it gave her: She felt hurt and lonely, but couldn't explain why she felt it that strong tearing at her heart.

This is goodbye…

Again her fingers were drawn to the delicate necklace she was wearing. By letting the tiny pendant dance softly from one digit to the other, she calmed herself down.

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