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34. Pain without reason
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There was a knock on the door.
"Come on in!"
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Tsunade stepped in and closed the door, with a wave of her hand she sent the two ANBU outside to secure the door. With a kind motherly smile she walked up to his desk. A very tired looking hokage sat at his chair and did not even try to hide his miserable state in front of her.
"Good afternoon, Kakashi."
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"What can I do for you?"
"I thought you would need some company."
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He nodded, "Thank you, Tsunade."
"Konoha needs you, Kakashi. Always keep in mind that Sakura saved your life. She almost sacrificed her life to save yours. Not only for her love, but also for the sake of Konoha."
The blonde woman took a stack of papers from his desk. "Let me help you a bit."
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He nodded again with a sad look on the visible part of his face. The great copy-nin was not the man of words, he did not like talking problems to death, he had always been a man of actions and solutions. The former hokage respected that, and she would not push him, but she would be there to lend him a helping hand whenever possible.
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Finally Sakura had been released from hospital, Gaara wanted her to move in with him, but she insisted on having her former room on the guest floor of the family annex, with Naruto and Sasuke next to her. It would take some time. She could not remember why Temari was not living there anymore, but she understood that times had changed and Temari had moved to Konoha. The blonde fan-wielder came to visit Suna for two weeks and to help Sakura to make herself at home. It was a very pleasant reunion and they talked a lot about their good old times. The two girls often met at Sakura's room to drink tea. They went through a box full of presents and memories the pinkette had gotten on her first departure. Temari tried to make her remember like they all did.
Holding up a light pink baby sock from the pinkette's godchild the fan-wielder asked curiously, "Sakura, can you remember anything from the last three years?"
"Sadly not really. I just have… feelings."
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"What do you mean?"
The pink-haired woman took the sock into her hands, "I don't know. I have the feeling that I've not been here in Suna all the time. And there's the feeling that I'm missing something… Or someone. I don't know. It's so strange, but something doesn't fit in. I feel out of place. Could it be?"
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"As much as I want to tell you, Sakura, you know I can't. You have to find your memory back all by yourself."
"It's frustrating." She put the sock back into the wooden box.
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"I know. To be honest it's for us too." The blonde kazekage's sister stated with an honest smile and Sakura sighed.
"I want to remember." Her fingers traced the delicate pendant that decorated her fine necklace.
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"I'm sure you will! Take your time, sweetie. You have a lot to recover."
"The worst thing is, I don't know what happened. They just call it the incident."
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"You should talk to your teammates, they witnessed the exact happenings. Maybe they can tell you a bit about it. I only know that you have played a heroic part, Kakashi and Gaara were involved in your rescue."
But after two weeks the blonde had to return to her new home with Shikamaru. At least Kankuro, Naruto and Sasuke gave her some company.
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Sakura was aware of her memory loss and her wounding, but not the reason and situation behind and her teammates were instructed not to talk about it.
Of course the blonde jinchuuriki decided to help destiny a little.
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One day he took her for a walk, and as soon as they were out of earshot he said: "Sakura-chan, you should know that you saved the hokage's life."
"Huh?"
"You took the poisoned arrow that was aimed for him."
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The startled kunoichi stopped in her tracks. Naruto tried to make eye contact, but she seemed to be somewhere else deep in thought.
"Sakura?"
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Shocked emerald met blue.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't talk about it, but…"
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All of a sudden she planted a hand on his forearm. "Please continue. I want to know."
The blonde took her arm in his and they resumed their walk.
Barely audible, he continued, "Kakashi-sensei brought you back to Konoha, where they tried to save your life as best as they could. You know by now it was a secret and forbidden witchcraft jutsu, definitely lethal witchcraft."
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The pinkette sighed, "Could you please go on?"
"They did everything they could. The last chance was a complete chakra depletion followed by a chakra infusion. I'm sure you've figured that one out."
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Sakura nodded. "A complete depletion is lethal, unless there are remnants of the person's own chakra left."
"Could there be sparks of the person's chakra left in another person's chakra?"
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The pinkette reflected his words for a while. "Maybe after a complicated procedure to save somebody's life. Medic nins use parts of their own chakra to revive people." Sakura stopped in her tracks. "Gaara." She put her hands on her lips in disbelief as she inwardly put some of the puzzle pieces together.
That's why we both lost our memory.
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"Why am I here, Naruto?"
The blonde smiled at her and pulled her into a friendly hug. "Just try to remember. I know you can!"
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After two months, Sakura agreed to stay the night at his apartment. Their relationship seemed trustworthy enough, she felt good in Gaara's presence and he was a good friend indeed. Although she had no real romantic feelings for him, she had a mission to continue and the pinkette thought it had been an aftereffect of the recent events.
The luxurious apartment still looked the same and she was okay with trying it. They lived together but it felt more like living next to each other.
Something was missing.
Or someone.
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After a long time it was the first sparring match between the two male sand siblings. They had fought hard, the sand slowly began to settle in the arena while Kankuro bandaged his sore wrist.
"I'm sorry."
"Ha, for that?" The puppet wielder chuckled. "But I'm not! I'm glad you're almost back to normal."
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The redhead smiled and rubbed some ointment on his forearms, which slightly showed the first signs of discoloration. "I hope she won't worry."
"A strong kunoichi like her? Nah, I don't think so. You should bring her with you next time!"
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Gaara shook his head, "She's still in recovery. The specialists don't know if she will ever regain her strength."
Kankuro looked serious, "I didn't know! How are you? Is everything okay?"
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The kazekage smiled at him, "I think I'm going to ask her to be my wife."
The puppet wielder felt uneasy, he was stuck in a dilemma. He could not tell his brother, he dearly hoped their memory would come back. "Do you think this is the right situation? She is still in recovery and you have both lost your memory." He would have to talk with Sasuke. This is bad.
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"Don't you like her?"
"I just want you to overthink the situation, please be reasonable, Gaara!"
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"I am reasonable! I think it's beneficial for all of us!"
"Beneficial! A marriage should be based on love, not on benefits!"
The two siblings started arguing.
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Sakura was examined by Alazur and Neeyjshaar, the two poison experts that had rushed to Konoha to help her. "You make very little progress, Haruno-senpai."
"Alazur, how many times have I told you to call me by my first name?"
"I apologize, but I'm not allowed to do so."
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The pinkette sighed, "Will I ever get back to normal?"
"The wound has closed by now, the deep tissue is heavily scarred, but that is harmless. What is a problem indeed is your low chakra."
"It should have built up with the wound closing and the banning of the poison. There is no corporal reason for that."
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"In Suna we say that when the soul is hurt the body suffers as well. You are overthinking too much, Haruno-senpai."
"Of course I am! I lost all memories from the last three years!"
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Neeyjshaar patted her shoulder. "I'm sorry. I promise we will do our best!"
"I know. Thank you!" Sakura wiped her tears away and smiled at her.
"We have learned from the best!" Alazur winked at her to cheer her up.
The pinkette smiled at them.
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Gaara had prepared a light dinner containing rice, chickpeas, sliced root vegetables and spicy tahini. He tried hard to make her stay as comfortable as possible.
"I wanted to ask you something, Sakura."
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The pinkette sat her chopsticks down and smiled kindly at the man sitting across from her. He looked nervous and even more tense than he had been within the last weeks.
"Have you ever thought of marriage? I think it would be beneficial for us both."
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Really? That's it? Is he serious?
"Gaara, I…"
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With a finger he silenced her trembling lips. "You don't have to answer right now. I want you to think about it. Just take your time."
The pinkette exhaled the breath she could not remember holding.
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Deep inside everything screamed, her heart ached for something she couldn't fathom. The redhead took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom. There he helped her out of her clothes and undressed himself, before they laid down on the large bed with the red satin sheets. Slowly he kissed her and pulled her body close to his. In the recent past they had slept next to each other, but according to her physical state, they had never gone any further.
This time it was different, both felt kind of obligated to do so.
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In the meantime Naruto was lying on his lounger on the balcony and flipped through a well-known orange novel, suddenly he saw Sasuke jumping from the rooftop to his balcony nearby. Instantly he was on alert, because it was odd. Normally Sasuke stayed the night on the rooftop of the kazekage building and kept watch. Though neither Sasuke or Gaara had ever said it out loud, Naruto knew there was something going on between the two. The way his two friends interacted was just too similar to what Kakashi and Sakura did in public. The way the last Uchiha looked at the kazekage when he thought no-one was looking, the hurt and the longing in his eyes whenever Gaara was interacting with Sakura...
But why did he leave his night post?
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"Oi, Sasuke! What's..?"
One look said it all. Without a word the black-haired man went inside and shut his balcony door.
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Oh, that's bad…
Shit.
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Maybe I should talk to him or something?
Yeah, maybe he wants to blow off some steam and go for a training session.
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Great idea, Kurama.
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Naruto walked down the hallway and knocked on the neighbor's door. Sasuke opened it wordlessly, he didn't look at him, he was just standing there in the doorframe. The hanging shoulders underlined his shattered appearance.
"Hey, I thought maybe you wanna go for a sparring match? The guards will inform us if anything happens."
The Uchiha heir gave him a heartless snort and hesitantly looked at him with sad eyes.
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The blonde man turned on his heels and spoke over his shoulder walking down the hallway. "Come on, what you're waiting for?"
Sasuke closed his eyes for a moment in a painful expression before he closed the door and followed his teammate to the arena.
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Blurry memories of another man rushed over and over Sakura's mind. The man had no face, hair or any other characteristics she could fathom. He was like a blurry figure seen through heavy glasses. The weirdest thing was that it felt like betrayal. She remembers her crush on Kakashi during their training, but that was long ago, right? Who was that unrecognizable man in her memories? Were they even memories or just pure imagination?
She heard a faint nothing that sounded like "Please remember me" and "Come back to me".
She didn't recognize the voice and it seemed more like feeling the words than actually hearing them.
What the hell?
Inner-Sakura still did not answer.
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"Sakura?"
Her eyes fell open and she noticed how she had ignored the full situation she currently was in. As hard as she tried the pinkette could not focus on Gaara, though he apparently wanted to give them both pleasure, but she didn't want to fake a thing. She was just lying there with her mind racing while he turned her around and crawled on top. He entered her swiftly from behind and it felt like he was ripping her apart. Her mind screamed and her body hurt more than it would have been her first time of ever having sex.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
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As soon as he was inside, he suffered from a sudden pain in his chest. He could not continue and by the tension of her body he was sure she had felt the same. The kazekage stopped his movements.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
He had felt her tension resembling his own. Something was not right. Shukaku did not talk to him for a long time.
Gaara looked from the side at her contorted face, her eyes were closed and a tear found its way down her cheek. She looked exactly how he was feeling right now. He couldn't understand what was wrong with him and why she was so averted to his touches like he was too.
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"I'm sorry. Can we continue that at another time?"
Her tension seemed to fade a bit and she wiped off the small trail of unexplainable tears. "Sure. It happened a lot lately. I feel it, too."
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"Are you alright?" He smiled at her and she returned it kindly.
"I'm just tired."
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"Yes, we should try to get some sleep."
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Sakura felt that coil in her gut tightening and choking her from inside. She couldn't understand it. From the outside everything seemed perfect, but something was completely wrong here.
They ended up in a sleepless night with each turned to the other side and a lot of space left in between their bodies. There was a heavy tense air in the bedroom and when he finally fell asleep, the kunoichi took the chance. Despite the experts' advice she went for a late night run while Gaara slept in peace.
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She followed a trail through the valley with the beautiful temple, but she did not exert herself and returned halfway. On her way back she took a stroll over the rooftops and found herself being drawn to the back alley of the coconut club. There were cracks in the wall she could not remember, her fingers traced the imprints and she noticed that her fists fitted exactly into the cracks.
What the hell? It gets stranger every day…
The cold night air made her shiver and she decided to return to the kazekage building. There she stopped at the balcony that had been Kakashi's once before. All too naturally she went into the room, but there was no silverhead anymore. His room was long vacant, though she felt the urge to crawl into his empty bed.
Curling up on the cold mattress she even tried to remember his scent that had been spread on the very same pillows so long ago. Of course they had been cleaned and it would not be possible after three years, but there she finally fell asleep.
In her dreams she clung desperately on her memory. She could not understand why she was dreaming exactly that, but she was drawn back in time.
A time in which she felt content and safe.
"Sakura, I want you to look me deep in the eyes. Focus on my sharingan."
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