I woke up to a warm weight behind me and an arm around my waist. I ran my hand across it and I immediately recognized that it belonged to Bellamy. I smiled and turned around to face him, biting back a groan of pain. My body was more sore than when I had gone to bed last night. Instead of focusing on the pain, I turned my attention to Bellamy. Smiling, I reached up and traced the side of his face. I could feel the hard press of his muscles against me and it felt so good. I sighed quietly as my gaze roamed his sleeping face. I watched as his eyes slowly fluttered open and his signature smile came into being.

"Hey," he said, his voice gruff from sleep.

"Hey," I replied as I continued tracing his face. "Why are you in my bed?"

He took my hand and held it to his chest, his eyes betraying sadness and he replied, "You had another nightmare last night. Nate asked me to stay with you."

I leaned my head back in surprise and said, "I did? I don't remember."

"You did," he said softly. "You woke Nate up screaming and when we got here, you were sobbing and whimpering in your sleep. You calmed down as soon as I climbed into bed with you and pulled you close to me."

I sighed and I felt my own worry surface, "I'm sorry, Bell, that you had to stay with me. I've already scheduled an appointment in two weeks."

"Hey, don't be sorry, Clarke," he said and squeezed my hand gently. "You survived a very horrible thing. Shit like this happens, but no matter what, we're here for you."

I nodded and I felt a tear slip down my face. He reached up and wiped it away.

"Clarke, I'm here for you always," he whispered.

"I know you are," I returned and then something in me made me lean forward and kiss him.

His body stiffened in surprise and then he was kissing me back. His hand slid down my side and gripped my hip. Our kiss deepened and I cupped his face, bringing it closer. I moaned in pleasure as he nipped my bottom lip. His hand tightened on my hip and he was suddenly leaning half on me. My hand traveled down his back, feeling his muscles move at my touch. My breath quickened as he kissed me down my neck, nipping it lightly before he soothed it with his tongue. That's when I felt his desire heighten and I stopped abruptly and moved away from him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered at the look of confusion on his face. "I'm sorry. I, I can't. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey," he said gently as tears started falling from my face. "It's okay. This was probably too soon."

He reached for me and I flinched back, my breathing coming faster with fear. He dropped his hand reluctantly and waited patiently for me to calm down. Instead, I sat up and turned away from him, my face in my hands and I started sobbing. He's silent and I'm grateful for it. I felt the bed shift and heard his footsteps walk over to me. I felt him crouch in front of me and I lifted my face to look at him.

"What's wrong with me," I asked in a hoarse whisper. "I can't eat Italian. I can't have you in the way I want to. I can't draw without that damn mill and pond showing up. What happened?"

"There's nothing wrong with you, Clarke," he said gently and I saw that he wanted to take one of my hands and hold them in his, but he didn't. "Something really bad happened that night. Something so horrible that you blocked it out. And that's okay. Whatever happened changed how you look and feel about things. It's natural and that's why you need that appointment. You need to understand what happened so that you work on getting better."

"I feel so broken, Bellamy," I told him. "Like I'm never going to get better. I'll always have scars from that night. I can barely use my left arm. I can't paint. I can't seem to enjoy the things I used to love. I'm so scared and I'm not sure that feeling will ever go away."

"Clarke, you can only take it one day at a time. Yeah, you're going to have nightmares and you will experience fear. That's the way some traumas work, but we can help you. All you have to do is let us in and we will be there for you. We'll face this together because we're a family. We take care of each other. We'll take care of you."

I sighed and with a trembling smile, I said, "Thank you, Bell. That means the world to me. I wish that I could have chosen you before all of this."

"I know," he replied, sadly, "but we can't change the past. We can only move forward one day at a time. I will always be here for you. Always. Take comfort in that, please."

I nodded and I wanted to reach for him, cup his face in gratitude, but I couldn't. Not now, but maybe when I'm past this moment.

"I'll give you some space to calm down," he said standing up. "Just don't stay up here all day, okay?"

"Okay, thank you again," I said, sincerely. "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

He chuckled, "You did nothing but be kind to me and Octavia."

"Thank you for everything," I said, standing up as well and making him take a step back. "I'll see you downstairs, okay?"

"Sure," he replied and left.

I walked out onto the balcony and leaned heavily against the railing, staring forlornly at the forest. I hated myself because I felt weak. I told him the truth when I said that I felt broken. Wells was dead and I survived. Amber was right, it should have been me at the bottom of the pond. Sure, I hated him. I hated that I had to date him just to stay in town. I hated that after everything I went through, I was still forced out of town. Exiled and no longer existed to my mother or the friends I'd left behind. I slammed my hand against the railing and growled in anger. It wasn't fair. It wasn't my fault that I was born the way I was. I was punished for something that I had no control over. I lifted my hand and saw that I had dented the railing, making me growl louder. I went back inside and shoved the sliding glass door forcibly enough that it bounced back a bit. I left it and took a shower, hoping that it would ease some of my anger, some of the fear, some of the sadness, some of the tension. Take away everything so that I could function.

When I came out of the shower, I wiped the condensation from the mirror and gave myself a hard look over. I stared at my shoulder, seeing the scars still red and ugly looking. I turned my head and looked at the angry scars that were still clearly seen through the short growth of hair. I stared at the rest of my body. A body that betrayed me every time I turned a corner. I hugged myself tightly and could feel my abdomen tremble with unshed emotions. I leaned on the counter and looked myself in the face. The haunted look of my eyes, the hardness of my mouth, the slight flaring of my nostrils. I wasn't the same woman I was two months ago. I would never be the same woman and I wasn't sure that I liked it. I took one last look at myself and then I wrapped a towel around me.

Walking out of my bedroom, I leaned over the railing and yelled down, "Nate?"

He peaked his head around to look up at me and replied, "Yeah?"

"Can you come up here," I said. "I need you for something."

"Sure, I'll be right up."

I waited for him in the hallway and when he came up, I said, "I need you to shave the other side of my head."

He gave me a look of surprise and said, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I need something different right now," I replied.

"Okay, let me just go and get my clippers," he said and strode to his bedroom.

I walked back into my bedroom and waited for him in the bathroom. When he came in he looked at me askance and I nodded. With a sigh, he plugged it in and turned me to face him. As the first strands of hair started falling around me, I felt something stir. Something fierce. I looked down at the ground the entire time, watching my blond hair descending in soft waves. When he was done, he grabbed a face towel and gently wiped the hair away from my head, ear, neck and shoulder.

"I'm done, Clarke," he said softly.

I looked up at him and replied, "Thanks for this."

He nodded and taking his clippers with him, he left. I turned to look at myself in the mirror and suddenly the Clarke I knew wasn't the Clarke that looked back at me. I ran my fingers over the newly shaved side of my head and felt the tickle of the hair across them. I still felt errant hairs on me, so I stepped back into the shower to rinse off. There was a small broom and dustpan in the linen closet, so I swept up the hair. I towel dried my hair and got dressed.

Before I went downstairs, I grabbed my laptop so that I could download the pictures I took yesterday. Looking at the mirror in my room one last time, I walked down the stairs. Not saying anything, I placed my laptop on the dining room table and grabbed a cup of coffee and my camera. Silently, I hooked up the camera and started to download it to the laptop. While I waited for it to finish, I opened up my email and got rid of the junk mail that always seemed to show up. When the photos were finished, I switched windows and started scrolling through them. I deleted all the ones that had Wells in them, trying to wipe him from the computer's memory and in an attempt from my own. The photos of the town finally made an appearance and I slowed down, admiring the buildings and the park. Then I came across the photo of the Sheriff's car. I zoomed in and looked at the man in the driver's seat. It was definitely the same guy who had followed me. The same guy who had left the note on our front door.

I felt someone come up behind me and I fought the urge to move away because I knew it was Bellamy.

"Is that the sheriff," he asked.

"Yeah, that's the guy," I replied. "He smells like a winter forest and decaying flesh."

"That's gross. Gives me bad vibes just thinking about it."

"No kidding," I said as I zoomed out and looked at the name of the town he was from. "Polis."

"Hey, open up Google Maps and let's see how far exactly that town is."

I complied and looked it up in the search engine. It showed up and zooming in, I found Eden. I looked up the distance between Eden and Polis and it showed that it was a two hour drive between the towns.

"That's a long time to travel, just to look at us," Bellamy said, thoughtfully.

I nodded, "It sure is."

I typed in our address and the maps zoomed in on our location easily. I looked how far we were with Polis and was surprised at exactly how close we were to them.

"Shit," he said quietly. "We're pretty close, aren't we?"

"Yeah, so it's imperative that we stay on our side of the border. We definitely can't risk drawing their attention any more than we have. I have to assume that their Alpha already knows that we're werewolves. Those people that were watching us, they probably belong to the pack. I can also safely assume that they're keeping an eye on us from their side of the border."

"You're probably right. This means that we'll have to keep a closer eye on O. You know how easily she gets distracted, she could easily cross the border without knowing it. Especially, if she ventures beyond our property."

I sighed and closed the laptop, "Yeah, hopefully she'll find a job that keeps her busy."

"She is looking, by the way."

"That's good. She's taking this seriously."

"Oh, Raven should get here this afternoon," he said and I could hear the smile in his voice.

I smiled and said, "It'll be good to have her here. I've missed her."

"I know you have."

I looked up at him, the smile still on my face and said, "Best friends for life."

He chuckled and wandered off. I got up and made myself a second cup and went to the back deck to watch them working on the stable. They were already done with the greenhouse and small toolshed. The foreman happened to look up at me, giving me a smile and a wave.

I smiled back at him and hollered down, "How much longer on the stable?"

"About three more days," he answered. "We're placing heatable flooring in, so that the horses will be able to stay comfortable during winter."

"Will it stand up to the horses hooves?"

"Yes," he replied.

I nodded and he went back to work. I stayed and watched them a little longer and then went back inside. I stood there in the dining room, trying to decide what to do, but nothing really stood out. What I needed was a temporary escape. Maybe a run, or in my case a lope, through the forest would help ease the feelings I felt inside of me. I nodded to myself and headed to the kitchen where everyone was still eating breakfast.

"I'm heading out to the north side of the property," I told them. "I need to get out of here for a bit."

"Do you want one of us to come with you," Bellamy asked, clearly worried.

I shook my head and replied, "I need to be alone right now. Just for a little while longer."

"Okay," he said. "Just be careful."

I smiled and replied, "I always am. I'll see you guys in a bit."

They all nodded and I was out the front door. I walked around the house and headed into the trees. I couldn't shift so close to the house, not with the workers here, so I hiked a bit until I didn't hear anyone. Looking around, I found an old tree hollow and put my clothes there for safe keeping. Shifting, I let nature take it's course and all thoughts, worries, and fears seemed to melt away. I moved faster, allowing myself to sprint every once in awhile. The pain started again and I slowed down to a walk. Eventually, I came to that same ledge I'd discovered the other day. I stopped at the edge of the tree line and looked around, lifting my nose to the sky and inhaling deeply. I didn't catch any unfamiliar scents, so I shifted before I left the safety of the forest and made my way to the edge.

I sat on the edge, feet dangling off the side and gazed out over the view. I felt the warmth of the sun and leaned back on my arms, closing my eyes and refused to focus on any one thought that flitted across my mind. I lost myself to the moment and for once, let my guard down. I knew that I was as safe as I could ever be and I wanted to take this moment and just be.