Clarke

The sound of a phone ringing woke me. I groggily blinked my eyes awake as I tried to form a coherent thought. I sighed as the phone kept ringing and gently disentangled myself from Janice. I searched for my jeans and pulled out my phone. I had five missed phone calls from Raven. I glanced back at the bed and Janice's sleeping form and wanted nothing more than to go back there and pull her close to me, but the phone started ringing again and I answered.

"Merry Christmas, Raven," I said as I left the bedroom. "What's up?"

"Merry Christmas to you too," she answered, her voice sounding slightly irritated.

That was when I remembered that I was supposed to call her last night when we got back to Janice's. I groaned inwardly and said, "I'm sorry I forgot to call you last night, Rae. I got a bit distracted as soon as we got back."

"Geez," she replied, "Why am I not surprised."

"Oh, get a grip," I replied, irritably. "We're not that bad. Anyways, as you can tell we made it safely back. How's the weather looking? Will I be able to get back to the house?"

"No, the system's hovering over us. Weatherman says that it'll be either tomorrow or the next day before it'll move on. Though, I'm sure you'll find a way to pass the time."

I shook my head as I went to a window and gazed out, "Ugh, there's about three feet of snow already on the ground and it's still snowing. Driving home in this is going to be a bitch when it finally stops."

"Yeah, you'll have to wait until they clear the roads before you can come back home. Then there's the road up here that you'll have to contend with. Luckily, we have some plows, so as soon as it stops snowing we'll start working on it."

"Good. We'll have the Christmas feast and run when I get back. We'll go south since that's everyone's favorite."

"Are you okay to shift?"

"I should be. The shoulder hasn't been bothering me. It aches right now, but I think it's the plate reacting to the cold weather. I'll take it at an easy lope."

"I'll let the guys know. By the by, Nate's stuck at the station."

"As long as he's safe."

"Yeah, they're letting him crash in one of the empty cells."

I chuckled, "As long as those deputies don't lock him in, he'll be fine. I'll give him a call later."

"How'd the dinner go last night?"

"Pretty good, but her grandmother knows what I am. She tried to warn me away from Janice, but I pretty much told her that it was Janice's choice. I also told her that if she dared breathe a word that I'm a werewolf, I'd make her life a misery."

"Dude, that's cold, but I understand. It had to be done. No one can know what we are."

"Oh, trust me. I understand completely. We can't afford to be run off like Lexa's people were. I can't afford to go looking for another place."

"Well, as soon as you finish those paintings, you'll get the money coming back in."

"Hopefully, they'll sell well," I replied worriedly.

"Don't worry, they will. You know, you should really consider hiring an agent. That way, Rachel won't try to run roughshod over you."

I sighed, "You're right. I'll look into it, unless you want to start the research for me?"

"Sure. It'll give me something to do since I'm stuck here in the house for the next few days."

"I'll get back as soon as I can, but right now, I'm going to go crawl back into bed. I've got a very lonely and beautiful woman that gets cold easily."

She snickered, "Alright. I get the hint. We'll touch base later, yeah?"

"Yeah. We will. Try not to eat the turkey and ham."

She laughed loudly, "We'll try, but they are so tempting just sitting in there wanting to be cooked and eaten."

"Which will make them taste all that much better when we do," I replied.

"Aye, aye, Captain. I'll talk to you later."

"Laters," I said and hung up.

I carried the phone back into the room with me and laid it on the nightstand by the bed. I did not want to looking for it again if anyone else called. I slid underneath the covers and Janice automatically searched me out and snuggled against me with a sigh. I rearranged us and fell asleep again.

I was having a dream replaying the kiss I shared with Lexa when it became more heated. Having memorized her naked form, she lay on her side as she kissed me deep and her hands traveled downward eliciting my dream self to shiver. Her hand traveled to my breast, molding it as her thumb grazed my nipple erect. Her mouth left mine and trailed a path down my jaw, neck, and chest. Her teeth nipped my skin as her tongue soothed away any pain. I could feel myself grow wetter as she continued until she took my other breast in her mouth. My dream self gasped as her mouth gently pulled the nipple inward, her tongue circling it as her hand slid downward, feather light, and tracing patterns across my skin, setting it on fire. I moaned loudly enough that I realized that there were real hands and a mouth on me, causing tantalizing sensations. Knowing it was Janice, I forced Lexa into the back of my mind as I opened my eyes and focused on her.

Her hand continued downward, my legs parting willingly for her as slipped her hand between them. I felt her gasp when she encountered how wet I was. Her eyes glanced upwards and I saw her eyes darken. I pulled her up and kissed her, forcing entrance with my tongue. As we hungrily kissed, my hands traveled down her length and pulled her leg over and straddling me. I pushed her hips down to meet my upward thrust, our hips guiding her hand and making her moan at the sensation of it rubbing against her own wetness. Our mouths broke apart in an explosion of air as muscles flexed in anticipation. Movements became more hurried and she braced herself with her other hand and she buried her head in my neck, biting where my shoulder met my neck. I moaned loudly as my body reacted, connecting the two sensations. Our breathing became pants as our hips picked up their pace. With one final aggressive thrust, we came together and slowed down just enough to draw out the orgasms for as longs as we could.

When it finally settled, she collapsed against me and I pulled her tightly to me as she nestled her head on my shoulder. Sweat soaked our skins, hearts beating rapidly in sync, our breathing came out in short gasps as we worked through our skins sudden sensitivity. I felt my body begging me to fall back into slumber, but I wanted to fight it because I knew that when I closed my eyes, I wouldn't see Janice. I'd see her, Lexa, and wonder what she would look like as she came. I closed my eyes and shuddered as I tried to dispel the thoughts.

I felt Janice's body relax back into slumber as her heart rate and breathing slowed, pulling me under with her. My last thought was realizing that I was in trouble knowing that picturing another woman while having sex with someone else was a disaster in the making.

The rest of the day was spent lounging around watching Christmas movie after Christmas movie with Janice tucked comfortably against me. Half of my mind was enjoying my time spent with Janice and thinking that there was nothing more that I'd rather be doing. The other half split its time between my brief conversation with her grandmother and my feelings towards Lexa.

It was my heartfelt wish that I would not have to follow through with my threat and at the same time worried about what may happen if Janice found out from her admission than if it came from me. I wasn't ready to tell her what I was, our relationship was still too new for me. If it became more serious to the point that we'd move into together, that would be the time to tell her. Then my thoughts circled around to how her grandmother figured out that I was a werewolf. I distinctly remember not touching her in any way nor did I think I acted any way out of the ordinary. So, what gave me away? She was too young to remember what it was like when Lexa's pack was part of Eden. It made me wonder exactly who this woman was and what was her family's history. Looked like I had some research to do when the weather and roads cleared up.

Now, what the fuck was I supposed to do with Lexa or really, my feelings for her? Were there feelings besides sexual want? I rolled my neck as I felt a slight tugging below my waist at just the thought. Clearing my throat, I tamped the urge down and refocused my thoughts. Yes, I wanted her and I made it worse by kissing her. Seeing her naked on the ledge further drove the need which meant that I needed to stop myself from going there on the off chance of seeing her. I considered her a friend because we had spent so much time writing to one another and opening ourselves up, sharing what was going on with our lives. We understood one another in a way that I felt we couldn't with anyone that wasn't an Alpha. I understood what it meant to be a leader and the often difficult decisions that sometimes needed to happen. She understood what it was like to work through a trauma that affected life outside of my own.

Then, there's the fact that we both feel like we've known each other for a lot longer than the last three, four months. Which was insane when I thought about it. Like something out of a fictional romance, but I was pretty sure that I wasn't in love with Lexa. I mean, I knew love. I loved Janice, which was a different love than what I felt for my friends or even my mother. I liked Lexa, but only as a friend. Unfortunately, she was a friend that I really, really wanted to sleep with.

Lock it down, Griffin!

I had tensed and Janice felt it, making her look at me in worry, "You alright, babe?"

I forced my body to relax and lied with a smile, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a fleeting memory."

Worry crossed her eyes, "Wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head, "I'm fine. Really. They just sneak up on me every once in awhile."

"You know you can talk to me about anything, right," she said, sitting up and turning to face me.

"I know," I replied with a slight frown. "Janice, what happened in the past is the past. Yeah, it colors my present and my future, but it is firmly in the past. That's where I want it to stay. Please don't ask me about it again."

She nodded, but I knew that she didn't really want to let it go. We'd had these conversations before when she'd do or say something that would remind me of Wells. I'd given her the overview, but I'd never gone into detail and that's how I liked it. I didn't want to see the looks of pity or sympathy coupled with anger that I knew she would give me. It was hard enough to deal with when something from the attack would leak through, but I didn't want to dredge up every pain filled moment with her. That probably wasn't healthy, but I wasn't ready to give that all to her.

That was another difference between her and Lexa, I thought to myself. I was fully open with Lexa and comfortable talking to her about my past, but I just couldn't bring myself to be that open with Janice. Maybe it was because Janice was human and I wasn't sure that she'd fully understand what it meant growing up in that kind of environment. Scratch that, she would never be able to understand it. Lexa, on the other hand, did. She knew what it meant to grow up in a pack and that what one person said was law. Janice grew up thinking that if enough people held onto a certain belief or that a change should be made then they could make it happen if enough people pushed. It made me sad to think about the fact such actions could have meaningful impacts across the globe, but in werewolf packs we were left at the mercy of a pack Alpha.

This was just one more example of what it meant to date a human, but I loved her and I hoped that someday I would be ready to open up to her and invite her into our world. Just not today.

I decided to change the subject and got up to find my jacket, "I almost forgot. I have something for you."

I rooted in my jacket pockets and found the small box that I had wrapped very carefully a week ago. Smiling, I walked back over to her and presented the gift, "Merry Christmas, Janice."

She beamed up at me and started unwrapping it as I sat back down in anticipation. It had taken me a good month to find the perfect gift and I really hoped that she like it. Having unwrapped and put the paper aside, she opened the box with shaking fingers. I was watching her so intently that I noticed when her face and body fell in disappointment before she quickly recovered and smiling, pulled out a gold pendant in the shape of a heart made up of two wolves with a triquetra. Each wolf had a precious stone for an eye, one sapphire and the other a milk chocolate diamond.

"You don't like it," I said, feeling crestfallen.

She blushed and then said, looking me earnestly in the eye, "No! I love it, Clarke. It's beautiful."

"But you were hoping for something else," I said, sighing.

She looked down, abashed and said, "Well, sorta. It's just that, you know, I've been spending the majority of time over at your place and, you know, half of my stuff is there already…"

Realization dawned on me and I felt like a complete idiot, "You were hoping that I was giving you a key to my place."

"Yeah," she said, a little numbly. "I guess it was silly of me to think that."

I leaned forward and took her hand and used the other to lift her chin, "No, Janice, it's not silly. Not at all. It's just…I haven't had this conversation with the others yet. It's a really big step and I haven't broached the subject with them."

She looked at me in confusion, "Why would you have to have a conversation with them about giving me a key to your place? It is your place, right?"

"Yeah, it is," I replied and tried to find the words to explain without giving anything away. "Look, all of us are private people and we like our privacy. We're also very tight knit, so to bring someone in from outside our group is a big deal. None of us had a good life growing up, it's one of the reasons why we've bonded with one another. It makes us careful and that's why when it comes to big decisions like giving our significant others a key to the place or asking them to live with us, we talk it over as a group. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it does," she replied, sighing and playing with the pendant. My eyes watch her finger as it traces the wolves, "This is really beautiful, Clarke. Can you put it on for me?"

I nodded silently as she held it out to me. I unclasped it as she turned around and lifted her hair. I scooted closer and gently clasped it close, my hands gliding over her shoulders and down her arms as I leaned in and kissed her neck. She sighed at the sensation of my lips on her skin and leaned back against me. I wrapped my arms protectively around her waist pulling her close as I inhaled her rich scent, closing my eyes.

"I love you, Janice," I whispered into her neck. "I'm glad you like it."

"I love you, too, Clarke," she replied, turning her head and capturing my lips with hers.

As we kissed, my thoughts circled around her words. She wanted to take the next step, but I didn't know if I was ready for it.