Clarke POV

I was at the sink cleaning my brushes when there was a knock on the door before it opened. I looked up and saw Octavia's head looking around.

"They gone," I asked as I turned off the water and put up the brushes.

"Yeah," she answered, coming in. "Lexa seemed disappointed to be leaving."

I nodded, "She's lonely, O. Stands to reason she'd want to stay here for a little while longer."

She nodded and leaned up against the sink, "Anya's in hate mode still. She tried to make me flinch as they were leaving. Surprised them when I didn't."

I chuckled, "Let's not antagonize the pack Beta, O. As much fun as it would be, that'd be a sure fire way of getting us in trouble."

She grinned wolfishly, "Does that mean you want to mess with her."

"Oh, yeah. You know how I am when people blame me for something I had no involvement in. Then there's the fact that she destroyed three of my paintings. I would love to repay the favor, but that'd be stooping down to her level of hate."

"Yeah, that is not how you roll."

I laughed, "How I roll? Really? Come on, let's grab the others, so that y'all can make a mess around the Christmas Tree."

"Seriously?! We get to open the presents?"

"Yes, Octavia," I replied, walking back into the rest of the house. "They've been sitting there long enough. Go get everyone."

She skipped to the stairs and screamed, "EVERYONE! TIME FOR PRESENTS!"

I wiggled my finger in my ear to clear it of her scream, grinning and sat down on the couch, stretching my legs in front of me as I waited. There was a clatter of feet as everyone came rushing down or up, depending. I laughed as they fought over spots that would give them prime unwrapping space.

"Okay," I said, sitting up and leaning forward. "Did we decide who was going to play Santa?"

"Monty," Raven said.

I nodded, "The floor's yours, Monty."

He nodded solemnly, but there was a happy gleam in his eyes. He started handing out gifts, everyone piling them impatiently in front of them. When everyone had all of their's, we began unwrapping them. There was a flurry of ripping sounds and various exclamations over the gifts as paper was thrown hither and yon. It was over in mere minutes and the rest of the evening was spent oohing and aahing over what they'd gotten. Octavia got up and came to sit beside me holding the gift I'd given her. It was a gag gift with her real gift inside.

"Really, Clarke," she said, holding up the box. "An electronic fence and collar?"

I chuckled, "Good way to keep you on the property, don't you think?"

"This is just mean. You made your point already. I won't go against you again. I swear," she whined.

"Enough, already, O," I said, sighing. "Just open the damn box already."

She obliged and out tumbled all of the equipment for the electronic fence and then a small box. She picked up the box and opened it, looking at me in question. I just smiled enigmatically and waited. Nestled in a bed of tissue was a key attached to a chain. She pulled it out, her eyes furrowed in confusion and looked at me.

"A house key," she asked confused. "I don't understand."

Smiling, I said, "It's for Lincoln, O. If your relationship becomes more serious…"

Her eyes widened in surprise and excitement, "You mean, I have your blessing?!"

I nodded, "You do. I've seen the way the two of you are together and it makes me very happy to see that. Maybe with him around more often, I won't have to worry about you running off alone into snowstorms willy-nilly."

"I'm sorry for that, Clarke. I really am," she said, her face dropping. "I shouldn't have disobeyed you. It was reckless."

"It was and now you're dealing with the consequences of your actions. Octavia, you are an adult. We may have it easy here and no longer have to worry about someone beating us, but that doesn't mean that we can let go of all responsibilities. You need to learn that everything you do affects the world around you. If something had happened to you, you could have ended up like Lexa. Hurt, frozen, and alone. Remember that and learn from Lexa's mistake."

She nodded solemnly, "I won't forget. Thank you for this. It means the world to me that you approve of Lincoln."

"Your welcome," I said, hugging her tightly. "I want nothing more than your happiness and he makes you happy. And you know you're good when both Bellamy and I like the guy."

She chuckled, "Yeah, I know I'm real lucky. I won't make you regret this."

"Be sure that you don't."

"Clarke," she asked a little uncertainly.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you'll give a key to Janice?"

I sighed and leaned back, "I don't know. She was expecting me to give her a key, but I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of commitment with her. Especially, since she doesn't know what we are. And I'm not ready to tell her or even if I should. Her grandmother threatened to oust me to Janice if I didn't break up with her and I, in turn, threatened her with misery if she did."

"Her grandmother knows what you are," she asked, stunned and I nodded. "How?"

I shook my head, "Don't know. I think before I can trust Janice with our secret, I'm going to have to dig into the maternal side of the family. That may very well determine the fate of our relationship."

"If that's what you think is best, then I'll help you anyway I can," she said with determination. "The library has a copy of every issue of the newspaper since it started up. I can look to see if their name pops up."

I smiled, "That would be a tremendous help. Thank you."

"Of course. Family, right?"

"Family," I agreed.

The rest of the night went by quickly and joyously. By the time I finally made it to bed it was nearing dawn and my body was heavy with the need for sleep. That night, my mind decided to torture me with every fantasy conceivable that it could create that had Lexa in the bathroom. Leaving me very frustrated.

I plodded downstairs after the last attempt to get some rest. The guys were already in the kitchen, cooking and baking. Most of them took one look at me and quickly looked away. I must have looked like shit. Monty silently handed me a mug of warm dark liquid and I nodded in thanks before I headed to sit in front of the fireplace.

Settling myself comfortably, I rolled my neck to try and ease some of the tension as I tried to quell an overwhelming urge to hunt a certain someone down and have my way with her.

"You look like shit," Raven said as she joined me on the couch.

I turned my head to look at her and replied, "Your face looks like shit."

"Well, who pissed in your Wheaties this morning," she huffed.

"Sorry," I replied, smiling sourly, "Didn't sleep well. Dreams."

Concerned she asked, "Are your nightmares getting bad again."

I shook my head, "No. Different dreams. Dreams I should not be having."

The lightbulb went off in her head after a moment of confusion and she said, "Ohhh, those kind of dreams. Dude, you really need to do something about that."

"Ya think? It's not like I can just go to her and say, 'hey, can we fuck because I can't stop thinking about you,' and hope that it'll be the end of it. I should have never kissed her," I said, shaking my head at my own stupidity.

"Whoa?! Wait a minute. You kissed her? When?"

I blushed, realizing what I'd just said, "Shit. You weren't supposed to know that. I kissed her the night I dropped her at home. God, you know how insanely attracted I am to her and I just couldn't seem to help myself. It's gotten worse since that kiss."

"Worse? How," she asked, leaning closer.

"Ugh, you do not want to know. I feel like I'm cheating and I'm not even doing anything except having erotic dreams."

"So, when you say erotic? We talking, you know, fully detailed, phantom things and what not?"

I glared daggers at her, "Fuck you, Rae. This is so not helping me right now."

"So, that's a yes?"

I growled, "Enough. God, why do I even talk to you sometimes."

She shrugged, "Maybe it's a sign, you know."

"Seriously?! You're the one who pushed me towards Janice."

"Now wait a minute," she said, holding a hand up. "I said that you should befriend Janice and maybe get a fuck buddy out of it. I did not, in no uncertain terms, tell you to ask her out and start dating her. That's on you, bub."

I sighed loudly and took a huge swallow of coffee, "You're right. This is on me. I just have no fucking clue what to do. This is fucked up on so many levels."

"Well," she said, cautiously, "Octavia told me what you told her last night about Janice's grandmother…"

"And she told you that whatever I may find may lead to me ending the relationship," I said, looking at her intently.

"Right."

"Don't tell me that you think it's another sign that I'm with the wrong woman."

"I'm not saying anything, but come on, what more do you need? I mean Lexa looks at you like I do a perfectly preserved muscle car. She seriously wants you. Like bad. You want her just as bad."

"And what if it's nothing more than some serious physical and sexual attraction? What do I do then?"

"You have incredible, mind blowing sex with a friend."

I shook my head in frustration and drained my coffee. I stood up and walked over to the windows and focused my attention away from the conversation and towards the beautiful winter landscape. It was going to be a good day to run as a pack, but I felt the need for a run right now. I turned back around and saw Raven still sitting there and watching me curiously.

"Let's go for a short run, Rae," I said. "I could use it."

She perked up at that and grinned, "Absolutely. How far are we talking about?"

"Um, just to the northern edge of the property."

She nodded, "Sounds good. Let's go."

I smiled and nodded, we both stripped and stepped out onto the deck. Leaping over the railing, we shifted mid-fall and landed in a five foot pile of snow. Yipping in surprise, I started to dig my way through the drift until I finally found the fence that ended the original property. Jumping over, I noticed Raven had already beaten me and was waiting with a huge wolf grin on her face. I narrowed my eyes at her and she indicated that she wanted to play. Well, I was more than game for whatever she wanted to play and jumped towards her. She dodged out of the way and took off. I went after her and we spent the next few hours chasing one another throughout the property.

When we finally got back, I was in a much better mood and ready to enjoy some good food with my favorite people. Dinner was superb as it usually was, though I missed Bellamy and his cooking, but it couldn't be helped with classes starting soon. Our run lasted until way after the moon had risen and I was pleasantly surprised that my shoulder felt nearly as good as it had before I'd been attacked.

I'd grabbed a bottle of wine and a glass before I headed back out to the deck to cool off from the run, when Raven and Octavia came out to join me.

"Feeling fancy, are we," Raven joked as she poured herself a glass of wine.

I looked over at them, smiling as I watched the tendrils of steam waft from their still cooling bodies, "We're running low on beer and I didn't feel like whiskey tonight."

"Ah," Octavia replied, "Good excuse to bring out the wine then."

"How's the shoulder," Raven asked, taking a sip and leaning her hip on the railing.

"Fine. Almost like it had never happened," I replied, thinking. "I think they avoided telling me about the physical therapy the first time."

"Why would they do that," Octavia asked.

"Simple enough, O," Raven explained. "Keeping it from healing properly makes her weaker and gives a place to exploit if she was ever in a fight."

I nodded, taking a sip and rolling it around in my mouth before swallowing, "Yeah, it's not a good idea to let the only other Arcadian Alpha stay at full strength regardless that I'm a female. It's a good strategy since I was too preoccupied with the trauma and having to move. It would've been the perfect opportunity to kill me or have me killed."

Octavia grimaced, "God, he really did think several steps ahead, didn't he."

I chuckled darkly, "It's what he does best, but enough about all that fucking darkness. What are we doing for New Year's?"

She perked up at that and said, "I forgot to tell you, Clarke. Lexa invited us to Polis to celebrate with her pack. Lincoln's been telling me that it's a huge deal and a lot of fun. Can we go?"

I laughed, "If you want to go, you can go. I'm not going to say no. It sounds like fun and honestly, we've probably kept to ourselves way too much."

"Well, what about you," Raven said, arching her brow. "You need it as much as we do. Party like the animals we are with people just like us."

"I guess. I'm just not sure it's a good idea for me."

Raven glared at me and said, "There are other people in the pack besides Lexa and Anya, Clarke. Just because you go doesn't mean that you have to deal with either of them. You can stay in the background and meet more people. That's what I'm gonna do. Maybe I can find a hot stud to rut around with for a bit."

Octavia and I burst out laughing, "Rut around?! My god, do you know how horrible that sounds, Rae."

She glared at us, but replied, "Rut, fuck, sex, fornicate…it's all the same."

"It's not the same," Octavia replied, "Rut makes it sound so animalistic and savage. Like you're not even part human. God, I hope your game is a bit more captivating than your mouth is sometimes."

"Whatever. It's not like there's someone on the other side of that mountain that'll sweep me off of my feet and make me fall madly in love."

That sobered me and Octavia up real quick and I said, "Rae, hon, don't do that to yourself. Trust me, there are nice men out there that would never dream of hurting you. You just gotta open yourself up a little. We both know how scary it is to open ourselves up, but we both did and we're fine. You'll be fine too."

She nodded and poured another glass, "I know it's been like, what, three years, but it still gives me nightmares. I don't know if I'll ever be that comfortable around someone again. Or trust someone besides you guys."

I hugged her, "Hey, if I can come back and find good in people again, so can you. Like you said, it's been three years…I think it's time to try, don't you?"

"Yeah, alright," she said, sniffling slightly. "I'll refrain from thinking of men as mere objects."

"Well," Octavia said, leaning her back against the railing, "Men are objects. Lovable, fun, frustrating objects. Sometimes you just have to look through all the garbage to find that one that really grabs your attention."

"Very true,"I said, nodding. "Not all men hide an evil interior wrapped in gold. Sometimes the gold is wrapped in the mundane. Just when you speak, don't talk about rutting. That's just gross."

Raven laughed, "Yeah, that was a really poor choice of word there. Sex is good. Fucking is acceptable, yeah?"

We both nodded, "Yeah, fucking is totally acceptable."

"So, does this mean you're going, Clarke," Octavia asked, hope in her voice.

I groaned and looked up at the sky and replied, "Yeah. I'll go. If for no other reason than to make sure, Raven's mouth doesn't embarrass the shit outta any of us. Hell, maybe even Nate will find someone to have a night out with."

"He is becoming a bit of a prude, isn't he," Raven said, chuckling.

"Oh, yeah. He really needs to let loose. That'll be our mission then. Get Nate to let his hair down and get wild for once."

"And have the absolutely best time while doing it."

We all laughed in agreement and headed back inside to plan Nate's prudish demise.