The Paranoid Pixie

"Um, Pixie? Did you sponge bath me last night or was that a dream."

"Aren't you a lucky boy."

"This is something we'll never be able to tell our kids."

El was silent.

"Um, Pixie?"

"There won't be any kids Mike."

"No?"

"No."

Mike was silent, then he knew. "The lab, right."

"Yes. You have to be ok with it Mike. Otherwise I leave this room, our relationship is over and maybe we can continue on a professional musical level, maybe not. But it will never be more than that." El stated the cold hard facts. He could hear it in her voice.

"You know I don't want to lose you El. If that means no kids. Then that's it. No kids. Just you and me. Ok?"

He could her her sobbing behind him, "Just you and me Mike."

XXXXX

Mike watched El come into his room carrying some equipment and a magazine. She was stomping around and furious. He was sitting up in bed with a clipboard and scribbling down song lyrics.

"Can you believe this s-" she stopped herself, blushing. "I don't want to swear in front of you Mike. Those days are over for me."

"What's the trouble Pixie?" He smiled at her.

Her face softened. She handed him an issue of the latest issue of Pop Music Magazine. "Page 11, I think they're trying to be funny."

Mike turned to page 11 and saw a photo of he and El holding hands. They were looking at each other and smiling.

"That's a nice photo El. I remember that day, We didn't speak that whole walk. We didn't need to. We just smiled at each other." Mike sighed.

"Read the caption."

"El Hopper's first case of puppy love."

"Oh." MIke said.

"It's not puppy love." They both said at the same time.

El smiled at him. "So this won't get any airplay, but I'm going to sneak it to a bootleg group I know." She passed him a tape player and a headset. I had to talk Lucas into helping me in the studio." She sat cross legged on the bed in front of him.

Mike put the headset on, and pressed 'play'. The voice was El's but she was obviously trying to sound like Donny Osmond singing Puppy Love.

MIke listened for a few seconds and then started laughing so hard he started to cough. He stopped the tape until he his hacking subsided. Then started it back up again.

It felt like someone had lit his face on fire it was so hot. He was blushing with extreme embarrassment.

"El! This is filthy!" Mike laughed again. "You are not going to win a Grammy Award for those lyrics, funny as they are.

"I was mad when I recorded that with Lucas."

"I'll say. Do you kiss your dad with that mouth? I don't think I've ever heard any girl say those kinds of things before. George Carlin would be proud."

Mike laughed again. "This is hilarious, how are they ever going to know?"

"I sent them a tape. We already know they can't play it, at least not without of bleeping out the words. Besides, there are probably copyright problems I think... I don't care. I hope the do play it."

"They are being passive-aggressive about that interview you ended. That one had a lot of swearing too."

"Don't remind me MIke. That was a bad day for me." El looked at him.

"Sorry Pixie. I know you aren't that person anymore."

"Thanks to you." She smiled and then noticed his clipboard.

"Are you writing a song?" Her eyes lit up and Mike's heart skipped a beat.

Mike shrugged, "I'm not happy with the first one. Seemed ok when I started it… but I ran out of lyrics."

El read it aloud:

"Pixie's aren't born, they fall from the sky

If you love one, they'll give you their heart

My pixie was caged, but I set her free

She says that we will never part"

"That's really sweet MIke. You know what? It's probably a better off as a pop song, and I don't really want to do those anymore. I know we still have to do the hits on stage, but I think this one, I'd like to keep.. Just from you to me. Ok?"

Mike nodded.

"Maybe you'll be inspired to write more later." She leaned over and kissed his forehead. Thank you Paladin."

El looked at a second sheet of paper. "Do you mind?"

"Ok, this one I thought could be done differently."

"How so?" El looked down at the sheet.

"You sing it in a little girl's voice like a nursery rhyme. Mike gave her the basic melody."

El cleared her throat and sang, in what he thought was a haunting little girl's voice.

"Friends will start gathering,

Other friends are at rest.

Friends will start pairing off,

From friends who are left.

No promises are made,

But promises are kept.

Friends who are never seen,

And friends who have met.

Some friends will have everything

Some friends are bereft.

Some friends stay forever,

Some friends are betrayed.

Some friends will find early,

Other friends find late.

Some friends are new,

Other friends are old souls."

"Ooh, Mike, that sounds a bit creepy, I think I'd rearrange some of the stanza's to deal with flow and rhyming things, but I like it. What inspired you to write this?"

"Losing friends, gaining new ones, maybe after the collapse of civilization. I was going to call it Friends Don't Lie, but I don't really like that title, not for that song." Mike felt his face flushing. He looked down.

"I'm not really a songwriter like you guys are."

"Mike." She said patiently, "inspiration is ninety-five percent of the battle. You have something here. We can work with this… if you want to… it's… it's your song Mike. About an important subject for you."

"You think so?"

"As the El Hopper I certainly do." She winked at him.

"I'm not strong enough to go onstage tonight, El."

"I wouldn't let you anyway. And that means I'm not doing Not So Pretty tonight."

XXXXX

"Hey music fans, welcome to Bootleg Pirate Radio. We have a special exclusive treat for you tonight. As anyone who's current living space is not under a rock, the band 11 is touring. We have just received a five LP bootleg called Ugly Crier of the first three shows that we are going to play in its entirety for you tonight.

The first two shows are roughly the same set list. The third show El Hopper sings a version of Badfinger's Without You but in the same still Nilsson uses. She does not sing Not So Pretty and probably because Mike Wheeler isn't on stage with them. Even so Max Mayfield does as great job of covering his solos on the Hammond.

She also does a phenomenal version of Unchained Melody you will need to sit if you're listening to this one folks. You'll be weak in the knees, I guarantee it.

[El Hopper as heard on the bootleg]

'As a lot of already know, I wrote a song apologizing to our guitarist Mike Wheeler. You don't need the details, just that I was over the top mean to him, and he was only trying to help the band. You can see that Mike is not here tonight, he's got a bad cold. That's life on the road.

[audience laughs]

I hope you understand why I can't do that song for you tonight, but I'll try my best to sing two others for you, that have come to mean a lot to me.

[The band performs Without You and Unchained Melody]

Seems like there's a bonus track here, El Hopper singing Puppy Love, if you have sensitive ears, you may want to skip this one, but it's funny as hell.

- Heard on Bootleg Pirate Radio

XXXXX

Mike was able to rejoin the band on stage again after a full week. Each night of the show he was on stage El sang Not So Pretty and each night she cried.

Each time Mike came over to help her stand and hug her. The audience now knew what to expect and the crying started long before she was finished the song.

One night in Mike's room he asked her, "how are you able to cry like that every night. Everyone can tell that you aren't faking it."

"I just think of that day in the studio. I almost lost you Mike. I just think about that…" El hung her head and started to cry. Mike hugged her tight.

She laughed through her tears, "see?"

"You won't lose me, El. I should have never said I'd break a promise. I was angry."

"You had every right to be. I'm so sorry about that day Mike. That song is not nearly enough to say it."

XXXXX

The next night made the news. It made local, national and international news.

After they had done a rousing version of Dense, at Mike's insistence. They were a few bars into the next song El stopped singing and said. "Can you bring up the house lights please?" The stadium brightened, the audience looked confused.

"I'd like to say something, I know my head of security is listening, and this is my request to start Operation Asshole effective immediately.

I want to apologize to you guys, the fans, for what I'm going to say and what the band is about to do. I don't want to do it but I feel like our lives are in danger.

What most of you don't know is that I was physically and emotionally abused as a child, and the man responsible, I can see is just off the stage to my right.

Until he is in prison for his crimes, the band will go into hiding for fear of our lives. So I hate to do it but I'm ending the show tonight, and the tour indefinitely until then.

If this makes you angry, it should, but I'd ask, as a favour to the band, you shout 'Fuck You Brenner' at the top of your lungs until my security people get us out safely."

The crowd complied.

Several men came on stage dressed in black with black sunglasses and surrounded the band. Mike looked around in a daze it was all happening so fast. Max and Dustin had no idea what was going on and both looked a little scared.

The security team made sure they were all together. El grabbed MIke's hands and held on tight as they were escorted off the stage, out the back into a black Chevy Suburban.

Nobody saw or heard from 11 for four months.