Working Pixie
"Don't cry, Mike."
El was snuggled in her favourite spot. Next to Mike in the sleeping bag, nuzzled up against him. Her lips pressed up against against the heat of his neck. She could feel his breath hitching.
"Sorry El. I think you are right, we are old souls who have found each other again. It's overwhelming to feel this way."
"In a good way?" She whispered to him.
"In a perfect way."
"Um, can I ask you a favour?"
"Ask me anything Pixie."
"Can you grow your hair longer? I'm thinking of a specific image for the band. Dustin already has the long curly locks, Max of course has that long gorgeous red hair. I keep the pixie cut, and you grow your hair long also."
"I see what you're going for. Um, my hair becomes kind of a scraggly corkscrew mess when I grow it long. My mom always makes me get it cut back. If you want it long, I'll stop getting it trimmed back."
"Mike?" she hesitated before asking her next question. She wasn't sure what answer she wanted to hear.
"Yeah Pixie?"
"Do you want me… to grow my hair long? …screw the band image."
"I've seen you with the buzz cut. I thought you were pretty then. I've been looking at this pixie cut for a few weeks now. Still pretty. If you want to grow it long, you do it for yourself El." He tapped her heart.
"Pretty on the inside, El. I will keep telling you that until you believe me."
"What happens if I have some kind of accident and my face gets scarred up?"
Mike tapped her heart again. "Pretty on the inside. I mean it El."
"Yes, but what if…" She stopped talking. Her body went stiff.
"Did you hear that Mike? Outside?"
A deeper voice from the other room said. "I heard it.. All units on TAC 5, this is L1 anyone have a visual on the west side of the Fort?"
"This is S1, I have it in my sights, It's a fawn, or a small deer, looks like it's eating grass underneath the window."
"This is S2, I can confirm, in my sights also. I'm silenced, want me to take it out?"
"This is L1, try not to kill Bambi tonight ok? It will wander off."
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"So what are we going to do?" Dustin asked.
"We have all the equipment here, we're going to record an album." El said.
"Uh, we're going to have to write it first aren't we." Dustin asked.
El smiled at him. "We are. I want to give you and idea of what I'm thinking of. First, let's listen to this." She put on Jethro Tull's Thick As A Brick.
44 minutes later, Max asked, "one song right?"
"Yes, now listen to this one." El put the first LP of Yes's Tales of Topographic Oceans. "OK, this is a pre-release that Chris Squire gave me, it's an acetate so we are only going to get a few plays out of it. It can be an acquired taste."
After all four sides were played. Mike said, "that might be a little too ambitious... and pretentious. 11 as a band is probably only going to get away with one concept album. And I think you are going to get two extremes from both fans and critics. Some fans are really going to like it, you might get new fans, others even the die-hards will hate it. Critics are not going to be in between it will be really like or really hate. I could be wrong but you want to be prepared for this album to flop."
El frowned at him, "that's not very constructive Mike."
"It is El. I follow this type of music more than you guys have. You can't do an anti-war album. Make War Not War was probably your last shot at a protest song. A good one, but I don't think you'll get away with another. At least not until our government gets its nose in another country's business again."
"Are you telling me we shouldn't do it, then." El could feel her anger rising.
"No El." Mike said gently, "I'm saying you need to be prepared for it to do badly on the charts and maybe in the hearts of fans."
"But if we all put our best effort into it," El said trying to convince Mike, "then it will sound like we are enjoying it. Rick Wakeman didn't sound like he was having any fun on that album."
"I think you've hit on something important. We all have to to like what's being written and what we are playing, it needs to be a totally collaborative effort."
"You don't want any of us to blame anybody else if it fails." El looked at him.
Mike looked down, "I don't want you blaming me if I'm going into this with a negative attitude."
El was silent. She had been thinking the exact same thing, that Mike's heart wasn't going to be into this and he would subconsciously sabotage the album. She was mad at herself for even thinking that. It almost felt like she was being the El Hopper again and it made her sick to her stomach.
She watched the emotions play across Mike's face. Worry. Love. Sorrow. Love. Regret. Love. And then just Love.
"Ok, then. This feels more like my idea, influenced heavily by Mike's tastes for this kind of music. I know Max and Dustin are probably all in. I'm thinking I just want to do one album like this anyway. But we all need to on board." She looked at Mike.
"If you really don't want to do this Mike we won't."
"Don't get me wrong you guys, I've been wanting to do something like this long before I knew any of you. I would have never had the opportunity if I hadn't met such talented musicians."
"All I'm saying is… don't be disappointed that all are hard work is not met with raving idolization you've gotten with previous albums… that's all I'm saying… Sorry guys."
El came over and sat beside him and held his hands in hers, "You were thinking of us. How we'd react to negative press. That's why I love you Mike. Thinking of others first." She tapped his heart and kissed him.
"What's your idea El?" He looked into her eyes.
"Two songs, one each side. First side is called No. Second side is called Yes. A little bit of homage to the group, but mostly the opposite of the first side."
"Now that you have the lyrics we just need to come up with the music, I have some ideas about that."
"Uh, what do you mean 'now we have the lyrics." Dustin said.
El smiled, "at the end of an angry piece of brilliant music we are about to write," she laughed, "I say 'No' like I'm mad as hell. At the end of the second song and maybe a more uplifting sound, I say, I don't know… an orgasmic 'yes' ."
Mike swiveled his head to look at her, "what?!"
El flushed, "Ok maybe a regular, more emphatic 'yes'."
This time Mike turned red. "You're idea might work better."
"We'll see, " El said now second guessing herself.
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After being in the cabin for three and a half weeks, Hopper came by with pizza, he could see the band working hard on an arrangement.
They all ate and laughed, not thinking or talking about why they were there. Eventually El motioned for her dad to go with her to her room.
She wanted to talk to him alone.
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We don't know how that accident is going to affect the tour. I still can't believe it happened. At first it seemed to the fans that it was part of the act, no matter how bizarre it would have been. But once they saw the blood on El and Mike's faces, they knew that something had gone horribly wrong. It looked like they had tripped on their guitar cords and their heads caught the tuning pegs of their guitars… the clipped strings at that end catching their faces. Needless to say the show as stopped and they were led off stage bleeding profusely.
- Rock Music Magazine
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The band stayed the winter in the cabin, they spent Christmas and New Years there, ringing in 1974. 'Mack' had gave them the news that Brenner was still at large. It was still not safe to leave the cabin.
When they had finally turned in for the night, El took her customary place in Mike's sleeping bag. It was cold inside, and it took a few minutes of sharing their body heat before they stopped shivering.
"Mike, when my dad and I were talking, I told him… I told him we were sharing a sleeping bag… at the same time… and that we had the entire time we've been in the cabin."
"Oh? How did he take that?"
"He just nodded. He trusts me because I trust you. But I told him one other thing…"
"What's that Pixie?"
"I told him I want to be more… intimate with you." She waited for Mike's reaction.
"Geez, El, no parent wants to hear that."
"I tell him everything Mike. No matter how embarrassing it is for the both of us. My dad and I went through too much to be keeping secrets from each other."
"That must be why he gave me an that look just before he left last time."
"What look was that?"
"All guys know it, it's the 'you treat her like right' look."
"You do treat me right."
"It's because I love you Pixie. I won't do anything to screw this up."
"How do you think the album is going, Mike?"
"I think it's great, you are taking everyone's ideas and working them into your own… not that I thought you couldn't do it, I think we are all going to be happy album when it's done."
"I'm sensing a 'but'."
"But bands get snarky when they put their heart and soul into an album that doesn't grab the critics and more importantly doesn't grab the fans. You guys need to be prepared for that."
"All I can ask is that we are happy with the outcome.'
"There's a good chance that you are not going to get any airplay on AM radio. Record company will want singles and will blame us for them not selling, that's going to result in not so good a record deal when you go to resign.'
"Max, Dustin, and I have already talked about this. Long before I met you. They released Dense without our consent. We are not resigning with them."
"Um, is that a good idea?"
"Record companies will give you a hundred reasons for why it isn't, but there's a reason that bands form their own record company, Beatles have Apple records, Bolan formed his own for the bands future albums. It's not unheard of."
"Let me guess, Pixie Records?"
El laughed, "as a matter of fact yes."
"That means you have to manage yourself too?"
"That's another thing Record companies would have you believe. That a band doesn't have smart enough people to handle all that. We've had to turn down offers to play places that record company didn't want us to play. Screw that. Now we get to play the smaller towns we can reach fans they wouldn't let us reach before."
"They'll never see my Pixie coming before she hits them like a ton of bricks."
XXXXX
They were nearing the end of the music writing. They had spent a total of three months in the cabin so far, never having once stepped outside. As expected, nerves were a little frayed.
Mike could see the entire band starting to snip at each other. It seemed like old arguments had resurfaced, none involving him, so he felt like an outsider looking into a bad social experiment. He admitted his entire time with the band had felt like that.
It had been a slow process, but he felt that he and El had drifted apart a little bit. She still shared the sleeping bag with him, but it almost seemed like a duty and she didn't really want to be there.
Today had been bad. El wasn't taking any new ideas.
One night they had worked late into the evening and it wasn't going well. Mike said. "We've been working solid on this for three months guys, why don't we take a few days break?"
El sighed. "Good idea."
She got up went to closet and pulled out a sleep bag. "I'm done for the night anyway." She went into the room they all shared.
Max, Lucas and Dustin looked at him questions on their faces.
Oh, shit. Mike thought.
He waited until he thought El would be asleep. He walked into the room and saw El on her side, her angry eyes were open.
He changed for bed and got into his own sleeping bag. Alone.
"So are you not talking to me, Mike."
Mike gave off a big sigh, "I can only tell you to things right now that you would even listen to."
"Oh? What's that Mike, enlighten me."
"I love you."
"What's the other?" Mike heard her voice soften a bit.
"You have no idea how much I'm going to miss you falling asleep in my arms tonight."
El said nothing. She unzipped her sleeping bag, got out and slipped into Mike's.
"I have a good idea Mike. I'll never do that again. That was the scariest thing I've ever done. I was angry at myself today more than anybody. I get so angry with myself. How I treated people. I just seem to spiral out of control."
Mike could feel her hot tears on his neck.
"Still pretty?" She asked.
"On the inside Pixie, yes. Really pretty."