Pixie on Eggshells

It was a good show. El felt as if her voice was even stronger than it used to be. Mike's suggestion for her to stretch her voice and her talent was really paying off. She felt like there wasn't any song she couldn't sing.

All thanks to Mike. She smiled to herself. Mike had been good for the band's career. But he had been more important he had bee good to her heart. Every time she thought of him, she felt the sting at the back of her eyes. Mike could have any girl, any woman he wanted. He had picked her to be with forever. The knowledge was empowering, she had been treated like shit for the first eleven or twelve years of her life, and was now being treated like princess.

Once again the band had reserved an entire floor of a hotel. 11 had a reputation of being respectful of private property. They never trashed hotel rooms like some other bands did. El made her way down the corridor to the room that she and Mike stayed in.

She frowned, she was hearing a lot of loud giggling. She stepped softly to their door and put her ear to it. A girl was giggling. She froze when she heard Mike's voice laughing, "when I catch you I'm going to spank your bare bottom."

El felt dizzy. Was that a groupie? Her stomach lurched. I'm going to be sick. She thought. And then she was. It felt like the entire contents of her stomach for a full week emptied themselves at near the bottom of the wall, dripping to the carpet in the hallway.

She ran crying from the door, she could barely see to get to Max's room. Max must have heard her, she didn't need to knock.

"M-M-Max!" She began crying so hard she couldn't stand and collapsed just in side the door.

"El! What's going on?"

El's breath was hitching badly, she knew she would have to calm down to tell Max anything. It took her almost a full minute to tell Max she thought there was a groupie in Mike's room, probably naked.

"That asshole! in your room? That's a lot of nerve. Give me your spare key." Max looked furious. Her best friend was livid.

Max marched out and stomped down the hallway. El could hear her pounding on the door. Really pounding. "Hey asshole, pull out and pull up your pants, I'm entering the room in three seconds, and I don't want to see that shit."

El could hear the girl's shriek at the pounding to the door of Mike's room. She just couldn't think of it as their room. That was over. El started to wail. Her life with Mike was over. He had succumbed to the temptations offered by being in a popular band. It was just a matter of time before he got into the drugs, regardless of whatever promise he'd made to her. The temptation was going to be too powerful. Mike was lost to her now… her life was over. She couldn't do this anymore. Now now, not without him.

It was really quiet down the hall. El sniffed, she didn't know what was going on. She was sure Max would be yelling at Mike or the groupie right now. Although when Max was really mad her voice was low and menacing.

The door opened. Mike was standing there partially silhouetted from the corridor lights contrasting with Max's darkened room.

At first he looked a bit angry, then he looked worried sick.

A blonde head peaked out from behind Mike, it was his little sister Holly. She had been crying. "Are you mad at me Eleven?" she said through sniffles.

"No sweetie… I'm only mad at myself right now. Come give me a hug."

Holly was hesitant at first but then ran to El on the floor and gave her a tight hug, she said in almost a whisper, "Don't be mad at Mikey either, he still wants you to be married. He loves you very much."

This time El's crying caused her to hyperventilate until she fainted.

XXXXX

"Don't look at me Mike." El was sitting up cross-legged in bed, looking at her hands wringing themselves continually.

"I'm too ashamed of myself to face you right now."

"You don't have to look at me El. All I really need to know is that you still love me. That's it."

El nodded, the tears starting again, she lifted her arms begging for Mike to hug her. Her breath hitched again when Mike slid over and accepted her hug. His own arms encircled her.

"Hugs to sniffles, Pixie."

Later she woke up, her head lying on a pillow, her arms still around Mike's neck, and his still holding her tight. She pulled back a little until she was inches from his face, looking into his understanding eyes.

"After all you've said to me. After all you've done for me. I didn't trust you. It will be a long time before I forgive myself." She was having a hard time looking into his eyes. He'd always been so patient with her, even that one day in the studio. She knew he would be this time too but it didn't make her feel any better.

"Is Holly alright? She probably shouldn't have heard whatever Max said."

"All she really wanted was for you not to be mad at her. She didn't know what she had done, she thought she was in trouble for running around our hotel room. Nancy brought her by on her way back from wherever she was. I told her she could bring her anytime."

El nodded. "I'm sorry."

"The hug was good enough for Holly. And she still wants you to be her friend and for us to be together. That's pretty much her world right now."

El closed her eyes and squeezed out tears.

"Look at me Pixie."

She opened her eyes. Mikes were intense... honest. "El, I will never cheat on you. I promise."

El nodded. "I know."

"The lab really screwed you up. Having those kind of trust issues... I will never blame you for being a little insecure. The fact that you turned out like you did is because of your dad and your own determination. I'm kind of in awe to tell you the truth. You went through something nobody should have to. You came out of it a strong person, a magical pixie, and my wife. This.. this was nothing El. You have no reason to be ashamed. Do I even need to say it?"

"Still pretty on the inside?"

"Still pretty on the inside Pixie."

XXXXX

Mike could see a marked change in El. Her eyes were downcast a lot when she walked, she only seemed to look at him when they talked. She cried a lot, no matter what insurances he gave her… and would continue to give her. El Wheeler was not an ordinary girl. She was special and Mike wanted to make sure she knew that every single day they were together. He also made sure they were rarely out of one another's sight and when they were in the same room he was holding her hand. Of course that part was mostly for him. It felt to him like he couldn't have enough physical contact with her.

They were getting dressed one morning and El said softly, "Mike you can't wear that shirt anymore."

Mike looked at her, "why?"

"First, it's disgusting, look at the armpits."

"I smell ok." Mike said defensively going through the sniff test.

"You always smell good to me, but those shirt armpits are yellowing Mike. You need new clothes."

Mike flushed, "hmm, confession time. I've never bought any of my own clothes. My mom always bought them. That's probably half the reason I was punched a lot when I was younger. Dorky clothes."

"Even your underwear?"

Mike looked down. "Wow, this is more embarrassing than I thought it would be. Yes, even my underwear and socks."

El came up to him. "It's ok Mike, I'll go clothes shopping with you. I know a little bit about fashion, I will make sure you're next pair of dorky pants won't get you punched." It felt like she was back to her old self, but then she stepped back and her eyes were downcast again and she went back to her packing.

Mike looked at her. "Um, Pixie?"

"Give me some time Mike. I'm not feeling very proud of myself these days."

"Do you want to cancel the tour?"

"No. We did that to fans twice. I wouldn't do that to them again. I'm ok on stage. With you… you know."

Mike nodded came over and kissed her scar from behind.

XXXXX

I'm not sure what happened, but El Wheeler's vocals seem to be getting better and better. When she sings Not So Pretty there's a subtle change I can't put my finger on it. She sings it differently now. It feels more raw, more heartfelt and she still breaks down and cries near the end. It feels like a sad song to listen to but it's very uplifting. There are rumours that she is working on a solo album. Stay tuned folks!

- Rock Music Magazine