Storms of yesterday

by thedollars666

Izaya and Shizuo lose their memories of their romantic relationship and ultimately forget they became anything more then enemies. Forced to confront their feelings; Izaya denies everything, but Shizuo starts to realize that their maybe something more between them. Can their friends help them remember before its too late? Sequel to Winds of Change. RECENTLY REVISED AS OF 13/02/20

7. Love thy enemy

"I have the cure!" the group of people in front of him stared blankly. Shinra stood up and stepped in front, a confused look upon his face. Shingen tilted his head and said, "Shinra? What's wrong?"

Shinra frowned, he was asking what was wrong? Did he have any idea what they - "Just where the hell have you been? I haven't heard from you in months!"

Shingen scratched his temple. "I've been just a tad busy you know, it's complicated to explain, I thought Izaya would have told you."

Izaya raised his eyebrow when everyone looked over at him, Shinra sighed and then turned back to his dad and said, "Not exactly. Don't you know what happened?"

"I've been cooped up in the lab, working in secret, it's been rough." Shingen then turned to Izaya. "Izaya, I know I've been side-tracked lately, but did you send me any information, about - you know."

Izaya rolled his eyes, wondering how long they were going to keep the façade up. "I don't know what everyone's goal is here, but I'm far too intelligent for your manipulative games. I don't know why there's this sudden need to make us believe that me and Shizu-ch-" Izaya frowned, he just couldn't say it anymore. "Shizuo," he corrected himself, "That we'd be or ever were anything more than enemies."

Shizuo clenched his fists, he couldn't believe the raven could just dismiss this so casually. "Are you fucking kidding me!? You still think it's a lie?"

Izaya laughed when he turned to Shizuo. "I honestly can't believe you of all people are pondering the possibility, but then again, you always were pretty gullible."

Shizuo growled, he was about to reach for Izaya's shirt, he wanted to deck him.

Mairu stood up then, her own hands clenching into fists. "Are you really suggesting that we faked that camera footage? Are you that idiotic, or is it that you'd rather not believe it?"

Izaya laughed again, placing his hand on Mairu's head. "You don't have to care, it's not natural, you and I both know you hate me, so why are you playing along? I'm fine with our sibling relationship as it is." Mairu batted his hand away, if Shizuo wasn't going to deck him, she would.

Shingen blinked in confusion, just what the hell had he missed? "What's going on here?"

Shinra sighed, he looked at Izaya and then at Shizuo, whom looked like he was about to tear the apartment to pieces. "Isn't it obvious?"

Shingen looked at the two men for a moment, Shizuo ground his teeth, shoving his hands in his pockets before he did something stupid. Izaya grinned and then shrugged, he gave them all a wave and said, "Well, this was fun, but I'm leaving now."

Shingen raised his hands in front of the raven. "Wait! Perhaps if you listen to what I have to say, it will help you understand."

Izaya placed his hands in his jacket with a sigh, he was getting seriously annoyed. "Looks like more people are involved in this then I thought."

"What?"

Shizuo snorted and then said, "He thinks everyone's faking the stories to manipulate us."

Izaya turned to him. "Us?" he laughed. "You're as delusional as they are."

Shizuo's widened and he finally snapped, he grabbed Izaya's shirt and pulled him forward, raising his fist. Izaya grabbed his wrist but winced when the pressure on his broken fingers caused his grip to weaken. Celty reacted at once, remembering her promise to herself, she had to protect them both from each other. Her shadows burst forth and wrapped tightly around Shizuo's fist, Izaya grinned but soon found that he was unable to move his other hand - the one that was concealing his knife at his side. Celty walked toward them, typing fiercely on her pad. [Stop this! We're telling you the truth. Please, this is just as traumatic for us as it is for you.]

Izaya huffed, narrowing his eyes as Shizuo released him and then the shadows disappeared. "It does pose the question as to why you would protect me, maybe you're just that good of an actress."

[It's not an act! I think you both would know I wouldn't even fake being nice to you, if I didn't care. I'd gladly let Shizuo pummel you if we weren't friends. I wouldn't lie, even you I hope would know that.]

Shizuo laughed lightly when he read her message. "That's true, I know you hate his guts."

[I used to, but he's changed, I wouldn't make up something like that.]

Izaya rolled his eyes and placed his hands in his jacket. "I've never killed anyone, beaten anyone senseless, nor am I considered to be a bringer of death; and I'm the bad guy?"

Shizuo growled at him. "I've never killed anyone either louse!"

Celty's shoulders shook with anger, Shinra soon stood beside her, frowning at the raven. "Izaya, you're my friend, I would always help you if you really needed me, but what you said about Celty is uncalled for, she hasn't been that way for years and you know it, don't use her past in any comparison with the crap you've done."

Izaya tensed under Shinra's gaze, he clenched his fist and what came out of his mouth next he hadn't planned. "Neither one of them are human, but maybe that's an automatic pass to allow them to be granted forgiveness." By the time he realised what he'd said, it was too late to take it back. He couldn't think of anything to say to counteract his impulsive admission. Shit. All eyes were on him now and he shuffled slightly before turning for the door. "I'm leaving now." Once again Shingen stood in front of him, Izaya smirked, showing his teeth. "I'm confident Shinra nor Celty cares much what happens to you." Izaya drew his switchblade and pointed it toward the now shivering man. "Now if you don't want to receive a scar that matches Shizuo's, it's probably best you don't stand in my way anymore."

Shizuo was frowning, not able to keep himself from asking. "How do you know that I have a scar?"

Izaya blinked at the question and turned to face the blond. "What?"

Shizuo stepped forward, placing his hand over his chest. "My scar, how do you know I have one from your knife?"

Izaya opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't reply –

because he really didn't know.

Shizuo stared at him, he was positive Izaya could not have known about that, so how?

Izaya frowned, he didn't like this, he seriously needed to get out of this damn apartment! He turned around swiftly, narrowed eyes as he stepped forward to leave.

Shingen put up his hands again. "Just listen to me for one moment, won't you? I thought you would want to know how I came up with the cure."

Izaya snorted. "No I don't."

Shinra groaned in annoyance. "Don't you get it dad? Izaya and Shizuo are victims of your drug, whatever plans you and Izaya had, he doesn't know what you're talking about. They're both back to their former selves."

Shingen sighed in defeat, he was half hoping they were just playing a trick on him. "I see now, yes. I apologise Izaya, I didn't know it had become this bad, I didn't expect it to get used on you."

"Just let me pass, I'm done here."

Shingen stepped to the side, it was obvious that Izaya didn't care what had happened nor did he even believe it. The group watched the raven-haired man walk toward the door.

Mairu and Kururi stared after him with sadness in their eyes, Mairu reached her hand out, as if it would reach him from where she still sat on the floor. "Izaya...don't go."

Celty stepped in front of Shizuo, he was staring blankly at the door, unsure whether he should be extremely pissed off or really confused, or both. Seen as he was always pissed off with Izaya anyway, the confusion was new, though he had no idea what he was most confused about. Even before they were shown the video, there was something off about his encounter with his enemy. Izaya was still alive, that was a major improvement in his mind. He hadn't injured him once during that whole ordeal, at least, not intentionally, though watching Izaya break his own fingers trying to hurt him was extremely hilarious. Shizuo side stepped his friend, walked to the balcony and stepped out into the crisp air, he needed a cigarette, he needed to think. He knew his friends wouldn't follow him; they weren't that stupid.

He thought back to that fear he saw, never imagining he'd ever see that fear from Izaya, he didn't even think he had ever seen him afraid of anything, and it was directed at him. Shizuo clenched his fists, he hated him, he truly did, didn't he? The only thing he had, that he ever liked about Izaya, was that he wasn't afraid of him, and now…. He remembered how the other form of himself, he remembered how he'd looked. They were happy, they weren't enemies, they were lovers, it was mutual love that he saw in their eyes. He saw no sign of deceit in Izaya's, like he thought there might have been, all the way through that video, he was looking for it, but he found none.

His body shook with so many emotions, since when did he associate any other emotion toward Izaya other than anger. It didn't make sense to him, there had to be a plot here, some sick joke he wasn't getting. He knew it didn't have anything to do with Izaya this time, he knew that for a fact, the man looked just as shocked as he was, possibly more.

Even the flea isn't that good of an actor. Deep down, Shizuo knew it wasn't a joke, something like what he just watched couldn't be faked. Something happened to their memories, something happened to the two of them, something bad. He had so many questions, his friends were upset by this whole thing too. Why would they act this way if this wasn't real? Shizuo shook his head, it was unnerving, he and Izaya hadn't spent that much time in a room together since high school, at least, not without trying to kill each other.

He wondered then that maybe what they had come to be, was still there somewhere, buried within their subconscious. Ever since that day he'd got shot and his friend had taken him to Shinra to get help, he'd felt something off back then. It really couldn't have been a coincidence that Izaya too was injured and receiving treatment. Shizuo didn't spare much thought on it at the time; now, after everything that they had been shown, it did make a lot of sense. Shizuo remembered something else that had crossed his mind earlier, how he had stared at those lips, that mouth that spoke words just to hurt and annoy people, especially him. That mouth that grinned at him when they fought, that bared teeth at him on the rare occasion Shizuo cornered him. The very same mouth that let the venomous word, "Monster" passed his lips without so much as a hint of remorse. So why the hell had he looked at that mouth and wanted nothing more than to press his own against it. Never had he ever thought of him that way, looked at him that way; he sighed, maybe their feelings really were buried somewhere.

"Neither one of them are human, but maybe that's an automatic pass to allow them to be granted forgiveness."

Shizuo frowned when he stepped back into the apartment, he glanced at the entrance, as if Izaya was still there - maybe he was, maybe he was just leaning against the frame, with the same conflicting and confusing thoughts. Shizuo snorted inwardly, he highly doubted it, he doubted Izaya would ponder on this for no more than a couple of seconds. What Izaya had said though, he could tell by the surprised expression that no one was meant to hear something like that. It was the most honest thing he'd ever heard from him.

Since when does he care about forgiveness anyway? I always imagined he liked being an asshole to people, why the hell would he care what people thought when he enjoys pissing people off in the first place? Is that his twisted way of looking for redemption? Shizuo sighed in dismay, because hadn't he been looking for that very same thing? He knew he wasn't normal; he knew people were afraid of him, that in some way, Izaya was right. His violent outbursts and ridiculous strength made him a monster in the eyes of those around him. The difference between them though, was that Shizuo hated himself for it, for causing people to react that way. Whereas Izaya, intentionally did those things on purpose, just to get a fucking reaction.

His thoughts kept drifting back to the video, what if Izaya really had changed? Changed because of Shizuo, because suddenly, the two of them sought out the other, for comfort, for forgiveness, for understanding or simply for something else to do instead of fighting. Maybe the two of them hadn't meant to fall in love, maybe it was one of them chemistry – attraction - hate things he sometimes heard about. It would make sense in their case, but Shizuo knew it in himself at least, that he wasn't the one night-stand type. Shizuo knew he'd never have someone, someone he could share any kind of passion with, but that didn't mean he would seek pleasure from Izaya, just for an evening of company.

What he saw on the screen though, wasn't just a one-time thrill gone wrong; what he saw was a lot of effort and trust built. What he saw was what must have been months of work. He imagined that neither one was willing to trust the other to begin with. He imagined that it was him to suggest a proper relationship, because he could hardly see Izaya being that kind of person. It was a lot to take in, everything their other selves had said, the two had been through a great deal of stress and pain to get to where they were. He imagined he was rather protective of Izaya once the two had gotten used to the relationship. He always had been protective of his friends, so it would make sense that he'd be even protective of his partner, especially knowing what Izaya did for a living.

Shizuo sighed, he had a headache, his thoughts were so jumbled. This was Izaya, someone who he had hated since the beginning of their first day of high school. He couldn't just - not hate him anymore - right? His friends couldn't expect that from him, he just didn't think he had the patience, or whether he even wanted to. It was like one of those films he tried to watch that always had him confused at the end. The ones where something screwed up the future and some hero was left with the task to go back in time to fix it. Like how they say that if you travel back in time, you're not supposed to change anything because it effects the future.

He had no idea what it was that was supposed to be and what wasn't. Maybe this was the future, maybe this was supposed to be what was right all along. Every time that thought entered his head though, it felt wrong, like he should be living a different life. A happier one, one where he and Izaya weren't trying to kill each other, one where they were safe if they had each other... Shizuo froze then. Something stirred in his memory, deep in his memory, something he couldn't quite place, something that was said - that came from his very lips. He growled, he couldn't remember, but it was important, it filled him with warmth - whatever it was. Shizuo sighed again, at least he felt calmer now.

He looked down at the twins, they had barely said anything, he felt sorry for them, he could tell that their love for Izaya had changed from what he remembered. He knelt and placed each of his hands on one of their shoulders.

"Don't worry, now that I know someone actually cares about his existence, I won't kill him, I might beat him to a pulp, but I won't kill him." It was intended to be a joke, because he could never really catch Izaya anyway, but because of them, and other reasons he dared not think about, he no longer wanted to kill the damn louse. That was improvement, right?

Mairu and Kururi couldn't hold their emotions in anymore, they reached up and hauled themselves into Shizuo's unexpected arms. Shizuo sat there, having no clue what to do, it really was meant to be a joke in all honesty. He wrapped his arms around their small shaking forms. "I'm sorry, I don't know what you're really going through, I know you must be feeling pretty low, I just don't know how to fix it."

The twins looked up at him through their tears, Mairu placed her hand over his. "Just love him, like before."

She said it so calmly, so casually, Shizuo felt guilty. "I don't - I really don't think that'll happen, it's not that easy. He was probably extremely difficult to fall for the first time. Now he'd be damn near impossible."

Mairu smiled. "There's doubt though right? Doubt that it isn't impossible." She grabbed his shirt, desperation in her next words. "You must feel something, anything, something that's telling you that you and he are right for each other."

Shizuo couldn't help himself, he had to laugh. "Sorry. I know it must mean something to you, but to me it just sounds wrong and completely ridiculous." Shizuo stood up. "He obviously means something to you both, so I won't kill him." Not that I ever thought I would anyway. Shizuo frowned at his thoughts, that video really had messed with his mind.

Shinra tugged on Celty's arm, she turned to him and he whispered, "If Shizuo takes the cure, his thoughts will change, if we can at least get him back, things will be a lot easier. He's reacted to this better than Izaya has."

Celty nodded. [I don't want to force it on him, I want him to make up his own mind.]

"The longer we leave it, the worse this will get. Whoever attacked them before, might still want to do so. What if Izaya is in danger now? I can't help but feel something bad is going to happen. We're all involved now, whoever these Tainted are, they'd go after any of us if they knew."

[I don't see how they could know, they couldn't know about the cure, and they sure as hell couldn't know about the video, if you couldn't even remember it.]

Shinra pouted. "I was pretty whacked out from jobs at the time. I think I remember Izaya coming over, giving me the disc..."

[You don't think he - he gave you a small dose of that drug, do you?]

Shinra laughed. "I wouldn't have remembered the disc at all, even when you gave it to me."

Celty slumped. [I guess not.]

Shingen coughed to get everyone's attention. "Excuse me-" they looked over at him, he'd been so quiet that they forgot he was still there. "I'd really like to explain my side of the story."

…...

"So you and Izaya really were working together?" Shinra asked, he was surprised. "He never mentioned that to me."

"Neither of us wanted to involve anyone else. Not yourself, nor Shizuo." Shingen waved his hand at the blond. "No need for that suspicious look Shizuo. My son can tell you, that you and Izaya probably told each other mostly everything."

Shizuo growled, though he felt his cheeks heat up. "I don't need to know that."

"We both agreed that until we got more information about who was behind this, everything was to be kept between us."

"It was you that created the drug."

Shingen laughed. "I bet you thought that I was conducting some freaky maniac experiment, right?"

Shinra blinked and then shrugged. "Well, yeah."

Celty walked in front of him. [I'll be the first to admit, I had my suspicions about you. But I can see that this wasn't intentionally your fault.]

"How very thoughtful of you Celty." Shingen sat on the stall and cross his leg over his knee. "While Izaya searched for information on the list of employees that I gave him, I worked on the cure; it wasn't easy, there wasn't many of the samples left. It was designed to eliminate traumatic events from someone's life, the bigger the dose, the more they forgot."

"It's portioned to the amount of time."

"Right, so, for something that happened – say, a month ago, one would only need - ten millilitres."

Mairu tilted her head. "It's really that accurate?"

"I did have to test it a few times, but yes, something equivalent to ten millilitres is about a month."

"That doesn't explain why a lot of people have been waking up with next to two years of their memory gone."

"The ordinary people that were stupid enough to take this drug, wouldn't have known what they were really doing."

"What about the people that were forced?" Shizuo couldn't help it, he needed to know.

"Even those forced into taking the drug, those that distributed it to their foes, still wouldn't have really known how to use it properly, they just saw a good opportunity to get revenge." Shingen stood then, his tone more serious. "However, those that attacked you and Izaya, knew exactly what they were doing. Knew exactly how much they needed to use." He turned to Shinra. "When they came to, what was the last thing they remembered?"

Shinra tilted his head. "Well, the last thing Shizuo remembered was being shot. The last thing Izaya remembered was getting stabbed. The two weren't all that far apart, about three months."

"If you think about the significance, they wanted their memory to go back enough that they wouldn't remember anything about their relationship."

"The attacks were necessary, like a trigger. They recreated real events for them to be the last thing Izaya and Shizuo would remember."

"The drug doesn't really work specifically with a trigger, but it would certainly help it in that direction."

Shizuo growled and slammed his foot down hard on the floor. "So whoever that spy of yours was, took what he learned, stole the damn thing and used it on us?"

Shingen nodded. "I didn't know that the reason for Izaya's lack of communication was because of the very same reason he was trying to avoid."

"Did he know that this was going to happen?" Mairu asked, she knew her brother, she could well imagine how prepared he must have been.

"It was more like he suspected; he knew he had made a lot of enemies."

"But he changed!"

"While that might be true, that didn't stop anyone from get revenge."

Mairu sighed, chewing her lip. "I guess the past just couldn't leave him alone."

Shizuo looked down at them, had Izaya really changed that much? That nagging memory was back, he didn't know what it was, but for some reason, he felt its presence strongly. It was full of promise and - and love. Shizuo clenched his fists, he just couldn't get his head around that, such feelings should never be associated with Izaya - ever!

Shinra folded his arms and said, "When Izaya called me the night he was attacked...it sounded like he already knew what was happening to him."

"Many people can often tell when they've been drugged, especially someone as smart as he is-" Shingen looked over at Shizuo. "You probably would have realised it too."

Shizuo shrugged. "Maybe, I don't remember, but I think I would know if I was being drugged."

Shingen nodded. "You both might have even tried to contact the other, to remain awake as long as possible."

"I didn't see any missed calls when I woke up."

"I don't think Izaya had the chance to call you," Shinra said, "if he thought that they had already gotten to you, calling you wouldn't have done any good. When he called…." Shinra smiled sadly. "I could - I could hear the panic in his voice." Shinra took a deep breath, wondering if he should tell him now, he didn't even think Shizuo would want to know. "He was scared Shizuo, he knew he was going to lose you, whether it be because of his memory loss or yours, or both. I tried to keep him talking, keep him awake. He lost consciousness but - he told me, he told me to tell you - that he was sorry, that he tried to fight it, I think he knew that if he lost his memory - he'd go back to how he used to be..."

No one knew what to say after that, Shizuo simply stared at him, he didn't know how to deal with that information. He knew that Shinra wasn't lying, his face was serious, it held sorrow too. Izaya. He wondered if he'd done the same thing, thought the same thoughts, tried to fight the drug, tried to contact him, to make sure he was okay... Damn it, I hate this, I don't want to feel these things.

Celty turned to Shinra. [You didn't tell me that!]

Shinra smiled. "I didn't think it was something that Izaya really wanted to share with everyone. I honestly don't know why I just told Shizuo. But I thought he might want to know the truth." Celty couldn't imagine what the two must have gone through during their attack. What must have gone through their heads, losing your memory was an awful feeling, she would know that better than anyone.

Until she saw what Izaya was like for herself, she hadn't pictured him being so vulnerable, so lost and scared. The night he was injured, he was so worried that Shizuo was going to attack him, that he had relied on adrenaline to keep him standing. She held him then, she didn't care if he knew, but she knew he needed them. "You still don't know who the spy is?" Shinra's voice snapped her from her thoughts.

"Only Izaya would know, if of course he managed to figure it out."

Celty slumped and typed on her pad, then showed it to Shizuo. [Are you okay?]

Shizuo ran a hand over his hair. "I don't know, it just doesn't seem real."

[I know, but you know it's true don't you? I can see it.]

Shizuo gritted his teeth. "I hate him." If he said it out loud, then it would convince him.

[He needs you, trust me.]

Shizuo snorted. "That fleabag doesn't need anyone, least of all me. Feeling is mutual." What he said and what he felt though, were two different things. "Promising not to kill him is about as far as I go. I can't be friends with him, and I sure as hell can't love him."

Shinra was about to say something but his phone rang, followed by Celty's and then the twins.

Shizuo stared in confusion, was it the dollars message board? But wouldn't his phone have gone off too?

"It's Satoshi," Shinra said.

"Who?"

"Heh. You could say, he ended up becoming a family friend. He's a good cop, he and Izaya share information, but they became good friends once you and Izaya got together."

"If you say so."

Shinra laughed. "I'll give him a call, it sounds urgent."

"Put him on speaker," Mairu told him.

"Hey Satoshi, what's up? It's Shinra, you're on speaker with myself, Celty, the twins, my dad, oh - and Shizuo."

{Shizuo? Is he - back to normal?}

"Nooot exactly, we found this video that Izaya had made before he lost his memories. It's got their whole story on it, him and Shizuo made it together, I guess he suspected something might happen."

{That man is always thinking way too far ahead.}

"In this case, it was a good thing. It didn't exactly work the way we hoped. Izaya left, I think he might have been freaked out, but far be it from him to show it. Shizuo is still here though, not sure if that shows promise or not."

Shizuo growled at him. "Shut up."

Shinra chuckled. "Anyway, did you want to talk about something?"

{I've been meaning to talk to you guys for a while, I just haven't found the right time, then when I heard what happened, I didn't think it would matter anymore.}

"Yes it matters!" Mairu shouted, "they're not going to stay this way forever you know!"

{Sorry. So if Shinra's dad is there, does that mean he's figured out a cure?}

"How did you know I was-" Shingen cut himself off, how did this cop even know it was him who created the drug?

{Izaya told me everything, he called me around two months ago, March 15th I think it was.}

Shinra frowned and said, "That's the day before he got attacked."

{He called me and told me he had some information. He didn't say anything specific, but he told me what he knew of the drug and that he was working on finding out who was behind the leak, and that it was your dad's and his wife's creation. That the doc was working on an antidote. He was supposed to meet me the next evening with full details. He wanted to talk about something else, something he believed that was connected to this whole thing.}

"This thing wouldn't happen to be Tainted would it?"

{Yes! How did-}

"Namie said Izaya has been conspiring with them. But Mairu and Kururi might be able to tell you more."

{Girls?}

Mairu and Kururi told Satoshi what they knew about Tainted and what Izaya had told them. They knew he might have pissed them off and warned them to back off in his own way. "We have a hunch that they were the ones behind the attacks," Mairu said.

{It's more than a hunch. Izaya thinks they've got someone else helping them. They wanted to control the cities; they were organising a gang of criminals by the sound of it. Anyway, Izaya said he tried to warn them off, but I guess that didn't work. They wanted your brother to help them because of what he does for a living, I think they were hoping for him on their side.}

Shinra sighed. "When he refused, they used the drug."

{Izaya didn't tell me if he found out who was behind the leak. I think that the leader of the Tainted; the one that's giving them information, and whoever stole the drug are all connected. Izaya met the leader of Tainted but said that whoever is giving them extra information on you guys, is the same one that leaked and stole the drug."

Shingen gasped. "My spy."

{Yeh. Like I said, we were supposed to meet up. I was delayed.}

Shizuo didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to take part in the conversation, but something played on his mind with what had been said. "So the night we supposedly got attacked, you were supposed to meet with Izaya?" Shizuo frowned, his protective instincts flared for a moment, it was an odd feeling. "What was the delay? Must have been important enough that you didn't try and contact him."

Nobody said anything, whether Shizuo had intended to or not, the way he spoke, his tone was protective.

{There was a riot. It was sudden. Random. At first, I thought it was a distraction, to stop me from leaving, I thought it was ridiculous at the time, no one would know what I was doing or where I was going, but now I'm not sure.}

"What makes you say that?" Shinra asked.

{Izaya told me that he had been followed a lot recently, before the attack, like someone was tracking him. He didn't let on to whoever it was that he knew, he just acted normal. It seemed weird to me too, but then I thought that this was even more bizarre - do you guys know a Gok Arasaki? Or remember him being mentioned?}

Shinra paled. "Yes... he was the one that stabbed Izaya the first time-" Shinra then panicked. "Is he out of prison!?"

"No, nothing like that. Just that, he's been getting a visitor lately. I think Gok told him whatever information he had on Izaya."

"Couldn't have been much, the two only did business once."

Shingen then thought about the attacks, about the trigger memory. "It was enough to know that Izaya was stabbed before he and Shizuo got together. Enough to have a pinpoint for the trigger for the drug to work in their favour."

"Then if Izaya has been followed, who knows what this guy told people. Satoshi, have you managed to find out who was visiting?"

{That would be great, however, the name he signed in with isn't anywhere on our database. It was something I was going to talk to Izaya about when we met up, to see if he could find anything. Someone knew we were going to meet, I'm positive that same someone told Gok. It's not a coincidence anymore that a riot happened before we could do that."

Shinra frowned, feeling angry. "That's how they got to him, it was probably the easiest way, otherwise he would have noticed had they have tried a different approach. Izaya expected you, but instead, they went in your place."

{Why'd you use plural?}

"Because of Izaya's injuries, they were not from a single person. There had to have been at least two or three of them."

Shizuo found himself getting frustrated, he could feel his temper rising and he couldn't figure out why - or rather - he didn't want to. "How the hell did someone like Izaya get fucking drugged anyway? That bastard is too observant."

Shinra thought back on where Izaya said he was at the time he called. "He was at a high-rise café in Shinjuku."

{That was where we were supposed to meet.}

"They must have slipped the drug into whatever he was drinking. I'd be willing to bet though, that he figured it out the moment it started to take effect. The drug would have left him defenceless; he was in pretty bad shape." Shinra then looked at Shizuo. "I think they got you the same way."

"What are you talking about? I was shot."

"Yes, you were, but you were at the bar before that. The barman said that some girl brought you a drink and then left a few minutes after. When he took out the trash sometime later, that's when he found you. He said you didn't remember what happened and he knew something wasn't right because of the way you were acting. When we all found out that you and Izaya both had your memories wiped. We did everything we could to try lessen the confusion."

Shizuo gaped in surprise. "What - what does that mean?"

Celty stepped in front of him. [You can't tell him!]

Shinra smiled and lay his hand on hers. "I'm sorry Celty, but I think he should know."

"Know what!?"

"We had to keep you and Izaya apart, and make sure that everything was how you remembered it. He and you lived together Shizuo; I kept Izaya here until Namie and our other friends were able to remove any trace of you from the apartment. Tom kept you at his, until he could secure an apartment for you, at the same complex you used to live in, he told you that fumigating story, right?"

Shizuo stared at him, unsure what to think. Why, why had they gone to so much trouble?

"You had over a year of memory wiped. We just wanted to lessen the confusion. We knew it would have been too much if we tried to tell you right away. Namie even changed all the dates on Izaya's computers and his phones. She hid all the recent files; we even locked him out from the internet as long as we could."

Shizuo chuckled a little at that. "That must have been fun, I just bet he couldn't last an hour without access to all the damn networks."

"It wasn't easy, he hacked our password five times."

{Shizuo?} Shizuo glanced at the phone on the table. {I'm sorry. I let you both down, I always tried to keep you out of trouble. You know, I knew it had to have been someone damn special to change Izaya like that. When he got evidence and told me to release you after you got arrested for attacking - some lowlife-} Satoshi didn't want to bring up anything dark while on speaker, not when Shizuo was like the way he was now. Though both Shinra and Celty knew who he was referring to. {I knew it was you, he was changing because of you. The same goes for you actually, I knew you by reputation, I also knew that you and Izaya were enemies, so imagine my surprise when I find out the reason I arrested you was because you were actually protecting him.}

Celty looked over at Shizuo, he looked ready to faint, or kill someone - or both. She walked up to him, placing her hand on his arm. [Are you okay?]

"I'm so confused, I just don't know what to think any more, I know that no one is lying. I know that now. It's just - it's... it's fucking Izaya! You can see my point, right? Why I can't get this around my head?"

[I understand, we all do, but it's because you mean so much to us, it's because we've seen it for ourselves. I'm sorry we kept it from you for as long as we did, we only found the disc today, we didn't know about the cure though, that part was a bonus I guess.]

Shizuo sighed. "I still can't believe this, I mean, it all makes sense, and the proof is there, it's just - hard to swallow."

"Try thinking of it this way," Shinra said, "if we were the ones that didn't have memories of you two, and it was you trying to convince us, how'd you think we'd react?"

Shizuo laughed. "I think you'd probably die of shock."

Shinra smiled. "You'd try to make us see, wouldn't you?"

"I don't know, I guess."

{I better get back to work, I'll call if I have any more information.}

"Oh, one more thing," Shinra said quickly, "what was the name Gok's visitor signed in with? Just thought I might be able to help."

{Kumoi.}

"Just Kumoi?"

{That's what it says. Anyway, be safe okay? Watch your backs.}

Satoshi hung up and everyone fell into silence. Celty showed Shizuo her pad. [You should go and find Izaya.]

Shizuo snorted. "I really don't think that's a good idea, I don't want to break my promise."

[You won't! I know you're feeling angry, but I know it's not all because of him, he's just as confused as you are.]

"I know; for once, I know that this wasn't his fault., but you must understand that the hate I feel for him outweighs everything, I can't just forget everything because of this."

Shingen then spoke to him. "There's a way."

Celty then shivered, she knew what he was going to suggest. [You don't have to, it's no one's choice but yours.] She produced a ring from her shadowy jacket. [This is yours; Tom gave it to me to keep. Shizuo, Izaya really loves you.]

Shizuo stared at the ring, frozen in place, he couldn't believe it. "So we really were-"

Celty nodded. [You got engaged New Year's Eve.]

Shizuo laughed. "That's cliché."

[You don't have to like him right now, but given the circumstances, I'd feel better if I knew he was okay.]

"I really do hate his guts, but he can take care of himself; that I know for sure."

[You'd think so, but you don't know how much trouble he can get himself into, and this is a dangerous situation. I'm worried, about both of you.]

Shizuo laughed again. "You definitely don't need to worry about me."

[I still care about you.]

"I know I know; I appreciate the concern." Mairu and Kururi stood up suddenly and wrapped their arms around him again. Shizuo chuckled. "When did you two get so clingy? What happened to the two crazy troublemakers?"

Mairu hit Shizuo's leg with her fist. "Shut up."

He then sighed and growled. "All right, fine. I'll go see the flea; but if I end up pummelling him, I can't be held responsible." The group smile and nod at him, he sighed again. "God dammit."

…...

Izaya sat on the rooftop of a tall building, he just wanted somewhere quiet for once, a place where he could think. Sometimes, he just wanted to reflect, he wondered why he had come here of all places. It was the same one where he had met that suicidal girl before, when he had her rescued from the very people whom he had gotten to kidnap her in the first place. Things had seemed to make so much sense back then, like he knew just what he wanted. The wind blew gently through his hair as he stared down at the city. It was rare for him to want to be alone, he didn't like where his thoughts took him, they always trailed off to a distant part of himself, reflecting was a taboo.

He often wondered - on this kind of rare occasion - if maybe he took a wrong turn somewhere down the line, if the path he had chosen in life was one he really wanted to live. He loved humans, he loved causing chaos, exploring every part of what made someone who they were. Creating new reactions and new situations for his own personal entertainment.

He pondered on what might have been if he had taken a different path, thinking back to his middle school days. He was so different then, often the serious type compared to how he was now, what had happened? How had he got so - psychotic? Evil? He couldn't even think of a word to describe himself. Izaya stood, when his thoughts started to become this dangerous, the start of self-loathing, it was time to be back among the public. Time to do what he did best. He made his way off the rooftop, back down the stairs and onto the streets of his favourite city, which was now buzzing with nightlife. Traffic was often minimal, and crowds of people gathered in all sorts of places, exactly how he liked it.

Izaya would lose himself often in the bustling streets, always searching for something new, something interesting. He stretched, spreading his arms out, looking forward to an evening of observation. Izaya grinned as he turned his head to the left, glancing around, wondering where to start. He didn't care, if it distracted him from today's earlier events, he refused to let his mind wander back to Shinra's apartment, to what he'd seen, it was too ridiculous. Izaya winced a little as he flexed his fingers, he had always wanted to throw a fist in Shizuo's face, but Izaya didn't see himself as an angry person, hardly ever did he show that kind of response, especially to his enemy. Only Shizuo reacted impulsively like that, throwing punches in anger as a natural defence mechanism, he was not like him, he was never like him.

"I don't care what you think, I don't care about you or your pathetic attempts to get me killed. Had I been the one to find you, I wouldn't have inflicted any further injury on you. Not out of pity, but to prove to everyone that I'm not a monster-" Shizuo glared up at him. "like you."

Izaya frowned at the memory, as if Shizuo had any rights to call him a monster, he'd never admit it, but hearing that word directed at him, hurt him more than it should. He didn't know why; he didn't know why everyone hated him so much. He could take a good guess, but then that would mean taking his mind to places he had no desire to do so. He didn't feel guilt, not ever.

"You're a flea. That's all you'll ever be, a blood sucking parasite that no one ever wants around."

Why had that caused such a reaction in him? Why had those words stung so painfully? Normally, when someone hurled those kinds of insults, he'd just laugh in their face and turn their words around on them. But he couldn't this time, for some reason, hearing them from Shizuo, had caused the reaction which others hoped for. How screwed up was that?

"Never pictured you as the spaced-out type."

Izaya was about to shake away the memory's again and blend his way into the bustling people on the streets, when he realised that the words weren't part of his memory, that they were spoken out loud. He turned around, looking up momentarily as a puff of smoke was illuminated by the bright city lights before it disintegrated into the air. His eyes soon landed on the one who spoke, like he really needed to see who it was. He took a step backwards, no hesitation in withdrawing his flick blade, though he had to use his right hand. He should have known that he'd run into Shizuo, out here in the open, though the blond wasn't overly fond of the crowded nightlife, Shizuo was just as much of a night owl as Izaya. This was Ikebukuro after all, the city in which Shizuo lived in, and the city he had, "forbidden" Izaya to come to. "Figures you'd find me eventually, but I couldn't care less whether I'm in the city or not. I did just come from Shinra's after all, and correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you did pardon me this time."

Shizuo growled. "I still told you to get the hell out. I pardoned you from the city, without chase."

Izaya rolled his eyes. "Yet here you are."

"Because I knew for a fact that you'd ignore the warning."

Izaya sneered at him. "You don't own this city monster; I can come and go as I please."

Shizuo clenched his fists, he then sighed and snapped his cigarette between his fingers before stomping it out on the ground. "For once, I didn't track you down to chase you."

Izaya laughed darkly. "You don't believe that anymore then I do. Next, you'll be telling me that you just want to talk, like two people passing each other by on the street as they go about their day."

Shizuo grunted and turned away. "Something like that, I guess."

Izaya laughed again. "That's cute Shizuo, really."

Shizuo flinched, why now, did he find that Izaya calling him by his real name, wrong?

"If you're not here to chase me out of the city, I have more important things to do."

Shizuo clicked his tongue. "Like you have important things to do right now, you've been standing here for almost five minutes."

Izaya frowned. "Observing actually. Are you stalking me now? Trying to improve your skills as a pursuer so that keeping tabs on my whereabouts becomes easier?"

"Observing? That's bullshit, you were so spaced out I stood right fucking next to you and you never even realised. You're the stalker creep. I don't need to keep tabs; I can sniff you out anywhere."

Izaya grinned. "Dogs do that too." He then blinked in surprise. Huh, no wonder I hate him.

"Would explain why I always want to get rid of you flea."

Izaya rolled his eyes. He was becoming bored with this routine. "What the fuck do you want Shizuo? Why did you really seek out my presence?" For once, Izaya was serious, and Shizuo found himself suddenly lost for words. Why the hell had he? Because their friends asked him too? Maybe, but he couldn't help but think that he probably would have done so anyway, even without their encouragement.

"I was supposed to see if you were okay. Our friends were worried, god knows why."

Izaya chuckled. "That won't last, believe me. Don't worry, things will go back to normal eventually."

Shizuo stared at him, how could he say that so lightly? Did he not care? "You're okay with that?"

Izaya chuckled. "You're pretty hung up on that video, aren't you? You hate my guts, that's all there is to it. No amount of persuasion will stop that. You really want me to believe that after years of trying to kill me, one freaky small conspiracy has changed all that?"

Conspiracy, he thinks what happened was a fucking conspiracy? "Are you drunk? What the hell kind of answer is that!"

"You can believe whatever you want. I don't have any desire to, "fix" it."

"You're a fucking liar Izaya! You were just as shocked as I was. You pondered the thought too, that maybe, maybe there was a life better than this! Better than all this god damn fighting!" Shizuo slammed his fist against the wall, causing bystanders to scatter. Izaya almost flinched, but he remained passive.

"You really are full of surprises, but it makes sense, for a monster to seek a normal life, far be it from me to stop you from trying, though I might do just that." Izaya laughed. "You're barking up the wrong tree if you think that normal life exists with me." Izaya grinned at his choice of words.

Shizuo bared his teeth at him, stepping forward. "You're so wrapped up in your own sick twisted world Izaya. You're the deluded one. You think you're fine living the way you are, and maybe that's true, but everyone - even you - seeks out companionship eventually."

Izaya laughed. "You're pathetic, just because you need acceptance, I don't." Izaya then turned Shizuo's own words on him. "I'm not a monster, like you." Izaya turned his back, feeling like he had won.

Shizuo snorted. "You don't need acceptance? Then why did you say all that shit about being forgiven?"

Izaya stopped, biting his lower lip, but keeping his posture and head high. "Don't go looking for any kind of common ground with me, we're nothing alike."

"You don't know what I know! If you had stuck around, and not runaway like you always do-"

Izaya clenched his fists, turning swiftly to Shizuo, eyes full of anger. "You don't know me! You don't know anything! Just fucking leave me alone! I don't care! I don't care about some god damn video; you and I are not supposed to be together! We're not supposed to be happy! We don't get to be happy!"

Shizuo approached Izaya slowly, all the while he was yelling. He'd never seen him so angry; he was hysterical and Shizuo wanted to calm him down, Izaya had finally cracked, his mask had finally broken.

"Don't try to understand me! I want you to hate me!" Izaya clutched at his hair. "Why is everything wrong? I want to wake up now, to a world where you despise me, and everyone avoids me and you're a monster and everything is the way it should be!"

Shizuo stopped, standing just inches from Izaya now, looking into tearful angry eyes. He closed the gap, pressing his lips against him. For the first time, Shizuo didn't see a manipulative bastard, didn't see the man he had despised since high school. What he saw cut him deeper than anything Izaya had ever inflicted. What he saw was a scared, emotionally fragile, distrustful and misunderstood human being. That didn't excuse him for everything, not by a long shot, but Shizuo could finally see something underneath everything Izaya showed to people. Izaya's eyes widened. Stood frozen as his heart clenched painfully. He gasped and pushed Shizuo away, breathing heavily, and then he ran. Shizuo reached out and then took off after him.

"Izaya!" He began to chase him, huh. Shizuo focused to not lose track of him, he was not letting him get away. The way Izaya had freaked out, he probably wasn't paying all that much attention, if his terrible dodging of people and objects were anything to go by. "Izaya get back here!" to anyone else, it probably looked like their normal routine of, "cat and mouse." He swerved to the left when he saw Izaya turn between two buildings. Shizuo chased him down the long alleyway, he was sure by now that Izaya was running from his emotions rather than him.

"Would you stop!"

Izaya continued, his eyes stinging from the wind whipping passed him as tears clouded his vision.

Shizuo saw the exit and pushed himself to run faster, Izaya was not escaping tonight.

As Izaya exited the alleyway, he turned sharply when something screeched to the right of him. His eyes stared wide at the oncoming vehicle, it was as if time slowed down, he froze then, there was no way he'd be able to avoid it in time.

Shizuo skidded behind, reaching his hand to grab him by the arm. "Izaya!" Shizuo yanked him back from the road just in time, the vehicle screeched again and loudly bellowed its horn as it drove passed. Shizuo had never known fear anything like it, his heart leapt up in his throat when he saw Izaya run absently into the road, without a single glance. Instincts had taken over, to pull Izaya back, to save his life. It was the promise he made, that's all it was, that's what he needed to tell himself. But Shizuo couldn't help the anger within him, he spun Izaya around, ready to give him a piece of his mind. "Are you crazy!? Are you out of your mind!? What the fuck is wrong with you!? That damn car almost killed you! If I hadn't of grabbed you when I did, you'd have-" Shizuo felt Izaya grip his arm tightly, it was then he noticed his erratic breathing. "Izaya?"

Izaya's body was trembling, Shizuo could feel him shaking against him. Sweat dripped from his forehead, he gasped and clutched at his chest, almost crouching.

"Izaya, what's wrong?"

"Can't…. can't breathe-" Izaya swayed, Shizuo caught him by the elbow as Izaya's grip tightened. "My chest..." Izaya collapsed to his knees when Shizuo released him.

Shizuo quickly knelt beside him.

Izaya's heart thudded against his chest, his breathing dangerously erratic. "Can't breathe... Shizu-chan..." Izaya reached for his throat, as if something was strangling him.

Shizuo didn't know what to do, Izaya was frightening him. But he remained beside him, then he watched Izaya's behaviour as the raven tried to remain calm. Izaya was hyperventilating. "Izaya, I think you're having a panic attack." Shizuo shifted so that he was right in front of him. He grabbed his shoulders and tried to stop Izaya from shaking. "Listen to me, try and take slower breaths. I know that sounds kind of impossible but try, just keep your focus on me for a moment. Breathe in-" Izaya's eyes locked on to Shizuo's when he began to do what he was told. "and out. Keep doing that slowly, okay yeh." Izaya was still shaking though and clutching his chest. Shizuo clicked his fingers when Izaya's eyes drifted away from him. "Hey, look at me. I want you to say five things that you can see around us, it will help to distract you."

Izaya shook his head. "I...feel sick-" he clutched his shirt, "my chest..."

Shizuo grasped his arms. "Izaya, keep controlling your breathing. Slow breaths, and name five things..."

Izaya began to glance around, fingers clutching at Shizuo's arm. "Wall... garbage bin, window..." Izaya began to calm down as he focused on his task. His breathing began to return to normal.

"That's good... you're doing fine."

"Vending machine..." Shizuo rolled his eyes, trust Izaya to make a quip in the middle of a panic attack. Izaya looked at him, taking another shallow breath as he said his last word, "Shizu-chan..."

Shizuo nodded slowly, he couldn't help but smile lightly. "Yeh, that's five I guess." Izaya's grip loosened from Shizuo's arm. The blond stood and brought Izaya with him. "Can you stand on your own?"

Izaya pushed against him. "I'm fine..."

Shizuo stood back, but nearby encase Izaya decided to collapse again. He looked over and then walked away. "Hang on-" Izaya watched him cautiously, he was about to bolt when he saw Shizuo approach the vending machine but relaxed when he then saw him retrieve two bottles of clear liquid. He walked back over to Izaya, who was now sitting down again, he handed him the water, but looked back when Izaya's focus was still behind him, he then clicked his tongue. "Give me a break."

Izaya unscrewed the lid and took large gulps, his throat and mouth were so dry. "What?"

"Idiot, I know what you thought, think I was gonna hurl that at you? Really?"

Izaya shrugged. "Perfect opportunity."

"Yeah whatever, if I wanted you dead, I'd have let that fucking car hit you."

Izaya took another large gulp. "Why didn't you?"

Shizuo let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know."

Izaya laughed quietly. "Good answer."

"Shut up." The two fell silent for a moment, until Shizuo couldn't help himself. "I didn't know you had panic attacks."

"Heh neither did I, it's never happened before."

Shizuo screwed the lid back on his bottle. "Never?"

Izaya narrowed his eyes in confusion. "No." He wondered then that maybe it hadn't just been because of his near miss with a fatal collision that caused his attack. Maybe it was his outburst on the street, his own honest words that cracked his emotional barrier. Maybe it was the fact that Shizuo kissed him. All three were most likely the cause, for something like that to affect him of all people. He stood then, feeling slightly embarrassed now and he didn't like this calmness that had formed between them. "This doesn't change anything."

Shizuo wasn't sure he'd heard him right, he frowned. "You can't be fucking serious?"

Izaya grinned at him, though it was forced. "Just hate me Shizuo, it's so much easier, you'll see."

Shizuo growled as he watched Izaya walk out of the alleyway and turn off into another street.

...

Shizuo made his way back to Shinra's apartment, he had no idea why, all he really wanted was to just go home.

"You don't know me! You don't know anything! Just fucking leave me alone! I don't care! I don't care about some god damn video; you and I are not supposed to be together! We're not supposed to be happy! We don't get to be happy!"

Shizuo pondered on Izaya's words, it was the last thing he'd ever expect to hear from him, he wondered what that truly meant. The meaning behind those words, he was sure what Izaya truly meant, was that neither of them deserved to be happy. He really expected to fight with him, chase him and beat the crap out of him, like Izaya said - just as it should be.

That didn't happen though did it? True enough, Shizuo did chase him, but he'd also kissed him and then saved his fucking life. He didn't know he could feel anything like that toward him, in five seconds Shizuo subconsciously lived in a world without Izaya, for those five seconds Izaya was dead and Shizuo felt his heart clench, he couldn't do it. That's why he grabbed for him, that's why he had really saved his life tonight, not just because of his promise. What did that mean though? Would he have saved him even if neither had seen what they saw tonight? Had those feelings always been there? Buried deep down, locked away within him? Maybe it was true, it seemed as though they'd gotten together the same way before.

His other self said that he'd saved Izaya from bleeding to death, so maybe it was only a matter of time. Shizuo snorted, it was maddening, to think of them as destined lovers, but they'd been enemies for so long, how had things changed so much? Maybe they were tired. Shizuo often felt that way, in the safety of his own thoughts, when he was away from people. Sometimes, he'd sit in his apartment, angry with himself, thinking that he was tired - tired of the chase, tired of being so uncontrollably angry every time he saw Izaya, tired of the hate, tired of being enemies. It didn't cross his mind much, because he really did hate him, only when he'd had a relatively good day, did his thoughts shift - because they weren't clouded by anger. Shizuo sighed, nothing happened the way it should have tonight, maybe he was tired now...

…...

Izaya brought the steaming mug to his lips, his hands were still shaking from the recent events. In the comforts of his home, Namie had already gone and he could sit and think without being questioned. There was no doubt in his mind that she knew what was to take place at Shinra's, he was certain she wasn't the only one, judging by everyone's actions, a whole bunch of them knew. Izaya hated not knowing, he thrived on his ability to obtain information. He didn't even know about the fucking drug. Which posed the question as to why, how did that important piece of information escape him?

"I was kept from the internet a long time, and there weren't any discussions on the chat logs," in fact, since the stabbing, the chats had been very silent. It was obvious why no one mentioned it to him, that would have been something he could work with, he could play a lot of people against each other with that kind of drug. "They're smarter than I thought." His mind drifted back to the alleyway. He'd almost fucking died, hit by a god damn car. How ironic, given how I tricked Shizuo into getting hit by one the very same way, twice.

The very same person that saved him from just that, he would not have survived. Izaya knew that if Shizuo hadn't of pulled him back, he wouldn't have been able to survive the collision, not at such a close range and speed. Not only did Shizuo save his life, but to add insult to injury, he ended up having a fucking panic attack, right in front of him. Izaya wasn't sure what was worse, the fact that Shizuo continued to help him or the fact that he was thankful he did. Why couldn't he have just laughed in my face and walked away, why couldn't he have hurled that vending machine at me?

Izaya's thoughts took a more dangerous turn when he remembered Shizuo's lips, lips crashing against his own, how warm and surprisingly gentle they were. Gentle wasn't a word Izaya ever associated with Shizuo. Izaya shook his head, he was not going to go there, he refused to explore that notion any further. "Focus," he told himself, "if what happened to us was true. Did they recreate our attacks on purpose? Who the hell would know about them, if Gok is indeed in prison, who else would know?" it didn't make sense to him, he was really confused, and he hated being confused. Now he really wished he had stuck around to hear whatever everyone had to say. He could simply ask, but he didn't want them getting the wrong idea. He had no intention of, "fixing" anything. He sighed as he got up from the couch, he couldn't dwell on this anymore tonight, like he had done for the past two days, he was physically and mentally exhausted.

He placed his mug in the sink and then headed into his en suite bathroom. He stared into the mirror as he cleaned his teeth, just like he'd done so many times before, a weird feeling came over him, something flashed through his mind, a message written there before. Putting his tooth brush back in its holdall, he touched the mirror with his fingertips. He laughed then, he put his strange thoughts down to tiredness, mind still fuzzy from his freak out in the alleyway. Perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him, conjuring up fake possibilities due to the footage they'd watched.

He shook his head and then climbed into the comforts of his bed covers, sighing when his tired body lay against the soft futon. He could hear the occasional car pass by from below, even now, at such a late hour, something was happening somewhere in the city, people slept, but the city never did. Not everyone was asleep at the same time, so there was always an occurrence, Izaya would likely be one of the first to find out, but tonight he really didn't care. His eyes began to drift shut as he listened to the first signs of a heavy shower, the light patter of rain against his window and he let it lull him to sleep.

Izaya bucked as Shizuo entered him with a deep hard thrust, breath heavy as he panted in time with him. Fingers clawing at a broad back as Shizuo fucked him hard. Izaya's moans filled the room, legs wrapping around Shizuo's waist, the blond wrapped his hand around Izaya's cock and stroked him fast, matching the increasing speed of his thrusts. "Yes! More! Fuck me hard! Make me come!"

"Impatient flea," Shizuo breathed out, he then switched angles and lifted one of Izaya's legs over his shoulder and leaned forward as he pounded into him relentlessly

"Yes! Oh god yes! Fuck, fuck Shizu-chan, I'm coming!" Shizuo thrust harder when Izaya cried out as he came, Shizuo bit deep into his shoulder when he released himself inside, his movements slowing but continuous. "Ah...ah." Izaya fisted the sheets, riding out his orgasm. Shizuo pulled out and Izaya groaned at the loss of heat that previously filled him. Izaya covered his eyes, breathing heavily as Shizuo sat over the bed, trying to control his own heavy pants.

Izaya shot up in the bed, startled awake by his vivid dream, followed by the sudden lightening and the loud clap of thunder. Izaya ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair, grimacing as he shifted uncomfortably in the sheets. That wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare, he rarely dreamed, and even when he did, neither one held someone by the name Shizuo Heiwajima. He threw back the covers, realizing with a painful ache that he was hard. "Fuck." He was not going to indulge himself, he was not going to sate his need, no way.

He realized by the way himself and Shizuo were acting in his dream, that the two were current - as they were now, and not how they were in the video. Which meant Izaya's mind was thinking about him, as he was now, without no help from the drug's so-called antidote. He turned his head to muffle his scream of frustration into the pillow as his hands gripped the bars of the headboard, ignoring the pain in his broken fingers as they protested that movement. He simply lay there, eyes clenched shut as he tried his damnedest not to give in, the need to fulfil his bodies desire.

It was no use, Izaya pumped himself with fast strokes as the hot water of the shower rinsed away the shame he felt. He pounded the shower wall as he came, dropping to his knees with cries of anguish rather than pleasure. "Damn it..."

He lay on top of the covers once he'd showered, fresh bed clothes, staring at the ceiling, willing himself to go back to sleep. He didn't want to, afraid of what else he might find hidden within his subconscious mind. The rain beat heavily against his window, and every now and then his room would light up from the flashes of a storm. The wind howled in between, there wouldn't be a way of getting back to sleep now anyway, though he couldn't remember hearing about a storm. It wasn't like he hated them, nor had he ever feared them, as a kid he'd sit and watch with excitement until it passed. It was too noisy, too distracting to get any sleep, he found it hard to sleep at the best of times, if interrupted he could never continue to slumber like most people could.

He should sleep - despite not wanting to - he was still so tired, his body still exhausted, now more than it was before he got to sleep the first time. Izaya frowned at the ceiling, things had gotten out of hand very quickly, unravelled his way of life in less than three days, and who was to blame for all of it? "Shizuo." It was his fault, it had to be, he had kissed him, he had saved his life, so he was to blame for his messed-up thoughts, he was the reason why Izaya couldn't fucking sleep. "To hell with this. This ends now, tonight, he can't plague me if he's dead." Izaya didn't care what time it was, nor did he care about the storm, rational thoughts be gone, he was done thinking.

By the time he reached Shizuo's apartment, he was shivering and absolutely soaked through. The rain hadn't let up and he was angrier at himself for being so stupid, then at Shizuo. That seemed to annoy him too, that he had come all the way here, to Ikebukuro, because he was angry and wanted nothing more than to end Shizuo's existence, only now wanting nothing more than to be back in the warmth of his bed. Well, he was here now, he'd be damned if he suffered through the storm for nothing.

He spat as the drops of rain from his hood fell against his lips, it did him no good wrapping his jacket more around him, he was completely drenched from head to toe. He quietly entered the building, he couldn't remember exactly what number Shizuo lived at, he was sure it was the second floor at least. He trudged across the corridor, leaving a trail of water in his wake, his body was going numb, the sudden shock of heat hitting his freezing body caused sharp tingling sensations.

It must have been pure luck when Shizuo opened the very door he'd pounded his fist on. Hair dishevelled and facial features suggested that he'd been sleeping - obviously. Izaya didn't care, Shizuo wasn't allowed to sleep thought free if he couldn't.

"What the fuck, do you know what time it is?" Shizuo, now more awake, realised who was standing at his door. "Izaya..."

"Y-you damn m-monster. It's your f-fault. I can't sleep, I can't get my mind t-to s-shut up."

Shizuo simply stood there, trying to blink away the sleep in his eyes. "What are you talking about?"

Izaya grinned weakly, though his teeth were chattering, and his body was shivering. "W-why. Why did you save me? Why couldn't you just do me a f-fucking favour. D-damn you S-Shizuo...I hate you... s-so much."

Hearing the storm battering harshly behind him from his living room window, he took in Izaya's appearance. "Damn it Izaya, the hell were you thinking? You look like a drowned rat, are you trying to catch pneumonia? Get the fuck in here."

Izaya narrowed his eyes, anger burst through him, remembering his reason for coming here as he lunged at Shizuo who toppled backwards. Izaya fell against him, his knife out against Shizuo's throat as they lay just inside the doorway. "Why did you do it!? I can't get it out of my head!"

"Keep your voice down," Shizuo hissed, "do you want an audience?"

"I don't care! We're enemies! We're supposed to be enemies, so why... why did you..."

Was Izaya seriously questioning this so much? He didn't think it would bother him that he'd saved him, it was a natural response, wasn't it? Though he could hardly answer him now, soon enough, Izaya was going to realise why he wasn't fighting him on this.

"Why did you kiss me...?" Izaya wasn't yelling but he wasn't loosening his hold either.

Ah, so it was the kiss that he was more angered by, that was what bothered him the most.

Izaya's eyes darkened, he leaned down, despite feeling numb from the cold, despite his constant shivering and how his clothes stuck uncomfortably to his skin, he tightened his grip on the handle of his knife, pressing the blade harder into Shizuo's skin. "I'll kill you, so I can finally be free of you, I hate you more now than ever."

"I'm sorry."

Izaya's eyes widened. What? Did he just apologize? "Don't apologise to me! What's wrong with you? You should be trying to fight me; you should have lunged for me as soon as you opened the door! Why aren't you trying to kill me!?"

"I can't, I won't. If you need to kill me, if that's what it takes to make you happy, then I won't fight you; I won't stop you," Shizuo smiled. "Izaya. You are not that person anymore; don't ever think for a moment that I don't trust you. I don't want you to ever believe that I have doubts. You're different now and that's okay, you can be an asshole and that's okay, not everyone is going to trust you and that's okay too. The important thing to remember, is that I do, so don't get anything into your head, nothing anyone says will make you lose me, ever."

Izaya's hand shook as he tried to keep the firm grip on his knife. "What...? What does that even mean?" Izaya hissed and pushed the blade hard against him. "Answer me!"

Shizuo continued to smile. "There was something important, in the back of my mind, something that spoke of promise. It was there, just far out of reach. Now I know, now I remember, I remember everything, so easily."

Izaya dropped his knife and it clattered to the floor. "You...what have you done? Did you-"

"I'm sorry. I - I just, wanted it to stop, I wanted to remember, I couldn't deal with conflicted emotions. It was easier when I just hated you, but ever since Shinra's apartment, I began to get confused, I was angry and I knew I wanted to hate you, but I also hated the thought of watching you die. Believe me, I tried to get it out of my head. For you as well as me, it was because of my conflicted desires that I chose this. I don't regret it."

Izaya clenched his fist and punched the floor. "You don't get to decide that! Why should you get to make that decision! You can't just – take the antidote and then accept death by my hand with a fucking smile like you know what's best!"

"It wasn't a decision taken lightly. After I did, it killed me knowing that you were out there, and I couldn't hold you. That's why I can accept it, death by your hand, because it's better to die with you here, then live without you."

Izaya saw the smile form on Shizuo's lips, but he also saw the tears that began to form in his eyes. He bared his teeth at him, he didn't know this man, what the hell was wrong with him? How could a drug - or rather, an antidote, change a person this much? Shizuo was a monster, he always will be, so why was he acting more like a human, making Izaya feel like the monster. "You can't, you're not supposed to say things like that to an enemy."

"You're not the enemy Izaya."

"Yes I am! Stop it!" Izaya fisted Shizuo's shirt. "Hate me damn it!" Tears clouded his eyes as he released him and sat back, still straddling his hips. "Please, please just - hate me."

Shizuo didn't know how to respond, he was prepared to receive anger, prepared for the pain of Izaya's blade, prepared to die, knowing the truth, knowing he loved him. He was not prepared for this, this other Izaya, different to the one he loved, different to his arch enemy. He felt like he was watching glass shatter in slow motion, every piece breaking bit by bit. He failed to realize the implications of his decision, Izaya couldn't handle the strong hatred change into such affection all in one go, it was a big strain on his heart, he knew Izaya better than anyone, he should have waited, kept it from him. Remained falsely cruel to be kind. "I'm sorry, I should have-"

Izaya grabbed his shirt and kissed him fiercely. "Don't talk, don't be gentle, don't be kind. I don't want to think about this. So just fuck me, okay?"

Shizuo frowned, this was so dangerous. "Izaya-"

"I don't want you to love me. I don't want anything from you except this. Burning, pleasurable hate, you can even pretend if you want." Izaya tightened his grip, he wanted to recreate his dream, to tell himself that what they'd done was all it was, just a physical attraction, sexual frustration. "Fuck me Shizuo, fuck me like you hate me. Can you do that?"

Shizuo chewed his lip, this was a bad idea. But he could tell Izaya was serious, what the hell was going through his head? Did he think that was how their relationship started? Shizuo almost laughed, it was so far from the truth that it was almost funny. He couldn't possibly try to explain what really happened, not with how Izaya was acting now. Despite thinking and knowing this was wrong, Shizuo couldn't help but feel a rush of excitement. He hated himself for that, he almost changed his mind, fear of hurting the one he loved crept over him. Shizuo growled lightly, Izaya obviously had a different prospective on their relationship now, he should have known it wasn't going to be easy, even if he himself was back to normal. If this was what Izaya wanted, just to take away the frustration, then Shizuo would do what he asked. He couldn't think about it too much, otherwise Izaya would bolt at the first sign of emotion.

"Fuck me," he heard Izaya repeat the words. Taking a deep breath, Shizuo growled and grabbed Izaya's arms and flipped them, pinning the informant to the ground as he kicked the door shut. He pushed against him as he crashed their lips together. Izaya groaned and tilted his head up, Shizuo nipped and sucked at his neck, he reached his shoulder and bit down a little harder. Izaya breathed out and then kicked off his shoes.

Shizuo pushed off and undid Izaya's belt and with a little difficulty - due to the damp fabric - removed his pants and briefs. Shizuo removed his own a little faster and Izaya wrapped his legs around his waist. Shizuo stood with him, grunting as they stumbled for balance, so Izaya placed his feet on the ground and pushed him backwards. Shizuo's back hit the wall, Izaya grinned and pressed his knee against the blond's groin. With the thought that Izaya was going to full on knee him, Shizuo grabbed him and turned them, he shoved Izaya up against the wall, pinning his wrists and pressing his body to him so he couldn't move.

"What now?"

Izaya pressed his lips to Shizuo's, slipping his tongue inside, moaning. Shizuo moved slightly against him to create some friction, it wasn't a waste, Izaya gasped and then bit Shizuo's bottom lip. The two pulled away and Shizuo licked his lower lip, tasting the metallic liquid. He let out an animalistic growl and then pulled Izaya with him and they stumbled toward the bedroom, Shizuo pushed him against the other wall, kissing his jaw and then sucking on his throat.

Izaya groaned and shoved his hand against Shizuo's cock. Shizuo froze for a moment, panting and clenching his fist against the wall. He moved them into the bedroom and shoved Izaya forward, the informant hit the mattress with a dark grin as he followed Shizuo's example and took off their shirts. Shizuo took another breath and grabbed the lube from the draw before he could begin to come to his senses. He squirted some on his hand and lowered himself over Izaya, he felt legs wrap around him, heels digging into his back. Shizuo moved his lubed hand and then shoved two digits deep into Izaya's entrance.

"Ah!" Izaya felt dizzy for a moment, he almost forgot what it felt like. He dug his heels in more as Shizuo gave him no time to respond when he added a third. "Fuck..." well, he asked for it. Izaya grinned, eyes rolling back then as Shizuo curled his fingers slightly, damn he was good. Shizuo slipped his fingers in and out rather quickly, he pulled them back and then pushed a fourth inside and felt Izaya tense as he gripped his shoulders. He couldn't let Izaya see his concern, he couldn't let on that he was worried about hurting him. He refrained from asking if he was okay out of habit, instead, he leaned down, taking his cock in his mouth as his fingers continued to move inside him. Shizuo's own need throbbed painfully at Izaya's loud moans. "Shit, ah. Gooood."

Shizuo sucked him hard and licked around the head slowly, bringing him close almost three times before slowly taking it away. He removed his fingers and then pulled Izaya with him and they landed against the bedroom wall. Izaya chuckled menacingly at him, licking his lips. "I'll make you scream, Izaya." Shizuo barely recognized himself speak, it wasn't like him, it wasn't ever like this. But he'd do it, just for the sake of Izaya's sanity - if that's what it took.

"You think so?"

"Done a pretty good job so far." Shizuo didn't think any more on the situation and he pushed his already leaking cock up inside Izaya.

"Ngh! Ah! Shizu-" Shizuo didn't wait for him to adjust, he thrust up against him with repetitive movements. Izaya moaned loudly as he was filled completely, he rested his head against the wall, Shizuo pushed deeper into him and Izaya's mind frazzled. "Oh god! Ah! Ah! Shit!"

"Say it, Izaya, say my name."

"Fuck! Fuck you!" Shizuo thrust harder and pounded into him faster, he lifted Izaya's leg up slightly, hand flat beside him. "Ngh! Yes! Yes! Oh gooood."

"Izaya...I'm gonna make you scream my name...as you come."

"Big talk..." Shizuo shoved him hard against the wall. "Ah!" Shizuo's cock pulsed inside him as he grew harder. "Try me..."

Shizuo pulled out suddenly, Izaya yelped breathlessly as he was spun around, his feet touching the floor. Shizuo soon pushed back into him, Izaya's nails grated against the wall as he hissed. Shizuo thrust hard and fast, pushing deeper with each move. He grabbed Izaya's wrists, pulling his arms behind him, he had no desire to bruise him, whether it was fake or not, at least this way, he could lessen the damage. He pounded into him faster now, with a better angle he could move as he pleased. Izaya cried out in pleasure each time Shizuo moved inside him, taking him repeatedly.

"Ah ah ah! Fuck!"

"My name. Say my name."

"You wish."

Shizuo let go of Izaya's wrists and wrapped one arm around him and pushed him forward so that he was bent over. He pounded into him hard and used his other had to stroke him. Shizuo pushed his thumb against his head, causing Izaya to scream out. "Say it." Shizuo moved slightly and pulled back enough so that he could thrust into him again. Izaya clenched his fists, he couldn't take much more, he needed to come, and if that meant backing down, he didn't care.

"Shizuo...fuck..."

Shizuo hit his spot hard. "Scream it!"

"Ah! Shit..."

Again, and again, hard and fast. "Scream for me!"

"Shizuo! Ahh! Fuck me! Ah! Make me come!" Shizuo cried out as he fucked him hard and pushed into that same spot, stroking Izaya's cock and then releasing himself in a blur of ecstasy. He felt Izaya tense and then scream out, "Shizuo!" as he too released his seed into his hand, thrusting against it to make it last. Shizuo breathed heavily and then pulled out, ruefully allowing Izaya to drop to the floor. Izaya panted heavily, still with a hand against the wall. "Fuck..."

Damn it Izaya, what you do to me. Shizuo watched him from the corner of his eye as he cleaned himself off, Izaya looked ready to pass out as he leaned against the wall, legs propped. Shizuo waited until Izaya fell asleep and then cleaned him off with a wipe and scooped him in his arms. "See what I do for you?" Shizuo snorted quietly and placed Izaya gently into the covers. "I love you, you crazy bastard."

…...

Three days had passed, and everything had returned to normal, well, as normal as it could be. Celty and Shinra felt Shizuo's pain, honestly, they didn't think he was going to take the antidote, knowing how he'd feel, knowing Izaya wasn't going to feel the same. He never gave them a reason as to why he had changed his mind, he didn't tell them what had happened after he left their apartment, but two days after that night he showed up at their door in an angered mess and demanded it.

The anger Shizuo felt faded, replaced by guilt they'd he'd spent months attacking Izaya every time he saw him. The memory in which he had tried to recall while still drugged came flooding back to him, as had everything else. He stayed away though; he didn't think it fair that he forced Izaya to take the antidote just because he himself had.

He knew that Izaya didn't want to see him, for obvious reasons, he hadn't spotted him at all in Ikebukuro, so he was intentionally avoiding him.

Shizuo needed time to collect his thoughts together, to process what he'd done in the last months from the time he was attacked. He sent a message out to all his friends that he had returned to normal and now everything that he'd been told made sense. The night they had gotten attacked, Izaya was meeting with someone - but he'd told him a lie and said it was an old acquaintance, he didn't tell him that it had been Satoshi. Shizuo probably would have worried if he did, Satoshi had said he had some information of his own that he needed to confirm. All this thinking made his head hurt and he missed Izaya's presence, any time he was confused, Izaya wouldn't berate him, he'd just explain it.

When Izaya had shown up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, his heart fluttered with hope, though it became obvious very quickly that he hadn't taken the antidote. Izaya had been mad at him, for reasons that were unclear, but he suspected the man was confused about what had happened, it gave him some reassurance. Izaya had obviously been thinking about him, since that kiss, he knew Izaya would try to kill him and Shizuo would accept that, because he loved him. What Shizuo hadn't expected was what followed that, he tried not to think about it, it had been neither of their style before, even when they first got together. Yet Izaya sought out an explanation as to why the two ended up together at all.

His conclusion was way off, but Shizuo didn't turn him away, he knew Izaya needed it, he even told him to pretend, as if deep down he knew that it wasn't the case at all. Shizuo acted as if they were role playing, it was hard to act like he hated someone, but he managed, and Izaya seemed not to notice. Of course, Shizuo knew that Izaya would bolt as soon as he woke up, he had been gone by the time Shizuo awoke. He imagined that if he were Izaya, he wouldn't have wanted to stick around for the aftermath either. The worst part, he knew that if Izaya did take the antidote - if he ever did - the informant would have an extremely tough time forgiving himself.

Namie looked over at Izaya, he had barely said anything in three days, she knew he must be dealing with some pretty confusing thoughts. Far be it from her to help him, not when he was this way at least. She thought it was strange though, that in the two days after the events - in which she was told - that happened at Shinra's, he was normal. Normal in the sense that he was still an asshole, he hadn't accepted the cure, in fact, he was acting worse than ever. Namie thought his behaviour was over dramatic, even for him. Yet in the three days that followed, he was calmer.

She didn't even know what he was doing, normally he'd be bragging about it, laughing at what chaos he was most likely causing. Nothing like that was happening now, she was beginning to worry, like maybe he'd finally lost it. "As your secretary, don't you think you ought to let me in on what you're working on?" it was a lame excuse for a conversation, but she couldn't think of anything to jab him with, since he had been so quiet.

"No."

That was it? Just no? She gritted her teeth at him. "Whatever it is you're doing, I hope you get your ass handed to you." He didn't answer her, and she narrowed her eyes at him, how dare he deliberately ignore her. "I'm talking to you Izaya." it was then she noticed he had stopped typing, eyes frozen on the screen for a moment. "What's with you?" Izaya narrowed his eyes and then quickly slammed the lid down on his laptop, grabbed his phone, slipped his shoes on by the door and made his exit. He didn't even wear his fur jacket. Namie stared after him, wondering what could possibly cause him to leave like that.

"What the hell Izaya," she mumbled and walked behind his desk, she lifted the lid and sighed in relief when the laptop hadn't shut down yet, still clinging to the work he was doing. She recognized the name on top of the page instantly. "Nebula?" she skimmed down what appeared to be a list, until her eyes fixed on another heading further across the page. "Pharmaceuticals?" what the hell was he planning to do with those? They were big companies, he had messed with them once or twice, back in the day, but he was hardly interested in them for long. "What are you up to Izaya..." she then remembered what Shinra and Celty had found out from Shingen, that Izaya was helping him find the person that stole his drug and leaked it to the public.

She knew about the cure too, that Izaya had no intention of taking it because he refused to believe any of it. She also knew, that Shizuo had, he had been the one to accept it, she didn't expect that of him. She sighed in frustration, if Izaya hadn't taken the cure, then why was he doing this? She tried to think of any probable reason he'd have to help Shingen, what he would gain from it. "Unless..." she stared back over at the door. "Izaya... what did you do? Did you take the cure?" her eyes skimmed over the list and then they landed on an awfully familiar name, in green lettering, with the words 'match found' flashing beside it. "Shit."

…...

Izaya looked at his phone, the caller ID showing as Namie, he swiped ignore. "No doubt she's figured it out by now, she wouldn't have been able to resist snooping around my laptop. But it doesn't matter anyway, only one person can help me now." He made his way up the steps to a row of small apartments. He knocked on the door, shoving his hands in his dark grey jacket. The door opened and Izaya tensed, he took a deep breath and smiled a little. "I know I'm the last person you want to see, but I need your help."

169