Quivering and panting, Hermione rode the pleasure together with Minerva... And awhile later, she made the effort to slide into her side to avoid crushing Minerva with her weight. When she did, the woman followed her and wrapped her arms tightly… Then they meet in a tender kiss…
Year 2000 | 3rd Seventh of May
Chapter 6
Later on | Old Scar
"It's almost gone…"
Minerva's inaudible voice disturbed the silence… It was ten minutes, or it was thirty, or maybe an hour when one of them finally spoke while wrapped in each other's arms… Hermione could not tell how long they've stayed silent after Minerva gently withdrew from her and made incantations that reversed the transfiguration… Immediately after, the older witch buried herself under her chin, exactly in the same manner she did the previous times they were together in bed.
In contrast to the stillness of the room, Hermione's emotions are in haywire. She is very much cognizant that both of them seemingly elected to not say anything about her mad confession of love and of the woman's fearful reaction to it… She is trying her damnest to not drown in heartache from the newest rejection from the woman she loves so much… And trying her damnest to treasure the fact that the woman has not bolted from her arms… That Minerva is still clutching herself to her body…
Hermione fought to push all unwanted feelings into a compartment and instead concentrated on an old thought— to take whatever the woman is giving her… Because to receive nothing would be most unbearable… When she managed to somehow close the lid on her throbbing heart, she addressed what Minerva had said that broke the silence, "According to the text, it should be completely gone in a month."
Then she felt Minerva place a tender kiss on her almost healed scar… The one that Bellatrix wronged during her capture… The one that Minerva just commented about being almost gone… And the one she is expecting to be completely gone in a month…
Her mud blood scar…
Few months after the war when she first consulted St. Mungos Head Hypatia Allis on how to get it healed, she was wholly disheartened to be told that even the greatest healer cannot heal it… that medical magic won't do… She was told that the scar was laced with dark magic of personal curse… That the only way to have it gone is to perform a highly complex ritual to counter the curse… At that moment, Hermione wanted to bring Bellatrix to life— just to kill the woman herself.
Then one night, Hermione found one Draco Malfoy at her door…
"Headmistress McGonagall said that I ask you to read this before you send me away…"
Draco quietly stated as he extended a sealed note to her before she could say anything… And whether Draco Malfoy knows it or not, 'MCGONAGALL' is a password that would get Hermione to relent in a snap. She reached for the note and felt the sealing charm placed on it for the intended confidentiality.
...
Darling,
Give him 5 minutes to tell you why he came…
...
Despite the uncertainty that started in her guts at the wizard's appearance in her flat, Hermione had to hold her smile at Minerva's tactic use of such endearment; the woman simply knows how to get her to do anything… Without saying a word, she moved to let the Slytherin wizard into her flat. When she shut her door, she firmly said, "You have 3 minutes to say why you are here."
Draco merely nodded in acceptance, but instead of hurrying to spill out his reason for coming, he purposely pulled two heavily wrapped items from his robes and had his grey eyes met hers in silence for few seconds before he spoke…
"This is a potion I brewed 16 weeks ago for 17 hours— in another week, it'd be ready for its purpose… And this one is my mother's knife. A sister to Bellatrix's silver knife..."
A cold shudder assaulted Hermione and she needed to exert all effort not to outwardly show it. Her brain was quick to alert her that the mere arrival of Malfoy at her door signified something of grave matter, more so with him bearing Minerva's letter… And yet she found herself thoroughly off-guard when she heard the name 'Bellatrix', followed by words of 'silver' and 'knife'.
"And Ms. Granger, I will not insult your intelligence to explain why I brought them and myself here…"
Hermione heard the solid pronouncement. Also, she did not miss how the wizard addressed her name with a title, including its courteous tone that was far from the spitting contempt she was used to hear from him back when they were students.
In her internal struggle to find leverage, she re-directed her focus away from the two items placed by the wizard on her coffee table, to the note she had read earlier, the one penned by no other but Minerva… She found herself scanning the short message again, as if she could talk to the woman of what she ought to do with what had been brought to her…
The 'heal' to her 'mud blood' scar…
When Hermione finally braved it and read-up on the ritual that can heal her scar, on what Hypatia actually meant of its complexities— it was then that she had learned of how it was as good as impossible to counter the curse embedded in her scar… That she'll have Bellatrix mark of 'mud blood' in her arm— forever…
First she learned that she needed a potion. One that would take 17 laborious hours to brew and 17 weeks to be set aside before it can be of use. While she could take the time and attention to make it, she is doubtful that she can obtain half of the ingredients. Several specimens needed are so rare and therefore extremely expensive, of which she would not spree her money on— not to mention that if she decides to risk almost exhausting her Gringgots account, she has no idea where to procure these ingredients.
Secondly, she learned she needed the abominable knife itself— Bellatrix silver knife, which Harry destroyed after he buried Dobby at the Shell Cottage… But even though that was lost, Hermione learned that another knife would do, as long as it was made from the same collection. But the absurd notion of tracking the makings of the said weapon and finding them told Hermione that she'd never get rid of her scar…
The third and final requisite and the most impossible to acquire is the participation of the offender— Bellatrix Black Lestrange, who is dead… Or— any of her blood relative within third degree… While technically Harry is now closed with Andromeda and baby Teddy, and she herself is more than casual acquaintance with them, she would never involve them. How could she when the ritual includes carving the same violation on their skin? And such repugnance must be done for three times with seven days interval for the full counter curse to effect. It does not matter that it will not be permanent on them and would be gone within an hour; Hermione would never ask them to endure the same pain that she experienced…
Thus the impossibility of obtaining the three requisites simply sealed her fate that she'll have to withstand the scar's permanence on her… She convinced herself that she can deal with it for the rest of her life and it shall not define her as a person… She even tried to consider the scar as her war souvenir. And humorously told herself that at least she gets to hone her concealment charm for the permanent practice it'd provide… Nonetheless, there were times that she'd wish with all of her heart that she could get rid of it…
Then Draco Malfoy arrived with the three requisites…
"You have to tell me if you want me to come back in 1 week when the potion completed its required setting period and we can start the first of the three rituals. I have studied the full text for several months now— so I know what it entails…"
"Malfr—Draco…" Hermione re-centered herself before she continued, "Tell me why you are doing this?"
Set of grey eyes darted to the ground before they came back up and accompanied grievous words of submission. "There is no reason why I should not."
For Hermione, that was not good enough. And she was stunned with her subsequent question but she decided that she wanted to know the answer… "Are you doing this because the Headmistress ordered you?"
"She said you would say that..." Amusement flickered in grey eyes before full grievousness came back with the rest of his words. "And she said that she leaves it to me on how to answer you…"
"So what is your answer…? WHY are you doing this?" Hermione challenged.
It was not lost on her that although Minerva McGonagall is not in the room, the woman's hands are all over the situation… And yet, the woman exceptionally ensured that it isn't entirely so… That the ultimatum of what to happen is in fact of Malfoy's undertaking… And of Hermione's acceptance…
"My answer is that—" Draco paused and took a deep breath, "The night that you were tortured at my house… when I did nothing… when I did not do the right thing when I know what I should have done— is the night I am most ashamed of myself…"
Hermione clenched her jaw at the admission. "It was war—" she started but stopped at Draco's slightly raised hand. She saw him exerted effort to control his trembling hand, and observed a tickle of sweat at the side of his face…
Draco took another deep breath, locked eyes with hers, and then he seemed to force himself with the rest of what he wanted to convey…
"And if doing this would elevate even a small amount of that shame, then carving myself for three times is a small price I am going to beg you to let me pay…"
A week later, when Draco knocked at her flat, she silently let him enter and led him to her living room for the first of the three rituals… After they completed the incantations and each took a spoonful of the potion, Hermione watched in horror how the knife on its own will carved into Draco's arm…
Hermione clearly saw the wizard fought his tears, and failed miserably… Grey eyes reeling in pain made her unhinged… completely unhinged that it was only when Malfoy was gone that she realized that she did not even let the man in agony stay for a short respite… The led her to feel ashamed of herself and strangely made her believe Draco's words of his regret for not doing the right thing…
When the knife dropped to the floor after the second ritual, and as Draco poorly gathered himself to depart, Hermione managed to tell Draco to stay until he recovers… When deep gratitude from grey eyes responded to her offer, it dawned on Hermione that the wizard is really no longer the one she knew at Hogwarts…. That this young man is is as damaged as her by the war— who had learned the gravity of it, and paid for his faults and shortcomings…
Then after they've completed the third ritual, with more than half an hour of trying not to stare at the angry 'mud blood' carving on Malfoy's arm, Hermione could not stop herself when she started to ask questions that plagued her since Malfoy's first visit…
"How do you have your mother's knife with you…?
At Draco's expression, Hermione understood that he was not surprised to get such question from her… that he was even expecting the inquiry… Hermione features demanded him to give a straight answer… She even issued another question.
"And where did you get the rare potion ingredients?"
Since they were eleven, Draco had been slapping everyone at Hogwarts of his family's wealth and he could surely afford the expensive ingredients. Except that is no longer the case. While him and his mother had been spared from Azkaban, (but not Lucius), the Wizengamot had sequestered their entire wealth. That for a determined period, they do not have access to their old belongings and money, a sort of a Ministry leash on them, as they move forward with their lives and contribute in re-building their society…
For a moment, Hermione wondered how the mother and son are fending for themselves. But she remembered as well that they are not Slytherins just for their blood status but also for their resourceful characteristics. And although Draco Malfoy is no longer wearing immaculate and expensive clothes, she can see that it did not deter him from still appearing refined.
"What are the answers?" Hermione demanded with gravity.
"You already know the answers..." Draco rebutted with conviction.
Hermione heard his response and she knew that Draco spoke the truth. Indeed, she could deduce the answers but frankly she wanted to hear them explicitly. Why...? She can't understand herself… Or maybe she does, but feared for the implications in case she had them all wrong…
"Yes, I'll give you the confirmation… They were in fact from the Headmistress…"
Hermione guided her countenance into a blank one… but she could not help her mind from bursting with more questions… nor her heart from tightening at the substantiation of what Minerva had done— for her.
Once again, she had discovered that the woman operated to make things happen for her… This time to heal her scar… The scar that had not stopped screaming at her to find a way to get it healed… To find how to be free from Bellatrix's mark...
"How the Headmistress knew about my mother's knife— I didn't even know my mother has one. Unlike Bellatrix, my mother said she was never fond of knives that she even forgot she has one... Let alone remember where she kept it… So if there is a need for you to know how, you would have to ask the Headmistress about it…"
Hermione heard his unspoken words that he did not, and would not ask for an explanation from one Minerva McGonagall about the woman's knowledge of her mother's knife… More so how the woman obtained the said knife…
"And as you have guessed, all the ingredients are from the Headmistress. I have no doubt that no matter how rare half of them are— she had no problem securing them, including the ancient volume for the instructions. I supposed, she simply made a trip to her personal storage and private library at the McGonagall Manor."
Hermione hid her surprise upon hearing the factual tone that Malfoy used when he mentioned McGonagall's Manor… Whether deliberate or not, she knew that Hogwarts is generally perceived as the woman's only home. She never found out about the Manor despite tons of reading she did about the woman. And if not for that fateful night, she'd probably still be ignorant of it... And yet, her brain quickly grasped that Draco is from an old wizarding family, and surely they at least know of McGonagall's family, even if Minerva is the last of her name during the last three decades.
She can also see how he was watching and measuring her reaction… for the validation he imparted with her— of Minerva McGonagall's role at their current stage… But Hermione would not let the wizard collect anything from her. She took a page from Minerva and brought up her walls…
Draco gave her a small nod, and Hermione had to give it to the Slytherin for his quick comprehension, and the unmistakable respect he gave her… But then the wizard issued a question of his own…
"May I inquire what the Headmistress wrote?"
Hermione knew that he was referring to that note from Minerva. The one that served him entry pass during his first call… She assumed that he expected to get any clue with his own assessment of the braiding situation where he found himself with her and the headmistress. She made calculations on whatever implications it may bring, and when she didn't find anything damning, she conceded on this one…
"To give you five minutes before I hex you out." Hermione responded and she found herself giving him a small genuine smile.
"You gave me three minutes." Draco responded, also with a small genuine smile of his own. And then his face turned solemn and uttered, "If we were switched, I would not have given you any, not even one minute… So, thank you Ms. Granger."
"Please… Just— Hermione…" She offered. And she was extremely aware of the deeper subscription she just handed… "And thank you too Draco." She gestured to the fading scar on his arm as the final 'one-hour' comes to its expiration… And at that moment, she felt the liberation— and knew that she just have to endure another 17 weeks before the one on her arm becomes fully healed…
Hermione felt Minerva kissed her arm again. This pulled her back from her recollection of the entire chronicle… of how her scar came to be now healing… The lid on her emotions cracked an opening… She felt her heart gripped with the awareness that the woman presently clutching to her body is the one who made moves to deliver three impossible requirements… at her door… for her…
And yet the damn woman would not move to be with her… really be with her… And how the damn woman would not accept her love…
"Are you truly relieved?" Minerva murmured under her chin and she took hold of her emotions before she answered…
"Not just relieved… But very happy… Thank you Minerva."
"Draco is the—"
"I know…" Hermione interrupted Minerva for she will not accept the woman's entire dismissal of her own hand on healing her mud blood scar… "But lets not negate what you've done… Really, thank you Minerva." Hermione asserted her words of gratitude. And she could not help herself from kissing Minerva's crown and hugged the woman tighter…
"It took me quite sometime to locate the knife…" Minerva murmured again after another long interval.
Hermione was stunned at Minerva's concession… From such nugget of information, she heard the message behind it; Minerva went her ways to find it for her… For her…
This tempted her to let infinitesimal fire of hope start in her heart— that Minerva possibly loves her back. But two years of 'being and not being with Minerva' had taught her to give full regard on safeguarding her heart… And her impeccable mind supplemented this; it prompted images of emerald eyes brimful of fright after her daft declaration of love… She internally sighed and re-focused on what the woman just said… about the knife…
"How did you know there is such a knife?" Hermione heard herself asked before she realised what she just issued.
Minerva remained quiet again and Hermione thought that she would not get answer. That the woman closed the matter... especially after the woman issued a very deep sigh.
"Bellatrix told me."
Hermione was absolutely floored with the answer…
"A death-eater told you that her fucking knife that she used in carving 'mud blood' into my arm has a sister?"
"Back up Hermione… You know very well that what you've just said entirely made no sense…"
Minerva spoke into Hermione's chest with indignant tone but the woman softened the impact by tightening her hold on her… And then she also felt a soft kiss placed on her chest by thin lips.
Hermione wanted to retort with equal indignation but she let her brain function and it told her that Minerva is right… that truly what she had indicted was quite idiotic…
"I'm sorry…" Hermione apologised and kissed Minerva's crown in contrition before she asked, "How do you know to not look for Bellatrix' knife in the first place?"
Hermione felt Minerva nodded in acceptance of her apology and she waited patiently for the narrative…
"The night before Hogwarts opened after the war, Harry came to visit… It was then he recounted to me your capture, your escape and Dobby's death… including him destroying Bellatrix knife in his anger… And how you think he doesn't know about your scar because you were protecting him from blaming himself for it… And how he desperately wanted to atone for it but he knew that he would only make it worse for you if he say something…"
Hermione absorbed the information and she felt the constrictions of her heart. What Minerva said was true; she wanted to protect Harry for another undeserved guilt. But she rationalized that it mattered little for she and Harry had already given it a closure when her scar started healing… She looped back to the real discussion on hand, as several questions began burning inside her…
"When did Bellatrix told you about Narcissa's knife?"
Another sigh… And a longer pause…
"A 15-year-old Bellatrix Black told me…"
A 15-year-old Bellatrix Black… Hermione heard another voice in her head of such similar phrase and she had to bit her lower lip to keep herself from commenting… But she could already feel a roping feeling in her guts of the implications of such phrase from two people... But she ordered herself to set it aside for the mean time, she wanted to give her full attention to what the woman is currently divulging and ensure not to miss anything… including those that will be unspoken...
"Just a week or so into a new school term, I found fifth-year student Bellatrix Black in one of the isolated bathroom at way past curfew. She was trying to stop the bleeding of her hand—"
"—cut by her very own knife…" Hermione interjected before she realised what she had said.
"Yes. I can't remember why I didn't send her to Poppy or to Horace. Maybe I didn't want to disrupt either one so late in the night. Or maybe I deemed that I could handle it. And I did. I healed her cut, confiscated her knife, sent her to bed and gave her a week of detention with me. I had every intention to make her go through several readings about consequences of dangerous items from heedlessness."
Despite the current topic, Hermione had to smile at seeing in her mind of the familiar Professor McGonagall who they all associated with upstanding conduct. But her mind also conjured another picture, of the same professor but more than three decades younger. Was the woman already aware of her unusual magical aging nature— that she's aging at half of half the normal phase? At any rate, the woman was surely more beautiful, and not to mention with soul undamaged by a second and third war... Such a wonder of who Minerva McGonagall was at that time...
"On the first night of her detention, I remember that she showed up quite early at my office and that surprised me. Students are never eager to show up at detention… Plus she—"
Minerva paused, and shifted from her position. Somehow, whenever they are in bed, Hermione had learned how to read the intent behind Minerva's motions. The woman sought a tighter hold… because she needed more comfort… because she would impart something of grave significance or implication… Either way, Hermione would give Minerva whatever she needs… She shifted to accommodate the woman in her arms, and she was spot-on as Minerva continued with her account…
"When Bellatrix showed up at my office, she brought tons of chocolates and one beautiful quill… She said they are gifts in appreciation for saving her from bleeding to death. I was half amused at her dramatics. And half insulted for the obvious bribe. But then, I know the Blacks are afflicted with the wrong notion of gift giving and their proclivity to flaunt their wealth. So after I declined her gifts, I gave her a lecture about the meaning of true gratitude and generosity and the vulnerability that it can invoke when tangled with exploitative people."
Again, Minerva paused and sighed… And buried herself further into her embrace… And Hermione let her…
"I told her that the only thank I want from her is a promise that she will refrain from romping with hazardous items… I told her that she could only have her knife back when she goes home for the school break and she can't bring it again. She didn't object and gave me the promise I asked. Then she even added a promise, that she'll work for an 'O' mark in Transfiguration. And at the end of that detention, she told me that she was glad that both her sisters did not bring their knives so they wouldn't cut themselves… Apparently, Cygnus Black's concept of appropriate gifts to his three very young daughters is a set of identical knives, of which were laced with dark magic…"
Hermione's mind is in uproar with a puzzle she just figured out… Of pieces locking into its places that gave her quite an understanding of something grave... And she could not stop herself from diving back into another recollection…
On the very last time that Draco visited her for the last ritual, as he was about to step out of her flat, he paused and turned back…
"Hermione… I'd like to tell you a story, if you will permit me… Something my mother recently shared with me…"
Hermione simply nodded, truthfully it poked her curiosity… Then Malfoy set his grey eyes on her intensely before he started his story…
"Once upon a time, a 15-year-old Bellatrix Black, still untainted by darkness… fell in love…"
Hermione found herself torn between wanting to hear the rest of Draco's story and shoving the wizard out of her flat… But she braved it and continued to hold grey eyes and let him proceed…
"But the person Bellatrix fell in love with had sat her down and gently rejected her… Told her that someday, someone would love Bellatrix more than she could conceive… Stubborn Black as she is, she rejected the rejection and started working on proving her love for this person. She devoted many hours to enhance her skills to impress this person, and busied herself making plans to win the love of this person… Well, you've met Sirius Black, that should give you the idea of how the Blacks are with the their over-the-top demonstrations… And mother said, Bellatrix was much in love that she was pulling the moon and the stars for the person she fell for… "
Hermione had to agree at Draco's accurate depiction of Sirius Black and his general extravagance… And bizarrely, it was not hard for her to think of Bellatrix as passionate as such...
"But one holiday break; my grandmother tied her to the Lestrange for a marriage… She pleaded that she loves another and plans to be with this person after she graduates Hogwarts… Of course she's a Black and that would not do, or she'd be disowned… Still hopeful, she pleaded again to the person she is in love with to give her a chance, to accept her love. But this person was adamant in turning her down, even told her that she might find the love and happiness with Lestrange…"
Draco paused and took a deep breath and Hermione was surprise to see raw sadness in his grey eyes…
"My mother said that her elder sister changed after that… That the dead finality of the rejection from the person she loves with all her heart had inflicted her with a scar that never healed until her death— the scar of never believing in love again…"
Scar of never believing in love again…
Hermione felt the rumble inside her as she held her gaze against intense and sad grey eyes, of which the burning seemed to want to seep into her for something...
"And difficult to imagine now— and far from the death-eater that she had become, Bellatrix once truly believed in love… That she was in love with someone..."
Bellatrix in love...
"And that someone that 15-year-old Bellatrix Black was thoroughly in love with— is none other but her Transfiguration Professor… The one we refer today as the venerated Headmistress Minerva McGonagall…"
End of Chapter 6 | Year 2000 | Old Scar
Handful of pieces from Minerva's past... How will this matter to Hermione? Should it?
AN:
Still borrowing from JK Rowling.
Thank you for still reading!
And Happy New Year! Peace and love to everyone this year 2018!