As the first tears ran down Hermione's face, she slid down on her cold floor, and then it spelled out to her without warning-
That she is wrecking havoc in her wake as she breaks up from the idea of her and Minerva together...
That she has to break from the captivity of loving Minerva McGonagall...
That she is breaking her own heart...
Year 2000 | 3rd Seventh of May
Chapter 8
Continuation | Blue-Eyed Strangers and Red-Haired Wizard
After Hermione cried her heart out on her cold floor, she crawled to her bathroom and torched herself under a very hot shower to cover the burning pain in her heart as she cried some more. When she needed to remove herself from the scalding water, she buried herself under her sheets as the tears continued in earnest. Body curved into a tight ball, her mind paraded none other but images of her and Minerva making love from that very first time until the one they had earlier. But the treasured memories are proving to be heavy assaults against her disintegrated heart so she decided to escape furthermore, and headed to a muggle bar with every intention to get smashed.
Even though she never had more than a short glass of hard alcohol in her entire life, she had gotten a fine bottle of whisky and settled in one isolated booth. There, she took a swing after another as she attempts to numb the agony from the rejections and restrictions riddled in her heart for loving one Minerva McGonagall… And contemplated how she is very much fucked…
For one, she is certain that to 'un-love' the woman is much harder than getting herself to replace Kingsley Shacklebolt as head Minister. Or gaining elves their rights for compensation and encompassing liberty even though their general kind do not want to have any…
But to continue loving the woman is nothing but carving herself with deeper scar. Evidently, Minerva cannot afford to shed her role for more than a handful of moments— notwithstanding the complication if the woman even wanted to be with her... like really be with her in a 'whole-nine-yards' of being together…
Hermione took a deep sigh at how truly fucked she is… Shots after shots she glugged her whisky and ignored the burning line that cuts down her throat every time… Because she has decided that the one in her heart is way more excruciating…
Later when she was on her way to be obliterated, out of nowhere, a muggle man went to sit opposite her. Despite her inebriated state, Hermione can see that his blue eyes (as far as she could tell sans the alcohol blood shot level) had shed more tears than she had, at least for the night.
"Drinking your heart out? Than crying hah?"
The un-named blue-eyed man started. And Hermione was all out of fight to shoo him away that a nod was simpler.
"Do you have a git of a husband making you devout yourself to that fine bottle…? I have a whore of a wife who made me reconnect my love of wine after bottle after bottle."
Hermione mentally answered, I have a disease named loving Minerva and attempting to cure myself… This bottle is where I begin... To numb the ache…
The man did not mind that she did not say anything in response but merely took a shot after another, for he did the same, directly drinking from his own bottle of wine… Then blankly staring at one another, they drank some more in silent solidarity…
Then another blue-eyed stranger sat down across her, beside the first blue-eyed invader. This one though is completely sober. And completely worried, exasperated, and contrite for the intrusion… And this one is a she.
"Come on brother, let's not bother this lady."
"Oh no sis, I'm not bothering this gorgeous lady, we're sharing a bleakness… as we burn belief in the bloody idea of love… And hoping that at least the sky would still be blue tomorrow."
"Why you became a doctor was beyond me when you can spit such strings of words?"
"Why else? But followed your foot steps big sister."
Hermione kept on drinking as she sat back silently and watched such free entertainment dropped in front of her. At least an intermission from thinking about her own bleakness…
"Oh Lec, had you truly followed me, you wouldn't fall for that wife of yours..."
"Oh Lea, you mean like your insecure boyfriend who still has not grown spine to marry you? Is he still catching up with your achievements to even your status before he does? That would not happen sis. He doesn't have a tenth of your brilliance. You need another lover!"
Damn she's straight but maybe it won't matter.
Hermione thought and she subsequently choked. Hermione could not tell if her congest was due to the burning acid of alcohol that went the wrong way, or the fact that her subconscious was already sizing up the woman to be taken home later and make Hermione forget about one Minerva McGonagall.
The blue-eyed woman, named Lea, quickly handed her a bottle of water and a clean napkin. And as she got through her choking she realized that the woman had transferred to her side and actually aided her in cleaning up her spill.
"I could tell that you're not used to drinking darling."
Hermione froze at the endearment. And to her horror, she felt hot tracks of fresh tears on her face, which the kind woman gently wiped without saying a word.
"I'm sorry, she— she would call me that." Hermione threw the explanation and drown a double shot. And shook her head wildly in attempt to disconnect with her apparent moment of brokenness.
"Oh darn, you play for our team!"
Moping words uttered by an equally drunk man brought Hermione a jolt of realization of how she just outed herself to complete blue eyed strangers— to siblings called Lec and Lea… Who are both quite good-looking truth be told.
"Lec, shut-up."
"What? I was really hoping this gorgeous lady and I could find comfort later in bed."
"Lec, please—"
"I was thinking that your sister could comfort me actually…."
Hermione blurted before she could stop herself and owing to her drunken state, she pushed forward and drown the protest of her heart, the one screaming the name Minerva McGonagall.
"Yea, you know, you have semblance of her… Imposing height… I could tell of amazingly fit body… obvious smooth skin… delicious jaw and even your silky hair… except— your eyes."
"Oh, my eyesight is too poor from medical research over the years." Laughingly responded by Lea in an effort to deflect uneasiness.
Hermione shook her head once and then grinned, "While yours are intensely blue, like your brother's… Mi— hers are the most impossible emeralds… that turn into breath taking glassy ones when we make love… breath taking emeralds that have long imprisoned my body, my mind, my soul… my heart…"
"Why are you not losing your breath right now over these impossible emeralds…? Instead of attaching yourself with such bottle that you are almost done with darling?"
Hermione let out a sad smile upon hearing 'darling' once again, and at the fucked reality of her situation. Then she could not smother her laughter even if she had tried to when suddenly a loud snoring sound came out from Lec who had fallen into the land of oblivion on the table.
"Oh brother… We were due to leave many drinks ago but I could not make him go. And after I went to the loo, I found him here with you. I'll give him few minutes before I wake him up and drag him home. Can we drop you home?"
"Do you want to take me home? Comfort me?" Hermione wickedly countered even if everything within her just protested at what she had insinuated.
Hermione watched blue eyes briefly darted to the snoring brother before they returned and focused on hers. She was caught by surprise of the intensity turned on her that she covered her irresolute feeling by drowning another shot, and the sharp strike in her head reminded her that she definitely had too many already…
And then a thumb lightly wiped the corner of her lips and all it brought Hermione is the most grievous longing of Minerva's touch.
"I wonder if your intoxication has blinded you from seeing the glaring age difference between us, of perhaps a more than a decade gap?"
Hermione snorted, "Certainly less than the difference between me and Mi— her… Believe me…"
"I see…"
"So, are you taking me home? Make me forget her? At least for tonight?" Hermione asked again as the thumping of heart revolted that her body actually swayed away a little.
Once again, blue eyes shot a look at a snoring brother before a hand palmed her cheek and gently demanded her entire attention.
"Darling, if I am not in a relationship, I would definitely bring you home tonight... You are very beautiful. Obviously a wonderful person for not tossing Lec when he intruded your party for one… Not to mention my own intrusion… I think… I would even make you breakfast in bed and keep you there indefinitely… But here is my question— do you really want to forget her?"
The question indeed.
Even Hermione's alcohol muddled brain told her that no sane person would burst out to complete stranger. But the damn blue-eyed woman's caring gesture and her posted question finally pierced the mark that unlatched her emotions. She found herself enveloped in an embrace as she cried her heart out.
"I hate her bloody emeralds impregnable barricade when they come up… Because I want her to open up to me… I hate that I am no match to any of her self-sufficiency and self-control… Because I want her to need me… I hate that I am a coward to demand for her love… Because all I need is her love…"
Hermione could not care now that she is pouring her heart out to a blue-eyed stranger… She needed to bring out the burden of loving Minerva McGonagall as it was causing havoc inside her for the last two years… And in her world, no one she can go to… specially not to her best friends… Thus, for a while she continued to blabber in the kind arms of a blue-eyed woman.
"And I hate that you are right that I do not want to forget her… And I am bloody fooling myself… because you can crucio me all you want but I would not stop loving her. I would probably face two voldemorts if that would take to make her love me back… No, not probably— but surely. And not just two evils, maybe ten or hundreds. And they can carve mudblood all they want into me if I get to love her freely and get her love in return as freely... I'm a bloody, bloody fool."
"Darling, you are not making sense—"
"Hermione… My name is Hermione… She would call me 'darling' when we are in bed and… and…" she choked in her own tears as memories assaulted her specially of their last afternoon's indulgence.
"Hermione, you are not a fool. Just completely in love with your woman."
"She is not my woman. She is not anybody's. The woman is NOT for anyone's taking. I knew that and still I could not stop myself… That night when I first kissed her and she kissed be back and made love to me, I felt— it was the same thing for her as it was for me… but two years after, she still… Why won't she love me back?"
"How do you know she doesn't love you? Did she actually tell you?" Asked Lea with her intense blue eyes seizing her brown ones. "You do know that saying 'I love you' is not the only manner to convey love?"
Likely due to her drunken state, Hermione snorted at the statement while fresh tears leaked out from her brown eyes as she responded, "Perhaps. Except when I told her 'I love you', it resulted to the most frightening face I ever seen of her. You would have thought she was dueling dark lord, but even then against Voldemort her face was without fright."
"What do you mean with— never mind… Hermione, maybe she does... Maybe she doesn't. But does that change that you love her?"
"No… Never." Hermione admitted and drown the remaining content of her bottle. And she could feel the edge of a black pit touching her like a welcome company… But a warm breath over her face is pulling her back…
"Hermione… Don't pass out on me… Wake up…"
"Huh...? Are you sure you don't want to take me home tonight? Or can I take you home instead?" Hermione slurred and a stronger feel of dusk enveloped her.
Then images of Minerva paraded inside her head… One when the woman was laughing with abandon when told of her boggart story… Another when the woman first let her see her cry when narrating her war scars and sufferings… Another when the woman's emerald eyes widened in grievousness during her very first action for physical intimacy… Then the same emeralds turned glassy when they made love…
"Hermione… Wake up…"
"Mione…?"
Hermione fought the fog and her mind would slip back into a pool full of Minerva… Minerva standing at her bookcases and laughing about her 7-year old stubbornness to read a French book… Of Minerva in muggle clothes… Of Minerva staring at her like she was just content to do so… Of Minerva calling her 'Mione'… Of Minerva in utter rapture…
Then a hard shake on her shoulders dispersed the images and Hermione tried to focused and listen to the accompanied supplication.
"Hey Hermione… Hermione… I need you to open your eyes."
Hermione wanted to ignore the call for her to be awake. She wanted to remain tossing around in her head with the many memories of Minerva. She wanted to not feel the pain of rejection and concentrate on Minerva's beautiful face and tender gazes… But the one rousing her from the delicious conscious abandonment is relentless, which she could no longer snub.
Two pairs of blue eyes met her half-conscious self and it took her quite some time to arrive in a coherent state and absorb the words being said to her. And after the greatest effort to concentrate to her surroundings, she emerged and remembered that she is still out drinking her pain…
Then somehow, she recognized two concerned pair of blue eyes fixated on her. One set is from the beautiful and kind woman called Lea whom she met over an hour ago with her brother Lec, who is still snoring across her. The other set of blue eyes is very familiar…
"Ron…? Ron!" She spluttered in surprise.
"She knows me, alright now?"
"Silly, course I do…" Hermione stammered as she swayed in absolute drunkenness, trying to comprehend the ongoing dialogue between her long time friend and newly met friend.
"Hermione I just need to make sure. You do really know him?" asked Lea carefully.
"Yep. Infuriatingly childish sometimes but had willingly thrown himself again and again in front of me and Harry against evil…"
"Do I allow him to take you home? Because he said he had been looking for you?"
"Awww, Ron… I don't deserve you… Even if I screamed and insulted you earlier you still went looking for me? You are really a best friend!"
"Of course Mione! Harry and I been running around to find you the last couple of hours…"
"Harry?" asked Hermione timidly and she cowered at recalling what she had spat at him at the Burrow's kitchen.
"Once we found you here, he asked that I take care getting you home. And that I make sure you stay home."
"He is anger at me, isn't he?"
"Scared to death with worry for you Mione."
"I hurt him… I hurt you… I was… I am…" Hermione started but the consumed entire bottle of whisky finally caught up in her entire system and she could no longer fight but surrender to the inviting vacuum and let blankness take over…
For several times she tried to arise from limbo, but every time, she was assaulted of her own abusing words she had imparted that afternoon to the very woman she loves above all…
Was afternoon fuck too early for you…?
Oh is it because you fucking reached your quota today when you came inside me?
After all, this is turning out as our annual fuck?
Our commemorative shag…?
In her oblivion, Hermione pleaded for forgiveness… And recited again and again how she loves Minerva… How she would do everything and anything for the woman… How she is willing to accept whatever that can be thrown by the woman rather than entirely have nothing, which she cannot bear… She pleaded to Merlin and all the gods and goddesses that Minerva would still want her despite the cruel things she had said… Hermione promised whatever power out there that she would understand the space and detachment all year round so long as Minerva will go to her when the woman could afford to... She whimpered of how she would wait for years and years if that what would entail to have a chance with Minerva… Anything to have a chance…
Come by morning, her set alarm went off and she scurried to shut it off… Blindly she rushed out of her bed to go to her bathroom and just made it a second before she could make a mess as she vomited her drinking binge last night…
If she was not so pre-occupied heaving against her toilet, she would have screamed and hexed the person who appeared behind her, who held her hair and soothed her aching back as she emptied her stomach of toxic.
When Hermione wiped her face after running it with cold water, she finally faced the caring person and found Ron. Apparently, he had taken her home last night and stayed over to look after her… But before she could say something, she was beaten with series of instructions and pronouncements.
"Drink this water. Take these two potions for your headache and stomach. Have a cold shower. Breakfast will be ready when you are done. And I don't want objections Hermione, just bloody do it…"
About thirty minutes later, head and stomach a bit better from the cold shower and potions' initial effect, she entered her kitchen. There, she confirmed that indeed her red-haired wizard of a best friend is in her flat. Who had commanded her earlier to get herself into some state of order... And now, had set a simple breakfast in front of her…
"Ron, I need to go to work—"
"I sent an owl to your staff that you'll show up after lunch…" Ron interrupted her and then pointed to a chair, "Sit and eat."
Eating is not exactly agreeable with Hermione's groaning stomach but before she could argue, Ron again beat her…
"Eat even a little so you can take another dose of potion to completely relieve your hangover. Because blimmey Mione, you need your brain for the confession you're going to make…"
Bloody hell.
Hermione knew there is no way she could escape the interrogation that is coming and all she can do is delay it… As she slowly ate her breakfast and ignored Ron's piercing stare, she thought back of what exactly she had blurted in her plastered condition last night… Those she can recall are not really comforting and making her extremely apprehensive with the coming question-and-answer portion. Her jaw clenched in tension for all the follies she had committed the last 12 hours but she knew she has to face the consequences.
The minute she put down the potion container after consuming its contents, Ron began without ambiguity.
"The Minerva you called in your sleep, whom you were begging to love you back is THE Minerva MCGONAGALL, Hogwarts Headmistress, Transfiguration Master amongst all, and possibly most powerful witch right now, right?"
Hermione winced. And then to her utmost distress, she could do nothing against the gathered tears in her brown eyes, which immediately raced down her cheeks. She felt Ron moved and pulled her into a tight embrace where she buried her face in his chest. She cried and cried, and in between she started unveiling the chronicle of loving one Minerva McGonagall…
She told Ron of her confusion at Hogwarts that began somewhere fourth or fifth year… Her aching self-admission of one's identity in the midst of war— and of who had captured her heart in its truest sense… Her terror at the knowledge that both of them would not survive the war, specially Minerva who was residing with death eaters at Hogwarts... Of her pride and fright during Hogwarts' battle when Minerva took up the primary mantle to help Harry and fight against evil… That the moment it was over she pursued the woman but only awakened at the vast disparity between herself and the woman she is in love with… For without Dumbledore, the witch has no more cloak and it propelled her to be her true self, thus referred as THE witch amongst all...
Without really sifting her thoughts, Hermione accounted to Ron of the golden fate that she was presented two years ago after the ceremony at Hogwarts ground. Of how it led her to see, and be with the real Minerva— without 'THE MCGONAGALL' façade…
"Ron, I always knew she's wonderful but I had no idea how truly wonderful she is. The little time I spent with that woman, just Minerva, I have no chance not to fall for her furthermore..."
Hermione continued to tell Ron of what she had found out last year; of Minerva's support that made it possible for her to have the apprenticeship with Filius and Klyde despite the woman's over flowing responsibilities at Hogwarts and Ministry... Of how these things ignited hope in her heart that maybe Minerva loves her too…
She even divulged to Ron of the physical intimacy she had shared with the woman and the glassy emeralds that would drown her... And then their ambiguous agreement about the roles and responsibilities stacked between them for being 'Minerva McGonagall' and 'Hermione Granger'...
Finally, she told him of how she had lost it yesterday after being with Minerva and telling the woman 'I love you' and the woman's frightened reaction, thus explaining her foolishness at the Burrow…
"I'm so sorry Ron for what I said to you last night… I was being eaten by awful insecurities and pain, and no excuse for the lashing out I did to you and Harry… Gods, I'm so sorry… I don't deserve you and Harry… I was so cruel and the things I said are completely unforgivable…"
For a good while, she soaked Ron's shirt with her tears and her red haired best friend let her… But when her crying had eventually subsided, and she had a glass of water to somehow calm down, she silently waited for her best friend's reaction. Ron for once was lost for immediate words as he seemingly processed what she had revealed to him…
When the silence went on and on and considering it is Ron, she squirmed in her seat and ultimately decided to head on her fear— of how she had lost her best friend for telling him who she is…
"Ron, do you want now to do nothing with me?"
"What?"
"Are you disgusted? I just told you I am gay… And… and if you don't want to be friends anymore, it would break my heart. But I would not want to force you to keep this friendship if you cannot accept who I am."
"Hermione… We conquered a bloody war. Do you really think there's anything left to threaten our friendship?"
"Ron…" Hermione took a deep breath and controlled the tears from spilling once again. But she knows it is important that she left nothing unturned about this fundamental matter about her.
"Do you understand that for many, I am not a 'normal' person?"
She watched Ron wiped his face of the cringed that appeared on it and noted his stooping form at the ugly reality. She is much aware of how she is forcing to lay down the notion on the table because she knows Ron, and she had long guessed that that is how his best friend thinks about someone being gay. Not because he is a bad person but their family may be very poor but they are of traditional type and Ron was definitely raised on certain 'norm'…
"Ron, this… about me… is something many are still not accepting, even appalled with… Even your family could possibly not understand this and I would understand that. But I cannot pretend to you that this will go away, because it will not… because—"
"Mione—"
"It means that I would never want to be with a man in the expected capacity that you ought to be with a woman… Like Harry with Ginny… Ron, I am gay… I'm also sorry I did not tell you before today. But honestly, I'm not ready because I do not want to handle its complications? And how I am so scared to lose you—"
"Hermione! You will not lose me! We're best friends! Don't you know that I really feel that you're my sister...?" Ron intersected and had his blue eyes focused on her before he continued, "I get that you fancy witches… Or rather ONE witch… And of all— it's THE WITCH!"
Hermione could not help the sob that passed her lips and the fresh tears that cascaded down her face… The vulnerability evoked in her with the admission was proving to be too much for her tender emotions…
"Come here…" Ron pulled her back into an embrace as he carried on… "Honestly Mione, while you blabbered in your sleep, I could already put one thing after the other… I mean, I was shocked to hear the things coming out from you in your drunkenness… At first, I could not understand why you called Minerva again and again in your unconsciousness. I guess my mind could not cope up right away. But with the night, and this morning while I waited for you to fully wake-up, I have had time to ready myself…"
"Oh Ron… I have long dreaded the day you find out and tell me that you can't be friends with me anymore because I am repulsive for loving… for loving Mi— a witch…"
"You mean, for loving Minerva…?"
Hermione could just hear the loud thrumming of her chest but she finally nodded at Ron for confirmation. "I do love her Ron… And it is unlike Harry's love for her... I am in-love with her— with Minerva... Want and need her... And that I do want to marry her if she would have me..."
"Honestly, that fact— that your witch is Minerva McGonagall is more of a shock than anything else…" Ron expelled a breath. "And then, when I truly think about it… let it sink in… it was not really a shock… Probably because I've known you since we were 11... I mean, I'm stunned and not really... You know what I mean…?"
Hermione half laughed and half cried as she nodded… Merlin she does understand what Ron meant… And then she felt Ron wiped the renewed tears that fell from her brown eyes…
For several minutes they were unable to say more as obviously both are crunching on things that they have spoken out loud… Then she chewed on her lips when suddenly Ron took her arm, tenderly stroke the slight but still ugly scar on it.
"Mione, how impossible the requisites to counter this?" Ron indicated to her scar.
Hermione narrated to Ron the three requisites to break Bellatrix's personal curse. Of how Draco Malfoy brought them to her door one night. And that despite how it was the Slytherin's ultimate decision to carve himself and obviously her eventual acceptance, it was not lost on both of how they were all orchestrated by one Minerva McGonagall. That without the woman's actions, it would not never happen. Ron nodded after she finished her account and again lapsed into silence, which made Hermione unsure for it was so unlike Ron to not immediately say something…
"Ron—" Hermione started but Ron simply waved her off.
"I don't know MG in a very personal way… I mean, I tried to see her as less of an imposing figure because of Harry's influence and her huge help with George. Plus mom always spoke of her in an affectionate way because I think her brothers were somewhat close to MG..."
Vaguely Hermione remembered Minerva's account of how the woman considered one of her sorrows was the time she had left Molly's brothers who got killed that night, because she answered to help Dumbledore and Amelia Bones against death eaters' attack at St. Mungos. She was internally debating if she would be breaking Minerva's confidence if she tells Ron of it, but then her attention was pulled by Ron's quite solemn words...
"But I am not Harry... And I am not George... So she is still— she's 'McGonagall' for me, you know… So I can't really say what or how she truly feels about you Mione… But based from what you told me, of what she has done for you, I would like to think that you do mean so much to her…"
"I hope Ron, but I don't know… The moment the war ended, she's hard on 'fixing' everything and everybody. And she has not stop doing so… And it was easy to misinterpret her actions…"
"Maybe... But I know that she was very concerned, almost angry with how your parents are not back here in the country after they got back their memories…"
"How do you know that?" Hermione's mind burned with curiosity.
"I heard MG talked to my parents about it—"
"She talked to your parents about my parents?" Hermione gasped.
"Yeah. One Sunday early morning she came to the Burrow… It was last year I think… I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I heard your name and so I listened a bit. MG asked Mom if it's one of his kids that wiped their memories in order to protect them, would they hold out reconciliation the way your parents are doing so…?"
"She asked your parents that?" Hermione asked disbelievingly.
"Yeah, MG wanted to know if it was 'muggle' or 'parent' thing. But I can tell that she was almost cursing how your parents are missing the fact that what you've done was to protect their lives, despite the pain it plagued you… And how they should be proud of how you are a war hero instead of punishing you for it..."
"What?" Hermione was completely floored with the information.
"Come on Mione... There is a reason why they branded you the 'Golden Brain'... And really, it was not hard to understand that Harry had no chance without you… We told you that last year... And did you really not think that important people would not get that? Of course Ministry officers knew, Kingsley especially. So when MG asked him to prioritse finding your parents in Australia, and have their best Australian comrades on the mission, he would do so obviously."
"She asked Kingsley to prioritse finding my parents?"
Ron nodded, "Not that Minister Kingsley minded. Of course that's the least the Ministry can do for you and again, I don't think Kingsley would want to disappoint Minerva McGonagall..."
"How do you know this, Ron?"
"When you asked for permission to travel abroad to look for your parents, they were actually already on it. And I know because before you told us, Harry and I were already asked by Kingsley about what we know of your parents. They just wanted to get a head start before telling you. And they were serious too about protecting you— us from the still on the loose loyal followers of Voldemort."
Ron paused and seemed to search his memory for something, while Hermione also dived into her brain, remembering how Minerva intently listened to her last year at her parents' house as she 'updated' the woman of her parents whereabouts. She can recall how she thought she saw a moment of confusion in Minerva's face when she revealed that her parents are still in Australia.
"And then I can't remember what Susan Bones and I were chatting about..." Ron resumed talking and Hermione's heart jolted again at his continued discourse. "But somehow Susan mentioned about seeing the Headmistress at St. Mungos talking to Head Healer. And by chance caught the words 'travel to Australia as it would be less complicated than to go home with still lost memory'... Later, much later, I kind of put them together that it was about your parents… Wait, you didn't know these…? I thought you knew! I mean, you traveled with St. Mungos Head Healer to Australia, right?"
"I thought it was just the Minister, on behalf of the Ministry... Like what you said, a gesture of 'thanks' for our roles during the war."
Hermione released a breath she did not realise she was holding. And her heart started flicking with hope... Once again, she is finding out how Minerva went her way to do something for her... For her... Her heart dangerously flirted with the concept that Minerva possibly loves her... Except the woman for decades and decades of being alone and self-sufficient would not know to simply say so? Or be so…?
She felt Ron's hand on her shoulder and she then she heard him verbalised her thoughts…
"Maybe she does love you Mione…"
She could not help but shudder. And shudder more with Ron's follow-up.
"Maybe you should just ask her?"
"No Ron! I can't just ask her that."
"What if she simply doesn't know how to tell you?" Ron asked and then added, "And I would not be surprised. Hermione, she's McGonagall! You can't denied how she is known as one of the most closed of person... You've heard how many times people have regarded her privacy as something like it is easier to get out of Azkaban than get inside McGonagall's personal space... Maybe she needs you to ask her..."
"Ron, what if this is mere wishful thinking… What if she just wants me with our current arrangement?"
"What? You sound as if you don't believe that you are good enough—"
"She's McGonagall, Ron! No one is good enough. And most of all, what if she doesn't want— need my love?" Hermione dejectedly argued.
"Then she does not deserve you Hermione!" Ron slowly responded but his tone is of pure conviction. "You are more than good enough. And if she thinks otherwise, then you need to get away from her."
"But Ron!" Hermione feebly replied, "I don't think I could bear not having her—"
"Are you Hermione Granger that I know?"
"It's just that... even our brief togetherness, I rather have them… than have her regarding me as mere Ms. Granger! And barricading me with all her damn walls! I love her that much Ron… And I fear not having anything from her..."
"And I can't believe you're a Gryffindor... And yeah, so as her, I think she's also not facing this authentically. And you call yourselves Gryffindors!"
"Believe me Ron, she is a pure Gryffindor." Hermione intuitively defended Minerva's character. "You have no idea how our combined courage, including Harry's, would pale in comparison with what she went through the three wars…"
"Oh... Okay… Still, for me that would make her a stupid Gryffindor for not knowing how lucky she is that Hermione Granger loves her! And you know, despite knowing she's the most powerful witch, it makes me want to call her out for a duel for putting you in this kind of... of whatever is this..."
Hermione can't quite decide if she ought to cry or laugh at her red-haired wizard best friend's brave pronouncements… But she could definitely feel the love and loyalty and she knows that these are the things that make her one lucky witch when they bonded over a troll incident when they were 11 year olds…
"I mean, even if she can transfigure me into a toad in a blink, I reckon Harry would step up as well to second me and fight for hurting you—"
"Harry doesn't know about Minerva!" Hermione can feel the panic rising inside her at red-haired best friend's implied statement. "Ron, last year, I did tell him that I'm gay. But not about Minerva! Ron, you CAN'T tell Harry!"
"Are you crazy Mione? I can't keep that from him… You know I could never keep anything from you and Harry! Obviously you two have left me in dark about your splinching and that you already admitted to him about you— yourself… But I can't…"
"I'm really sorry Ron for not telling you. I was really, really afraid that I would lose you... And when I told Harry, it was really because he had me backed in a corner, sort of… But he still does not know the story. He does not even know that the real reason I splinched was because I was running from Minerva's rejection…"
"Still Mione, I can't keep this from Harry! When he brought your potions this morning, I was glad he did not say or ask anything, but I know it would be a matter of time that he would ask me about this drunken incident of yours."
"Harry was here?"
"Yes, he brought your potions, took a second to look at you and then left… Mione, he would ask me for sure. What would I say to him? I can't lie to him Mione…"
"Ron, Harry cannot know! I can't do that to Harry?"
"Do what? Tell him the truth?"
"Damage Harry's relationship with Minerva… You can see how he has taken her like a family, like an older sister or something, right? Everybody can see that! He's very happy and proud of his new relationship with Minerva... of how the woman welcomes him anytime… I'm actually happy for both. I do know it makes wonder for both of them as they've been 'family-less' for a long time… So, I WILL NOT put a wedge on that relationship."
"Why would telling Harry the truth damage that? Maybe he would help?"
"Exactly Ron, Harry would try to help because he loves Minerva and he loves me. And he would draw a simple line like it was that easy… And it would not help at all… Please believe me… I KNOW Minerva… She would bring forth all her bloody walls and keep us all out… including Harry. Because she would think that she has to 'give' Harry to me completely and take herself out of the equation for everyone's happiness… That is what Minerva would do and I know it. Harry would not understand the barricade and would get hurt… I don't want to take Minerva away from him…"
"What the hell...? That's bloody screwed Mione."
"It is what it is… It's going to be a disaster not just with Harry... But think of the risk that if this gets out... Can you imagine how it'll be for our society to know that Minerva- well, you know... slept with me? I mean, you said it Ron, she's 'THE WITCH', she's McGonagall! Many thought that she was with Dumbledore but she never was and still, people believed that... And her position now is of utmost important. She had stepped into Dumbledore's place but without her own 'Minerva' to provide such great back-up."
"Oh bloody hell..."
"You know I am right…" Hermione sought Ron's one hand. "Besides, I don't think Harry would ask you, he would ask me directly."
"What would you tell him?"
"He won't ask now… He will wait for me to be ready to tell him…"
"Then you better be bloody ready Mione."
"I know…"
After Ron was convinced that she is all right, he finally left her to get ready for work. On the way to the Ministry, she stopped at the owl post and sent the short note she wrote for Harry.
. . .
Dear Harry,
I am so dumb. Please forgive me?
Love, Hermione
. . .
Every minute at the Ministry, she devoured her mind and energy working and working until finally Ron's note arrived at her in-tray that told her to go home and rest and not to forget to have dinner. And attached was a package containing a roast beef sandwich, which is Ron's favorite with a another note that says exactly so but wants her to have it instead of her usual bland toast. She did eat it and for another hour, she continued working until she knew that she has to leave or risk a howler from Ron…
When she got to her flat, Harry's owl was waiting for her and vaguely she can feel a tremor running down her veins as she fed the owl some treats. She delayed reading the note and opted to get ready for the night and though tempted to drink something to calm her nerves, she resisted. About half an hour later, and finally settled on her bed, she read Harry's response.
. . .
Mione,
You're forgiven. But you are the Golden Brain and so Merlin help the rest of us if you are dumb… And that your brilliant self must have told you that I will not force you for an explanation but will wait until you are ready to tell me…
Love, Harry
PS. I hope you no longer have a hangover and that you had dinner.
. . .
Hermione felt the cramping of her heart for the love she has for Harry… And Ron… They are truly her best friends… Brothers in essence… She could not be more grateful for their existence… At the same time, she was reminded of all the wrongness she had said to them during her vicious episode and promised herself to do everything not to ever do it again to her best friends…
She had re-read the note again and she could not help but let tears fall down her face at Harry's obvious love and respect… Just as she had known, he would give her time… Similar to when she begged him to not discuss her splinch until Harry deemed it enough time…
Hermione cried in bed for some more, for the wretched conflict she has in heart. Of how not to get Harry involved with her chaotic situation with Minerva… She truly fears the day she has to give that explanation to Harry…
But like a wild card— several weeks after that day, Hermione found herself needing to give that explanation…
For she found out that she's pregnant...
That Minerva Isobel McGonagall— transfiguration master of all, got her bloody pregnant...
End of Chapter 8 | Year 2000
Blue Eyed Strangers and Red Haired Wizard
Sometimes actions have life-altering results...
Do you think this will close the gap between Minerva and Hermione? Or not? How about Harry?
AN:
1. Lec and Lea - my additions | Hypatia Allis - Recurring addition
2. Still borrowing from JK Rowling
3. Thank you for STILL reading.
4. And oh, belated Happy hearts' day! I was supposed to post this a week ago but I got hospitalised for a couple of days and was banned from my laptop...