Year 2000 | 3rd Seventh of May
Chapter 9
Several Weeks after | The Explanations
But like a wild card— several weeks after that day, Hermione found herself needing to give that explanation…
…For she found out that she's pregnant.
…That Minerva Isobel McGonagall— transfiguration master of all, got her bloody pregnant.
"You are generally fine Hermione…"
Hermione heard the doctor, the muggle doctor that she finally consulted this morning after nausea, headaches, and fatigue started to plague her several days ago. But she knew that there is something else as the Granger's family physician took a pause and stared at her intently.
"Just tell me doctor."
The doctor focused on her and clearly stated, "You're pregnant Hermione."
Hermione knew that her brown eyes widened at her doctor's news. "Pregnant…" she breathed, while trying and failing to conceal her utmost shock…
"Yes, 5-weeks pregnant."
The doctor gave an affirmation with no chance of misunderstanding. And upon hearing the absoluteness, it took everything in Hermione not to say out loud the very questions that instantly dominated inside her.
Fucking Minerva got me fucking pregnant? How the fuck that's possible?
"Are you sure doctor?" Hermione's forehead creased as her brain somehow functioned and asked, "I don't mean to be offensive to question your ability. But— but I just want to know if a 5-week period is enough to confirm it? Or maybe I have another illness?"
What Hermione really wanted to say is—
Yes, their indulgence that afternoon involved magic but still… HOW did the bloody witch gotten her pregnant? For all the hundreds of magical books and articles read, Hermione encountered none— NONE that accounted or even indicated something remotely of similar outcome. That despite the great intricacy of transfiguration, the core magic has always been limited to external alteration. And NEVER EVER affecting the very nature of human chromosomes!
"I understand Hermione and no offense taken. We could do another blood test if you want, but in my professional opinion, your lab results read nothing unusual except the fact that you're indeed pregnant.
Hermione was pulled between laughing and crying! The good doctor, unbeknownst to him, probably just said the most ironic statement, because 'nothing unusual except that you're indeed pregnant' is nothing but unusual. So unusual that even in the magical world, a witch gotten pregnant by another witch would no doubt turn the wizarding people utterly confused…
Oh Merlin what she— what Minerva— what THEY have done?
"Hermione, your physical indications are consistent with pregnancy. Plus, didn't you take notice that your last period was way more than a month ago?"
Hermione could merely nod. She forced her brain to focus on what the doctor is telling her and how her elementary knowledge of human physiology is in accord of the facts laid out. She mentally asked herself of how she could have missed her period and not realized it. Furthermore, she had to ask herself how she knew not to take potions as easy resolve to relieve her sickness, when that's what she normally does. She found that she has no answer, other than it didn't feel right…
On top of these, it also occurred to her that seeking her long-standing physician who is not part of the wizarding world was proving to be the correct call. Supposed she went to St. Mungos or to a medi-witch, she can't imagine how the news of the 'Golden Brain Soon-To-Be-A-Mother' would spread like a wild fire… Bloody Merlin, she would be everyone's favourite topic at every conversation... But no, no... she can't think about that now! She pushed it aside knowing that she can't and won't prioritise that particular aspect, because amongst the rising mounting of concern, indubitably the ultimate one is the baby…
"Hermione, I do not want to be intrusive, but I've known you for a long time so I would just speak plainly." The doctor focused on Hermione even more. "I can see how stunned you are that you're actually pregnant so I need you to reflect on what you want to do from here on because—"
"I'll keep the baby." Hermione intervened.
Hermione knew that indeed she would keep the baby... Of course she is still so shocked, and it's really beyond her on how it was even possible! But after that, and without a doubt, she wants the baby…
"It's a surprise, really… But doctor, I do want the baby and I am sure of it." Hermione strongly affirmed and she could feel her heart seconded her words… "That is your question right? And… And don't worry, I will tell my parents as soon as I can." she added to assuage the doctor.
Her parents— one of the tons of complications, notwithstanding their current impaired relationship is already giving Hermione a foresight of how tough things will be... But damn, every fiber within her is saying that she wants the baby… Her baby… Minerva's baby girl— or baby boy!
The last thought led Hermione to ask, "Doctor, when can I know if I'm going to have a girl or boy?" And she could not help the grin that adorned her face.
"Few more weeks Hermione." The doctor smiled at her in response. "And as I am a general practitioner, I have to refer you to specialist who is a friend of mine… Now, I also need to tell you that whether the father is in the picture or not, I hope you somehow get his medical background. You know it is smart to have the information on hand, right?"
The grin on her face slowly vanished and she fought for the doctor not to take notice of it. She just nodded vigorously to acknowledge the concern. But subsequently, inside her head, it was back bursting with mixture of astonishment and fright. Because of how literally there is no father in the picture! And AGAIN, how the bloody hell did one Minerva Isobel McGonagall have gotten her pregnant?
Hermione could not recall how she got home coming from the Doctor's clinic and it wasn't even an exaggeration. Truly and deeply, all she could think of are the incoming entanglements in her life— resulted from that afternoon indulgence that Sunday, Seventh of May…
When she momentarily managed to set aside the conundrum of how she got pregnant, she was slapped with the biggest question she ought to ask in the first place— How the bloody hell would Minerva react about the baby? THEIR baby…?
For the next couple of hours… days… she tossed and turned about telling and not telling Minerva about their baby…
Miserably, all her pondering, all the pathways she have opened in her contemplation have led her to one place— Minerva's frightened countenance after the professed very short sentence: 'I love you Minerva'. And its equally painful subsequent dismissal...
Despite Hermione's heart wishing otherwise, her own intelligence dictated that that brutal rejection is a substantial foreshadowing of how the woman may actually react with the baby…
With fright and dismissal.
Hermione gasped at the painful presumption. And then altogether she was reminded of how unavailable the woman except for handful of moments. How the witch is already attached to everything and everybody in their bloody wizarding world in a general scheme of duties and responsibilities. And NOT for a deep and encompassing personal attachment... And how that reality is one Hermione needed to consider above all. Because while she can endure rejections for herself, she cannot and would not endure the woman rejecting their baby…
And so she has decided… She won't tell Minerva… She can't tell Minerva…
However, as she is determined to keep and raise the baby, she knew that there is no bloody hell she can hide the truth from her two best friends… She cannot even begin to envision the problematic idea in skirting around her best friends, especially once she gives birth… But in all honesty, Hermione was enveloped with the greatest need to simply tell Harry and Ron. But more honestly, she needs her best friend… That is— if they don't hex her first to kingdom come…
Hence, two weeks after she learnt of her pregnancy, she asked them to come over for dinner, with every intention to tell them the truth…
Close to painful anxiousness, Hermione almost jumped when the wards to her flat shifted and felt Harry's overriding magic as the securing mechanism was dismantled. For the nth time, she attempted to calm her nerves, fully conscious that she is about to give that long overdue and critical explanation to Harry… And a lot more explanations that even Ron would surely be surprised of… That she's pregnant… that Minerva got her pregnant…
"Sorry Mione we're late. But we brought you vanilla ice cream" greeted Ron as he kissed her cheek.
"You mean Harry brought me vanilla ice cream?" she teased Ron with accurate deduction.
Harry laughed and kissed her too, "In Ron's defense Mione, I was the one late. Baby James and I were playing and I sort of forgot the time. It was Gin who asked if I wasn't already due to our dinner. And that the freezing charm I put on this ice cream was already wearing off."
True to Harry's written response when she apologized for the uncalled and awful lashing she gave him last May 7, he had not brought it up. Actually, the next time they saw each other after her daft episode, she had noted how her best friend had made a show that the matter was shoved aside, until she wants/ready to bring it out for reckoning… And the time has arrived to bring it front and center.
She took a deep breath and not permitted herself with any second of delay, she started, "Harry, Ron… Do you mind if I talk to you about something first before we eat…?"
Being friends for almost a decade had made each of them super attuned with each other when a matter of importance was brought by one on the table. She watched her two best friends exchanged a certain look, of which Hermione had read as— 'we will support her whatever it is'. It tugged her heart so much that it made her just want to hug them and cry in their arms. But fright also flickered in her heart of how they might take the news, particularly Harry… for he is about to find out that she and Minerva— two people very close to him had lied to him by severe omission for the last two years…
Hermione gathered all the Gryffindor inside her and met Ron's and then Harry's inquisitive eyes. But before she could say a word, Ron suddenly turned to Harry and admonished the boy who lived.
"Mate, you can't react your usual brooding way okay?"
Hermione's eyes widened, she realized that Ron had quickly guessed that she's going to give that explanation. And he is trying to semi-warn Harry to take it well. Except, he does not know that it was just a part of it, and knowing Ron, the rest of her pending explanation would for sure send him to an alarming fit.
"Me…? Come on Ron, I am not the one who usually reacts almost moronic, especially to Mione…" Harry's responded with clear objection in his voice as he also turned to him.
"Moronic? Nah. I do not. And Harry, you do brood a lot when you learn things you don't want to…"
"Perhaps you mistake concern for brooding." Harry air-quoted the two words in question to highlight his point. "And mate, you do really say and do moronic things when you are upset. I'm sorry but that's true…"
"Well Harry, I'm just saying that whatever Mione—"
"Ron, I'm just saying that with Mione—"
Hermione sighed, and in one breath interrupted her best friends.
"Harry-Ron-I'm-pregnant."
The small debate that was unfolding before her expectantly halted when she threw in the truth in its simplest statement. Then she watched blue and olive eyes widened and turned back the focus on her.
"Did you just say you're… pregnant?" Ron in a wheeze was first to react after he picked up his jaw.
"Yes. I'm pregnant. I was feeling sick and went to a Muggle doctor for a check-up. Turned out I was already five weeks pregnant. Now seven weeks pregnant to be more accurate."
Cautiously, Hermione began with those facts and readied herself even more for the incoming real reaction from the boys once the initial shock is over. Nevertheless, the look of absolute confusion on Ron's face is already knocking her nerves. She could read in him how he couldn't tie together the things she had told him several weeks ago with the ones she just divulged to them now. How could he? When being gay— being so much in-love with Minerva— and being pregnant— are pronouncements that supposedly cannot be used in the same conjunction.
"I know the complications it would entail, but I have decided to keep the baby…"
Hermione pushed forward with her explanation as she attempted to sound firm with such declaration. But really, what she heard was her entreating self for her best friends' acceptance and support. She prayed that they too heard it…
"Harry, Ron… I'm going to be a mum." She professed breathlessly.
A long stretch of silence descended on her living room as the actuality of what she had revealed draped over them… When the reticence became too much, Hermione elected to brave the rest of the things she has to admit to complete that explanation. Despite the wrecking sensation bidding her to leave this hard position of truth admittance, she knows it has to be done and she has to do it now. But before she could say another word, Harry intersected her. And sent her to her own unbelieving state…
"She got you pregnant…?"
Hermione could only gasped as tremors ran through her with Harry's question-non-question.
"She… Minerva… she got you pregnant?"
There. Harry cut all the unnecessary obfuscation. And he drag raced right into the heart of the matter.
"BLOODY HELL!" Ron swore loudly.
Hermione cursed at the same time; only it was mentally issued, but equally crisp.
"How the bloody hell was that possible for witches— no, no, no, I DON'T want to know! The hell…!" Ron sputtered.
She heard Ron's out of control stupefaction and then heard him ask the question in her head that she has yet to find voice to ask.
"But, but hang on, hang on a second— Harry, how could you ask that? How do you— you knew about them? You knew about Mione and… and McGona—Minerva?"
"And you knew about them, obviously!" Harry pointedly answered him. "And if I would have to guess, the 'how', which you don't want to know— is possible when two brilliant and highly skillful witches got themselves in bed. Especially when they are not just any witches but top transfiguration masters."
"But… but…" Ron attempted to say something but he could only nod at Harry's supplemented explanation. And he nodded quite several times and quite slowly, illustrating that he is slowly digesting things, and yet displaying how he is not sure if he actually wants to comprehend it or not comprehend at all…
"I'm guessing Mione tumbled with her secret during her drunken episode?" Harry continued with his account and Ron continued to just nod in response, but with a more perplexed expression on his face, if that was possible...
"But… but Mione said you have no idea about her and McGO— Minerva…" Ron finally managed to speak a complete sentence. "She said you don't know."
"She didn't think I would have guessed?" Harry responded with incredulity.
"And you didn't tell me when you've guessed it?" Ron retorted.
"I was really waiting for admittance from Mione. Besides, I didn't want to force her out, and cause complications if they are not ready to announce their relationship."
Hermione felt the wretchedness in her guts at Harry's obvious conclusion that what she has with Minerva is a real relationship; she wanted to interfere in order to correct the status but her ability to speak at the moment is failing her. Besides, Harry was on the roll.
"And Minerva— well, we all know of the woman's legendary private walls…" Harry sort of waved in the air as if to demonstrate its description of massiveness and impregnability that explains for the clandestineness.
Ron ran his one hand over his red hair as he continued, "So, how do you know Harry? Hermione said you don't know about her and McGo— Minerva! That you can't— must not know about them!"
"Why not? Would I object?" asked Harry and then declared, "I won't and I don't."
Hermione watched both her best friends redirected their attention back to her. The turn of the conversation is unceasingly giving her a massive shock. Truly, she found herself unable to form a word.
"Mione, so why I can't know?" Harry asked.
Hermione knew that that question would come out. Now apart from the shock that Harry knew all along, heavy guilt is on her, especially when she can see the sadness that slowly but surely clouding his features as he waited for the answer. She momentarily debated in her head on how to tell him the truth, knowing that he could take it the worst way— of which he would be convinced that she didn't trust him enough.
"Mione, why didn't you want me to know? You did tell me something major about 'who' you are. So why not the equally important thing about you— of you being with Minerva?"
For several days, Hermione had prepared herself for the interrogations from the boys. But so suddenly, and quite unsurely how, she found herself thoroughly shock that all the rehearsed answers to her imagined questions are all gone. Her brain is short-circuiting at the uncertainties. And her heart is aching at how Harry had indeed wrongly established that she is with Minerva in its truest sense…
"You should have known that I would be most happy for you two…"
Unintentionally, Harry plunged the dagger deeper with his announced 'endorsement' of 'her being with Minerva'... Fearful that she would be toppled over by her emotions, she scrambled for a temporary suspension and her brain led her to inquisitiveness that was ignited the moment Harry mentioned Minerva.
"Harry… I don't understand… How did you know…? And you knew since when?"
"Since we were on the run."
Hermione inhaled sharply. She didn't expect for him to have guessed that long ago. And a swift calculation of between that time and now told her that Harry had plenty of time and opportunity to observe her and Minerva. But it does not add-up, because technically and obviously nothing was going on with her and Minerva that time…
"That can't be. I haven't— There wasn't— We haven't…" she started to explain but Harry waived her off.
"One miserable morning, more miserable than the usual ones we would have out there on the run, I stumbled at the fact that there was someone you left at Hogwarts— someone you are in-love with…"
"How?" Ron asked before Hermione could.
"It was—" Harry began but paused, and Hermione watched him made an unconscious slight scratching gesture to his forehead scar… Tell sign that her olive-eyed best friend was digging deep into his own mind to figuratively pull something he had carefully boxed.
And a certain shift is unmistakable as Harry is now the one giving his explanation.
"We just managed to get you to take a rest after you pulled a double-triple watch over us, over our camp… You were outside guarding" Harry gestured at Ron before turning back to Hermione. "I came in to get one of your books to get my mind off from the horcruxes… Then you stirred violently in your sleep, mumbling in obvious nightmare. But before I could wake you, I heard you pleaded and pleaded hard, to whoever and whatever powers out there to not let Gryffindor courage kill that one person stuck at Hogwarts that you love with all your heart…"
Hermione was completely floored... Their time on the run plagued her day and night with vagueness, but it also brought her certain clarity. Top of which is 'coming out' to herself, and the moment she did, the realization of how thoroughly in-love she is with Minerva rapidly followed. But she knew she was very careful not to utter a word of it, and made sure that she had locked it away. Apparently, she was not as careful when asleep…
"But you didn't mention Minerva's name, so I didn't know it was her… I didn't even know it was a 'her'. But I figured that the war made you admit to yourself that someone finally captured your heart. Still, I didn't know who. Then after the battle, I was afraid that your Gryffindor was one of those who perished, especially AFTER you've splinched. And how you were so determined to kill yourself with work after the war. And how you would exert the greatest effort not to flinch whenever Hogwarts or anyone related to Hogwarts were mentioned. I just didn't catch right away that it wasn't just anyone from Hogwarts, nor just any Gryffindor— but the Gryffindor Head, and well, now the Headmistress of Hogwarts."
"Then when—" she resumed asking but Harry cut her again.
"I found out during the first year commemoration at Hogwarts." Harry sighed before revealing furthermore. "And no, not at the great hall but—"
"—At the lake..." Hermione interrupted breathlessly.
"Yes." Harry confirmed. "After you left, I decided to slip-off for a moment from the great hall to visit Dumbledore. I didn't want anyone to know or see me doing it. I didn't want anyone creating any drama of it. So, I had the invisibility cloak on me."
Hermione's quick brain was already retrieving and playing memories of her and Minerva during that night. When she could not help herself but followed Minerva at the lake, after Peeves unknowingly led her to where the woman was.
"At first I didn't realize it was the two of you because there was quite a distance between us. And I couldn't really see you. I can only hear soft voices talking. I even thought the wind was just carrying the sound from the great hall, or paintings are talking somewhere inside the castle. You know how it was at Hogwarts sometimes… Then I heard something like lemon drops and laughter, and finally recognized your voice and Minerva's."
Hermione's all too reliable memory pulled it all out for a flashback…
"He sent you lemon drops." Hermione said after Minerva showed her a small packet from one of her robe pockets.
"Would you like to have some?"
"Thank you but no. I never really like its taste."
"Me neither. And Albus knows that."
"You were still out of my vantage point but I was already glad to know that you haven't left and actually with Minerva…seemingly sharing a laugh. But before I can really advance towards your direction, and before I can take off the cloak, you came into my line of sight. And seeing how you were standing so close with an air of 'intimacy' made me stop… literally stop on my spot…"
Hermione tried to read Harry's expression where bafflement and amusement dominated, but hurt also registered on his face. And it was not lost on her that Harry already pondered, probably on many occasions, why the two witches 'supposedly' closest to him are lying to him… regardless that it was lie of omission… Particularly that he is convinced of an existing relationship between her and Minerva.
"Honestly Mione, I got confused at what I was seeing— you and Minerva had your hands clasped tight… fingers laced together…"
Hermione of course knew what Harry was referring to. The memory also played in Hermione's mind with clarity…
Minerva let out a short laugh as she put away the pack of lemon drops. Hermione could not help but tighten their laced fingers together upon hearing them and somewhat pulled Minerva closer to her.
"Afterwards, I heard Minerva called you Hermione… And I remember being struck of how strange it was. And then realized that it was strange because I never heard her address you like that… I mean, we were just talking at the great hall and you were greeting 'The Headmistress', and Minerva was all 'Ms. Granger' when she congratulated you on your double masteries…"
Hermione knew all too well what Harry meant. She has always been 'Ms. Granger' to Minerva whenever they are not in the exclusivity of each other and tucked away from everyone and anyone...
After the war, after 'something' started between them, the formal addressing even got more deliberate when they are in public. And perhaps it became more pronounced because two of the Golden Trio seemed to have regarded the older woman beyond the Professor and Headmistress' titles. That even Ron has crossed to a less than ceremonial reference with the revered woman. But not her, not the Golden Brain, which is more curious because amongst the Trio, actually amongst the student body, she was the one who had spent more time with the older witch during their Hogwarts days, from their many advanced Transfiguration lessons.
"And not only the lack of the formal titles but… but…" Hermione watched Harry paused mid-sentence and seemed to re-evaluate his words.
Being best friends for years, she had learned to follow his line of thinking quite easily… Like right now, she knows that he wanted to say that Minerva did not sound like 'The Headmistress' out there at the lake. Maybe not even the private Minerva that he has gotten to know after the war. Not even the one he now regard as family… And Hermione agrees with this, because out there at the lake, Minerva without walls and with discarded masks, was the unknown Minerva who had been with her that night…
"I mean, I never heard Minerva like that… She sounded so 'tender and vulnerable'… And suddenly it painted the whole picture that… that Minerva was— is your Gryffindor— the one stuck at Hogwarts during the war… Then I got jolted and knew that I should not listen to a private conversation nor interrupt it. So I turned and left, and the last thing I heard was Minerva saying something about that night at the manor…"
The last part of what Harry said made Hermione understood something else about that night. It explained why Minerva for a second got lost looking over her shoulder. Not only because of what the woman was about to bring forth in discussion, which was 'their night' at the manor, but the woman's animagus senses had her momentarily distracted in discerning if what she had picked up was within their vicinity, or only carried from somewhere to the open air. Apparently, Harry had eluded complete detection, most likely because Minerva's emotions were also in disarray that night.
"But you never said anything Mione so I figured you were buying time to tell me and I really didn't want to force you. And considering that that morning was the same morning I promised you that I would never force you..." Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Now we return to my question Mione, why did you not want me to know?"
And indeed they are back at her explanation.
"Because… because…" Hermione started, but all she could think of are all the times Minerva issued rejections against the love she had offered.
At the Manor—
"I fucked you and it was a mistake…"
At her house after that first commemoration—
"Tomorrow… I need to be… You need to be…"
At the Minister's office—
"Part of the whys darling… part of the tangled complications between who we are…"
At that muggle diner—
"That is how it goes darling… that is your path… part of who we are darling… part of who we are expected to be…"
That letter—
"We can't afford more…"
And finally— her mad declaration of 'I love you' and the frightful beautiful face of Minerva in response…
Harry's hand touched hers in gentle call for her attention. She swallowed once, twice in order to say something. And she bit her lower lip to stop the quiver that began. And she did everything she can to pull back her tears.
"Mione, I just want you to know that when I found out about you and Minerva, I was really happy. You deserve no one else but someone great. And Minerva too... And in my book, the two of you together is just perfect. When I got over my initial shock and I thought back at the image of you two at the lake holding hands, honestly I saw how beautiful the two of you together… Really." Harry chuckled before he added, "And many, many times, I had to hold myself from outright teasing either or both of you."
Hermione heard Harry genuine gladness and it drove her further into a wretched conflict. The fear of how the truth will negatively affect her olive-eyed best friend is already causing her immense pain. She is so certain that she would be destroying the beautiful familial relationship between Harry and Minerva.
"I don't understand Hermione… You don't really think I would be happy that you're with Minerva? Why?" Harry repeated his questions but this time, his quite irritated tone came out with them.
Hermione caught it and she immediately shook her head to oppose. She briefly closed her eyes in an effort to really keep her tears away and again swallowed the ball stuck in her throat. And it was proving to be so difficult as she can foresee her olive-eyed best friend's heartache either way…
Then Ron intervened, "Harry, Hermione can't tell us, can't tell you especially, because she knows we would want to be involved and that would lead us into challenging Minerva for a duel."
"Don't be dramatic Ron." Harry laughingly responded and then finished with a jest. "We would just threaten Minerva not to hurt Mione or else the Golden duo will bring 'McGonagall' down."
The inopportune joke ultimately unlatched all Hermione's self control. She could no longer stop the tears and they poured out from her brown eyes with abandon, and shocked Harry very, very much. She ran her free hand over her face to get rid of them but it was no use, she was emotionally tripping down. Then she felt Ron's arms pulled her into a tight embrace and let her bury her face in his chest as she cries.
Hermione could not tell how long she was crying but after sometime she managed to control the tears. Then she felt Ron shifted her and heard him softly say, "Mione, just tell Harry…"
She nodded once and bit her lip to concentrate on words she never wanted to say to Harry but needed to….
"I couldn't tell you Harry… I didn't want you involved. Because… because the truth is… it's not something you would approve—"
"I so approve of you and Minerva—"
"Harry, please listen first." Hermione pleaded. "I… I love Minerva, Harry…" Hermione braved it and finally speak the painful truth for Harry to hear it, and also for herself. "And Minerva does not want it… She does not want my love… She does not need it... And Minerva doesn't love me back…"
"Are you telling me that you broke-up already?"
"No Harry. Minerva and I— we were never…" Hermione paused and tapped on her Gryffindor reserve to just ploughed through with the truth. "We can't break-up because there was no relationship to severe… Minerva and I were never really together…"
"You did not look like you're not together Mione."
"Harry, we do not have a relationship. Minerva and I would just get together— in bed. She does not want more than that. She told me, we can't afford it."
"Did she say that because of her position? Honestly, I understand the secrecy especially with after war timing and all… But I don't think she would worry about her Hogwarts post. Ginny said, and no I didn't tell her about you two, I just asked her in general about matters on same gender relationship. She said that although it's not that prevalent, it's also not frown here at the wizarding world, well compared to muggle one. And honestly, who would dare cross Minerva McGonagall...? Unless you're insane or have a death wish..."
"Harry… Listen…" Hermione clenched her jaw in tension. "That may be so... but for this case... Me and Minerva... That's irrelevant… Because Minerva... Minerva does not love me."
"Yes, she DOES. I can see that Minerva does… After I found you two at the lake, I had a year to observe and see how much she does love you. I mean, she's Minerva McGonagall— the woman is an epitome of subtleness and delicacy. It's common how her huge efforts are always unseen even if the effects are undoubtedly grand and encompassing. Still, knowing that 'you two are together' it was no longer difficult to see that you are not just anyone she cares for her in the general sense... That you are entirely special for her, and how she feels for you is only for you and you alone."
"Harry, don't you think I wish that too with all my heart? But it's not the case… The woman is merely hell bent fixing everyone. And I am one of those she knows who had been damaged during the war. So whatever she has done for me, it's just one part in the over-all scheme of things that she does as 'The Minerva McGonagall' in our world."
"No Mione. Don't say that. You mean a lot to her. I can feel it."
"Yes, like how George, or any Gryffindor, or any student, or once Hogwarts student, or any magical creature mean to her."
"No, no. And why are you so sure that she does not love you when I can see that she does?"
"I told her Harry that I love her. And she rejected it. You have no idea how frightened she was when I said 'I love you'. Like she wanted to find me a time-turner so that I could 'un-say' them back. She doesn't want it and did not object when I decided that our shagging session is over."
Harry winced at her last sentence. Afterwards, he ran one hand on his face to erase the consequential discomfit before he quietly said, "Mione, do you really think that Minerva would ever come to you if you are not—"
"I came to her Harry." Hermione gathered her exploded emotions and decided to make Harry see her way.
She re-started her explanation and in fact began telling him from the time she realized she was in-love with Minerva out there on the run. She chronicled to him everything. From the first exclusive moment with Minerva after the battle of Hogwarts… Her rude awakening of who Minerva is at that dinner he refers as 'it descended on her'… And how she collapsed at Minerva's arms at the ruined grounds, how it led her to the golden opportunity to really get to know Minerva at the Manor. And the true reason why she splinched. She told Harry everything else that followed and circled back into the last time she was Minerva.
"You see Harry, Minerva would have told me she loves me that last time if she does… But she didn't… And I wish I wasn't so idiotic to have said those cruel words to her because I was in pain… I know I need her. I know I want her. I know I love her. And I would still say yes to her, to the same limited capacity she would extend to me... Say yes to her— even though she does not love me…"
"I am so sure she does love you Mione... Minerva is just— too unsure how to tell you… And besides did you directly ask her? Maybe you just need to ask her… Maybe now that you're having a baby, she will be forced to—"
"That's the point Harry." Hermione gritted her teeth in mixture of exasperation and hopelessness. "I don't want to force it to Minerva because that would be unauthentic and it will only hurt more! I rather get her the way she would let me… intermittent when she could… when she wants me… At least I know she wants me of her own decision… Because to ask and be rejected again…. No. No… No… Please… That's too… sad… and painful… and idiotic… and utterly—"
"But Mione you cannot stay at your current arrangement-non-arrangement anymore. You two are about to have a kid…" Harry argued.
"I am having a kid." Hermione responded and felt that she just waded into the next phase of her explanation.
"Don't tell me you're not telling Minerva about the baby?" Ron's speculating question caught her.
"You cannot NOT tell Minerva!" Harry almost screamed at her. "Mione, that's impossible."
"Forget impossible, that's bloody mad!" Ron joined half-screaming at her.
"The moment news get out that you're pregnant, Minerva would know she's the one who got you pregnant." Harry said almost panicked. "And she would be very angry at you… at us… If you don't tell her before everyone finds out-"
"No Harry, no one would know know of my child's other parent. Minerva would not know the baby is hers… I mean..." Hermione felt the clamping in her heart. "No one has gotten pregnant only with plain transfiguration. Believe me, I know with all the transfiguration books I've read, and some more I delved into the last two weeks when I found out I'm pregnant."
"That's what I wanted to say earlier Harry… That I know that magic has limitation… That transfiguration cannot change human's nature… I heard Bill and Charlie once discussed the subject. That transfiguring a dragon into a dog is more possible." Ron stated disbelievingly.
"Actually Ron, transfiguring dragon is doable but very, very difficult. But human nature… while there were two ancient transfiguration cases were women who… you know… who wanted to have a baby did so... Both cases were a permutation of transfiguration and equally intricate magic of potions taken by the partners… But Minerva knows we didn't do that… No potion taken... We only did the transfiguration where she wielded the magic for the transfiguration."
"So Minerva McGonagall is rightfully the top transfiguration master?" Ron asked with palpable admiration and Hermione bit back a smile despite her predicament.
"You have no idea Ron how much transfiguration prowess she is." Hermione responded, remembering how the woman beat the mastery ALL practical exams and still have time for an afternoon tea.
Proudly she wanted to tell her best friends about Minerva's power without breaking confidence so she deliberated which ones she can reveal. "Have you ever wonder how she got her first Order of Merlin?"
"I asked her that. She said it was from Grindelwald war. When I asked for details, she said I would eventually figure it out…" Harry answered.
"Her war records were sealed for a long time. Because in it, it would reveal that Minerva at just age 14 got signed herself into the mission and the Ministry allowed her because her transfiguration skill was the lacking essential piece. That it did draw out Grindelwald for the entrapment where Dumbledore bested him in a duel.
"WOW" Ron gasped. "Then that meant—"
"Yes, she was at that blood bath Ron." Hermione supplied Ron's correct deduction.
"WOW. And she lived to tell, or rather not tell her survival of one of the deadliest open fight at that age! Mom always said that she's really powerful, except that she is one of the very few who've never seen the importance of having her name associated with power." Ron expressed with clear awe.
"She is not too keen on displaying her power Ron… And she hates attention… So imagine how much she hates getting attention because of her natural power… But she is truly powerful and I didn't even realised it, not until after the Hogwarts battle…"
When they were students, Hermione immediately knew that Minerva is a very skillful witch especially when she started reading about the woman. But often times, the narrative lacked the grandeur of the witch's accomplishments… And if not for the combination of the war, the after war, and that fateful night that Seventh of May, she would still probably undermine how powerful Minerva is…
"She is powerful. Possibly the most powerful witch right now, and you think you can hide the baby from her?" Harry cut in and brought her to their grave discussion.
"Harry is right Mione." Ron concurred.
"She can't know. Please… I can't risk her rejecting our baby… It's different when she rejects me, I can endure it because I... I... Because I am truly bloody fucking in-love with her… I would accept any scarp she throws at me… But no, that can't be the case with our baby."
"Lets say Minerva is not the brilliant witch that we know that she is, that she doesn't elect to connect the rare possibility of your transfiguration tryst on how you got pregnant, don't you think that she would count the months between your 'shagging' and when you give birth, and not suspect that she gotten you pregnant?"
Harry is now spitting harsh words to ask the hard questions, and Hermione's guts are being twisted as he throws them…
"I don't know Harry... But that last time I was with her, I spat some nasty words at her… Including that I… I implied that I'm sleeping with another… Maybe it will give her enough reason not to suspect."
"Bloody hell Hermione!" Ron sputtered. "You're mad. And you do know how to be cruel when you are hurting…"
"I'm not proud of that Ron… But maybe it's for the best that Minerva thinks I've been with someone else, that gave me the room for the doubt... Somehow I've learned who Minerva is, and I don't think she would confront me about who I've slept with… Also, she would never ask me directly or anyone else if she has gotten me pregnant, thus she won't know…"
"Would you ever tell your kid that her other parent is the most powerful witch?"
Again, Harry with his gut-wrenching question.
"And would you ever tell Minerva that she is no longer the lone McGonagall?"
Rather, gut-wrenching questions…
"I… I don't know Harry… But I know that it's not today. I need time…" Hermione started and reached for Harry's hand. "I know you have a perfect happily ever after picture in your head of me and Minerva, but Harry… Sometimes, things are not perfect…"
Hermione can feel in her bones how she is breaking Harry's heart… For the disintegration in her own heart also worsened… But she has to get out the ugly things that fastened severely in this predicament of getting involved with Minerva McGonagall…
"Harry, have you really considered how the talk would be in our society if people find out that 'THE HEADMISTRESS' and 'THE GOLDEN BRAIN" are gays… and shagging… Maybe Ginny is right that it's not discriminated here. But think about the first thing that people would think of WHO Minerva is to me... That I am— was her student... Some would think Minerva touched me when I was still a student and that would land her into trouble… While others would think my grades were favored and that would land me into trouble…"
"But they are absolute lies—"
"It does not matter Harry, it will cause rift. You know that it will... And we just came out of a bloody war; we don't need scandal that involved someone prominent like Minerva… She's cementing everything and everyone right now. If her reputation would be questioned, there's no telling how our weak society would collapse… You know what I am saying is true and relevant. And Minerva does not need another mess to fix. She does not need nor deserve the headache and the probable castigation. She doesn't deserve that after everything she has done for all of us. And I would never put her into such. In fact, I would do everything to keep her away from any harm. Even if that means loving her from a far. Or loving her without it being returned."
"That's not fair for you Mione… And for Minerva… What if— how could you have a chance for happiness that you deserve?"
She heard Harry's aching words and she managed a sad smile before she responded, "Maybe I would have it someday..."
"You deserve it now. You deserve it yesterday. And so as Minerva." Harry argued lovingly. How could she not love him when more for his love for her is overly expressed as such. But right now, although ironically, she has to be the voice of reason for Harry, and without sounding like it's a surrender.
"You know Harry, sometimes when I longed so much for Minerva and I am being attacked with memories of her rejections… sometimes I tell myself that perhaps Minerva does want me more than she allows. Except that she is nobler that I could ever understand— that she can put duty and responsibilities before her own wants, every time, and all the time… And I remind myself that that is precisely why I love her… That she is that kind of a woman. And how I would love no one but her… And you both know me and thus know how this is true for me. "
"Mione, that's bloody intense... and kinda screwed... And romantic... Romantically screwed." Said Ron in a low and depressing voice.
Hermione let out a small smile at Ron's words, "Told you Ron, it is what it is…" Then her voice shook as she entreated. "And I need your support Ron… Harry… more than ever as I am truly having this baby…"
Harry reached to her and kissed her on one cheek as he assures her, "You don't have to ask that love… We'll be the baby's other parents… god parents… uncles… whoever you want us to be for the kid…"
Hermione tears started forming in her brown eyes but there is one thing she has to ask from her best friends…
"Harry… Ron… Do you swear it? Will you protect and be there for the baby? Will you make the Unbreakable Vow?"
Harry had his hand clasped Hermione's and his other drew his wand to do the bond. After a second, Ron extended also one of his hands and joined theirs.
"Harry… Ron… Will you be my baby's godfather who would care for her/him like your own child?"
"I will." Answered Harry and Ron at the same time.
A thin line of flame issued from Harry's wand and wound its way around their linked hands.
"Harry… Ron… Will you protect my child to the best of your ability?"
"I will." Said Harry and Ron.
A second line of flame shot from the wand and attached itself to the first one, making the blaze even more.
"Harry… Ron… Will you guard the truth of my child's other parent to the best of your ability? Even to that other parent?"
"I will" Said Ron.
Harry on the other hand drew a deep breath and locked eyes with Hermione's before he answered, "I will."
A third string of flame released and wrapped around the earlier two. It increased the blaze further. And for a moment, it had the three best friends' faces solemn expression reflected in heightened imagery.
When the flame was gone, a new profound bond is amongst them. Hermione collected her emotions and uttered her hearty appreciation.
"Thank you. I love you both so much… I am forever thankful about that troll incident. Because of it, I have amazing best friends— brothers…"
"We love you too Mione." Ron draped one arm on her and kissed her on the cheek. "And we love you back then even when you were a sufferable know it all …" and he added, "Sometimes, until now…"
The Golden Trio laughed and Harry also came closer and hugged her too. And when they let go, they knew that they needed not make the vow. Hermione knew that Harry and Ron do not need any unbreakable bond because the two will care and protect her baby… As certain as she will protect Harry's son (James) and Ron's future ones to the best of her ability… Because that is who they are to each other… When you can overcome a powerful evil wizard, there isn't much left that you can't wrestle together…
Ron's stomach grumbled. Harry snorted and Hermione proceeded to serve their delayed dinner. It was a good dinner and they had a healthy laugh at the outrageous ideas on how they are going to 'protect' Hermione from the incoming 'talk of the town'… They knew they have time before they have to be really serious about it and opted for the serious talk some other time. But they could not help but started planning for Hermione's pregnancy, and Harry was all adorable re-telling his friends his 'experience' when Ginny was carrying James. He re-told all his panic moments during the actual birth that had them laughing…
Before they knew it, it was late and Hermione was shooing his best friends to go home but the two decided to crash at her flat. Immediately, they arranged sending the information of their unplanned sleep over at Hermione's to their respective homes.
Eventually, they were settled down at Hermione's living room turned sleeping camp. Ron swiftly fell asleep and started snoring that had Hermione and Harry in a fit of laughter…
"Some things never change…" Harry quipped before he casted a spell to remove the sound of Ron's snoring.
Silence descended at her flat afterwards and when Hermione could not fall asleep right away, she replayed her conversation with her best friends in her head… When she muffled her cry at the emotional night that she had, she was surprised when Harry pulled her into a hug.
"It's okay Mione. We're here. And we'll be there every moment. We promised you."
"I know Harry…. I am really thankful… And Harry, I'm sorry. I know this thing between me and Minerva, especially our deception is painful to you… Please, please don't think that you have to choose… I mean spending not time with Minerva because of your loyalty with me... Don't do that. You can't withdraw from Minerva because of me… She would never admit it but she needs you… And you need her, I know… She really looks at you like family and I know you love her as such."
In the darkness, she heard him sigh before he said, "It hurts not because you did not tell me… I honestly get your tendency to keep things. It wasn't long ago that I was like that so much… And I am not foolish to think that Minerva would tell me about you two. What hurts is the fact that I can't do anything about it… And I understood also why you told me what you told me at the Burrow's kitchen."
"Harry, that was cruel and—"
"But also true Mione."
"I was—"
"It was true. It is true. I have to stop playing hero… Especially with your personal life… But you really have become my sister."
"And you are my brother Harry."
"Do you realise that you and Ron, and actually Minerva have stayed far longer in my life in its truest sense than anyone else…? I mean, I've stayed 11 years at Privet Drive but the number of precious moments with my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin are really handful… So it's hard, hard when I can't get you and Minerva a happy ending… It is painful."
"I'm sorry Harry..."
"Me too Mione... But you do know that I'm going to keep my vow with or without bond magic… And yes, I will not, I do not want to remove myself from Minerva… I also love her... Of course not the way that you do. I do NOT want to shag her."
"Harry!" Hermione softly chuckled at Harry's small teasing.
"Yea, yeah..." Harry chuckled too. Then afterwards issued a deep sigh, "But you are right, she really is my family, you know... That night, when she stepped in front of me against Severus, we both know it was not out of duty, or even about good versus evil, that she was going to defend me- Harry. Just Harry. Not just the supposed boy who lived."
"She always saw you as a family, Harry. She told me how she wanted to get you when you were a baby."
"Really?"
"But I think she doesn't know how to be a family that time, and mostly too beaten from that first Voldemort war. You know it did cost her last family members, and too many friends to count."
"I wish I was there for her."
"Me too..." Hermione whispered as her mind recalled of the other things that Minerva told her of her sufferings during that war. And after sometime, she thought Harry had finally drifted to sleep but then she heard him issued another hard question, probably one of the hardest…
"Hermione, what are we going to do when your baby comes out with those distinguished impossible emerald eyes?"
That indeed would need an explanation.
End of Chapter 9 | Year 2000
The Explanation
Do you dislike that Harry knew all along about Hermione and Minerva?
Or it made more sense? Let me know?
AN:
I apologise for the awful delay. I have had to deal with heartache and it zapped all my energy and writing tool…
published 03.30.2018
small revision 09.20.2018
small revision again 11.06.2018