The Legend of Zelda, its characters and locations are all property of Nintendo. Any and all OCs and original locations belong to me unless specifically stated to belong to someone else.

The Voice
12 - Are You Calling Me Fat?

Link hauled himself over the edge of the Lanayru Tower, rolling to his feet and drawing his sword in one smooth move, ready to fight whatever was waiting for them up here. As he'd thought, there was no one there. The southern approach to the tower itself had been devoid of Ganon's minions, where before they'd infested the entire region. Trudging to the railing at the south side of the viewing platform, he looked down towards the camp that had forced him to follow the Zora River in the first place. It was a ghost town—completely empty.

"No wonder they took off," Sheik said. "Look over there—to the west."

Link did so, eyes widening a little when he spotted the familiar shape of Vah Ruta, the Beast balancing precariously on the peak of a nearby mountain, a beam of red light directed towards one of the strange pillars surrounding Hyrule Castle.

"I wouldn't stick around, knowing whatever freed that was coming for me. Good thing they didn't know it was you."

There was no venom to the barb. If anything, it was more affectionate than a proper compliment would have been. Link simply took it with a shake of his head. There were far worse (and less true) things Sheik could say.

"Wh-What is it d-doing?" he asked.

"My sensors aren't picking up anything special, but that might be because of the distance," Sheik said. "Though if I were to guess? It's using the laser to aim."

"A-Aim wh-what?"

"Beats me—but I'm sure it'll benefit us in some way. It's probably waiting for the remaining Beasts—a coordinated attack from four different directions is probably what the Champions had in mind before...well..." Sheik trailed off. "Mipha's waiting for us to finish the job."

"And w-we w-will," Link said firmly.

They watched the Beast in silence for a few minutes. Now that he wasn't about to be squashed by its size or getting perforated by the dark creatures infesting it, Link had to admit it was absolutely magnificent.

"...where's Sharky?" Sheik asked suddenly.

Just as Link turned to the ladder-like descent point, a red, clawed hand threw itself over the side, digging into the rock. Sidon's heavily panting form followed shortly after, his eyes wide and unseeing as he tried to climb the rest of the way.

"G-Goddess!" Link exclaimed, hurrying over and grabbing Sidon's arm, pulling as hard as he could to help the prince make the final ascent. Easier said than done, in hindsight, given that Sidon had Goddess knew how many pounds on him, but it was the thought that counted, right?

"That...was...a challenge..." Sidon panted, collapsing onto his front, gripping the tower surface with his hands, as if he was afraid he'd fall if he didn't. "But...I...made it!" he exclaimed, his words somewhat muffled by the fact that he was speaking to the floor.

"Y-You did," Link said, crouching by his head and carefully patting the twitching fin on the back of the prince's head, smiling a little when it began wagging like the tail of a dog. "W-Well d-done."

"Took you long enough," Sheik commented. "Decide to take a nap along the way, or what?"

"Sh-Sheik!"

"Sorry, sorry, but I wasn't expecting him to take that long—but I guess moving that much bulk is a completely different matter when you're not in the water, huh?"

"Did you...just call...me fat?" Sidon asked, groaning and rolling onto his back, his eyes narrowed and staring directly at the slate. "How...unbecoming."

"Did I mention the word fat?" Sheik asked. "No, I did not. I said bulk. Muscle weighs a lot more than fat—it's no wonder you feel heavier—"

"O-Okay, th-that's enough," Link said, tapping the slate. "S-Stop being c-cranky."

"It's quite all right, Link," Sidon said, sitting up. Even like this, he was taller than Link when he was standing straight up. It was a little unfair...but for some reason the Hylian also thought this was amazing. He wasn't sure what that meant, and he didn't want to know. Sheik would probably have a field day with it. "Sheik just wished to point out my impressive physique, for which I thank him." He reached out and touched slate gently as thanks.

"I...that is...hmph."

It was amazing how such a simple thing could make Sheik grind to a halt. Link vowed to learn how to do that himself. The mute switch was just...cruel. It was much better if Sheik's own pride that stopped him from talking.

"A-Are you o-okay?" Link asked Sidon, who had finally caught his breath.

"Oh, I am perfectly all right, Link, thank you for asking," Sidon said, standing up and rolling his shoulders. "Sheik is right—I am quite bulky, and climbing this tower proved a very different beast than I expected. Nevertheless, it is good exercise!"

"Does anything get you down?" Sheik asked.

"Very little!" the prince replied with a grin bordering on cheeky. It fell when he spotted Vah Ruta on the mountaintop in the distance, his jaw dropping a little. "Ah...so that's where it went," he said.

"Y-Yeah," Link said, coming to stand next to him. "Sh-Sheik says it's w-waiting f-for the o-others."

"Hypothesising," Sheik pointed out. "I won't know until I have access to everything. And speaking of..."

"R-Right," Link said, walking over to the pedestal and inserting the slate. As the unlocking process began and Sheik spoke in that monotone voice that Link had come to dislike greatly (it sounded like Sheik, but it wasn't him at the same time), he kept an eye on the prince, whose gaze was riveted to the Beast.

"Mipha is in there," Sidon said quietly when Link came closer. "Or...her spirit, at least."

"Y-Yes," the Hylian said, nodding.

"What was she like?" Sidon asked. "Was she...the same? A hundred years, trapped inside the Beast...I fear I would have been changed by such an ordeal." He looked down to Link, an uncertain twitch pulling at the corner of his mouth. "It is terrible to say...but I am a little jealous you got to see her, and not I."

"Sh-She...was th-the s-same," Link said slowly. That was the one thing he was certain about. The princess he'd met inside the Beast was the same he'd remembered—sweet, kind, gentle...but with a core of steel when necessary. "A-And I w-wish y-you c-could have seen her." Without really thinking, he reached out and took Sidon's hand in his own...though the effect was likely ruined somewhat by the prince's hand absolutely dwarfing his. "Sh-She t-told us t-to t-take care of y-you."

Sidon hummed. "And you certainly have," he said, grinning down at him. "Both of you." He turned to look at the pedestal, where the last step of the activation process was finishing. The large, blue drop was gathering, and soon would be absorbed by the slate, followed by Sheik—

"Distilling information from local cache," the Sheikah said. "Collating existing data."

"He sounds...strange," Sidon said uncertainly.

"Th-That's n-normal," Link assured him. "I th-think it's th-the t-tower t-talking, not him."

The drop fell, bursting into a million particles, all absorbed by the slate. Without waiting, the tower projector hummed to life and had Sheik's image come to life in front of them. The projection looked preoccupied, hands gathered behind his back as he marched back and forth, muttering to himself. The mask was back in place, leaving his expression hidden.

"...this doesn't make sense," Sheik said, finally coming to a stop and turning to them. "Link, I've discovered an anomaly."

"A-Anomaly? Wh-Where?"

"In Akkala, or thereabouts. The map information from this tower isn't specific enough, but it's definitely coming from that region."

"What sort of anomaly is it?" Sidon asked, stepping in front of the projection when it made to start pacing again. Sheik's image stared up at him, unimpressed.

"I can walk through you, you know," he said drily.

"But will you?" Sidon asked.

"Eugh...well, I'm not entirely sure what the anomaly is, only that it is related to one of the shrines. It seems to be pinging for something, but I can't tell what."

"Pinging?" Sidon asked, confused by the term. "What does that mean?"

"It's...calling out," Sheik said, clearly catching himself in answering rudely. Link was almost proud of him.

"F-For wh-what?" the Hylian asked.

"No idea," Sheik said. "Could be calling for something specific, or anything that hears it. The signal is too garbled at this distance."

"Y-You s-said it d-didn't make s-sense..."

"Because it doesn't—none of the shrines we've discovered so far have done this," Sheik explained, crossing his arms and trying to step around Sidon, but the prince positioned himself in the way. To what end, Link wasn't sure. Maybe to give Sheik some sense of nearness? "Why would one suddenly start doing that now? We aren't even within the signal reach of the region's tower—nothing we've done here would have reached it! Unless..." the projection turned its head to look at Vah Ruta.

"The Beast?" Sidon said.

"The reappearance of Vah Ruta on the network could have activated or triggered some sort of distress or maintenance signal," Sheik said slowly. "Doesn't make sense for only one shrine to do this...unless it's already malfunctioning in some way." He shook his head. "Either way, it does not matter. We've more important things to do than trawl through Akkala in the hopes of stumbling over a shrine calling for help."

"Th-That's r-right," Link said. "W-We're s-seeing R-Robbie."

"What?!"

Sidon looked confused. "Robbie?"

"A Sh-Sheikah s-scientist," Link explained. "He m-might kn-know m-more about Sh-Sheik."

"He has a lab in Akkala," Sheik added. "But Link, don't you think we have more important things to do than talk to him? We've three more Beasts to free—"

"I s-saw th-the map," Link said, shaking his head. "A-Akkala is n-nearer, and I p-promised you."

"I'm not holding you to that promise," Sheik tried to argue, looking uncomfortable. "If anything, you should consider going to Death Mountain first—"

"A-Akkala it is," Link announced, looking up at Sidon. "R-Right?"

"Oh, most certainly," Sidon said, posing in that peculiar way that made Link's chest flutter...and Sheik groan. "It is more efficient to get that done immediately."

"Except it doesn't accomplish a damn thing in stopping Ganon," Sheik pointed out.

"It will solve the mystery of your origins, Sheik," Sidon said, cocking his head in confusion. "Surely that is of immediate interest to you? And if not, then it will be one less thing for Link to worry about, which will make him more focused, which will keep him alive." Grinning, Sidon looked triumphant. "And that is surely one of your main interests?"

"...damn you, Sharky," Sheik said, no force in his voice. Link smiled at the image.

"J-Just c-concede defeat," he said.

"I'm a Sheikah," Sheik said haughtily. "We do not surrender."

"E-Except wh-when a Z-Zora p-prince s-seduces you."

"Why you—!"

"All right, that's enough," Sidon said, failing to hide his laughter. "Do not make me separate you like unruly hatchlings...and for the record, I did not seduce Sheik."

"...you kind of did."

"Shh!"

"Kissed me out of nowhere, even—"

"Sheik!"

Link wondered how on earth he managed up in a...relationship with these two. It was the last thing he'd expected at the beginning of this...quest of insanity, but he found himself quite happy with it all the same. It was almost a pity Sidon couldn't come with them...but a quick recount of the threats they'd be facing daily on the road quickly took care of that. Sidon was safer here, in the Domain, than with them. Truth be told, Link would gladly leave Sheik with the prince for the safety the Domain offered, but he needed the slate and its functions—he'd never be able to active the shrines or towers otherwise.

...plus, he didn't want to be alone. Selfish desire, not becoming of a Hero or Champion at all, but there it was.

"W-We sh-should get going," he said, interrupting the bickering between his two lovers. A stranger configuration you'd have to search far and wide for, but they were his. "W-We're l-losing d-daylight."

"Ah...yes, you're right," Sheik said, nodding.

"Wait!" Sidon exclaimed just as the image of the Sheikah began fading. "Sheik...before you go...may I see your face one last time?"

Three times in less than an hour—Link really had to learn Sidon's tricks for tripping Sheik up.

"I...why would you...?"

"Please?"

To anyone else, that smile would have been menacing. Sidon was very much like a shark, especially with his teeth on display like that, but Link only saw the pleading in his eyes, which could have melted his heart even if it were frozen over.

"Eugh, fine," Sheik groaned, reaching up and pulling his mask down. "Happy?" he asked, lips wobbling a little.

...was he as hesitant to say goodbye as Sidon and Link? It certainly looked that way...

"Very," Sidon said. "I shall miss you very much," he added, looking between them both. "Thank you for giving me something pleasant to remember while you're gone."

Sheik grimaced. "Do you have any idea how wrong that sounded?"

Sidon's grin said it all.

"That's it, I'm done," Sheik announced. "Link, the pedestal. Ready when you are."

The image faded, and the slate was ejected from the pedestal, ready to be grabbed. Link didn't go for it immediately, instead walking up to the prince, who crouched down and drew him into a tight embrace. "Be careful out there," he told Link firmly. "Make no mistake, you are both absolutely amazing, but there is no need for unnecessary risks."

"We'll c-come back," Link assured him.

"You had better," Sidon said, drawing back, staring into his eyes before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Link's. Short, chaste, sweet. Quite unlike the ones from two nights ago, which still had Link blushing when he thought about them. The bite marks concealed by his clothes were more than enough reminders of the night they'd spent together. "Now get out there, and show Ganon what you're made of!"

Link nodded, reluctantly leaving his arms and retrieving Sheik from the pedestal. The prince followed, pressing another kiss to Sheik's screen (ignoring the spluttering from the voice that followed), and watched as Link prepared the paraglider.

"That thing," he said uncertainly, "are you sure it's able to take your weight?"

"Are you calling him fat?" Sheik asked. "You saw us coming down with the thunder arrows, didn't you?"

"Still," Sidon conceded, "it does not look...sturdy."

"P-Please s-stop s-saying th-that," Link said, hands already shaking a little. He still wasn't able to kill that uncomfortable fluttering in his stomach when he used the damn glider, and the only thing that helped was forgetting that the only thing preventing him from crashing into the ground in a gory demonstration of terminal velocity was a loose collection of cloth, rope, and wood.

"Ah...my apologies."

"And there we are...breathe, Link."

"S-Sorry..."

"Not your fault—for future reference, Sharky, pointing out such things rarely does him any favours."

"Duly noted."

Idiots, all three of us, Link thought, fitting the final joint into the correct slot. "Wh-Where to?" he asked.

"Directly north until we hit the road on the other side of the Zora River," Sheik said. "If the map's correct, we can follow it all the way to Akkala...or Death Mountain, since the road forks—"

"Akkala f-first," Link said.

"Fine."

Link couldn't help but notice Sidon's fretting as he approached the edge of the tower. He gave the prince an encouraging smile. He hadn't crashed yet. "W-Will you b-be h-heading h-home?" he asked.

Sidon chewed his lip. "In a little while. I wanted to...enjoy the view a little longer." He kept glancing up at Vah Ruta as he spoke. Link understood completely.

"You'll be all right on your own?" Sheik asked.

"Absolutely!" Sidon said, posing. Not quite as convincing as before, but it was a valiant effort. "We'll soon have Ganon's creatures out of the Domain, and then we will mobilise in preparation for the march on Hyrule Castle. You can count on us!"

"I meant will you be all right," Sheik corrected.

Sidon's shoulders slumped. "Not quite a hundred percent...but I'm not the one risking my life out there. Just...promise you'll come visit?"

"P-Promise."

"Then I will be all right," the prince said warmly. "Now get going—you are losing daylight."

"And whose fault is that, Mr. Slow-Climber?"

"B-Bye!"

Link saw no other choice but to jump—otherwise the conversation would never finish. Correcting his course, he glanced back and saw Sidon's frame standing on top of the tower, one long arm waving to them. Link would wave back, if it didn't mean an immediate loss of control and a horrible spiral of death into the ground below. He could only hope that the prince saw the wide grin he sent back...before he focused his attention on the path ahead.

Who knew what lay ahead?

Some distance away, the two figures huddled in the grass watched the distant figure of the Hylian Champion part ways with the Zora Prince and hurl himself off the tower, sailing away.

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The other figure shifted, the weapons on their back clinking against each other. "The boy is weak. It'll be a mercy, putting him out of his misery."

The first glanced back the gliding Champion. "Do you believe the rumours? That there is an...intelligence in the slate?"

"I only believe what I can hear and see," the other said. "We will learn soon enough. Master wants the slate—that is all that matters. Now come on—we need to get ahead of him."

Who's that?