Ansem The Wise Preparatory Boarding School
Chapter Eleven- Twenty Questions
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters.
Roxas impatiently waited for the elevator, eager to get off the Junior floor. He should have KNOWN the whole time Axel was pretending to care about him, he was just trying to get into his pants. God, he felt like such an idiot…
Tears sprang to his eyes and he cursed himself for being such a crybaby. Clenching his fists, he screwed his eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears from falling, but it was no use. The pain in his chest was so intense, he didn't think he had ever felt like this in his entire life. Furiously, he pressed the down button over and over as if it would make the elevator go any faster until finally the tell-tale *DING* rang out and the doors opened, offering a safe haven from his shame and sadness. Once he was finally concealed behind closed metal doors he sank against the wall and wrapped his arms around his knees, sobs taking him over again.
"Stupid, stupid, STUPID!" He pounded his fist on the ground. How did a day that was supposed to be so great, go so wrong? He was just starting to feel okay about going to this ridiculous boarding school for overprivileged kids, sure most of the student population just ignored him, but he had found friends in Axel and Namine, but now they were gone. He couldn't see Namine forgiving him for embarrassing her at the bowling alley, and he didn't think he could even bear to look at Axel again. To think about how close Roxas had come to admitting his feelings for the older boy… His sobs grew louder and he pulled his arms tighter around himself. Axel would probably go and tell everyone now that he was gay so everyone could laugh at him. 'Look, it's that loser who went gay for Axel 2 weeks into freshman year, what a fag'.
It had been hard enough to let himself realize his own feeling, let alone admit them to another person. Axel had been so kind to him, so caring, but it was all just an act. What had he been THINKING?! He had heard the stories, the rumors, someone with a reputation like that surely had no interest in someone like him other than sex. He felt cheap and used, and he hadn't even done anything with Axel! Embarrassed, angry and just plaid sad, there was no reason that he should have these types of feelings after 2 weeks of knowing someone, but Axel wasn't just anyone now was he…
Almost too faint muffled to be heard among the sobs, the elevator dinged again and Roxas' eyes shot open in horror as he realized too little too late that he had never actually selected his floor. His worst fears were realized as the doors opened to reveal a familiar redhead with a sullen look on his face.
"Roxy-" he started, but Roxas wasn't having it.
"NO! Just no, okay!? Get the hell away from me!" He put his hands up as if to shield himself from Axels very presence.
"Roxy, please, I'm so sorry." His voice wasn't filled with his normal swagger and confidence, in fact it sounded downright broken, but so was Roxas.
"NO! Stop lying and just leave me alone!" Arms dropped to wrap around his knees once again as he buried his face, trying to hide from Axels sad gaze.
"I'm not lying, Roxy I'm so sorry I don't know why I said that back there, well I guess I do, but my point is that I didn't mean it, it just kinda came out." Roxas could feel a presence close by and by the sound of the redhead's voice he was now kneeling in front of Roxas. He attempted to place his hand on Roxas arm, but he ripped it away and quickly scurried into the corner.
"Please, just stop, just go…" the blonde could feel his voice growing weak and raspy, he just felt so defeated and didn't need the cause of his pain continuing his torment by staying around any longer.
"No, I'm not leaving, I- I can't leave, Roxy I'm serious I did not mean what I said back there and I'm so sorry that you heard that, it's not how I feel about you at all, you know that." There was a slight hopefulness in Axels voice that Roxas felt he needed to crush immediately.
"And what is it that I should know? I know that you were just playing nice this entire time to get into my pants. I know that I was a fool to trust you. I've heard all about you and all of your little conquests, but apparently I'm the fucking idiot that thought somehow I was more to you than that…" He didn't want to say too much and admit that he had feeling for the elder, he wouldn't gi ve him that satisfaction.
"Roxy you ARE more to me than that, it's just, you're, um…" Axel couldn't seem to get his words out, something Roxas had never heard before, it was enough to peak one eye out to get a better look at the other.
Defeated was probably the best word to describe how Axel looked at this moment. The smirk was gone, the fire had left his eyes, his posture slumped, he fell back and sat on the ground as well, crazy long legs taking up most of the room in the elevator. Pressing his own hands into his eyes and rubbing hard, he let out an exasperated sigh.
"I know, I know, it looks bad, shit it sounds bad, but you just gotta understand Roxy, I have lived my life this way for years, it works for me, I'm comfortable with it, everything was going fine until you showed up in my life." Roxas' anger flared, what had he ever done to the redhead? He was the victim here, not Axel, he opened his mouth to yell, but didn't quite get the chance.
"I'll admit it, when I first saw you, yeah the only thing on my mind was fucking you-" Roxas couldn't help but blush at this, "but ever since that first night up on the clocktower I knew that there was so much more to you…" Both of Roxas eyes were now exposed as he stared at Axel over his knees.
"I know what you've heard, and I'm not going to lie to you, it's probably all true. You have to understand Roxy, I tried the whole 'relationship' thing a long time ago, and lets just say it did not end well. Ever since, I have stuck to my one nighters, no feelings, no commitment, no mess." He ran a hand through his hair in distress, his eyes darting wildly around the confined space.
"I've been trying to fight these… feelings I've been having about you. I vowed I would never do this again, but everyday I'm with you it gets harder and harder to ignore. So what I said just now to Demyx, I was being a fucking coward, but if you can forgive me, I swear I will prove to you that you do mean more to me than just sex. Goddamn it Roxas I fucking like you, okay?" Roxas sat frozen in place as he tried to comprehend the information he just received. He was caught between wanting to jump into the other's arms and running as fast as he could away from this crazy redhead. If he was telling the truth, it was everything he was wanting to hear and explained a bit why Axel acted how he did, it didn't make it right, but it was understandable. On the other hand, this could just be another lie…
"Axel… I- I want to believe you, but I just don't know…" He made eye contact for the first time and it was a mistake. There was so much pain and yet so much hope swimming in those acid green pools, it was breaking Roxas' heart. Sure, he was still pissed at Axel, but he didn't want him to be hurting too.
"What can I do to show you I'm serious?" the elders voice was desperate. Roxas thought long and hard and finally came up with a solution.
"20 questions." He said calm and sure of himself. He was done running from the inevitable, if Axel was going to be honest with him, he wanted to know it all, good and bad.
"What?" Axel looked genuinely confused.
"20 questions." His newfound confidence growing, eye contact never broke. "C'mon you and I both know that you haven't been honest with me about yourself this whole time, and if you answer my questions, I might consider forgiving you for what you said back there." His voice was steady, Axels eyes widened, and he again exhaled slowly. Closing his eyes, he slowly rubbed them in an exasperated manner before meeting Roxas' gaze.
"Okay, I guess that's fair, but can we at least do this somewhere where I can have a smoke?" Roxas almost laughed but fought to keep his face serious and grim, he wouldn't give in so easily.
"Fine, but I am NOT going back to your room with him in there." He hissed out between gritted teeth, nostrils flaring slightly as he thought6 of Demyx and his extra cozy relationship with Axel. He definitely would be bringing him up during their little Q&A session. Axel just huffed and reached out, his long slender fingers hitting the 'door open' button. Standing up, he extended his reach to Roxas, who took it and allowed himself to be led out of the metal box he had been in for who knows how long and towards the stairwell. As Axel opened the door, Roxas let his hand drop and his arms crossed in front of his chest.
"I thought the stairwell was for hook ups only?" He raised his eyebrow at Axel, mimicking the way he always did this to Roxas, Axel just rolled his eyes.
"Look I promise I won't touch you, now will you please just follow me, I could really use a smoke." Not wanting to test the redhead's patience during his nicotine withdrawal Roxas wearily obeyed.
Thankfully the stairwell was empty, they travelled up 2 flights of stairs until they reached a door that read "ROOF NO STUDENT ACCESS". Unsurprisingly Axel paid this no mind and opened the door anyways, surprisingly, no alarms went off, so Roxas decided it was safe to follow.
It was FREEZING up here and all he had on was a tee shirt, basketball shorts and socks. What was it with him and not wearing shoes today? Axel did not seem phased in his undershirt and thin sweats, he hastily pulled out his cigarettes and lit one up, exhaling like he was sighing in relief.
"Alright Roxy, do your worst, what do you wanna know." Axel was trying to play it cool, but he could see the nervousness in his eyes. Truth be told Roxas was nervous too, he was afraid of the answers he is going to get. He decided it would be best to just going to rip off the band-aid and ask the big one.
"What is The Organization really?" Axel wrinkled his nose and turned away for a minute seemingly trying to pull his words together. After a few awkward seconds, the elder finally spoke.
"Well… I mean it is what it sounds like, an Organization of people with similar interests working together towards a common goal." He was twisting words and trying to be sneaky, Roxas was not falling for it.
"That is a pretty BS answer, you know what I mean, tell me what you DO." Roxas narrowed his eyes. This was not the time to play around.
"Um… I mean, it's like I said the first day we met, The Organization runs the school's black market, so we import and distribute illegal or banned items to the student population."
"Like what?"
"Whatever anyone would be willing to pay for; cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, occasionally other things…" Roxas' heart dropped. It's not like he didn't know all of this already, but to hear Axel say it was a different thing.
"So, you're a drug dealer?" He asked shakily. Axel actually chuckled at this and took another long drag off his cigarette.
"Yea, I guess you could say that." Axel shrugged and was again refusing to make eye contact.
"What do you mean by that, do you do other things besides sell drugs?" Roxas felt like he wasn't going to like this.
"Roxy, can't I just-" Axel sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck with his cigarette free hand.
"Fine, I guess this was a waste of time then." He turned on his heel and headed towards the door, he took a few strides before reaching for the handle only to jump back when out of nowhere a flaming chakram whizzed by him and stuck in the door right next to the handle.
"What do you think these are for babe, to get girls?" Axel's smirk had finally come back and Roxas gulped as he flushed at the sight.
"What the hell, you could have hit me!" He cried out indignantly, his redheaded companion crossed confidently over to him, leaning down to Roxas' eye level before reaching out and pulling the flaming chakram out of the door and somehow extinguished the flames.
"Okay what the hell are those things?" Roxas could feel himself losing the upper hand and he didn't like it one bit.
"These are an invention created specifically for me by The Organization, you see Roxy, I have a very particular skillset, and these babies are my absolute pride and joy." He twirled the small chakram through his fingers so skillfully that for a moment Roxas forgot about his anger and just stared.
"See, ever since I was a kid I've always had this thing with fire, it used to be a problem, but I learned how to really control it, that along with some other skills I've picked up along with way have made me a pretty useful member of The Organization." He finally put the chakram back in his pocket.
"What is that even supposed to mean? You light stuff on fire for them?" He was shocked, so that thing he had heard about Axel being a pyro was true too.
"Well, yeah sometimes. Look Roxy, I don't know how much you know about things like this-" Axel was cut off.
"You mean being in a GANG?!" Roxas' voice was raising as he interrupted.
"Yes, about being in a gang and how it all works." If Axel was bothered by Roxas' change of voice, he didn't show it. Roxas just shook his head 'no' to Axel's statement.
"Alright, I'll give you the basic rundown; so the Organization was started 6 years ago at ATW Prep by our leader Xemnas. He saw a demand and decided to be the supply, he along with other senior members quickly started running in anything and everything that bored rich kids would pay for. Most of it was stolen so it was almost 100% profit. By the time I got here they were the big names in the buis. They were looking to recruit new members and with my reputation I was quick to be recruited my freshman year. So yea I do deal, like most of us that are still in school do, but I'm really more on the muscle side." Axel finished his explanation and took the last drag of his cigarette lighting up another one immediately.
Roxas again needed a second to process the information he just received. Not only was Axel a dealer, but he was a thief and an arsonist. He just didn't understand, why did these rich kids want to be in a gang, wasn't that for underprivileged kids in rough neighborhoods that are victims of the system? All of the kids that went there could be whatever they wanted, this was a school of power and influence.
"Why?" Was all he was able to get out, and Axel looked more confused than earlier.
"Why do it? Why be in a gang? I mean, anyone that goes to this school can do whatever they want, you all have so much opportunity, why waste it on being a thug?" He couldn't keep the bewilderment from his voice. Axel thought it over for a moment before replying.
"We never wanted it, none of us. We don't care that we are from wealthy families, truth be told I can't think of a single member that actually likes their family or likes being a part of this kind of society. Honestly Roxy, I love being in The Organization, I feel like this is where I belong, this is part of me. It might sound weird, but they are the closest thing I have felt to a family in a long time." Jade eyes bore into cerulean looking for some sort of a reaction, Roxas still didn't quite know how he felt about all of this yet. The redhead threw his still burning cigarette on the ground and stomped it out quickly before taking all of 3 steps to be right in front of Roxas.
"Roxy, I'm not asking you to be okay with all of this right now, I just hope that it won't change your opinion of me, I'm still the same guy as before." His pale slender hand reached out and grasped his delicately, something about the gesture was just so… sweet. Here was this guy, this fire blazing, cigarette smoking, drug dealing gangster who could no doubt kick his ass 6 ways to Sunday, yet here he was intentionally being so gentle with him, so kind, like he always has been. Maybe Axel had a point, he didn't have to like all the things he did, but it didn't change who he was, who he had been to Roxas the last two weeks.
"Why do you like me?" Roxas pulled his hand out of the tender grasp and turned away. He just didn't understand, Axel claimed he was "special" to him somehow, but he was just a stupid kid from the suburbs with an attitude problem, compared to Axel he was boring and average.
"Roxy don't do that, please-" He stepped so close that Roxas was now backed into the door to the stairwell, Axel lightly pressed against his front, when he still refused to make eye contact, the taller boy took his chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing him to meet his gaze.
"I like you for just being you, you aren't afraid to speak your mind, you know what you want and how to get it, and you don't take shit from anyone, including a clown like me," Roxas couldn't help but smile, "Your smart, and witty, and gorgeous as all hell, I mean fuck, every time you smile at me, like ACTUALLY smile, I think me heart must beat a 1000 times a minute." The blush creeping further up his face, he appreciated the little warmth it gave off along with the fierce heat emanating from Axels body to his.
"You said I was 'special', why?" His heart was screaming at him to stop fighting this, but his head still was reluctant to trust Axel. Upon hearing this Axel's face broke out in a wide grin, not a smirk, but an actual, genuine smile, the kind of smile that made Roxas' knees go weak. He cupped his face with both hands and leaned down to his level.
"Because silly, your you." This time his knees actually gave out, luckily Axel was there to catch him and pull him against his chest, Roxas allowed himself to wrap his arms around Axels waist and be held by him for a minute. He relished in the comfort, the scent of smoke filling his lungs, but he could not be bothered to care, it just smelled like Axel to him, and he loved it. Pulling away he felt resistance on Axels end, he was able to shift himself to look up at Axels face, it was apparent he was not leaving those long arms anytime soon.
"What about Demyx, what exactly is your relationship with him?" He couldn't help the bite in his voice at the mention of the other blonde's name, after all they were too cozy to be 'just friends'. This didn't seem to bother Axel any, his smile never dropped, emerald eyes fixed on Roxas'.
"Dem is my best friend Roxy, we grew up together, he has always been a constant in my life, I love him, but I'm not in love with him." He held Roxas' intense stare like it was nothing. The next question he had to ask was almost as bad as asking about the Orgainzation, but he needed to know.
"Have you two ever, uh, well, you know…" He trailed off.
"What? Fucked?" Axels eyes grew more serious and his smile fell. Roxas just nodded in response, he felt like he couldn't breathe.
"Yeah, we have, but please believe me Rox it was JUST sex." Despite the way Axel was trying to downplay it, he still felt like he had just been punched in the gut, it was as if all his worst fears were just confirmed and he felt his anger from earlier return with a new fire.
"How can you have sex with your fucking best friend and it not mean anything?!" He tired to push out of Axels hold again but the redhead was not letting go.
"Look, it didn't always mean nothing, I knew Demyx was gay from the minute I learned what that meant, as for myself I didn't figure out I was into guys until I was older. One night, we both got drunk as shit as hooked up, it was my first time with another guy. Afterwards we both tried to make it more than it was but after a week of 'dating' we mutually agreed that we were better as friends." His tone was serious and unwavering, he looked Roxas dead in the eyes.
"So was that the only time?" That didn't seem so bad… The silence that followed however was bad. Axel released his grip and broke eyes contact cursing under his breath and he walked to look over the edge, lighting up yet another cigarette. The chill was biting now that his own personal heater had detached from him.
"Axel?" He cursed himself for how weak and helpless he sounded right now. The redhead pinched the bridge of his nose as he turned around.
"No, it was not the only time." Roxas was not satisfied with this answer, he had a feeling it was worse than it seemed.
"When was the last time." He forced out through grit teeth, his hands starting to clench into fists. The look on Axels face screamed both shame and guilt, he couldn't even look Roxas in the eye as he answered.
"Yesterday." Knowing it was stupid he couldn't keep himself from rushing at the redhead and pounding at his wide hard chest with all of his might, but he didn't even cause Axel to drop his smoke.
"I FUCKING KNEW IT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" His eyes once again started to well up as he pictured Axel and Demyx together, smiling, and kissing, and… being intimate with one another. It was one thing to know that Axel had a rep for one-night stands, but to find out his is banging his best friend/roommate was a whole new ballgame. He didn't think he would have any tears left after ALL OF THE FUCKING CRYING he had been doing all night long. And for what, over this guy? The guy who says he cares about him but basically has a boyfriend already? Fresh salty tears rolled down his face as he continued to beat Axels chest with all his strength, but the older boy didn't push him off, he didn't even try and get him to stop, for some reason this pissed Roxas off even more. He wailed on him endlessly, he was sure that Axel would fold eventually, but he never did. Slowly, his fists slowed as the sobs started to arise, his energy depleting. Finally, he just fisted the soft black tank top and buried his head in the taller boy's chest, feeling so broken and empty inside.
Tentatively, Axels arms rose to wrap around him, and he pulled Roxas close. He knew he shouldn't have let him, but at the moment the redhead was the only thing keeping him grounded. Hands moved strategically to the small of his back, the other snaking up to tangle in his hair. When the sobs started to die down, he felt a slight tug on his locks bringing his head back at a good enough angle to look up into Axels face. A look of worry and pain flooded the elders face, his usually pointed expression seemed overly soft and almost… helpless.
"Roxy, please, I know what you are thinking, but just let me explain." He felt too weak to make any movements but somehow managed to nod his head.
"Dem and I haven't hooked up that much the last couple of years, mostly just when we were drunk or sad, honestly the only reason that we started hooking up again is, well because of you." What? He was so confused what did he have to do with that slut and Axel?
"See, like I said, when I first met you, I was out looking for a fuck, but something about you struck a cord with me that night. Normally if someone ran off on me, which they never have before just so you know, I would just go out and find a new fuck for the night, but I honestly didn't want to, the only thing on my mind was finding you and making sure you were alright. After all that shit with Larxene went down, I was pretty fired up, and, look I'm the kinda guy who is used to getting laid daily, so when I got back to my room, we fucked. Since then, all my time has either been spent with you, or fulfilling Organization duties, I haven't been out chasing tail, but I have needs so, uh, yeah we've been, well you know." His face started to turn the slightest shade of pink. OH MY GOD, Axel was actually blushing.
"Roxy, I promise you that there is nothing romantic going on between me and Dem, it sounds heartless, but he was a means to an end, and he knows it." The older boys grip loosened just enough to provide ample space between then so that Axel could lean in closer.
"I just want you to know, Every. Single. Time. I imagined it was you." Now it was Roxas' turn to blush. I mean sure. Axel was always hitting on him but knowing that he thought about him while he was fucking someone else was… kinda weird, it made him feel oddly exposed. He was stunned, he didn't quite know what to say back to that. Finally, after the silence drug on too long, Axel spoke again.
"Roxy, I'm sorry, I- I never imagined that this would happen, I didn't do it to try and hurt you." His voice was pleading and desperate, so quiet it could have been a whisper. It was almost frightening to see Axel like this, he had never seen someone so strong be so vulnerable. It made him want to believe Axel, and after all it's not like they were together, he really has no right to hold this against him, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
"Axel, I- I just don't know." He turned his head away, unable to look the other in the eye any longer.
"Roxy, please, just, give me a chance, I swear to you that I do care about you. You are not just some meaningless plaything to me, I promise." The elder once again cupped his face gently, but Roxas still couldn't meet his gaze.
"Axel… What in the world could you want with me? I'm still a virgin, more than that, I- I literally have never really kissed anyone before tonight, there's no way I could be what you are wanting, I'm just not ready for all of that yet… Who's to say that you get tired of me not putting out and don't just go and fuck Demyx again? I just don't think I could handle that." He was trembling now, and he didn't think it was all just from the cold. He was determined not to look at the redhead but felt his head turn of its own accord when he heard a low rumbling chuckle emit from the others mouth.
"Oh Roxy, baby, don't you think I know all of that? I don't care, I will wait for you, I only want you. The only reason I was going to Dem was because I was convinced you weren't going to give me the time of day, but if you'll just give me a shot I will show you, I won't lie to you, I will not mistreat you, I will not cheat on you, you are too precious to me for any of that." It was all too much for Roxas, the kind words, the promise of fidelity, the heat radiating of Axel, his sexy smile radiating forth. He decided that if there was any time to throw caution to the wind and just go with it, this was the moment.
Standing tall on his tip toes, he threw his hands around the surprised redhead's neck and kissed him hard. Every part of his body that was touching Axels felt like it was on FIRE and he just wanted to get closer and closer to the heat. He felt he would surely melt as the shock seemed to wear off on the taller boy and he in turn wrapped his arms so seductively around Roxas it was almost overwhelming. Deciding it was best to pull away now before anything else could happen, he broke the kiss, already panting from the sheer adrenaline rush. That was AMAZING.
"Please tell me that means you are giving me a chance." The familiar smirk broke out across Axels face and now it was Roxas turn to laugh.
"Yeah, you dork, I'll give you a chance." He jokingly punched Axels shoulder who laughed in return before pulling Roxas back in for another crushing kiss. His knees wanted to give out again as he turned into absolute putty in Axels arms, melting into the feeling as the world around him just burned. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but it didn't seem to matter, Axel was a good enough kisser for the both of them, he tried to imitate the movements he was feeling, pressing back when he felt pressure, opening his lips just enough to let them be captured over and over again. Before long he felt Axels tongue swiping in between his lips, it should have grossed him out but he kind of liked it, so he allowed his lips to part a bit wider granting the appendage access to his mouth. It felt so weird, Axels hot slippery tongue mapping out every corner before coaxing his own muscle out to play, rolling around it and tangling them up. Eventually, Roxas needed to come up for air, and he broke away from the kiss gasping, his whole-body tingling.
"Okay, I think that's enough for tonight." He had just told Axel that he wasn't going to be easy and he wanted to prove it, partly because he was afraid and partly to make sure Axel was serious about being patient with him.
"Hey whatever you say Roxy baby, you're the boss." He playfully nipped at the Roxas' bottom lip one time before pulling away fully, never taking his gorgeous emerald eyes off of him. He felt a little uneasy under the gaze, especially because he knew he was a mess, he was still trembling, his face felt like it was probably as red as Rudolph's nose, and his hair had to be a goddamn mess. Reaching up to try and smooth it a little Axel reached out and took hold of his wrist.
"Don't try and fix it, I think you look positively adorable like that." He flushed deeper and yanked his hand out of Axels grip.
"Okay, let get one thing straight, I might be gay, but I'm not still a guy, an I am NOT adorable." Scowled and Axel just laughed again.
"Oh Roxy, that just makes you more adorable." He retorted.
"I AM NOT!" he huffed and crossed his arms defiantly; the trembling now had gone back to good ol' shivering from the night air.
"Alright alright, we'll agree to disagree, and as much as I hate to say it, we should probably get you back inside, your shaking, unless that's all from me." He waggled his eyebrows and Roxas rolled his eyes, though he was honestly glad to have this Axel back, it was pretty unnerving to see him so broken down before.
"Whatever, get over yourself." He turned on his heal and started to make for the door to the stairs, Axel falling in tow behind him. Immediately he felt relief as he entered the building and the warm air connected with his all but frozen skin. The feeling was short lived as Roxas immediately was hit with the thought that he needed to get back to his room and deal with Sora who he would bet was still awake waiting up for him. He groaned and Axel placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Craning his neck to see the other boys face, he saw Axel had an eyebrow raising in question.
"Sora." He figured it was explanation enough and from the look in the redheads eyes it had been.
"Do you want me to talk to him with you?" He asked.
"No, this is something I need to do alone, thanks though." Roxas forced a smile. He let Axel walk him to his floor but insisted that was as far as he could go. Before he left he gave Roxas a quick kiss that sent his head spinning again. He listlessly wandered over to his room 213 and pulled out his key, inserting it into the lock, twisting, and then-
"OH MY GOD YOUR ALIVE!" He fell back into the hallway as his twin glomped him hard enough to put both of them on the ground. Groaning, more from annoyance than the pain, he pushed Sora off of him and scolded,
"Can we please not bring the entire freshman class into this?" He hastily got up and offered Sora and hand. Uneasily he followed his brother into their room and was both unsurprised and annoyed to see Riku sprawled out on Sora's bed. Why did he have to be apart of everything, this was between him and Sora.
"Where the heck have you been Roxas? We were worried sick about you!" Inwardly he scoffed, he doubted Riku had been worried about him at all.
"I have been calling and texting you all night!" He gestured wildly as he spoke, "AND you still have to explain what happened with Namine, and why did you go home with Axel? Have you guys been hanging out, you heard what Riku said, he is a BAD GUY and to stay away from him. He is in a GANG Roxas!" Riku was now sitting up on the bed and had scooted to the edge, all the while glaring daggers at the blonde. Between the yelling and the judgmental looks, Roxas just snapped.
"God, will you shut the hell up Sora?! My phone was on silent, when Axel and I got back I took a shower and accidently fell asleep watching TV on his couch, so just fucking chill out okay!" fists clenched he stood there pissed off and rigid. His brother had a look on his face like he had just been told Santa wasn't real, Riku's just widened.
"As for Namine, I really don't want to talk about it right now, it's like 3 o'clock in the morning and I just want to go to bed." He unclenched his fist and began to rub his temples; he was starting to get a killer headache.
"B-but Rox-" Sora started, tears forming in his eyes. "I just-"
"No So, not right now." His voice held firm as he walked over to his own bed, flopping face down. Maybe if he didn't look at the other's they would just leave him alone.
"That's Bull Roxas," So much for that plan, "You can't just run off on us after you obviously upset Namine, who by the way did NOT stop crying the entire way back to the school, leave with Axel-fucking-Heart and then come in at 3am and be an asshole to So about it." Riku's voice was raising, he must be really pissed.
Sighing Roxas rolled over and saw his brother giving him a pair of the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes he had ever seen.
"Fine, I'll talk to Sora, but only if you leave." He shifted his gaze to Riku, glaring back at him with matching intensity. Sora looked at his best friend like he was asking permission. Riku just made a sour face and huffed, rising from the bed.
"Fine." he sneered through clenched teeth, turning to Sora.
"I'll have my phone volume ON if you need me." Obviously taking a shot at Roxas, he quickly crossed the room and slammed the door loudly on his exit. Now that they were alone Sora shifted uncomfortably and didn't look Roxas in the eye. The tension between them was thick, neither wanting to be the one to talk first. After a couple minutes of excruciating silence, Sora finally caved.
"Roxas, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to butt into your business, it's just, I'm worried about you." His brothers words hurt, he didn't have anything to be sorry for.
"No, Sora stop, you didn't do anything okay, I just… It's hard to explain." He cast his head down in shame. He was such a wuss, he was terrified of explaining himself and what Sora would think of him after.
"Well, like Mom always says, why don't you just start at the beginning?" An easygoing smile spread across his face, it was just the encouragement he had been looking for.
He proceeded to spill his guts; how he had ACTUALLY met Axel, how they have been hanging out everyday behind Sora's back just doing normal stuff, how Axel was honestly really cool and fun to be around, he felt his face heating up just talking about him, he couldn't help but remember what had transpired on the roof just minutes ago. His twin just sat there taking everything in, a bit wide eyed, but not judgmental. He began to lose his bearings as he finally got to the point where he needed to talk about what happened at the bowling alley. Hands began to shake, sweat beading on his forehead, this was it, he was going to admit that he was gay to his own brother and it scared him shitless. Sora seemed to notice and placed a hand over his in a brotherly way.
"Roxas, it's okay, just keep going." He really was so lucky to have someone like Sora in his life, let alone as his twin brother, he just had this easygoing accepting way about him that always seemed to bring out the best in people. Roxas took a big breath for courage and continued.
"Okay, so when we went bowling tonight I was just thinking, 'hey cool, 5 friends going bowling' ya know? But then I started to notice little things about Namine, like how she was dressed all nice and how she kept blushing at me and stuff. And then goddamn Axel has to show up looking all, well nevermind. Anyways, so then like she put her hand over mine and I kinda freaked out. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like Namine, I just didn't think that I liked her like that, but she is so nice and cool, I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Then she did it again, but this time she tried to kiss me. Honestly, I didn't want to embarrass her, and I thought that maybe if I did then it would change my mind and I would realize I did like her, which honestly would have made my life so much easier… So yeah, I kissed her back, and then, well, you kinda saw what happened next." Sora's eyes grew even wider as the wheels in his head slowly started turning.
"Axel…" He said so soft it was almost a whisper. Roxas nodded in response.
"I-I just, after she kissed me, and then when I saw Axel, I just knew So." If he had any more tears left he was sure that they would have been surfacing right about now as the crescendo of his admissions was finally here.
"I knew then that I had absolutely had no interest in Namine, or any other girls for that matter, the only person that I wanted to be with, was him." There, it was out there. Sora knew that Roxas was gay, and that he had it bad for Axel. He felt his breathing seize as he stared in terror at his twins shocked face, the silence was killing him. Finally, when he felt his lungs were about to burst from lack of oxygen, his brother finally spoke.
"Wow, Rox. I mean, I wouldn've never- Um…" He squeezed his eyes closed and picked up a pillow to bury his face in shame with. God he was so STUPID, why did he have to tell Sora the truth, now he probably hated him and though he was disgusting.
"Wait what are you, oh, I- I'm sorry that came out wrong." Roxas peeked up at Sora with one eye.
"What do you mean, don't you hate me now?" Sora's face looked crushed and he immediately tackled Roxas off the bed in an overly dramatic hug.
"GHAHHH, Sora what the hell, get off me!" But it was no use, Sora wasn't going anywhere.
"No! Roxas how could you think such a thing! I don't care that your gay, and I'm offended that you think that I would judge you, is that the kind of person you think I am?" He looked down at Roxas with sad eyes.
"What? No, I just, look this is still new for me and it's all a lot to process, I don't even know how I feel about myself being gay, so how other people are going to look at me now is yes kind of a huge concern for me. Do you have any idea what its like to go through 14 years of your life thinking your straight and then *BOOM* this arrogant, cocky, tall redhead with leather pants walks into your life and turns everything upside down." He continued to struggle against Sora who relented and climbed off him, both of them now just lying in the space between their beds.
"Well, actually no I don't know how that feels, my redhead is short and definitely wouldn't wear leather pants." He joked and Roxas let out an awkward laugh, one more of relief that Sora was okay with this enough to already joke about it more than the joke itself.
"Yeah, not really her style." He pushed himself up and extended his hand to Sora.
"But seriously Roxas, this doesn't change anything, I will not look at you differently, you are still my brother and my best friend, and if anyone has anything bad to say to you about it they will have to go through me first!" He pointed to himself with his thumb and Roxas couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Sora fighting anyone.
"Thanks So, I feel a lot better now." He was only half joking, it was actually very freeing to get this off his chest, and it was a lot less painful than he thought. He laid back on his bed and spread his arms out, he honestly felt so good right now.
"So, uh now that we have established that it doesn't matter to me that you like guys, I have to bring it up, are you sure that you really want to be with Axel Heart? He's so scary, and I mean, you've heard about all the things he's done right? Plus, he is a drug dealer and is in a gang, and who knows WHAT those guys get into. I'm just worried about you, I don't want you to wind up getting hurt." Sora's voice was gentle and kind.
"Yeah, I understand. But trust me, there is a lot of good in him too, other people just don't really see it, they just see all of those other things, but he's not like that when he's with me, he is funny and smart, he's caring and kind… You just get to know him like I do and you'll see what I'm talking about. The only reason I was keeping him a secret from you was because I knew what your reaction was going to be and I just didn't want to deal with it."
"Or is it maybe because you had a big fat crush on him and just didn't want to admit it yet." Damn, for being such a ditz sometimes Sora could actually be pretty perceptive when he wanted to be. He began to blush and the brunette twin just started laughing.
"Plus, I don't think you'd like me 'getting to know him like you do'" He threw out.
"OH MY GOD Sora stop!" he blushed harder and tossed his pillow at his brother who dodged it easily.
"This so explains why you were out until 3 in the morning with him, I mean I guess he doesn't have that reputation for nothing." Sora was rolling clutching his sides by now teasing Roxas mercilessly.
"WHAT?! Sora! No, it's not, we didn't, it's not what you think! Nothing happened okay, you know how I am, I'm not ready for all of that yet, I barely just realized I like guys!" He yelled.
"Oh?" Sora pooped an eyebrow. "So nothing happen?" Roxas had to look away, unable to meet Sora's gaze, if that wasn't proof enough that something happened his face flushed even darker as the reminder of Axels poisonous kisses began to burn again on his lips. He hated to admit it but he was just dying for Axel to kiss him like that again.
"Ha I knew it! So what happened?!" His brother sounded like a 12-year-old girl at a sleepover. He groaned and turned over to turn off his light and get under his covers.
"Goodnight Sora." Was all he replied.
"Oh Roxas come on, PLEASE?!" Sora whined.
"No." He put his pillow over his head.
"Oh come on, just tell me and I'll leave you alone for the night." He rolled his eyes and figured this was probably the only way he was going to get his much needed shut eye.
"Fine, we kissed, happy now?" He had a feeling he was going to regret that.
"Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Roxas had his first real kisssssss." Sora taunted in the way that brothers do.
"Goodnight Sora."
"Aw but Rox!"
XXXxxxXXXxxxXXX
AN: OH MY GOD THEY FINALLY KISSED! *fangirling at my own fanfiction* Axel and Roxy forever!You guys have no idea how hard it was for me to write that scene. I mean, We have had 10 chapter and almost 60,000 words of build up, it needed to be fucking GOOD. And now Roxy knows all of Axels dirty laundry (or so he thinks ) so we can finally have the different friend group start to collide. Who do you think will be more against the relationship, Roxas' friends or Axels?
Also, some clarification on Axels Chakrams, imagine them more the size of a throwing star, it seems more realistic in this AU fic for him to have something smaller like that. I mean, how is he supposed to conceal giant chakrams that somehow magically come back to him? It just wasn't going to work.
Anyways, if you can, please leave a review. I literally live for them and every time I get a new one it makes me so happy. I'm just so glad that other people are enjoying this fanfic that I wrote basically for myself because I've had the idea in my head for a while and just wanted to get it down on paper (metaphorically).
Actually, I do usually handwrite the chapters when I'm at work or are out and about and the ideas come to me. I have a little pink composition notebook that is always with me just for this fic.