CHAPTER TWO

HOW HIGH THE MOON

Emma came home that night, with that well-known sensation.

'God. Here we go again.' She thought as she searched in the kitchen shelves for some of Hook's Rum. 'He took everything, obviously he took everything.' Miserable, she sat down on her sofa and dropped her head on the backrest to look at the ceiling.

For Emma, this feeling of distress was nothing new, she certainly felt a little surprised because for a few months she had managed to stay emotionally stable, focused on the novelty of the married life. However, these episodes had been present in her life from the first moment she had set her eyes on the Mayor of Storybrooke, and a powerful infatuation seized her.

The thing went beyond anything rational. Her fascination with the former Queen had come and gone as many times as the moon in the year, and as Regina became more comfortable in her role as the heroine of the story, Emma had less and less reasons to be disappointed by the very attractive woman.

If Emma was honest with herself, (and she always was when it came to those moments of hopelessness) she knew that the day she met Regina Mills, she had been about to ask her out, just like that, without even thinking too much about it and simply following the impetuous instinct before the magnetism she felt towards her. However, that day, so long ago now, Emma was left with the words in her mouth when the Mayor, taking the lead, snapped "Don't mistake all this as an invitation back into his life. Miss Swan, you made a decision ten years ago. And in the last decade, while you've been… Well, who knows what you've been doing. I've changed every diaper. Soothed every fever. Endured every tantrum. You may have given birth to him, but he is my son."

And of course Emma came with the realization of how stupid her intentions had been, like if suddenly she had woken up from a nice dream. "I was not…"

"No. You don't get to speak. You don't get to do anything…"

And so Emma didn't. She didn't say a word and she just left the place feeling completely stupid for even thinking about it. But then the Mayor went knocking on her door and saying things like "Did you know the Honeycrisp tree is the most vigorous and hearty of all apple trees? It can survive temperatures as low as forty below and keep growing. It can weather any storm. I have one that I've tended to since I was a little girl. And to this day, I have yet to taste anything more delicious than the fruit it offers." And Emma had thought about it for hours, trying to understand if there was some flirtatious invitation to something, probably not even in the words, but in her eyes. Or then in the mines, when the former Queen took a step ahead and Emma even thought she was going to kiss her, only to realize of course that was not going to happen. Then the incident with Graham came, and Emma knew right there what jealousy really was. And from there things just took a hectic path, with Regina trying to incriminate Mary Margaret, the curse breaking and a load of events that were always dragging Emma in a twirl of thoughts and emotions towards the other woman. However the attraction was always there, and that silly major crush that even now keept going on and off from time to time.

There had been many moments in which Emma got to think Regina was also attracted to her. Little moments with a different spark on her friend's eyes, though they were always surrounded by the blonde's insecurities, and as Hook and Robin Hood came to town, the actual idea of that thing going somewere just erased from Emmas head, knowing she would just have to endure those highlight moments in which she just adored the Queen and was willing to the small things like going into mortal peril to keep her safe.

Emma thought about Ruby's question. 'How could you married Hook?'

'And what was I supposed to do! He was my boyfriend' She thought. And of course she loved him. Killian Jones had win a place in her heart, he was a good man now too, and he was one of her closest friends. It was all right, and it was better to take a chance for happiness than just keep wondering about fantasies. Plus, what would have happened if Regina found someone else too, other than Robin. She wouldn't hesitate to get married one day, and Emma would probably hate that, or even her, because God, sometimes she hated the woman with all of her heart.

But right now she only hated herself for the stupid answer she gave when Regina told her she wanted to leave to the Enchanted Forest.

"Well, is not like we have beans or some way to open the portal." Emma said clumsly.

"No. But we've been finding one way or another to cross realms now. That's not the point." Regina said a little bit offended with the blonde's answer, especially when she had been thinking for hours how to speak out loud her thoughts. She had thought Emma would be upset, or even crying, or god knows what she thought about.

"Well then we'll see about it later. What's going on? How come you came to this?" Emma said trying to sound casual .

"I don't want to talk about it…"

"Regina. Everything will be all right. There's still a happy ending waiting for you." Emma said and Regina just pursed her lips with doubt.

"I'm not waiting for it anymore. I'm all right, Emma. I just need a change of scenary."

"Well, we'll see about it then." Emma said looking at her hands still holding the wheel.

"I just thought, maybe if Captain Hook's expedition has any luck and find Mákara, there's a chance of finding some eggs, so there's a way to open portals like that."

"That beast's eggs?" Emma said frowning.

"That's the whole point of the expedition, weren't you paying attention?" Regina scolded.

"Whatever, I don't think this Mákara thing is here anyway, but sure, we'll see." Emma answered trying not to sound upset.

So 'We'll see'. That had been pretty much her answer. She was an idiot.

She got up from the sofa and turned off the lights, ready to go to her room and enjoy the space on the bed. One of the most difficult things for her, in the whole adaptation process since she started living with Hook, was precisely sleeping with someone else in bed. "There is no damn Mákara anyway." The blonde babbled rolling her eyes. "Stupid thing."

Emma arrived at the station the next day. Giving the fact that her assistant was in the ocean, she would have to, at least, spend some time in the police station all the following days. She was preparing her coffee when she heard a call on the radio. "Jolly Roger to base… Jolly Roger to base."

Emma hurried to the desk to take the radio: "Base on, go ahead."

"Sheriff, we have no phone reception here, so we'll have to use the radio. We're having a good time surrounding the marked area but we haven't had sightings of the target yet. Over." Hook said keeping the professional tone, knowing there could be other people at the station.

Emma smiled relieved. "Good. Keep me informed. Be safe, Killian. Over."

Once he heard her last words so informally said, he replied "Love you. Clear."

"Me too. clear."

The station door opened and Ruby came in with an expression that showed the consequences of last night's party. Emma leaned back in her chair and raised her feet to the desk in a casual way. "I've never been happier of knowing when to stop drinking…"

"Oh, shut up." Ruby said dropping herself in one of the chairs.

"What are you doing here?" Said Emma sitting straight.

"Dorothy insisted that I should come here to offer you some help with the station since your deputy is out of town." Ruby shrugged. "What's the deal, by the way with your father and the being-a-shepherd-thing again! Snow told me."

Emma laughed "I can't really blame him. I guess we all need some peace." Indeed that had been quite an occurrence that her mother wasn't loving at all. "And about the help, sounds good to me. Actually you could help me with Pongo's training! You know, with the wolf thing on you, you probably have it easy there?" Emma thought about it better "Probably? Am I being rude?"

Ruby laughed. "Not at all! Yes I can help you." She looked at Emma with an embarrassed expression and sighed. "I think I was the one being rude last night. I'm sorry."

"Hey, no. It's okay. Don't worry." Emma answered trying not to blush on the subject. One thing was to deal with that stuff while the wolf was drunk, but talking about it with no alcohol in the middle was very different. However, the reddened cheeks of the blonde did not wait.

"No. I mean, isn't right… Oh my god, I'm making you super uncomfortable right now." Said Ruby is trying to suppress a smile. "Emma, calm down, it's me, is not like I'm going to judge you."

Emma stared at her friend. She had spent so much time keeping everything to herself. She remembered when she found out about Ruby and Dorothy, after Henry had spread out the pages of the book where she could see them kissing, and how she felt a squeeze in her heart of repressed longing that tried to cling to any kind of hope. Her first thought had been precisely that she could talk to the wolf about her infatuation with Regina, like if that could give her any kind of clue she was missing in order to understand all that. However, life interfered with Hades lurking Storybrooke and the blonde's wishes simply were not possible, because that's how it is when you were supposed to be the Savior. You're busy with stuff, with no time to untangle such silly things as your own emotions, being dragged by countless circumstances.

And now that was over. She was no longer the Savior. The final battle had been fought. Now she could have actually explored other options.

"Emma? Are you okay?" Ruby asked when she saw Emma with a lost stare and a sudden realization.

"Yes, sorry." Emma answered without being able to fully recover from her thoughts. "Actually, yesterday you said something about my mother. What did she tell you?"

Ruby snorted feeling almost guilty to see Emma in such a state of confusion. "Oh, is nothing important, I mean, it was so long ago I don't even remember well."

"No. Tell me. It's okay, we're adults, is not a big deal." Emma said trying to sound casual.

"Well, remember that time we all thought Regina had killed Archie?" Ruby said trying to make it sound like a small thing.

"Sure."

"About that time, your mother told me something about the way you were looking at Regina in the interrogation room, and how sure you were of her innocence. And well, you can't blame her, even after we all knew she didn't kill him, she still wasn't the nicest one in town." Ruby shrugged.

"I just knew she wasn't lying."

"Well, yes. But Snow told me that when she was still Mary Margaret, she got some weird vibe each time you came from meeting the Mayor. And that it was like if you couldn't stop talking about her, even if it was the bad things. You know, like when you try to convince yourself you hate someone." Ruby looked at Emma and smiled sweetly. "So she was like, one plus one, and got two."

Emma stared at Ruby. "And, what about you? What do you think other than what mom told you."

Ruby leaned back in her chair and sighed without stop looking at the blonde. "I don't blame you, Emma. I mean, Regina is a very attractive woman. And well, sometimes it just happens, you know, it's a chemical thing."

Finally, Emma got up and went to the coffee pot to pour herself some of the black liquid. "I've been waiting for so long for this to just fade away."

Ruby opened her eyes widely and went back to normal before Emma turned back to her. She could not believe the blonde was finally opening up to her.

"But then I can't help it, you know. I mean, is not like I'm dying of love for her. I'm fine. I have it under control and it's not a big deal. There are just moments when everything is confusing because I had never felt this kind of attraction. I don't mean the fact that she's a woman. But the way she gets into my head."

"Do you know why this hasn't stopped in so long?" Ruby said with simplicity.

"Why?" Emma said hopping she would finally get a clue.

"Because you see something in her wanting you to feel it too."

Emma wanted to snap back and say that wasn't true, but that was exactly her feeling at times, 'or at least the thing I want to believe'. She thought.

"Oh my god, I should have returned before." Ruby said "Now you're married!"

"Hey, no, I didn't mean it like that. I mean. There's something there but it doesn't mean it has to be something else. I'm fine. Regina and I are friends, and we're close, and… Things are just the way they have to be." Emma explained trying to look for the best words.

"Good morning…" Regina's velvety voice was heard entering the station. Emma blushed immediately and the former Queen hesitated. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No, not at all." Ruby said calmly. "I was just telling Emma about Dorothy. You know… Stuff." She added with a dirty smile.

"Oh! Well." Regina suppressed a smile. "I just thought our sheriff could need some company. And also I have breakfast," she said showing a paper bag in her hand "if I had known that Miss Lucas was here, I would have…"

"No problem!" Ruby hurried. "I'm actually here to help as the deputy's substitute, so…" The wolf got up and reached for one of the badges on Emma's desk. "I'll do some rounds."

The wolf left the station but not without winking to the blonde.

"I can only imagine the things you both were talking about…" Regina said with a smirk once Ruby had left.

"She. She was talking about it. You know me, I'm not much of a sharer." Emma hurriedly said.

"That can always change." Regina said placing the breakfast bag on the desk.

"You seem in a better mood today. I'm glad." Emma smiled while the other woman went around the desk on Emma's side, to leave her jacket on the rack. The blonde took a breath almost instinctively and his lungs filled with Regina's scent. That scent that completely wrapped her and to which she blamed almost totally for her inevitable attraction. It was like fresh and sweet apples, sugary with a bit tone of sourness. 'Goddamnit' She thought.

"I actually thought about what you said last night and you were right. There's no reason for me to live in despair. It is more proactive if I work on my goals." Regina said trying to show a little bit more composure than the day before.

"Yes! Regina, I'm sure there's something waiting for you here." Emma nodded with hope.

"I didn't mean those goals, I mean finding ways to open a portal, either if your husband succeeds or not." Regina said with a restrained tone of disdain.

"Stop with that! You are the Mayor of this town for God's sake!" Emma snapped.

"That's only a job, Emma. You're wrong if you think that would stop me." Regina retorted with the fire of a challenging look in her eyes. "You'd need something better."

Emma vacillated with a double heartbeat, then snorted and shaked her head taking the breakfast bag to grab one of the baguettes.

The sound of the radio came again on the station. "Jolly Roger to base! Jolly Roger to base!"

Emma reacted immediately and took the radio. "Base here, go ahead."

"We have a sighting! We do, Emma! Mákara is here!"