The Legend of Zelda, its characters and locations are all property of Nintendo. Any and all OCs and original locations belong to me unless specifically stated to belong to someone else.
The Voice
Chapter 63 - Simple Solutions
Sheik cursed under his breath for what must have been the millionth time that morning as his connection was cut off from the Network, the most annoyingly passive aggressive error message flashing before his eyes. The tone of the message was one thing, but that fucking facsimile of a smiling face, created in text, was just infuriating. Especially since Sheik had just had to see that message over and over this morning.
"Fucking server admins," he muttered under his breath, switching to a different port, hoping to Din that the between himself and the nearest tower wasn't just lost this time. Bad enough that Stabby had somehow gotten them locked out of the network itself, forcing Sheik to try and find a way back inside, but combined with the fact that the signal just wasn't strong enough to reach him properly out here, he was looking at the worst godsdamned hack job he'd ever faced.
"Ooh, you sound pissed," Ayla's voice spoke right next to his ear.
"Gah!" he shrieked and tried to jump away from the sudden noise, but he was foiled by his folded legs and only managed to do a pretty graceless roll along the roof, an unpleasant prickling sensation filling said legs as they woke up. "How long have you been standing there?!" he snarled, glaring at the Gerudo, who was having trouble standing from how hard she was laughing.
"About two minutes?" she said after catching her breath, looking down at him with a wide grin. "You were miles away, huh? Didn't even notice me approaching, and I wasn't quiet about it, either."
"Turns out trying to hack my way into the network requires all my concentration, who fucking knew?" he grumbled, extricating his sleeping legs from each other and staring up at her. "Well? Don't just stand there, help me up!"
Ayla shook her head. "I'd rather not have a hernia, so..."
"I'm not that fucking heavy!"
"Sheesh, you're cheerful in the morning, aren't you?" she said, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet, making a big show of groaning all the while. "Goddess, my back!"
"Funny," he growled, rubbing his thighs to encourage the blood flow and getting the feeling back in them as soon as possible. Artificial or not, even his body was vulnerable to such stupid weaknesses. "What do you want?" he asked, realising the woman wasn't about to leave.
"Your dad really needs to teach you some manners, kid," Ayla said, crossing her arms and looking down at him. "You're lucky I find you amusing most of the time, and that Riju doesn't hold grudges."
"Could've fooled me," Sheik muttered, ignoring the comment about his dad. The more he acknowledged it, the more power Teba would gain. And that just wasn't on. "And you didn't answer my question."
"Well, you've been at this since before dawn, right?" she asked, gesturing to the small den Sheik had made for himself on the palace roof; a nest of pillows on a carpet and a bowl of sweet fruits within easy reach. Half of them were gone already, the seeds littering the roof tiles a small distance away. "And since you've been continually swearing under your breath in the short time I've been here, I assume things aren't going well?"
"Stupid network won't let me in," he muttered angrily. "I've tried everything, but it keeps giving me the same damn message every single time. I know for a fact that the admins of the time weren't half as clever as they thought they were, but..." he sighed, looking away. "I need that connection."
Ayla nodded, clearly pretending to understand what he was talking about. "Well, sitting here and pouting about it isn't going to help," she said.
"I'm not pouting!"
"That jutting lower lip of yours says differently," she said, doing an exaggerated pout of her own. "Come on, join me."
"In what?" Sheik asked, glaring at her. "I have work to do—"
"You've been working all morning," she said, grabbing his arm (the weird one) and beginning to drag him back inside the palace. "Come on, it's time to let off some steam."
"Doing what?" Sheik repeated, purposefully slowing down to make it harder for her to pull him along.
"Training, of course!" she exclaimed happily. "Link gave me a list of things for you to work on!"
Sheik blinked. "A list? A list of what?" She didn't answer, only kept dragging him further downstairs. "Ayla!"
They were making good progress already, in Sidon's opinion. It was almost noon, and they were already near their first objective, about halfway up Ploymus Mountain. They would reach the location they had marked as the rendezvous point, where they would establish their camp, and split up to search the mountainside for the enemy.
"I could have handled this on my own just fine," Bazz muttered, walking beside Sidon at the head of the column of mixed troops.
A motley crew to an outsider, the group consisted of Hylians, Sheikah, Zora, and Goron troops, all different shapes and sizes, outfitted with equipment of varying quality and looks. A good representation of their army's diversity, which would soon be joined by what soldiers the Rito could spare and, hopefully, the Gerudo. They would certainly contribute greatly to their army's fighting strength.
...that is, assuming Sheik didn't piss off the wrong people. Well, even if he did, Link would be there to smooth over the ruffled feathers with his endearing demeanour and beautiful, big eyes.
Sidon knew he had to assume they were successful in the desert, otherwise he'd just keep worrying about them, as he had back in the Domain. Just being outside like this was helping immensely, since his concentration was taken up by scouting for enemies and watching for ambushes.
"Of course you could," Sidon told his brigade leader, giving him a bright grin. "I'm just here to steal your credit."
"I knew there was an ulterior motive here," the captain said, shaking his head. "Like your head isn't big enough already. Haven't you considered how embarrassing that will be for me, having to report to your father that your overinflated head broke your own neck?"
"If anything, I would think you would run me through with your spear for being annoying long before that," the prince said, jabbing his elbow into Bazz's side.
Or that's what he aimed for, at least, but due to their height difference he accidentally elbowed Bazz in the face instead, causing the captain to stumble to the side and into a bush.
"Oh no!" Sidon exclaimed, running to the bush and trying to pull Bazz out, trying to ignore the amused chuckles coming from the column, which had stopped to watch the commanders. Pikango was framing them with his fingers, clearly committing it memory.
Bazz slapped Sidon's hands away, his face slowly appearing from among the prickly, thorny leaves of the bush, his face spelling murder and doom in Sidon's immediate future. "My prince..." he growled.
"Uh...I'm sorry?" Sidon said, trying to flash Bazz one of his usual grins, but it quickly faded when the captain only continued to growl.
"Run," Bazz said.
"What?"
"I said, run, my prince, before your prediction comes true." His grip on his spear tightened to the point where the wood started to creak, and Sidon took the hint.
"I'll scout on ahead!" he shouted to the column, running away before Bazz could free himself and teach Sidon a lesson he wouldn't soon forget. That was the last drop for the soldiers, who all collapsed with hooting laughter once Sidon started running.
Link watched with a mix of guilt and amusement as Ayla pulled Sheik back to his feet after yet another failed attempt at running, his lover growling abuse at the Gerudo, who only seemed amused by it all. Then again, she probably considered it only fair for him to yell at her since she'd been laughing her ass off at Sheik planting his face into the sand of the track for the nth time.
"Stop fucking laughing, you hag!" Sheik screamed at her, trying to grab her but she simply side-stepped out of the way, leading to Sheik tripping and falling yet again, his balance completely ruined.
"Aw, you're just like a baby camel taking its first proper steps," Ayla taunted, skipping away along the circular track in the training yard, making come-hither motions with her hand. "Come on, you can do better than that!"
"I'll show you better," Sheik snarled, taking off after her at a run that, in any other situation, would have had onlookers assume he was drunk. His steps were all over the place, his pacing off-kilter, and he didn't seem sure of what to do with his arms, alternatively holding them ramrod straight at his sides and then swinging them wildly to keep his balance.
This had all been Link's idea, after noticing Sheik had a bit of an uncertainty to his movements, like he wasn't entirely comfortable in his new body yet...which was completely understandable, of course, after being stuck in a slate for such a long time. As it turned out, just learning to walk again had been difficult enough, and that had Link wondering just how many things Sheik did need to learn again.
Turns out, running was one of them.
It wasn't that Sheik was incapable of running—he had the general gist of the thing down, but his technique was all over the place. Link suspected this was because this body was nothing like his old one, and that whatever instincts remained from before Sheik was put in the slate weren't suited for his new shell, as it were.
Honestly, it wasn't really a matter of learning how to do things all over again. It was a matter of adjustment. Of figuring out balance and strength. Link had asked Ayla for help with this, and she'd agreed immediately. At first Link had thought it was because she genuinely wanted to help, but now he realised she was in it for the entertainment value first and foremost.
Had he known, Link might have reconsidered the idea, but Ayla's taunting did seem to be just about the strongest motivator for Sheik right now, if his refusal to give up was anything to judge by. Link just had to make sure to be there the moment Link caught up to Ayla, just to prevent any bloodshed.
"Hey, you asleep?"
Link blinked and looked up at Riju, who for once wasn't wearing clothes befitting her station. Instead, she was dressed in the same, simple outfit that the soldiers in the training yard wore—a clinging top and short trousers cut off at the knees.
"N-No?" he said, gesturing to the training sword and shield at his side. "T-Taking a b-break," he added.
Riju opened her mouth to answer but was interrupted by another shriek of rage from Sheik and Ayla's trilling laughter. She looked to the source of the commotion, and was unable to suppress the snort. "How long have those two been at it?" she asked.
"T-Twenty minutes or s-so," Link answered. Sheik was making good progress, to be honest. Having a machine brain to memorise movements was probably quite handy, even if the biological parts of him struggled to keep up.
"He's going to be so upset with you for this," the Gerudo chief said, sitting down beside him, enraptured with the display. "He might actually try to kill you."
"He'd have t-to c-catch me f-first," Link said, immediately feeling guilty for making fun of Sheik.
"True," Riju said, laughing. "You know, I thought he'd be a little more...elegant. Being a Sheikah and all."
"He j-just n-needs time to a-adjust," Link told her. "B-Be running c-circles around us s-soon."
"Hm," Riju said, nodding. Then, with no warning, she sprang to her feet and kicked Link in the shin. "Come on, break time's over! Spar with me!"
"Wha—?"
"Come on!" she whined. "Buliara says I've been slacking off, but if I can beat the Hero of Hyrule in a fight she'll have to shut up!" She threw a dark glance towards the other end of the yard, where Slagathor—er, Buliara herself stood, staring intently at the pair of them. "I'll show her!"
What choice did Link have, really? He nodded and stood up, grabbing his weapon and shield, wondering what Riju's weapon of choice was.
Obviously, the answer to that was a broad-bladed scimitar that Link suspected had been bigger than Riju herself just a year or so ago. The training weapons were dulled to prevent injuries, but that scimitar could easily be used as a club instead on account of its weight. And she just lifted it like it was nothing, swinging it around as easily as Link swung the Master Sword.
Where the hell does she keep her muscles? Link wondered, wondering if Gerudo were blessed with a secondary, invisible set just for making puny Hylians feel inadequate. He fought down the twinge of jealousy that struck him when he realised Riju had better abs than him.
"The secret is crunches," Riju said with a wink, noticing his annoyed stare.
"N-No comment," Link grumbled, taking his place in one of the many sparring rings that dotted the yard. He paused. "H-How many?" he asked a little quieter.
"Three sets of fifty, a fourth of your maximum, every day," the Chief said. "Make it a habit."
That sounded hard, and uncomfortable. Link glanced down at his stomach, and the map of scars that covered it. Nah, adding visible abdominal muscles to that would just make the area too busy. What a pity.
"So?" Riju asked, pointing her scimitar at him. "You coming, or what?"
Dropping into his usual stance, Link glared at her. His heart was speeding up already, and he felt the thrill of battle starting to blur everything else around him, his focus entirely on Riju. "Don't s-start crying wh-when I beat y-you," he warned her.
"Don't go crying to your boyfriend when I smash you," the chief warned back. "Now come on!"
They both charged each other at the same time, their weapons clashing loudly across the yard.
Teba rolled his shoulders, loosening up the muscles that had tightened up during the night, screaming at him in protest at the treatment they'd been put through in the past week. He really was getting old, if this was all it took for his body to rebel. Ten years ago, he could probably take the trip over and over five times over before he started getting sore. But here he was, in need of a break after crossing the Gerudo Highlands...and at this rate he was going to need one while flying over the Tabantha Frontier as well.
If nothing else, it gave him an excuse to put off the inevitable haranguing he knew Saki was preparing for his return. The mere thought of it made him want to turn around, but...he'd worried her too much already. Tulin, too.
He repacked his equipment and stepped closer to the edge of the cliff he'd nested on for the night, looking down at the sheer drop into the valley below. The Frontier was a rough landscape, nothing but craggy tops and rough brush. Link and Sheik had taken the kinder route from the east, as opposed to the northern one, which Teba was fortunate enough to fly over.
At least he didn't have to run in order to take off—the drop would give him the speed he needed to generate lift with his wings.
Hmph, what he wouldn't give for the ability gifted to Link by Master Revali. He'd never need to run for take-off again.
How'd he even do it? Magic had to be involved, somehow, but Teba couldn't remember the tales of Master Revali's exploits ever involving magic. He always accomplished his deeds with skill and smarts, not relying on some mystical force granted only to a select few individuals.
Or maybe magic, like everything else, was simply a skill that had to be practiced over and over until mastered?
Unbidden, Sheik's words came to mind. Claiming Teba was a Champion now, along with the others who had helped them with the Divine Beasts. Absurd, really. Teba was quite sure the likes of Prince Sidon, Yunobo the Goron, and Riju were all suited for the titles.
But him? He was just a simple family man—all he was good for was flying and shooting.
Teba grimaced, chuckling. Childish folly. He hadn't thought about things like magic and rising to some sort of greater purpose since he was a chick, and no amount of trying had ever led to any sort of magical discoveries. Besides, if it all came down to practice, wouldn't everyone have magic?
"Bah, stupid," he muttered.
Is it, though? a voice that was not his own spoke inside his head. Perhaps it is simply a matter of determination? I did not become Champion by hoping and dreaming. I fought for everything I ever got—and so have you.
Teba looked around himself wildly, trying to spot the source of the voice, because surely it could not come from within his head?
I am not here, the voice explained. Otherwise you would have been dazzled by my appearance.
That tone, the self-congratulatory attitude that had rubbed Link and Sheik (and Teba, to be honest) the wrong way...there was no mistaking it, truly.
"Master...Revali?" he asked aloud. "Is that you?"
Hm, took you long enough to catch on, Revali spoke, sounding amused. Even Link was quicker on the uptake, and Hylia knows his thoughts run at the speed of syrup at times.
"He has a lot on his mind," Teba said, quick to defend his kid, because...yeah, there really was no denying it at this point. "He doesn't deserve that."
Ah, but who else will keep him on his toes? That boy was growing far too complacent, not to mention miserable with a charge who would not give him the time of day. The fire was about to leave him, the poor thing, so I decided to take steps. And, let us be honest, who better to inspire greatness than I?
Teba rolled his eyes. Maybe the stories about Revali were a little exaggerated, but Link's descriptions of his arrogance certainly weren't.
And he has certainly improved since then, Revali added. Or perhaps that little companion of his has found a way to stoke the fires even faster?
"Why are you talking to me?" Teba asked. "How?"
Honoured as he was to speak with the Rito Champion, he wasn't comfortable talking about Link in this manner.
How is a matter of...well, magic, I suppose, Revali said. It is really quite simple, especially with how loud your mind is. As for why? Well, I see potential in you, and I would like to tip the scales a little more in our favour against Ganon. My Gale is a work of wonder, and I would share it with you.
"Truly?" Teba asked. "I thought such things were reserved the likes of Champions."
Are you not a Champion? Have you not fought Ganon beside one? You may not be the pilot of a Divine Beast, but it is rather unfair for the Hylian Champion to fight alone, is it not? If you are in doubt, I will gladly bestow the title upon you in a more...official manner. There can be sparks, and lights, and—
"That will not be necessary," the Rito said, shaking his head, trying not to feel too excited about Revali acknowledging him as a Champion. It wouldn't do to act like a child, after all. "But...I would like to learn, if I may."
That is good to hear, Revali said with a chuckle. Now, listen very carefully, Master Teba, and I shall teach you...
Sheik was panting as he flopped to the floor in the corner of the training yard, his stupid, biological lungs screaming for air. Who the fuck decided that stamina had to be a thing? Figuring out the proper weight distribution and pacing of running was hard enough without his lungs rebelling at the same time and causing black spots to mar his vision. It only gave Ayla more ammunition to use against him, and as much as he'd like to wring her neck (just a little) for her insults he knew he stood no chance of catching up to her.
He reached up and rubbed at his eyepatch. Maybe he could test the eye cannon on Ayla. Hell, she was so confident in herself she'd probably say yes, thinking it'd be a good bit of sport.
Din above, how the hell did people stand being unable to breathe like this? He tried to stop panting, but every time he tried to slow it down to a normal level, his chest would start burning.
"Take a breath," Ayla had said. "And we'll get to work on those twigs you call arms and legs."
She really was some sort of sadist.
At the other end of the yard Sheik spotted the source of his current misery. Link's utterly savage beating at the hands of Tiny was just about the only thing stopping him from walking over there and kicking Link hard in the shin.
Hell, he might do that later, just for emphasis. This had been the Hero's idea, after all.
Sheik only vaguely acknowledged the fact that he did need to get this body into shape before he could think about going into battle with it. Stabby had been in shambles towards the end, and the documentation told Sheik a lot of personal adjustment was needed if he truly wanted to fight with it.
And yes, building stamina was part of it.
He was still petty enough to laugh when Tiny swept Link's legs out from under him, the Hylian looking utterly flabbergasted at how fast she'd moved.
"Serves you right, bastard," he muttered.
"Who's a bastard?"
For the second time that day Sheik ended up in a heap of his own flailing limbs, squawking in surprise. For the second time that day, the cause was a Gerudo, though this was one was considerably smaller than Ayla.
"Are you okay?" Sivan asked, blinking down at him with her big, golden eyes, looking worried. "I was sitting there for a while...I didn't mean to scare you..."
"I'm fine," Sheik groused. "And you didn't scare me, I knew you were there the whole time," he added, lying his arse off. Fucking blind zone, he thought, cursing the eyepatch. "What are you doing here?" he asked, intending to stand up before Sivan could...could...
Too late, he realised, as she seated herself in his lap. What was with this girl?
"I'm here with my mom," Sivan said, pointing at one of the sparring rings, where four Gerudo soldiers were taking turns beating the snot out of each other. Sheik recognised one of them; she'd been with them when they went to retrieve the Thunder Helm. "Her name's Asiya!"
At the mention (that is, shout) of her name, Asiya looked up, eyes seeking out her daughter and spotting her immediately. Then she noticed Sheik, and for a moment he feared he was about to get a beating for being near Sivan, but all Asiya did was wave cheerfully and get right back to beating the shit out of her partner.
"She looks...nice?" Sheik tried.
"She is!" Sivan confirmed happily, looking up at him. "Can I see it again?"
"See what?"
She pointed to his eyepatch. "Your eye. The weird one."
He stared at her. "Why do you want to look at my weird eye?" he asked, feeling just as helpless as the night he'd met her. How did one deal with children, anyway? They were so...weird. Tulin was easily amused by the slate, but Sheik didn't have that to fall back on anymore.
"Because it's pretty," Sivan said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I like the colour!"
Before he knew it, he was lifting the patch so Sivan could look at the Guardian eye. He supposed he was a bit of a narcissist after all. Or maybe he just so damn uncomfortable around kids he'd do anything to satisfy their curiosity and make them leave him alone.
"Why does it look so different to the other one?" the girl asked, leaning in closer, jumping a little when the metallic iris closed and opened quickly in an imitation of a blink.
"Because it's artificial," Sheik explained. At her questioning glance, he had to mentally backpedal. "That is...it's not real. Not like this one," he pointed to his red eye. "This one's made of all the gooey, disgusting things a real eye is made of, while this one," he pointed to the Guardian eye, "isn't."
"What's it made of, then?" the Gerudo asked eagerly.
So far, Sheik's internal scans had revealed that the Guardian eye was created from various materials, both naturally occurring and synthetic ones. Metallic alloys and different plastics, a little bit of glass, even some gold for the sake of conducting electricity. And that was just the outside of it. The internal components that took care of the actual seeing part of things were so complex just trying to look at Stabby's preliminary schematics had given Sheik a headache. In the end, all he had was a rough estimate, and one Guardian eye was made up of about 163 different materials.
Somehow, he doubted Sivan would be interested in hearing that list.
"Magic," he responded instead, very proud of himself for excluding the word fucking in front of it.
"Cool!" Sivan exclaimed. "What's that?"
"What's what?" Sheik asked, bewildered by her quick shift in attention.
"That!" she pointed out insistently. "The metal thingy! There it is again!"
"Ah," Sheik said, smiling despite himself. "That's the iris."
"What's an iris?"
"It's like...an aperture," Sheik said, predicting the blank stare he got in return. "Er...consider it like an eyelid, yeah? It protects it from dust and sand."
As well as help him focus the laser beam. Theoretically, at least. If Stabby's documentation was correct, Sheik should be able to dynamically alter the size of the beam itself with aperture, provided he didn't overload the output. That could melt the alloy the aperture itself was of, and that would just be...unpleasant. Sheik wasn't too keen on finding out what molten metal on skin felt like.
"And those?" Sivan asked, reaching out to touch one of the delicate gold wires around the eye socket.
"Conductors for electricity," Sheik said, carefully grabbing her hand before she could reach them. They were very delicate, and he didn't want her to get shocked. "They make the eye work, and I'd appreciate if you didn't touch them. I might go blind, you see."
That had the desired effect, and Sivan quickly pulled her hand back, eyes wide. "Sorry!" she exclaimed. "Please don't go blind!"
Sheik chuckled. "Oh, I won't, as long as those wires aren't tampered with." He touched the eyepatch. "Satisfied?"
She shook her head, looking closer at the glowing orb in his skull. "What's it like, seeing through it?"
"Not too different from the real one," he said, tapping the right side of his head. "It's a bit sharper, I guess, and there's a lot more information processing before it even gets to my brain."
"What's that mean?"
Honestly, he wasn't entirely sure of that himself. According to his logs, everything he saw was processed and analysed before the information was transmitted to his brain, but once the information did reach his brain it was processed and analysed again. Often the conclusions and findings were identical, indicating the processes were the same, only set up in a redundant sequence.
For backup purposes? Hell if he knew. Even Stabby didn't have a good answer for that one.
"I guess...you could describe it like I think really hard about what I'm seeing before I actually see it?"
Sivan narrowed her eyes, nose wrinkling as if offended. "That doesn't make any sense," she said.
Sheik laughed. "No, it really doesn't," he agreed. "But then, neither do I, so..."
There was a yelp, and Sheik glanced over to see Link lying on the floor, Riju's scimitar at his neck.
"Do you yield?" the chief asked.
"Hell no!" Link shouted, aiming a kick at her shin and slipping out from underneath the blade at the same time. He'd lost his weapon, but that hardly made him helpless. Riju made to follow him, but he stepped back and snapped his fingers.
The sound of a massive thunderclap filled the training yard as several arcs of bright electricity struck the ground in a circle around Link. Riju jumped back, glaring at the Hero, reacting too late as Link's shield slammed into her, knocking her to the ground, his sword back in his hand and resting against her neck.
"That's cheating!" the chief shouted.
"A true warrior uses all tools at their disposal," Link said, panting and grinning like a maniac.
Sheik knew he was mirroring it. There was just something about Link's smiles that were infectious, even when he'd just nearly incinerated the Gerudo chief by accident.
"True," Slagathor agreed from nearby. Sheik could tell her heart rate was elevated, however, from the brief moment of shock. She glared at Link, as if daring him to do that again.
The eyes of the whole training yard were on them, including Sivan's. "He was really obvious about it, though," she said. "Lady Riju had plenty of time to get away."
"You noticed too, huh?" Sheik asked. Link had been really clear that he was about to use the little trick Biggie had taught him. "How'd you know what was going to happen?"
"That's Lady Urbosa's trick," Sivan said. "Everyone knows she could snap her fingers and summon lightning!"
"I didn't," Sheik said, "until I met her."
The big eyes were back and staring at him with awe. "You met Lady Urbosa?" she asked.
"Sure did," Sheik said. "Gave her a nickname, even. Biggie."
Sivan narrowed her eyes. "Biggie?"
"Because she was really big," Sheik helpfully supplied, to her delight.
"Bigger than Lady Riju?" she asked.
Sheik snorted. "Definitely bigger than Tiny. Hell, she was bigger than Slaga—I mean, bigger than Buliara even."
"Wow," Sivan said, looking to the chief's bodyguard. Even with no one else nearby for scale, she was huge. He had yet to see her in an actual fight, but he had no doubt she'd absolutely annihilate anyone who so much as tried to bring harm to Riju.
"That's it!" Riju shrieked from the ring. "Teach me how to do it!"
"Wh-What?" Link asked. "I don't even kn-know how I'm d-doing it!"
"Bullshit!" Riju spat.
"My lady!" Buliara snapped.
"Din above, save me," Sheik groaned, knocking the back of his head against the wall behind him. He felt a persistent tugging at his glove, and saw Sivan slowly removing it. "You don't want to see that," he said, curling his fingers into a fist. "My eye is weird, but that thing is downright ugly."
"Nothing about you is ugly," Sivan insisted, glaring at him. "Now let me see."
"I think not," Sheik said, refusing to uncurl his hand. He would not be responsible for traumatising the kid with his ridiculous claw of a hand. "I don't really like seeing it."
"Oh," Sivan said, deflating a bit. "Sorry."
"Eh, no need to apologise. Just have to remember that people generally aren't comfortable with showing off their more...unusual aspects to others, you know?"
Wow, Sheik thought. That almost sounded like advice.
"I understand," Sivan said gravely.
"Good," Sheik said, pausing when he noticed a small spike in his connection to the nearest tower.
Ah, what harm's one more try going to do?
He connected and sent the hailing message to the connection point. Just a small stream of data basically saying "Hi, I'm Sheik, could you let me in, please?"
A prompt appeared asking for his login credentials. In the slate, he'd had the private part of a private/public key system, and had never really needed credentials to log in. As long as he had the key, he was good to go. Not so much with his new body, where he only had the public key, which required him to give a password when he tried to log in.
So far, various litanies of curses had failed to be accepted, along with various insults aimed towards Ganon wherein said monster was compared to various body parts or engaged in various filthy activities with said body parts.
How about this, he thought, and entered GanonIsACock.
Access denied.
"Son of a..." he muttered.
"What's wrong?" Sivan asked.
"Eh, nothing important," he said, opening his eyes and looking at her, realising something. She was the only kid here. "Shouldn't you be in school, or something?" he asked.
The girl's face fell a little at that. "Don't like it," she said. "Don't like the others."
"Others?"
"Kids," she grumbled. "They're stupid."
"Other people generally are," Sheik agreed, nodding sagely. "I can count the people who aren't stupid on two hands."
"Am I one of them?" Sivan asked.
"You're the newest on the list," Sheik said, nodding. "Unfortunately, we can't avoid those people, so it's better to just...ignore their stupidity. What flavour of stupid are they?"
Sivan blinked, as if surprised at the question. "Well...they're not...stupid," she said haltingly. "More...mean."
"How so?" Sheik asked.
"They tease me."
"About what?"
"My...my dad. That I don't know who he is. Where he's from. Mom won't tell me."
Ah. Sheik was definitely on thin ice with this conversation...but by now it was too late to back out.
"Well...I'm sure she has her reasons for that," he said carefully. "But the other kids...well, if they try to start something, it generally just helps to assert your dominance. You know, shout them into submission, and if that fails, just punch 'em in the nose. That generally works."
Sivan nodded fiercely. "That's what I did! Mom got angry, though, even though I did exactly like she taught me!" She pouted and crossed her arms, glaring at the woman in question, who was happily wrestling one of her companions to the ground, unaware of her daughter's stare. "Said something about violence never solving anything."
Well, that was just untrue. Sheik could describe no less than four situations where violence had been the only solution! He highly doubted the Blights would be willing to calmly discuss giving up their occupation of the Divine Beasts. Nor would Ganon just agree to go away without Link twisting its arm a bit first.
Or cutting its fucking head off.
Either or. Sheik was looking forward to seeing it.
"Eh, sometimes a good punch is the only way to go," Sheik said. "Simple solution."
"Mom always says the simplest solutions are the best, even to hard problems," Sivan said, nodding. "I will keep punching."
"Atta girl," Sheik said, wondering if he was making some social faux pas here by teaching a child to punch first and ask questions later, and...wait a minute... "Could you repeat that?" he asked.
"I will keep punching?" she said.
"No, before that."
"Simplest solutions to hard problems?" she tried.
"Exactly," Sheik said, hoping for the sake of security that his hunch wasn't correct. He hummed, closing his eyes.
$ sudo netCon -u admin -p 2022
Connecting as user admin to Sheikah Tower Network...
Success!
No keys detected, switching to alternative login methods for user admin.
Please enter your password:
Wrong password, please try again:
Success! Welcome back, user admin.
It has been 730 848.398 days since your last login.
Please ensure all drivers and software are updated to their latest versions.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Sheik muttered under his breath. "Admin123, really?"
If the admin wasn't already long dead, Sheik would take utmost pleasure in finishing off the idiot himself.
"What's that?" Sivan asked.
"The solution to my problem," he said, ruffling her hair. "Thank you, you helped me."
"Yay!"
Sheik smiled, taking a moment to relish in the feeling of information flowing into him, his maps getting updated, weather data...everything. Without the network connection, he really had felt like he was missing something vital.
And with the connection, he also had access to...
Yes, the transportation system responded just as it should...though with the still slightly spotty connection he was not keen on testing it just yet. They'd have to head north-west for a better connection before he dared try to transport them anywhere.
For that matter, he'd have to adjust his scripts to accommodate two bodies by default now, and do it carefully. He'd rather not accidentally combine his and Link's bodies into some horrid amalgamation.
"All right, that's enough rest for you," Ayla said, having finished her calisthenics, pointing accusingly at Sheik. "It's time to see what you can do in a fight. Stop cuddling the child and get over here so I can kick your ass."
Sheik groaned. "You wouldn't mind if I used you as a shield, would you?" he asked Sivan, who shook her head.
"My mom might, though."
"Ah, wouldn't want to piss her off, would we?" he asked, waiting for her to climb off his lap before standing up. "Well, back to work, I guess."
A tug on his hand stopped him. "Did I really help?" Sivan asked, looking up at him with hopeful eyes.
"You did," he said. "You really did."
The smile he got in return could light up the world, he was sure.
Maybe kids weren't so bad after all...