There's an old expression about horses and water that clamors around in Hinata's head lately, almost on repeat. It's a silly little saying...one that she has tried to ignore, because clearly the horse would drink when it was thirsty enough...
The pills on the coffee table tell her otherwise.
She doesn't want to nag him.
She doesn't want to make him feel anything other than capable.
She wants him to know she has faith in him. That she believes in him.
Always.
Some days that's harder than it sounds.
Days like today when she finds yesterday's medication on the table, and today's as well.
"Naruto, you haven't touched your dinner." She reaches across the small table to nudge his fork. It's not a big meal-she had a late evening at the office, and only had time to cook something fairly light, but it's better than the Doritos and Cap'n Crunch diet he insists on when she's gone.
He leans back in his chair-so far that the front legs come up and he rocks a bit. "Not hungry." He scratches at his arm with one hand while he rocks, his unfocused gaze turned up to the ceiling. "Bored," he mutters.
Abruptly, Naruto grabs her dinner and his from the table and empties them both in the trash-plates and all. He turns back to her, his gaze expectant.
She stares at him dumbly for a moment, before saying, "I wasn't finished."
"We can grab something at the theatre." He's already at the door.
"The theatre?" Hinata pushes away from the table, feeling every motion like she weighs a thousand pounds. She resists the urge to rub at her temples. "Naruto-what-?"
"C'mon, Hina. We never do anything fun. Let's go."
"Naruto...you're not even dressed." she reminds him.
He shrugs. He shifts, blinking down at his bare feet and sweatpants. "I can grab a shirt," he counters, fingertips scratching at his chest.
She can feel the thrum of his energy under his skin when she reaches for him, her fingers curling gently around his wrist to lead him away from the door. "Why don't we save that for this weekend, okay? You still need to eat, and I have to work early-"
He lets out a frustrated sound, jerking his hands away from hers. "Fuck it. Fine." He turns to look at her, and his expression is unreadable. "You never want to do anything."
That's not true, she thinks, but doesn't argue.
His expression clouds over and she can practically see the wheels turning in his head-she can feel his frustration. It prompts her into 'comfort' mode.
"We'll do something this weekend," she promises, making her way towards him. She reaches up, tips his chin down towards her, so he can look into her eyes, She loves him. She knows he can see that. "Okay?"
He deflates a bit, but nods. "Yeah, okay."
She pushes onto her tiptoes and kisses him-soft and slow. "I'm going to shower. Please eat something."
His arm snakes around her waist. "I'd rather shower with you."
It's inviting-it really is-but she really just needs a good cry and the shower is the only place she can where he can't see or hear, so she shakes her head and gently detangles herself from his embrace. "What you need is food." She glances at the coffee table. "Looks like you forgot your pills again. Take them, okay."
He mumbles something under his breath and she can only hope it's an affirmative.
The next few days are a trial on her patience and her sanity.
Naruto practically vibrates with repressed...everything.
Hinata herself feels like she's coiled too tight. She can feel the tension between them twisting and tightening, and she knows-knows-the snap is coming, but she tries to convince herself that she can handle this. She's handled it for years now, right?
She loves him.
That's enough.
Except...it doesn't feel like enough lately.
He's awake-in the living room-doing whatever it is that he does when he can't stay still and she lays awake, staring at the bedroom walls, trying to figure out the bills, and the schedules, and his meals, and how to get him to take his medication without crushing it and force feeding him...and she is ashamed of her own weakness and thoughts, but there's no help for it.
Naruto is the light of her life.
She knows that in and of itself is problematic, but it doesn't change the truth.
She also knows that in the end, it's not up to her to save him.
That's something he has to do on his own.
She just doesn't want to watch him burn out and she wants to give him every opportunity to succeed. So she reminds him: Eat your food. Take a shower. Go to the gym. Don't forget to leave for work on time. Take your medicine...
"Stop telling me what I need to do all the fucking time!"
Hinata freezes, his pill bottle clutched between her palms. He stares back at her-his eyes wide and slightly frantic. He reminds her of a caged animal. And the way he's looking at her...like he hates her.
He growls something under his breath just before he punches a hole in the wall.
She can't help but wonder if he wishes he'd hit her instead.
She blinks, turning away from him. She's about to cry and she makes it a habit to not cry in front of him. "I have to go to work." She finally gets out, still not looking at him. If she looks, she will break. And she can't be broken and help him, too. So she won't. "Please take your medication."
She leaves him standing in the bedroom.
In the kitchen she pulls out the ice tray and sets it on the counter. In case he needs it for his knuckles.
He can hate her all he wants.
She'll still try to help him.
Even if it hurts.
It hurts so much.