The Legend of Zelda, its characters and locations are all property of Nintendo. Any and all OCs and original locations belong to me unless specifically stated to belong to someone else.

The Voice
Chapter 72 – It's a Fucked-Up World, Nephew

"This is starting to get old," Sheik muttered as consciousness returned to him, and taking its sweet time, too. Unpleasant as ever, the waking process now also included a warning saying Low Charge flashing in the corner of his vision, along with repeated warnings saying the same in his system logs.

"Ah, you're awake. I was wondering how long you intended to laze about."

Sheik kept his eyes closed, wondering if his problems would disappear as long as he refused to acknowledge them. Every rational part of him told him firmly no, but he had this fanciful part that maybe, just maybe, would win out for once.

"Nephew, denial won't solve anything. It is time to wake up."

Sheik groaned, adding yet another tally to rationality's score. As it stood, it was currently several million in the lead. Fantasy still only had three points. One for Link, another for Sidon, and a third for the fleshy metal contraption that now housed his consciousness.

Not a great score overall but in the end, he supposed those three points were the most important of them all.

It still left him with the current problem, however, which was only confirmed when he slowly opened his eyes and found Impa's wrinkled potato face staring down at him with a mix of disapproval and inexplicable fondness. How she managed to balance the two expressions so perfectly was beyond his ability to fathom, but then he supposed there were a lot of things about the elderly Sheikah he'd never quite understand. Perhaps it was for the best. She was of the same stock that had produced Purah, after all, and nothing but insanity lay in the path of working out what drove that toddler-sized scientist.

"Ah, there you are," she said, smile growing a little. "Welcome back."

"How long was I out?" Sheik asked, knowing fully well how long he was out. His system clock informed him quite accurately that he'd been out of commission for twelve hours, fifty-seven minutes and thirteen seconds. The question was a matter of custom.

"Half a day, or so," Impa replied, sitting back a little. "Paya was quite worried, as were the others."

Sheik breathed in as he performed a system diagnostic. Everything seemed to be in order, apart from the aforementioned lack of energy. The error logs were filled with warnings regarding the Guardian cannon, particularly about its power usage.

He paused, reaching up with his right hand. His fingers found cloth covering his artificial eye. Where did...?

"We covered it up again after your old patch burned up," Impa explained, seemingly reading his thoughts. "Paya said you seemed uncomfortable showing it off."

"That's one word for it," he said, focusing on the ceiling above him. His positioning system told him he was still in the Sheikah village—Impa's house to be exact. The smell of smoke and something else—burning flesh, an olfactory analysis told him—filled the air he breathed. Funeral pyres, most likely. "You're taking all this remarkably well," he said after a while. "Some would consider my appearance to be something of a shock, but..."

Impa gave a wry chuckle. "When you reach my age, you have seen most there is; very few things surprise me these days, and when they do, I find it best to simply go along with it and demand an explanation later. Did I expect to see you suddenly show up in the flesh—for the most part—during the middle of a Yiga attack on the village? No, I certainly did not, but your sudden appearance was definitely a welcome one. I also appreciated your swift and decisive victory in the duel. It was a tad messy and lacking in the finesse I try to instil in my warriors, but I could not argue with the results."

Sheik thought back to that moment. "I may have made a slight miscalculation in the power distribution," he admitted. "It was supposed to be an execution, not a…dispersal."

"Either way, it bought the cavalry enough time to reach us and drive off the rest of the enemy troops, so I will consider it a success," Impa said, patting his shoulder in a manner so gentle Sheik had trouble believing this was the same woman who'd (under the threat of extreme pain and humiliation) adopted him into her clan. "Though I would appreciate some warning in the future, should you decide to employ your...ocular brilliance again. If only so I can cover my eyes—I had a bright line dancing in my vision for quite a while afterwards."

"Duly noted, aunt," Sheik replied, making a failed attempt at sitting up, the fleshy parts of his body not quite cooperating as well as the metal ones—he was starting to see some real drawbacks to this body. "Eugh, come on—"

"Here," Impa said, grabbing his shoulder and, with ease and no signs whatsoever of struggle, pulled him up into a seated position, quickly shoving a small stack of pillows under his back to keep him upright. "Better?"

"Much," Sheik said, his fear of the diminutive potato ninja increasing tenfold. What the hell was she? "Thank you."

It was as much out of gratitude as dread that he thanked her. He had no doubt that actually pissing off this woman would end with nothing but his utter annihilation. There wouldn't even be anything left to bury.

"Now," the old woman said. "As I said, I went along with this new appearance of yours for the sake of making sure our people were saved. Now the time has come for answers. So, if you would not mind, nephew, I'd like a report of what led to this situation of yours."

"Do you have an eternity?" Sheik said. "Feels like it'll take that long to explain it all."

"An abridged version will do for now," Impa replied. "You can skip most of the tech-related information—I will have Purah and Robbie question you thoroughly about those later. Just tell me this: how are you here, and not in the Slate?"

Sheik did his best to summarise the ridiculous tale, amazed at how it sounded stupider and stupider every time he told it. By the end of it, he was almost certain Impa would banish him for wasting her time.

Instead, she simply nodded her head, as she had done through the whole thing, as if any of it made sense.

"You've certainly been busy," she finally said. "I cannot help but worry a little about this artificial entity you mentioned, the one who originally inhabited this body." She tapped his temple, evoking an annoyed grunt she seemed to find amusing. "Are you sure it can be trusted."

"He is mostly based on me to begin with," Sheik said, narrowing his eye at her. "If I can be trusted, then so can Stabby. Besides, I allowed him into the network, but I've limited his capabilities. Any changes he wants to make have to be approved by me. For now, think of him as an observer."

"Can he hear us?" Impa asked.

"Maybe?" Sheik replied. "Stabby, you there?"

I AM, BROTHER

I CAN HEAR HER THROUGH YOUR EARS

"He can."

And it was fucking creepy. Sheik would definitely put some more restrictions on what parts of his bodily functions Stabby could access once he wasn't dealing with the mortifying fear of saying something that'd trigger Impa's world-ending fury.

One day, Sheik thought, I will find a way to surprise this woman. It was infuriating, how absolutely unflappable this woman was. She was just like Tweety, except far scarier.

"Ah, good," Impa said, nodding. "I would just like to warn the young man that he had better behave himself, or he will be disciplined."

BROTHER...I AM SCARED

You should be, Sheik thought.

"Duly noted," he said, relaying Stabby's answer.

"Excellent," Impa said brightly. "I shall look forward to meeting him properly at a later time."

I DON'T WANT TO

If I have to suffer, so do you.

"Gonna adopt him too?" Sheik asked cheekily, unable to contain the snarky response.

"I might," Impa said promptly. "If he's partly based on you, Sheik, then he too is family."

"It's a fucked-up family, then," he said, a bit harsher than intended.

"It's a fucked-up world, nephew."

He gaped at her. What the fuck?! Old people weren't allowed to swear! Especially not horrendously elderly, potato-shaped matriarchs! That went against everything!

Stop the world, I want to get off!

"So..." Sheik said, trailing off. "The others know, now."

It took her a moment to realise what he was talking about.

"You revealed it in a rather spectacular fashion," she replied, nodding as she ran her fingers through her grey hair. She looked a lot smaller without her hat. "But then again, the truth would come out sooner or later, and it was better for them to learn of your true nature in the act of saving us. If you are worried about their reactions, I can assure you they do not think ill of you for being what you are. They are just grateful you and Paya appeared in the nick of time to lend your support. In fact, they are quite looking forward to greeting you properly, rather than interact with a voice in a Sheikah Slate."

"Hmph," he grumbled. "Not sure I'm looking forward to it."

"Consider it a rite of passage, a way for them to properly accept you into the clan."

Shaking his head, regretting a little as the world began to tilt from exhaustion, he focused on something else. "Where's Paya?"

"Outside, conducting the funeral for our fallen," Impa said. "We decided it was best that she take that responsibility while I looked after you."

"I see..." He thought about the faces of the fallen. "How many?"

"More than I would have liked, fewer than I feared," Impa said, frowning. "My confidence in the security of this village was mistaken, and they all paid the price."

"Place was bound to be attacked sooner or later," Sheik said.

"Perhaps," she conceded. "Or I have grown too complacent."

"What're you supposed to do? You have a people, a clan, to provide for. You can't keep them moving from place to place indefinitely." He gripped at a corner of the futon he was lying on. "This wasn't your fault."

"Oh, but it was, nephew. I should have known better than to assume the Yiga wouldn't attack us when we were at our weakest, with our young warriors away." She sighed. "I should have accepted King Dorephan's offer to move our clan within the Domain's protective reach right away, instead of after the fact."

"You're moving?"

"I believe it's for the best—if not for our elders, then at least for our children. The Hylian captain has graciously offered to escort us to the Domain."

"Good..."

There was a lull in the conversation. Sheik found himself unsure of how to proceed. He was used to Impa being scary as all hell, not one for deep interactions (other than with Link, apparently), but here he was. He looked to the door, wishing Paya would come back. She was a good distraction...and he wanted to make sure she was okay. The fight with the Yiga assassin had been quick and brutal, and she'd looked fine afterwards, but there was no way to be sure, especially not after he'd passed out like an idiot because of power mismanagement.

He made a note to ask Stabby for every single bit of data he had compiled related to the operation of the cannon. He had a feeling he was going to need it in the future...not to mention he had to make figuring out a reliable power supply a priority.

"She will be along shortly, I'm sure," Impa said quietly, apparently realising what he was looking for. "The ceremony isn't long."

Faintly, muffled by the walls of the house, Sheik's sensitive hearing picked up the sounds of several voices raised in song. The melody was mournful, but also optimistic, in a way. Sheikah funeral rites hadn't changed much since the time he'd been alive, it seemed. Pyres, songs meant to usher the souls of the dead into the great beyond, mourning their loss but wishing them nothing but happiness...

Did they give me the rites? Sheik wondered. After they scooped my mind out of my shell and put it in the Slate? Or did they just dump me in a shallow grave somewhere and called it a day, celebrating that I was finally out of their hair?

Din above, better not get into that whole thing. Impa would pick up on his despondency and ask about it, and he'd have to explain it all. What else could he say to move this awkward moment along? Oh, right...

"We need to make contact with Kiro at some point," he said. "Maybe help him find the Yiga who were cast out by Kohga and his banana-gobbling ilk."

"Indeed," Impa said, nodding. "If what you've told me about this young man is correct, then this could be a new start for our clans. Perhaps even a reunification could be possible, now that our views on...technology somewhat align."

Well, more or less, Sheik thought. Somehow, I don't think Robbie and Purah will agree.

"It will have to wait, however," Impa continued. "Right now, our priority has to be relocating our old, injured, and children to the safety of the Domain, and then preparing for battle. Until Ganon is defeated, none can rest easy. Now that Gerudo will be joining us, the Divine Beasts are tamed, and Link is at his full strength...there is finally light at the end of the tunnel."

She smiled, patting his head in a manner that somehow didn't feel as condescending as it should have. Was this what genuine affection from an authority figure felt like?

"You have done well, Sheik. I knew you would be an asset, though perhaps not in the way I imagined. The way you've helped Link has been absolutely instrumental, and I am proud to call you my nephew."

He stared at her, the iris of his Guardian eye whirring quietly as it opened and closed rapidly beneath the eyepatch. Who was this woman and what had she done with the real Impa?

"Your language needs to be cleaned up a little, though. It is entirely unbecoming of a Sheikah. Also, your fighting style is atrocious and must be corrected. I will have Paya help you with that. And that outfit...I will have a set of proper armour made for you. Gerudo stitching simply isn't what it needs to be."

Ah, there it was.

Paya needed a moment to herself once the ceremony concluded. The pyres burned brightly, freeing the spirits of her family from their mortal coils, allowing them to ascend. She'd spoken the words, taught to her by her grandmother in preparation for her future role as the clan leader, done her best to appear strong in the face of so much death.

Some tears had escaped, however, and her voice had broken a few times as she'd recited the prayers, and for a moment she was afraid she'd made a fool of herself and accidentally offended not only those who remained, but the entirety of the Sheikah ancestry.

But there had been no scolding words, only grateful and teary smiles, gentle hands in hers, supporting pats on her shoulders. Thankful words and congratulations for successfully stepping up to her role.

She'd excused herself soon after, leaving the pyres and the gathered mourners, stumbling to the small grove overlooking the village and knelt among the flowers growing there. She'd let her tears fall without interruption, crying for the aunts and uncles and cousins she had lost.

The fires had begun to smoulder by the time she came back down, and the survivors were already busy packing their belongings, preparing to move to the Domain. She passed by some Hylian soldiers assisting some of the elderly Sheikah, giving them a grateful nod, which were returned.

Relations between their two races had always been tense, but at least they could see past their differences after tragedies like these.

Even if they hadn't volunteered their help, Paya had a feeling Sheik could have whipped them into action with a few words.

The unbidden thought caused her lips to twitch with a suppressed smile.

She wasn't entirely sure how the clan would feel about their newest cousin. Personality-wise he was...rough. Difficult to approach, and even harder to remain around...but they had to see there was good in there, right? Beneath all that bluster. It had taken Paya some time to see through it, but there was no denying Sheik was anything but a bad person, even if he appeared to really, really, really want to be one.

How else could Link stand to keep him around?

And he'd jumped to the village's defence without a second thought, which alone spoke volumes of what kind of person he was. If nothing else, that should have let the clan know what kind of man (or whatever he preferred to call himself) he was.

There was a lot to take in about him, but in Paya's mind there was only one thing to consider—that he was her cousin.

They'd fought together, they'd won together.

Compared to that, everything else was...trifling. It didn't matter that his vocabulary was ninety percent swearwords, that his volume tended to reach frequencies inaudible to anything but dogs, that his idea of polite conversation was finding someone's button and then pressing it for all it was worth in an attempt to piss them off for his own amusement.

He'd come through when it had mattered. Sure, it had been a little messy, a little loud, and downright unpleasant when he'd decided to reveal a swirling, mad eye in his left socket, the sort she'd grown to fear because seeing one meant she'd accidentally awakened one of her ancestors' terrifying killing machines...but in the end it didn't matter.

Because he was Sheik, and she trusted him.

Her mind kept to these thoughts, running through them over and over again until she was standing outside the door to her grandmother's house. It seemed quiet in there, which meant Sheik was either still asleep...or he'd woken, said something ill-advised, and then been killed by Impa for using rude language.

Frankly, it was probably fifty-fifty.

Cue her surprise, then, when she found her cousin not only awake, but sitting up and talking to her grandmother in a quiet, hushed tone. He looked exhausted, a heavy-looking, purple bag under his one visible eye, his skin slightly pale. He'd mentioned something about the shot that had killed the Yiga duellist taking a lot more energy than he'd anticipated...

"Ah, granddaughter...how did it go?" Impa looked up at her, smiling gently.

"It w-went w-well," she replied, cursing her stutter. On her own, she could recite poetry like it was nothing, but as soon as someone was around to hear her speak, her confidence in her own voice plummeted. She wondered if it was the same for Link, or if he stuttered for a different reason. "They've been p-put to r-rest." She kneeled on the opposite side of Sheik's futon, looking at him closely. "H-How do y-you feel?"

"Drained," Sheik replied simply, his eye looking her up and down, as if looking for something. "Are you all right, Paya-nee?"

At first, she'd assumed Sheik called her that out of mockery, still upset about his own situation and the rather forceful adoption into the clan he'd gone through, but now...now it sounded anything but mocking. It was like he actually acknowledged the familial connection between them now. When had that changed, she wondered.

"I'm f-fine," she replied. And she was—physically, at least. A few nicks and scrapes, a bruised (but thankfully not broken) nose, but that was nothing compared to the wounds she'd dealt the enemy, or that horrid bitch who'd tried to assassinate Impa during the attack.

"You will see the healer in the Domain upon your return," Impa said, her tone leaving no room for argument. "I have asked Sheik to make sure you do."

Paya looked at Sheik accusingly, who could only shrug.

"I wasn't given a choice in the matter," he said.

It was funny, how Sheik appeared willing to argue with Hylia herself over every little perceived slight, but instantly caved in to Impa. Well, it would be funny, if Paya herself wasn't intimately familiar with just how terrifying her grandmother could be if she put her mind to it...or someone gave her reason to be. The assassin really hadn't known what she was getting herself into, trying to pick a fight with the Sheikah matriarch. Paya was probably the fairest opponent she could fight in the room, in hindsight, especially after Sheik revealed his...er...his eye-catching enhancement.

"I would like you to teach him our way of fighting, Paya," Impa said, apparently not finished giving out instructions. "At the moment, he is about as graceful as a drunken bokoblin, and I'd like to see that change."

"Drunken bokoblin...?" Sheik asked, narrowing his eye at the old woman.

"Paya said you tripped over thin air," Impa countered. "There are many good reasons to fall, nephew, but that is not one of them."

"Was that supposed to sound wise?" Sheik asked. "Because that's not the case."

"They can't all be winners," Impa replied. "Can you stand?"

"Maybe? Are we in a hurry?"

"Somewhat, but from what I understand according to your story, you left the Domain rather abruptly without letting a certain Hero know," Impa said, rising from her kneeling position and offering her hand to Sheik. Paya quickly scrambled to mirror her, wanting to lend her cousin a hand. "Don't you think he's going to be rather worried?"

Realisation dawned on Sheik's face in a manner that, if Paya hadn't already known the exact nature of his and Link's relationship (no matter how difficult she found it to wrap her head around it), left no doubt as to what he was worried about.

"Shit," he muttered, looking despondent. "Link's going to kill me. Sharky too. Oh Din, I'm going to be murdered by both of them at the same time."

"Take your punishment like a man, nephew," Impa said cheerfully, grabbing his hand and tugging him up. She might have succeeded, too, if he wasn't so much taller than her. It meant Paya had to lift him the rest of the way and...Hylia, he was so damn heavy!

"H-How m-much do you w-weigh?!" she gasped, realising she had to put quite a bit of effort into actually hoisting his weight up.

"Don't be rude, Paya-nee," Sheik replied smarmily, grinning at her. "What if I asked you that question?"

"I'd k-kill you," she replied without hesitation, which made him laugh.

"I like you more and more, you know that?"

"I'm h-honoured?"

Their departure from the village was about as abrupt as their arrival. Or, it was supposed to be. It would take a while to pack up the village and the belongings they needed, so Impa had instructed Sheik to take Paya back to the Domain as soon as possible, to make sure everyone knew what had happened and what the plan was going forward.

They underestimated the Sheikah's curiosity about their newest cousin. Some had already met him in his Slate form, but to see him walking about was apparently far more interesting than packing.

The children certainly thought so, practically running around Sheik in circles, asking him a million questions all at the same time, making themselves impossible to understand. The adults were a little more careful, but they too approached Sheik to speak to him, if only to ask him a few questions and generally poke at him. It seemed Impa and Paya's acceptance of him was more than good enough for them...and that also meant it was time for highly invasive queries, especially about his artificial body.

"Do you have a willy?" one child innocently asked, and Paya had to physically cover her mouth to stop herself from guffawing loudly, especially when Sheik's face turned the colour of a ripe tomato.

"I...that is...what kind of question is that?!" he shrieked, taking off running towards the Shrine...which only further spurred on the children, who gleefully followed him, repeating the question over and over again. "Stop following me, you little monsters! Paya! Do something!"

Whatever lethargy remained in Sheik seemed to evaporate in the face of innocent curiosity, and he seemingly gained a burst of strength in his attempt to escape the horde of red-eyed kids chasing him. It was kind of adorable, really.

"He is many things," Impa said as she escorted Paya up the hill leading to the Shrine, a fond smile on her wrinkled face, "but dull is not one of them."

Paya hummed and nodded, pausing when Impa caught her gaze, holding it.

"Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, will you?" she asked. "Either of them. Link may seem quiet and careful, but I remember some of the antics the boy got up to back then."

"I'll d-do my b-best," she promised, pausing when Impa stopped walking, tugging slightly on Paya's shirt, urging her to crouch down.

"And look after yourself as well," the matriarch said, kissing Paya's forehead. "I have lost so many, Paya. I don't know what I would do if something were to happen to you."

"I w-will."

"Good," the older woman said, nodding with satisfaction. "Now, let's see if we can rescue your foolish cousin, shall we?"

As she watched her granddaughter and adopted nephew slowly being dissolved into blue light, Impa felt nothing but pride swelling in her chest. They were young (even Sheik, whose millennia didn't count since he'd slept through it all) and still wet behind the ears, but they were growing up, and becoming fine Sheikah.

She'd been worried when the two of them had burst into her house during the attack, fearing they had just thrown themselves into a pointless fight that would only get them killed...but seeing them work together, how easily Paya had dispatched the assassin, the way Sheik had stepped up to Yiga with no hesitation...well, it left her with nothing but hope for the clan's future.

Oh, Impa certainly had no plans of dying in the immediate future, and when she inevitably stepped down from her position, she still planned on being there to advise Paya for as long as she could. However, the attack had definitely shown her that the status quo was precarious, and that she could perish at any moment.

But even if she were to perish suddenly, Impa now knew her clan would be in good hands, with Paya as the leader and Sheik as...well, some sort of adviser, she supposed. A volatile, short-tempered one, but also with a good heart.

He still needed to clean up his language though, she decided, and made a note to pack an extra big bar of soap. Some lessons just needed to be taught decisively.