"And, ya'know. I'm still really sorry. For, for everything. And… and… I really miss you. love you."
Things are both easier and more difficult for her without Naruto.
She commutes to work by train, so she has to leave early in the morning, but that's okay. She uses the time on the train to go over proposals and answer emails and to drink her coffee. She gets to work prepared and ready.
Work is busier than it's been in awhile.
The contract deadline is approaching and final pitches are being put together.
Hinata meets with Shino and Mr. Otsutsuki on a regular basis, finalizing things.
Despite not being the Team Lead, she gets a small raise.
"You've earned it." Toneri tells her.
Ino and Hanabi take her out to dinner to celebrate.
Hinata wishes she could share her news with Naruto.
She misses him.
Misses his smiles.
Misses the enthusiastic way he cheers her on.
Misses how he tells his stories.
Misses the scent of him on her skin, in her bed.
Just...misses him.
But she doesn't miss the worry. She doesn't miss the hurried errands, cooking the meals, cleaning the apartment, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, making the schedules, keeping the appointments or that frantic edginess that clung to her like a second skin.
She still worries-of course she does. She loves him. But it's not as pervasive. It's not every moment of every day.
She can breathe.
If only a little easier, it's still easier.
She feels guilty that it is.
"He's fine." Ino says one night, glass of red in hand, and Hanabi nodding beside her.
Hinata's fingers flutter around her bracelet. "I hope so."
"He is." Ino restates it with conviction. "He's not dead or in jail."
They know because he still calls.
"I know, but-"
"No, buts." Hanabi cuts in, not unkindly, but slightly frustrated. "Give him some credit."
Hinata blinks at that.
Hanabi sighs, but holds firm. "It's just like when we were kids. You took on everything. Took all of the punishment. Took on all of the responsibilities. I know you did it because you love me. I get that. But what you really did was took away any reason for me to do it for myself. I couldn't grow, because I didn't need to. I was a spoiled bitch because I could be. I didn't need to take responsibility for anything because...well, you took it all. And for a while that was cool, but eventually, it sucked. I wondered if you didn't let me do things because you didn't think I could handle it. If you thought I was gonna be a baby forever."
"Hanabi, no, of course-"
"Like I said, I know you did it out of love. Doesn't change the facts." She shrugs. "So...be honest. With us, right now. Can Naruto make it without you?"
Hinata pauses and thinks. Really thinks. About Naruto and all that she believes him capable of.
About what she knows about him.
About what she hopes for him.
It hurts.
Her answer hurts.
But it's the truth.
"Yes," she says. "He can do anything." She means it.
Ino and Hanabi smile at her gently. "Okay, then." Ino pats her knee. "Then let's focus on you, okay?"
And the decision is made. "Okay."
She decides to move back into the city.
She enjoys staying with Hanabi, but it makes more sense for her to be closer to the office as well as everything she's become familiar with.
Ino is online between one breath and the next pulling up apartment rentals that she'd bookmarked-"just in case".
Hinata laughs a bit at that.
Most, she feels, are out of her price range, considering she has to put down security, first and last and she has still been paying for Naruto's medicine. It'll be there, paid and ready if he ever goes to pick it up.
Hanabi waves her off. "I'll take care of that. You just pay your monthly."
"I can't take that much-"
"It was your inheritance too."
Hinata closes her mouth. They both know she didn't want a cent of it, but she won't turn down Hanabi. "Only if you let me pay you back."
Hanabi rolls her eyes. "Fine."
She feels guilty and sneaky getting her things from their place.
No, wait, that's not right.
Not their place.
Not hers anymore.
Naruto's.
She needs to start drawing that line.
It takes less time than she imagined to clear her things out. She's never needed much.
She takes her shoes from the entry closet and the rest of her toiletries from the bathroom. All of her clothes from the bedroom fit into a single suitcase. She pauses there and has a little cry.
She makes the bed-neat and clean-and places a kiss on his pillow.
She stops in the bathroom again on her way out. She puts a note on his pill bottle.
'Don't Forget'
She wants him to get better.
She wants his success more than she has ever wanted her own.
And if Hanabi is right and she is hindering rather than helping him...well, that's all the more reason to take some space. It's better for him.
For both of them.
She leaves her copy of the apartment key on the kitchen counter next to an empty box of Cap'n Crunch and quietly lets herself out the front door.
She sees Iruka just outside his door.
He smiles at her-warm and kind. She's always liked him.
He sees the luggage.
"Going on a trip?" he asks her.
Hinata clears her throat. "Uh, yes, something like that." She shifts her weight and bites her lip. "I, I was wondering…while I'm gone, if you could, you know, keep an eye out."
"On your place?"
"On Naruto."
Iruka tips his head. "He's not going with you?"
"N-Not on this trip. No." It's not really a lie.
"Oh. Well, sure. What are neighbors for, right? If he needs anything he can just come on over, okay?"
She nods and exhales a soft, "Thanks."
Ino is waiting for her on the street beside her car. "Ready?" she asks.
Hinata takes a deep breath. She has to be.