I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I'm not enough. Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up.
Ino comes by more often than she used to.
She and Hinata used to meet up, maybe once or twice a month, for coffee and gossip either after work or at lunch. She visits a couple of times a week now.
At first it feels like Ino is checking on her, but that fades after a few visits.
It's nice. To sit at her small kitchen table and talk. And laugh.
It's nice.
Her apartment is quiet otherwise.
It's...empty.
She still feels empty.
Without Naruto.
"It's okay to miss him," Ino tells her one Sunday afternoon over fresh cinnamon rolls and hot coffee.
Hinata sighs, spinning her spoon in lazy circles around her mug. "I do miss him. I love him."
"Well, yeah. You've loved him forever. We all knew that." Ino states it as fact.
Hinata's lips twist a bit at the old memories. "He didn't," she whispers.
Whatever acidic retort Ino was planning on making dies on her lips when she sees Hinata's expression. She too can remember what Naruto was like before he and Hinata got together.
Ino swallows and takes Hinata's hand in hers. "He knows now," she assures her.
Hinata's not so convinced. "I...I hope so."
She hopes he will understand, eventually.
She hopes that he knows her leaving is as much about her as it is about him.
She wants to talk to him, but she's not sure she's ready for that.
And without being able to see him, she's not sure if he is either.
"I texted him," she confesses to Ino.
Ino seems unsurprised. "Yeah?"
Hinata nods. "The day before I...before I moved out. I told him to call me when he gets his phone back."
Ino doesn't say anything.
Hinata sighs. "He's called, but never from his cell."
"Does it matter?" Ino asks.
Not really, no. But Hinata doesn't want him standing outside freezing at a payphone so that she can chat with him. So, then yes.
Ugh.
She sighs again and places her forehead against the tabletop. "I hate this," she groans.
Ino just pats her head.
Hinata's schedule returns to some semblance of normal once the proposals are submitted with the exception of her weekly drive out of town to meet with Inoichi. His practice is private and expensive, but when she brings her insurance card to the secretary's window she's told that payment is not necessary.
She doesn't want to feel like charity, so she brings it up.
Inoichi shrugs. "I wouldn't charge Ino."
"That's different. She's your daughter."
His eyes go soft as he replies, "I see no difference here, then."
She spent the better part of that session in tears. But not about Naruto.
It was kind of eye-opening to realize how many of her own issues she's pushed aside over the years.
She doesn't regret helping Naruto. She doesn't.
She just never realized that by helping him she was also using him.
Unintentionally.
But still.
As a deterrent.
As a way to avoid too much introspection.
As a way to ignore her own problems.
She feels bad for that, but Inoichi tells her that while her motives were cloudy, she did everything out of love, and no one could fault her for putting someone else first.
But, he tells her, she needs to remember that she is also a person. And she has needs.
It's not Naruto's job to meet those.
Nor hers to meet his.
At least, not entirely.
She has to learn to address herself and her flaws. She needs to realize that she's not being measured against anyone's expectations but her ow, and as hard as it may be, she needs to understand that it is okay to not be responsible for everyone and everything in her life.
In short-Hinata has to learn to cope with being human.