Once, not long ago, during a routine visit, Dr. Senju told Naruto that recovery was about progression, not perfection.
Hinata thought it was a good frame of mind for him. She thinks it might be a good frame of mind for her now.
One day at a time, and all that.
She's still not sleeping.
At least not very well.
It's like her brain can't shut off all the way, no matter how hard she tries.
Everything reminds her of Naruto.
She cooks too much food.
She hasn't had to cook for 'one' in a very long time. She always has extra.
One night she makes ramen because...well, because.
She cries into the noodles and tosses it out.
She cries a lot now.
It's part of the process, Inoichi assures her. Part of healing.
It still catches her off guard sometimes-going about her day, minding her own business, and then suddenly she wants to burst into tears.
She wonders how Naruto is doing.
She thinks about driving by his place. Just to check.
She doesn't.
But she wants to.
She's given some meditation exercises for her to practice as well as a new prescription.
They help.
But she still feels that aching loneliness.
Especially at night.
Alone in a bed that doesn't curve just a bit towards his side and smells only of her perfume and fabric softener.
The mattress is too new.
Too firm.
Not broken in.
Uncomfortable.
It's kind of how her life feels, if she's honest.
She tells that to Inoichi during her session.
"So, break it in." He tells her.
"Excuse me."
"Your life. Not your bed." He pauses. "Unless that helps."
She blinks at him, eyes wide. Sex is not something that will help her right now. Besides she's only ever...Naruto was her only… This was so awkward.
"It wouldn't," she says, whisper soft. "Sex, I mean." So weird. Talking to her almost-parent about this.
He senses her withdrawal but doesn't let her retreat completely. "I didn't think it would, in your case, but you never know. In fact, when was the last time you dated?"
Hinata shifts, tugging up her sleeve so she can fiddle with her bracelet. "Uhm...You mean aside from Naruto?"
Inoichi places his notes on his lap. He stares at her for a long minute. "Did you date Naruto?"
"What? Of course." She is confused.
"Really?" Inoichi flips through his notes. "You had a crush on him for years, but didn't reveal anything. Not until he nearly killed himself. You took him in."
"I didn't have a roomate, and he needed help, and I was in love with him." The words come out fast and a bit defensive.
He nods at her. "Mmhm. So, fill me in. When did you date?"
She frowns, thoughtfully. They didn't.
Not really.
Sure, they went places together and did things, but that was after he was on the mend and they'd been living together for awhile. They never really had a 'dating' stage.
Headfirst.
That's how she entered her relationship with Naruto.
Correction- heartfirst.
She was usually much more tentative with people and putting herself out there. But not with him.
She can see where Inoichi is going with this, and she is immediately resistant. "I don't want to date. I have a boyfriend."
"Is that how you see him, still? As your boyfriend? Do you think he would agree with that assessment?"
Hinata looks away. "Maybe. I...I don't know. We haven't spoken."
"Do you think that considering yourself still tied to Naruto in that way is really a clean break?"
She knows it's not.
But…
Inoichi leans back in his chair. "Hinata, I can only listen and give you advice. What you do with that is up to you."
"I know. I just don't want to give up on him."
"And you shouldn't. From everything you've told me, there's a great deal of affection between you two and he sounds like he's been as good for you as he could have been, considering."
Hinata is nodding. That's all true. Naruto tried so hard.
"What you need to do for yourself, however, is get to know yourself. Really get to know yourself. What do you like? What do you dislike? What types of people do you enjoy? What is it you really want? You'll never have those answers if you don't put yourself out there."
"You mean dating."
"Maybe. Doesn't have to be that. But I wouldn't rule it out. I also mean, doing things for yourself. Join a club, take a trip, have a spa day. Things that you wouldn't or couldn't do before." He waits until she meets his eyes. "It's not going to be easy, Hinata. Recovery never is."
Recovery.
It's a word she has heard a thousand plus times over the years and one that she always associated with Naruto-with other people-someone else-not herself.
Maybe it was time she did.