The Legend of Zelda, its characters and locations are all property of Nintendo. Any and all OCs and original locations belong to me unless specifically stated to belong to someone else.

The Voice
Chapter 82 - Superior Filtration Unit

It was good to be back in a saddle again. Sure, instantaneous matter transportation was all well and good, but given the sheer misery it inflicted on the individual being transported thanks to the rather imperfect method of reassembly at the arrival destination, Link was happy to take a little longer to get where he was going.

Besides, there wasn't much for him to do at the end of the road. Except die, maybe. After a long and hard-fought battle against the avatar of darkness and evil. Another reason he didn't mind the time it would take them to arrive.

Speaking of dying, he sure felt like he was. Two days had passed since the parting feast at the Domain, and Link still felt the punishing hangover his attempt at revelry had inflicted on him. He'd never drink again, that was for sure.

He sighed, closing his eyes and slumping forward a little in his saddle, trusting Maladict to navigate the road ahead without too much input from him. The horse gave a snort as Link's weight shifted, but otherwise didn't complain, continuing to walk along the dirt road that had been churned up by hundreds of feet before them.

The last part of the army was on the march, possibly their last. There was no avoiding that thought, so Link simply let it wash over him, and then past him. He knew for a fact that not everyone would return. Hylians, Zora, Gorons, Sheikah, Gerudo—they were all heading for an uncertain fate.

Indeed, if they could just stay on the road forever and never reach their destination, Link wouldn't be entirely unhappy.

"Still hung over, huh?"

Link opened his eyes, blinking and dearly wishing the sun overhead wasn't so damned bright.

The bleary shape of Riju came into view, having caught up to him on her own horse, a beautiful white and brown mare that was, for now, the perfect size for the Gerudo chief. When she grew up, though, she'd need something bigger.

"W-Was it th-that obvious?" he asked, pinching the bridge of his nose even though the headache was already there (and had been for a while). The less said about his stomach, the better. It was a wonder the swaying of Maladict's back hadn't forced Link to throw up his meagre breakfast yet, honestly.

"Well, I won't say you look like hell," Riju said, smirking. "But you don't look like the conquering Hero we all expect you to be either. Not right now, at least."

"Th-Thank you," he muttered sarcastically, wishing Buliara had been as strict about his drinking as Riju's. Or just maybe a little less strict about Riju's. "Anything e-else?"

"Nothing in particular," she replied, picking at the edge of one of her bandages. Her wounds were mostly fine now, and the burns on her fingers had healed well. "Bul was driving me mad about going over the battle plans again and again, and I needed to talk about something else for a bit. I suppose I chose my conversation partner poorly, though."

Link groaned and forced himself to straighten up in the saddle, realising it probably didn't look good to the men and women marching in front of and behind that the Hero, the one in whom they'd put all their trust in the coming battle, appeared to be on the brink of passing out.

"I'll t-try," he muttered. "Everything g-good?"

She smiled, appreciating his attempt at looking awake. "My girls are rearing to go. Some even complain that we're marching too slowly."

"Th-They'll regret s-saying that later."

"That's what I told them." Riju reached down into her saddlebag and withdrew a canteen, holding it out for him. "Here, you look dehydrated."

Link took it and drank gratefully, giving Riju a confused look when she started laughing.

"It's just funny, how much of a lightweight you are," she explained mercilessly. "You didn't even have that much."

Link huffed and finished his drink, handing the canteen back to the Gerudo, who took a swig of her own.

They spent the next hour or so mostly in companionable silence (Link truly was a bad choice in conversational partner at the moment, or even at the best of times), only broken whenever one of them saw something interesting at the side of the road. There wasn't all that much to look at—they were marching along the road that ran next to the Lanayru Wetlands. Occasionally a group of Zora passed them by, either on patrol or to run messages back and forth with the marching army.

"I think you already know this," Riju said quietly, just as the sun was dipping down behind the canyons and ridges of the Death Mountain range in the distance. "But it's okay to be afraid."

Link blinked, looking at her. "P-Pardon?"

"It's okay to be afraid," Riju repeated. "It was something my mother told me, before she..." she trailed off, clenching her jaw. "Before she died," she finished. "She said that fear was a natural part of being alive, and nothing to be ashamed about. What truly matters is what you do despite that fear."

Link smiled a little to himself, remembering Sheik saying something very similar once. Felt like ages ago, really. But it was true.

"I'm afraid," he said, and it didn't feel like some horrible, unforgivable admission. It was just him being honest. And why would he feel guilty about it? He was here, wasn't he? On the road, heading to war.

Next to him, Riju sighed. Maybe in relief. Hard to tell, really. The smile she gave him was a little crooked. "So am I," she said.

Link nodded. "W-We'll make it," he said. "I p-promise."

"My mother also said to never make promises you can't keep," she pointed out. "So, I'll just have to believe you, huh?"

"P-Please do," Link said with a nod and a wry grin that was only slightly too green to be comforting, "I'd r-rather not anger her s-spirit."

By sundown, Thims Bridge was visible in the distance, guarded by hidden squads of allied soldiers. The Zora had swum ahead of the land-bound part of the army and prepared the camp site on the bank of the river. Sidon was among them, and Link found himself smiling when he spotted the prince at the very centre of all the activity, directing where to put supplies and other camp necessities.

Funny, how the sight of Sidon still made Link's stomach start to flutter, like he was just seeing him for the first time. Based on the big grin that came to the prince's upon spotting Link, though, he assumed the feeling was mutual.

Or so he hoped.

"Ah, there you are, Link!" Sidon said, coming over to them, narrowly avoiding smacking a poor passing Sheikah in the face with his tail. He still didn't quite have the hang of it, it seemed. "And Lady Riju!"

"Good to see you, Sidon," Riju said with a friendly wave. "Where do you want me and my girls?"

"Anywhere you please, my lady," Sidon replied. "There's not much room, though, so I'm afraid it'll be a tight squeeze."

That much was true. The riverbank and the little patch of flat ground on the other side of the road didn't leave much room for stretching out comfortably. The Zora could sleep in the river, tethered to each other so they didn't drift away on the current, but the land-bound allies...

"I'm not even sure tents are an option tonight," Sidon said a little uncertainly, looking up at the clear sky. "If it does not rain, perhaps bedrolls will suffice."

"The nights up here are warmer," Riju said, looking thoughtful. "I wouldn't mind spending the night under the stars."

Above, a small squad of Rito was circling, their forms lit up in brilliant shades of red and orange by the setting sun. Four shadows, safeguarding their allies' march. One of them gave a hand signal, which was returned by one of the scouts on the ground. An all-clear, which made the Rito peel off and fly up towards the hilltops their north, which was where the Rito would make their temporary roost for the night—they did not take well to not sleeping on the high ground.

"I'll let the others know we'll be camping lightly tonight, then," Sidon said, smiling at them before marching off to talk to the organisers.

Link and Riju dismounted and let the assigned caretakers take their mounts elsewhere for feeding and rest.

"...and I'm telling you, it makes no sense to keep us from accessing the admin functions," Link heard Robbie's grouchy voice say as a cart rumbled into the campground, the tiny Sheikah himself jumping off it as soon as it came to a halt, closely followed by Purah and Impa.

They were flanked by Sheikah bodyguards, who seemed to appear out of nowhere—they had definitely not been on the cart with their elders. Sheik was not among them, disappointingly. He was somewhere to their immediate west, scouting ahead with Paya and Pikango, apparently.

"Sheiky probably has his reasons," Purah said diplomatically, though her eye twitched a little as she said this. "Probably doesn't want us to bother little Ichigo too much."

Somehow, without Link noticing, a set of bedrolls sheltered by a tarpaulin had already been set up nearby, and the three elder Sheikah immediately headed towards it.

"I just want to ask him some questions," Robbie said with frustration, throwing his arms out suddenly. "He is a life form unlike anything we have ever seen, and ripe for study!"

Impa cleared her throat quietly. "Need I remind you, Robbie, that young Ichigo is a child? He is also member of the clan and just as entitled to his privacy as any of us. He is not some sort of experiment. Nor is Sheik, for that matter, but at least he is old enough to consent to tests."

It was funny, seeing the usually cantankerous Robbie immediately bow his head in a deferment. "Yes, yes, I know," he said with a grimace. "But even you must understand just what sort of breakthrough in artificial intelligence he is—"

"To me, he is but a child whose circumstances are...unique. Until I deem him old enough, you will leave him alone, Robbie," Impa said firmly. "I trust Sheik to keep both himself and Ichigo safe."

"And the Network?" Purah asked, fiddling with her small terminal reader. Primitive compared to the Slate, but it was a start, apparently. "Do you trust Sheiky with that too? All that knowledge, and we can't access it!"

Impa sighed tiredly, taking a moment to seat herself on the bedroll. A long moment. Link swore he could hear her bones creak over the noise of the army making camp.

"I trust him to keep Ganon out of the Network until it is defeated," she said. "Afterwards, I will ask him to give you both access. Is that agreeable to you?"

"I suppose," Robbie grumbled. "I will have my access someday, one way or another."

The matter settled, Robbie and Purah continued to discuss scientific theories that went far above Link's head. He swallowed heavily, though, when Impa's eyes met his, and she gave him a smile and a nod, which he returned as best he could.

So many things to keep track of...

"Come on, Hero," Riju said, kicking his shin lightly. "Let's get set up."

They did end up spending the night under the stars. There was not a cloud in the sky—save for the perpetual smoke rising from the Death Mountain crater, of course—giving them all a brilliant view of thousands upon millions of twinkling little points of light on the black canvas of the heavens.

Most of the Zora opted to sleep in the river, but Sidon parked himself rather pointedly on a bedroll that was far too small for him, next to Link's. Riju's was on his other side, which was in turn next to Buliara's. Her bedroll, too, was far too small, but she'd commandeered a second one from the Hylian quartermaster, who'd been too intimidated by the huge Gerudo to say no.

Why Sidon hadn't done the same thing, Link had no idea. Too nice for his own good, probably. The fact that the prince's blanket was just as small as his bedroll didn't help. Link felt a small twinge of guilt every he looked over and smiled at the sight of Sidon covering himself with a blanket that would serve him better as a handkerchief.

The camp was silent now, save for the sound of the gurgling river and wind whistling over the hills, and very muted thumping of the never-ending geological activity of Death Mountain.

Sidon was snoring a little, but not enough to be a bother. If anything, his large presence and quiet rumbles on Link's left was a comfort. Riju's constantly kicking his right side in her sleep like a hyperactive bunny, however, was not.

At least his hangover seemed to finally be settling down. His stomach wasn't roiling with every movement anymore, and the headache had faded to a slight tightness just over his eyes.

Gods, what had they been thinking...?

They were the day after tomorrow, and the commanding officers of the allied army had decided that a feast was in order. A feast celebrating the different cultures coming together for one last showdown against the common enemy, the return of the Champions, and, for some, to serve as a wake for those who would not return.

A bit premature, in Link's opinion, but the army in general had cheered at the announcement, and if there was anything this army would determine the army's continued coherency, it was morale.

And what could better raise morale than a big, bloody party before heading to a big, bloody battle?

And it had gone quite well, despite the rushed nature of it. Dorephan's throne room had been crammed with as many tables as they could possibly fit into it, covering them in whatever food the Domain had left to spare for the army.

And so much wine. Link had no idea the Domain had such a big supply, but there it was.

There'd been speeches. So many speeches. Dorephan had gone on for a while, expressing his admiration for those who would risk their lives for the sake of the world, and promising that he would do everything in his power to keep the army's people safe in their absence. The commanding officers had praised their men, boasted of their own abilities, and promised to bring Ganon's head back as proof of the monster's death (conveniently forgetting that none of them would actually be facing the damned thing).

Even Link had been forced to say a few words. He'd actually been quite proud of himself for only stuttering a little through his thanks to both the army and the new Champions for their support, and that he wouldn't fail them. It hadn't been a very convincing speech, but he'd drawn the Master Sword at the end of it (she had not been happy about being brandished like a common cleaver) and that had prompted a long round of applause and cheers.

And then the eating had begun.

And drinking.

Teba had done his best to stop Link from drinking himself silly, but there was only so much the Rito could do in the face of such a celebration...and Link's lack of tolerance to alcohol. He wasn't drunk as such, but he definitely wasn't sober, either.

Sheik, on the other hand, had no guardian to protect him from imbibing. No, over at one of the other tables, surrounded by his Sheikah brethren, he'd been part of round after round, which had eventually devolved into a drinking contest, in which he'd participated enthusiastically, egged on by his newfound family.

Who, most likely, just wanted to see if Sheik could get drunk.

He could.

Very much so.

"Heeeeeey, Sharky!" Sheik said, walking awkwardly over to their table, his gait weirdly stiff and deliberate. Definitely trying to feign sobriety. The fact that he shuffled himself underneath Sidon's arm so the prince was essentially holding him only made it more obvious. His mask was down, revealing a wide grin on his face as well.

Sheik didn't smile in public. It just wasn't something he did. And there he was, grinning and cuddling up against Sidon like it was nothing. If only Link still had the slate—he'd take photographs and forever hold them over Sheik's head.

"There you are," Sidon said happily, his cheeks slightly flushed, not really all that sober either. He tightened his hold on Sheik. "Where have you been?"

"Drinkin'," Sheik said happily. "Me'n the others. Had a contest." he burped. Another thing Link had never heard Sheik do. "I won."

"Well done!" Sidon exclaimed.

Link narrowed his eyes at the Sheikah. "How d-drunk are y-you?"

Sheik hummed, thinking. "Drunker'n you!"

"So it would seem," Teba said, next to Link. His brows were furrowed as he looked closely at the Sheikah. "Perhaps you should sit down, Sheik? Have a glass of water, even?"

"Water? Water's for losers!" Sheik shouted, reaching for Sidon's cup. "I'mma show you guys how't drink!"

"I think Teba is right," Riju said, intercepting Sheik and pushing Sidon's cup further away, just out of his reach. "You have to pace yourself."

She wasn't drinking at all, preferring water. When Link had asked why, she'd merely said she'd postpone her celebration until after the battle.

Sheik glared at her. "Why're you sud'ly so respon'sble, Tiny?" Then he suddenly grinned. "Afraid you'll lose, eh? Understn'ble! I'm th' best! Gerudo can't drink for shit!"

That had triggered something in Riju. Whether it was Sheik's boasting...or the cuccoo impression he made at her afterwards, she had her cup filled immediately and began pounding it down.

"My lady," Buliara, ever-suffering, said, trying to make her stop, but it was too late.

"Like hell I'm letting this buffoon slander our people, Bul! Bring me another carafe!" Riju had shouted.

"Hylia save us all," Teba muttered, hiding his face in his giant, feathered hands.

"Um," Yunobo said, having watched the proceedings quietly and nursing his drink (some sort of concoction that would, in his words, kill anyone who wasn't a Goron, goro), "shouldn't we stop them, goro?"

"You give it a try, Master Yunobo," Buliara said, shaking her head. "I doubt you will succeed."

"Oh..."

"Don't worry!" Sidon exclaimed, "I'm certain they are both aware of their own limits and will know when to stop!"

They didn't.

In fact, the contest only drew more spectators, who egged Sheik and Riju on further as they continued to drink, even dragging Link into a round or two. He knew better than to keep going, however, and when he started feeling like his head was a fragile boat on a stormy sea, he stopped.

Teba approved.

Sheik called him a coward and finished Link's cup for him. Then he reached for Yunobo's drink.

Teba did not approve, intercepting him on the way.

"C'mon, Tweety!" Sheik protested. "M'stomach can handle anything!"

"Not that, I'm quite sure," Teba said, handing Sheik a cup that Link knew was filled with water. "Drink this instead. Much stronger."

"Oh, hell yeah!" Sheik cheered, practically inhaling it. "Hey...what's this stuff? So weak!"

"It will hit you later," Teba said, giving Link a look. "I clearly can't stop him," he whispered.

"N-No one can," Link said, his sight slightly blurry.

He lost track of time, but it was long past midnight by the time a victor was declared. Sheik won. Barely. Riju had fallen asleep in the middle of pouring herself her last drink, and Buliara had taken the opportunity to declare an end to the competition. By then most of the other spectators had either retired for the night, passed out on their own, or separated into individual groups.

A small hardcore group remained, though, and cheered wildly as Sheik assumed what was supposed to be a victorious pose...though it was very much marred by his inability to stand up straight without Sidon's arm there to hold him up.

"Who's th' man?!" he shouted, to cheers. "Who's th' man?!"

The group cheered. Sheik let go of Sidon's arm and stumbled over to Link, leaning close and whisper-shouted, "I'm gonna celebrate!"

"How?" Link asked, feeling a little dread.

"I'm gonna do a flip," Sheik said, his foot already on an empty chair.

The little dread turned into a lot of dread. "D-Don't d-do a flip," he said, though it was more of a plea.

"I'm doin' a flip!"

"Sh-Sheik, d-don't—"

"Stabby says it's a good idea!"

"N-No, he d-doesn't!"

He tried to grab Sheik's arm and hold him in place, but Sheik was too fast, slipping out of his grasp and climbing onto the chair, setting a foot on the tabletop.

"Hey guys!" he announced, "watch this!"

He might have pulled off the flip...that is, if his leg hadn't buckled under his weight as he tried to ascend the table, which sent him crashing first onto the table itself and then rolling off it, onto the floor, showering himself and everyone around him in spilled wine, leftover food, and fragments of table that had broken under the impact.

There was a moment of silence, and then loud hooting, hollering, and laughter had filled the throne room. Link had frozen for a long moment before he and Teba scrambled out of their chairs and to Sheik's side, checking to see if he was hurt.

"Eugh," Sheik groaned, looking mostly offended, "piece o' shit table's broken..."

"Well, it's certainly broken now," someone said, prompting more laughter.

"Oh dear, goro," Yunobo said, now standing. "Is he okay?!"

"He's...fine," Teba said, meeting Link's slightly wavering gaze. "Perhaps it is time for him to retire?"

"C-Couldn't agree m-more," Link said, nodding...and then wishing he hadn't, as the world started spinning a little around him. "W-We'll take him b-back to th-the chambers..."

"Do you need my help?" Teba asked, looking worriedly down at the Sheikah, who was now face-down on the floor, mumbling angrily about the laws of physics conspiring against him to make him embarrass himself.

"M-Maybe—"

"No!" Sheik shouted, voice muffled by the floor, "don't let him vomit anything into my mouth!"

The statement was so ridiculous Link couldn't stop himself from laughing. "Wh-Why w-would he do th-that?!" he asked.

"Indeed," Teba said, looking flustered and clearing his throat suspiciously. "Wh-Why would I do something so apparently revolting?"

Link stared at him, confused, about to ask what that was supposed to mean when Sidon came to the rescue, easily scooping Sheik up in his arms, only swaying slightly where he stood.

"I do think it's time for us to retire, don't you, my ruby?" he asked, grinning down at a Sheik that was barely cognisant of where he was. As it was, he snuggled up against Sidon's chest, humming.

"Mmm, jus' don' let Robbie-gnome plug an'thin' 'nto me," he said, yawning.

"We shall guard you," Sidon announced. "Won't we, Link?"

"Y-Yeah," Link said.

They bid the others goodnight and retreated to Sidon's chambers. Sheik had kept babbling along the way, his words more and more slurred as the alcohol and exhaustion finally claimed him, to the point where he complained loudly about the lack of contact after they got him into bed.

"Don't leave," he whined, and Link and Sidon could only smile at each other as they got into bed on either side of him, pulling him into their arms.

"He's quite adorable like this, isn't he?" Sidon said, running his hand through Sheik's hair, which had come undone from its braid when he'd fallen earlier.

"Y-Yeah," Link said, noting how Sheik's hand had found his and grasped it tightly, like he was afraid of letting go. "K-Kind of s-surprising..."

"Hides it under all that bluster," Sidon said, yawning widely, which put all his sharp teeth on display. Had Link not been inebriated, he might have found the view a little...exciting. Sidon knew how to use those teeth in new and exciting ways.

"T-Tired?" Link asked, smiling when Sidon's fingers found his hair as well.

"Quite," the prince replied. "Time to sleep, I believe..."

They kissed each other goodnight, and the lights were dimmed. Link fell into a restless, dreamless sleep, his stomach already making its discontent known. Eventually he lapsed into unconsciousness deep enough for him to be completely out of it when, later in the night, he woke up to a squirming sensation next to him.

Sheik was awake. And very confused.

"Link..." he muttered, his voice surprisingly sweet and careful. "Link..."

"Y-Yeah," Link said after realising who was talking. "Wh-What is it?"

"I'm...I..."

"Y-Yes?"

"I'm..." Sheik drew a deep breath. "I'm gonna throw the fuck up!"

Link barely had time to comprehend that sentence before all hell broke loose.

Disastrous as the end of that night had been, Link couldn't help but chuckle quietly to himself as he turned a little on his bedroll. It had been fun, in its own way. And seeing a slightly different side to Sheik had been nice...though the end result of it could have been less...gross.

The most infuriating part of it all was the fact that Sheik hadn't even been hung over the next day. If anything, he seemed to be completely re-energised despite having had enough alcohol to kill anything with a normal body that night.

"Superior filtration unit," he'd said smugly, patting his stomach.

Link, in the throes of his first (and worst) hangover, had thrown a pillow at him.

Impa had heard about Sheik embarrassing himself, however, and punished him with extra training sessions with Paya for it, all day, before they'd set out on the march.

As he deserved.

Sidon shifted in his sleep, lying on his side and facing Link. He looked peaceful. Link reached out and adjusted the handkerchief of a blanket so it covered the prince a little better...or...well, no, it didn't cover him at all. If anything, it was just in the way.

He was about to close his eyes and try to fall asleep again when he suddenly heard footsteps approaching him from behind. Before he could react, a body dumped itself onto the bedroll next to him.

"Move over, I'm cold," Sheik whispered, crawling under the blanket.

"S-Since when d-did you get cold?" Link muttered, moving aside so they could have one half of the bedroll each, too relieved to see him all right to bother being annoyed.

"Since my beloved aunt decided to have me rooting through the underbrush looking for enemy spies all fucking night," Sheik hissed, clinging closer to Link, as if trying to absorb all his body heat.

Which he probably was.

Link sighed, wrapping his arm around Sheik's middle, pulling him close. "B-Big b-baby," he muttered.

"Hmph, everyone gets cold," Sheik grumbled. "Good news, though. Way's clear all the way to the old ruins. Camp looks good, too. Artillery's just about ready. Ganon won't know what hit it."

"G-Good," Link said, making himself comfortable against Sheik. "N-Now sleep."

Sheik took the hint. "All right...we'll talk about it tomorrow. Good night."

"Night," Link mumbled, finally letting sleep take him away.