CHAPTER 05: "What the Hex is Going On with Yu?"

Somehow, and in spite of Onigumo Manor's best attempts to discombobulate Yusuke into submission, he managed to corner the gaijin and their stupid-ass demon dog in a dead end—entirely by accident, mind you, but Yusuke would take what he could get under these circumstances. He and Kuwabara and Kurama managed to walk through one of the doors in the long hallway at the same time, and when the door slammed shut behind them, they found the entire gang of gaijin barreling through a door on the other side of what looked like some sort of study. Rotting books sat on shelves covering the entire height of the walls, a fancy wooden writing desk sat caving in on itself in the corner, and as the other door slammed shut behind the gaijin, the blond guy with the ascot lifted a finger and struck a pose like an accusatory courtroom lawyer.

"A-ha!" blondie declared. "Nowhere left to run!"

At the same time, Yusuke raised as finger of his own and bellowed, "Now we've got ya!"

These chorused statements obviously posed a logical problem for everyone who heard them. The two groups blinked at each other. Kurama and orange-sweater-nerd began performing mental math, judging by the constipated looks on their faces. Kuwabara and the dude with the goatee each started counting on their fingers. But it was Yusuke and the girl in the purple dress who broke the silence eventually, each of them glaring at the other with a confused call of, "Wait, you were chasing us?"

There followed yet another moment of silence as all parties tried to suss out this set of contradictory (and paradoxically identical) statements. Eventually Kurama shook his head, looking sick and goddamn tired of this entire mess.

"Forgive my ignorance," he said in a smooth voice that clearly indicated he thought everyone in the room but him was an incorrigible moron, "but we're here for the demon of Onigumo Manor, and—"

"Hey—so are we!" said the girl with the purple dress.

"Wait, what?" said Yusuke.

"That can't be right!" Kuwabara pointed at the dog. "The demon is with you!"

The gaijin just stared at him. In slow increments they followed the line of Kuwabara's hand, looking at the gangly dog hiding behind the tall guy with the goatee's legs in confusion. The dog had hunkered down so close to the floor, it looked half the size it had appeared earlier, staring forlornly around the skinny gaijin's legs with white showing all around his frightened (and weirdly expressive) eyes. But the blond guy with the ascot just laughed, and soon all the gaijin joined in.

"That's not the demon!" said the blond guy, as if the literal talking dog was not in some way a supernatural entity, which it very clearly was. "That's Scooby-Doo!"

"He's our friend!" said purple-dress-girl. Her hip thrust out, and she put one hand upon it as she tossed her hair. "Now tell us exactly what you three are doing here, now!"

"We could ask the same of you," Kurama replied. His eyes lingered on the dog, who whimpered and shrank back. "What brought five Americans all the way out here, I wonder."

"It's just like I said," said the blond guy. "We're here to investigate the red demon of Onigumo Manor."

"Legend states he stalks the grounds of this house and eats travelers who stray too close!" said purple-dress-girl.

"Several people have gone missing up here in the last few weeks, and we thought we'd check it out," added the girl in the orange sweater. "That's what we do, because we're Mystery Inc.!"

All of the gaijins' chests puffed out with pride at that, including the dog's. Apparently the name they'd dropped meant something to them, because they looked at Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara with expectation written all over their face.

But all Yusuke said was "Fucking WHO?" and their chests deflated like balloons under a butcher's knife—and the guy with the goatee muttered to the dog, "Like, I don't think they know who we are, Scoob."

And Scooby-Doo muttered back, "Rooks rike it, Raggy. Rut-roh!"

NOTES: I'm sorry. I really, really am sorry about this whole thing. Really, I am. But the plotbunny took hold and here we are. More to come soon. Hope you enjoyed this first-five-chapter dump and that you won't abandon me out of secondhand embarrassment.