"It's not always possible to do what we want to do, but it's important to believe in something before you actually do it."
Hinata wakes up to her face being slapped.
Honestly, it's one of the worst ways she's ever been woken up before. Top ten, for sure.
Groggily, she lifts her hands to ward off the next series of smacks to her cheeks and she can hear a rough voice swearing.
Her eyes feel weighed down-too heavy to open-but when she does, Kiba is leaning over her. She murmurs his name, confused-and a bit irritated-and he falls back away from her, sitting down beside her legs abruptly-a puppet with strings cut. "Jesus fucking Christ," he rasps.
Hinata pushes herself up on one elbow, one eye closed as she tries to make sense of what the heck is happening. She feels like she's under a heavy blanket of confusion. Foggy. Disconnected.
Kiba's staring at her-wild-eyed-and his breathing is harsh. "You wouldn't wake up," he breathes it, over and over, as his hand runs shakily down his face. "You wouldn't wake up."
Her tongue feels too thick and too heavy-sticky in her mouth-causing her to give an inarticulate 'blergh?' of an inquiry.
Kiba looks at her in disbelief and she can see the anger in his expression. Anger and worry and near panic. "Ino called me." He says, his tone sharp. Like the bite of fang.
Hinata glances at her bedside table. She can see her cell laying there where she'd hastily discarded it and sure enough the message light is flashing. She fumbles for it, clumsily turning it in her hands. She missed three calls from Choji, six from Ino, and a slew of text messages.
None from Naruto.
She closes her eyes and flops back onto her pillow.
She remembers now.
Their phone call.
Her "episode"
...Taking too many pills.
She opens her eyes.
Kiba is still staring at her.
He looks ready to yell. Or cry.
She'd prefer the yelling.
"I'm sorry." She croaks out. "I didn't mean to make anyone worry."
"For fuck's sake, Hinata. Of course we're going to fucking worry!"
She's nodding her head-which feels like it just might roll off-and trying to come up with some words of rational explanation.
She comes up empty.
"Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you ask for help? Why? Huh? Why the hell do you think you're expendable?" He swipes at his eyes, glaring at her.
She's getting both the yelling and the crying.
She wants to say something. Anything that will make him feel better.
"It's because of him." The words slip through clenched teeth.
"No," she defends at once. Partly out of habit, but mostly because it's true. "It's not Naruto's fault." Her voice sounds wrong. Like it's being strangled. She clears her throat and blinks her blurry eyes. "It's not. This is...this is me. I'm pathetic."
Kiba swears again. He looks at her like he can't understand the words she's speaking. Like she's foreign to him. "What's going on?" he asks quietly. "Were you...were you trying to…?" He can't seem to get the words out.
Hinata shakes her head. "No. Really. No. I just...I don't know. I…" She can't focus and she feels herself being pulled back towards sleep when Kiba grabs her arms-yanking her upright.
"No. Stay awake," he tells her and gives her a little shake. His voice is panicked. "Stay awake."
"Okay. Okay." She reaches up to palm his cheek. "It's okay, Kiba."
He sniffs and nods.
Hinata feels unbelievably guilty. She can't imagine what's going on in his head.
They sit there, silent, for a few long minutes, until she can gather her wits and push through the fog in her brain.
She lifts her head and looks around. It's early, she realizes. Which explains why she's still so tired. Although...given the amount of pills she downed, she wouldn't have been too surprised to have slept well into late afternoon.
Guilt licks at her again.
"You really fucking scared me," Kiba tells her.
She can understand that fear. Finding someone you love unconscious and unresponsive? She understands far too well.
She sighs. "I'm sorry." Then…because she's thinking marginally clearer. "Uhm, how did you get in?"
At this Kiba makes a sound and clears his throat. "Uh, yeah, about that. You're probably going to need a new door."
She can't be mad at that. She nods instead and whispers her thanks.
Kiba calls Ino. Fills her in.
Hinata wishes he didn't, but she doesn't have much say, leaned heavily on her table as she is, sucking down cup after cup of coffee that Kiba is shoving in her face.
He calls Shino next.
Shino's never been overly expressive, but Hinata can feel his disapproval and concern when Kiba hands her the phone. Shino tells her to take the week off from work. He'll cover for her.
She doesn't want to put him in that position, but he's not really taking no for an answer, so she agrees.
After, she and Kiba sit in her kitchen and she talks.
As she does, she sees a plethora of emotions flicker across his face, but he remains quiet (a feat in and of itself) and lets her say what she needs to say. She doesn't talk too much about Naruto, because it's not about him. Not really.
Is he a part of the equation?
Absolutely.
Is he responsible for everything she's going through right now?
No.
She can tell that Kiba still wants to blame him, but that's the easy way out. The cop out. Pointing the finger and saying "Because of you-" but that won't help her.
Honestly, she's not sure what will help.
But she's still drugged and tired, so she figures she'll answer that later.
For now she's going to drink coffee.
Choji calls her.
He's relieved when she answers.
She's kind of surprised, though she shouldn't be. He's a sweetheart. But she's a basket of wet cat issue that he didn't ask for. Still, it's nice to know that he cares.
Ino stops by that evening to check on her. When she comes, Kiba leaves. Hinata can see them exchange looks. Some unspoken agreement. Probably to watch over her.
She feels touched and annoyed.
Which is probably how she made Naruto feel a lot of the time.
While she is there, Ino is tight lipped and edgy. "If I pushed you, too hard, too fast-"
"Ino," Hinata cuts her off before the apology can fully form. "You didn't."
"So…" Ino joins her on the loveseat and brushes Hinata's bangs from her eyes. "What now?"
"Honestly? I don't know."
"I think that's okay," Ino replies quietly. "To not know."
With a week off of work, Hinata finds herself scrambling for things to do so that she can get out of her own head.
Her cell phone goes off almost hourly, so that keeps her sort of occupied, but it's not what she's looking for.
She ends up at Eight Gates.
Lee and Guy are both happy to have her there for an extended period of time. They like to show off for her. Her giggles, she's told, encourage the flames of youth.
She doesn't say anything about her weekend adventure, because it's embarrassing, and as much as she likes them, she's not that open. Even so, she feels both of their gazes on her throughout her warm up stretches.
She thinks she's probably just self-conscious, so she moves to her practice area. There's no one else there that is learning Baguazhang-too many students interested in hard and flashy, Guy says-so she has the far corner of the gym pretty much to herself.
She practices the eight mother palms before completing a 24 move, 64 palm routine that she's been working on for some time. It still needs work. Some of her moves are not as fluid as others, and she often forgets to breathe correctly, focusing her energy in her abdomen, but it's a good work out and she feels energized.
She practices again.
She loves the way she feels as she moves.
Like water over earth.
She is grounded and yet free.
This, she thinks, is exactly what she needs to clear her mind.
Later, Hinata can hear Lee lamenting that he has not yet found his "eternal rival".
In life, Sensei had told them, that it was important to recognize your rival. That person that you would pit yourself against to become better than. To overcome, but also to carry with you in your heart, because without them you would never achieve your utmost potential.
"Don't feel bad, Lee," Hinata says, exhaling through her cool down. "I don't have one either."
Lee starts to nod, but Sensei is shaking his head-smiling at her. "Oh, but you do," he tells her.
Lee is shocked and excited. "She does! That's wonderful!"
Hinata cants her head, uncertainly. "I do?"
Sensei nods, making his way to her. He places his hands on her shoulders, leading her through the first steps of her circle, moving with her until they are farther towards the center of the gym, and the mirrors.
He stops when they are facing them.
"Your eternal rival, Hinata." His hand remains on her shoulder. "One of the fiercest you will ever face."
Hinata stares at her reflection. At her pink cheeks and sweat matted bangs.
Her rival.
Guy gives her a wide grin and a thumbs up."You have the gift of perseverance, Hinata. I know that one day you will surpass your rival."
Something in her mind clicks.
Falls into place.
She has a focus.
An attainable goal.
One that will require work.
She shares a wide smile with her Sensei and Lee. And then, taking a note from someone she loves very much, she adds, "Believe it."