"Caring about someone doesn't mean taking care of them."
She tries to call Naruto.
He doesn't answer.
She's really not surprised, but it still causes the familiar flare of worry to ignite in her gut. If there's one thing Hinata has done consistently for years, it was watch his cues and take care of his needs-emotional and beyond-so even though she knows it's not entirely healthy for her , she still has a hard time shaking off the concern.
She knows, better than anyone, what he's capable of when he's upset and hurting. She wrestles with the idea of calling one of their mutual friends to check on him (though, she doubts Kiba's gonna order a pizza again anytime soon) before she ultimately decides to give him some space.
She'll try him again later. For now she's on her way to Hanabi's for a visit, and then later she'll grab groceries and hit Eight Gates.
She's mentally prepped out a similar routine to what she had before-when she felt that she was improving, but this time she's not focused on immediate results; not focused on "fixing" everything all at once.
Now she's focused on being more able, more capable, more than she was the day before. That's it.
Her rival will try and tear her down if she lets herself get overwhelmed.
She's not about to let that happen.
Inoichi is proud of her for her renewed efforts.
Less proud and more concerned about the 'incident' over the weekend.
"It's not like I was trying to kill myself," Hinata defends, plucking at her sweater.
"Self-harm is not that simple. Death may have not been your goal, but intention and reality aren't always the same. Many people who intentionally hurt themselves are simply taking extreme measures to distract themselves from their problems and release themselves from unbearable mental anguish."
Hinata nods-she's heard this all before, too. Just not directed at her. "I wasn't trying to hurt myself," she mumbles. She knows what that looks like. Images of faded scars flash through her mind, as well as remembering all of the times she'd had to collect all of the sharp objects in the apartment and hide them...
"No. You were trying to escape." Inoichi glances at his notes and reads her own words back to her. "You just wanted everything to stop." He lets out a breath and sets aside his paper and pencil. "You can't turn a blind eye to this, Hinata." His voice is soft, lulling. She looks up at him and sees the concern. He's not masked behind his profession. "There were signs...before your mother-"
"I'm not my mother." She says. "I'm not my father, either. I'm not Naruto. I'm not Hanabi. I'm definitely not Ino. I'm just Hinata." She swallows and meets his gaze head on. "And...I'm learning that that's enough. I don't want to escape. I want to overcome."
His lips quirk. "That's new," he replies.
"Yeah, well, it turns out I'm a genius of hard work." She tells him about Guy and Lee.
They speak for awhile longer. Despite her assurances, he wants her to monitor her moods carefully and if she starts to get overwhelmed to reach out. She promises.
"And I never go back on my word," she tells him as they hug in the lobby where Hanabi is waiting for her.
Inoichi smiles at her. "Proud of you, kiddo. Oh, and tell Ino that she had better introduce me to this new boyfriend of hers. Soon."
Hinata giggles. "I will." She's actually interested in how Inoichi will respond to Sai's very awkward social behaviors and bluntness. She almost wants to be there for that.
The days feel longer, in some ways, than ever before.
She's lonely.
She's more social-visits with Ino, beers with her boys, knitting class, and of course Sensei and Lee-but there's still a Naruto size hole in her heart.
She tries to call him a few more times.
It rings through.
She leaves voicemails, but he never calls her back.
It's frustrating, but she tries not to dwell on it.
She's making an effort to think about her choices, to reflect on her behavior, while still trying to embrace each moment and not let self-doubt engulf her.
She confesses to Ino that she misses having someone to take care of. Was that bad? To like being depended on?
"Of course that's not bad," Ino assures her affectionately. "That's who you are. You wouldn't be Hinata if you didn't care about everyone else and want them to be happy. We want you happy too. And if taking care of something makes you happy-get a dog."
She's allowed a pet in her lease.
She calls Kiba to get his opinion. Kiba is immediately on board with this idea. Of course, considering his occupation of training both Service and Military dogs, it's not all that surprising.
"It's a great idea," he tells her. "Especially with you living on your own. Tell you what, come by tomorrow and I'll introduce you to some of our adoptables."
She's actually kind of excited about the idea, but still… "My apartment is kind of small. Do you think a dog would do okay?"
He chuckles into the receiver. "The fact that you're already considering what's in your companion's best interest tells me you're going to do great. There's some dog parks nearby, plus general walking, and you can always foster to try it out before committing. See if this is something that will work for you."
She's still a bit leery, but, "All right," she agrees.
Once she gets to Fang over Fang, it takes her less than twenty minutes to decide.
Kiba takes her through their main area and shows off some of his equipment and dogs in training. His family is pretty renowned, so there are a lot. The facility is divided into sections. Service dogs are trained by his mother and sister, while police and military K9s are what he works with.
Adoptable dogs, either retired or not workable, are in the back. The area is large, with lots of running room, beds, and places to play. Hinata walks through, stopping every now and then to pet and be introduced to them. She thinks they are all adorable, but Kiba told her not to just "pick" one.
She has to feel a connection.
So far, that hasn't happened.
"This is Argus." Kiba introduces her to a two year old German Shepherd 'mostly-mutt' mix that immediately nudges her hand and licks her palm, giving her eager affection."Some cheesy mythological name in reference to his being a watchdog, but whatever. He's a good boy. Ain't ya, Gus?" Kiba scratches the dog behind its ears earning himself some happy chuffs.
The dog in question is not nearly as large as Kiba's own dog Akamaru, but he's bigger than Hinata was expecting. What's most notable, though, is that he is missing his right front leg. Though you'd never know from the way he bounds around with the other dogs in the play area.
"What happened to him?" Hinata asks, watching Argus roll on his back while Akamaru playfully pulls on his tail.
"He was good at his job. Rooted out an in-ground explosive. Cost him his leg, but saved his handler. He's been rehabilitated, and of course, we gave the option to adopt to his former handler first, but he's still enlisted and deployed with a new partner. So…" Kiba shrugs. "He's available. He's obedient, well trained, and one of the smartest dogs I've worked with..."
"But?" Hinata catches the way Kiba pauses. She watches the two dogs roll around and something warm flutters in her gut. The connection, she thinks, that Kiba told her to look for.
"He has some anxiety. Loud noises frighten him. He requires a bit more attention than most retired K-9 dogs. Partially because he's still quite young-he's got a bit of pupper in him, yet-and partially because of his trauma." Kiba makes a sharp whistle and both dogs are at immediate attention, watching him expectantly.
"Argus. Vest."
Immediately Argus trots out of the room, returning a few minutes later with a black vest and holds it until Kiba takes it from his jaws.
"See? Smart." Kiba pats the dog before turning back to Hinata. "This is his compression vest. It's for comfort. Like a hug." He folds it between his hands. "Of course, there are other dogs here-"
Hinata glances at Argus who is staring up at her, with such devotion already. He nudges her hand with his snout. "No. It's him. I'll take him."
Kiba smirks, the red tattoos on his face twitching. "I kind of thought you two would hit it off."
There's usually a vetting process before adoption is allowed, but Kiba has known her for years, and vouches for her, so Hinata gets to skip that part (plus his mom adores her).
"How's my favorite should-have-been-daughter-in-law?" Is her favored form of greeting.
Neither one of them take her teasing seriously.
They get Argus's chip registered to Hinata, and she's given his vest, a list of commands that he knows, some dog food and feeding dishes, as well as a special harness/leash for walking before she and her new companion are sent on their way.
"I'll stop by in a couple of days, to see how it's going. If anything comes up, though, gimme a call." Kiba tells her as he loads her into her car.
From the driver's seat Hinata looks into the rearview. "You ready?" she asks.
In the backseat Argus gives an excited bark.
Hinata smiles. "Then let's go home."