CHAPTER 10: "A Gaggle of Gaping Gaijin"
After Kurama pointed out the obvious hole in Velma and the rest of Mystery Inc.'s non-logic (specifically where it applied to marijuana-based explanations regarding Scooby Doo's ability to speak), something… shifted. The members of Mystery Inc. looked disturbed, like a puddle someone had ridden their bike through—but even as their perceptions buckled under the weight of reality, they still made half-hearted attempts to explain Scooby's speech away, clinging to their flawed awareness for absolutely no reason Yusuke could understand.
And Kurama understood even less. He explained the obvious to them over and over again, polite and civil and even-keeled to a fault, but with every word Kurama spoke, the vein in his temple pulsed just a little bit harder—and in the beat of that vein, Yusuke could read the subtext beneath what Kurama was saying like a message written in Morse code.
The subtext sounded something like: "NONE OF YOU ARE HIGH RIGHT NOW, GODDAMN IT. I AM NOT HIGH RIGT NOW, GODDAMN IT. MY FRIENDS ARE NOT HIGH RIGHT NOW, GODDAMN IT. AND EVEN IF WE WERE ALL HIGH RIGHT NOW, GODDAMMIT, YOUR DOG CAN FUCKING TALK AND THAT'S NOT FUCKING NORMAL. YOUR EXPLANATIONS, WEED-DEPENDENT OR OTHERWISE, DO NOT FUCKING CUT THE LOGICAL MUSTARD, SO PLEASE JOIN ME ON THIS PLANET AND PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR COLLECTIVE GAIJIN ASSES AND RECOGNIZE THE FACT THAT YOUR DOG IS NOT A DOG AND ALL OF YOU ARE MORONS OF THE HIGHEST ORDER."
But, y'know.
More politely, and stuff.
Scooby, who had been plenty talkative before, watched Kurama talk without saying much, white still showing all around his big brown irises. He'd crawled into Shaggy's lap, letting the human carry him like an overgrown, dog-shaped baby as Kurama tried over and over to get through to the confused gaijin. His eyes got bigger and bigger as Kurama got closer and closer to making rational headway, and when understanding dawned on Velma's face like sun breaking through thick cloud, Scooby's eyes somehow grew even larger still.
"I—I think I get what you're saying," Velma said, staring at Scooby-Doo. "Shaggy was high. We weren't. And we haven't been high as Scooby continued to speak—and jinkies!" She gasped. "That means—"
Daphne blinked, rocking in place like she was waking from a sleepwalk. "Oh." A hand flew to her glossed lips. "Oh!"
Fred took a step backward, away from Scooby. "Wait just one minute, now!" he said, alarm making his voice rise.
Shaggy, too, seemed to be waking up at last. He stared up at Scooby (Scooby, big as he was, towered over Shaggy while sitting on the man's lap) and gaped. "Like—zoinks! Scoob, can you really—?"
Scooby-Doo leapt from Shaggy's arms. Yusuke immediately shifted into an at-ready stance, index finger extending toward the dog, but the beast didn't attack. Hell, he didn't even bare his teeth. He just took a deep breath, barrel chest expanding, and threw back his head to bellow, "SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOOOOOO!"
Everyone in the room froze. Velma, Shaggy, Fred and Daphne stiffened, eyes glassy and unseeing. Yusuke tried to move, to go to the gaijin and check to see if they'd passed out on their feet—but his arms and legs stayed still. They didn't budge.
But Yusuke wasn't alarmed by this. Nah. This wasn't bothersome at all. It was totally OK, actually. Pleasant, even, to be standing there unable to move. It was about as pleasant as hearing Scooby-Doo talk, in fact. Gosh, was it cool to meet a talking dog. Scooby was a special dog. A groovy dog, even. He was a groovy mutt with a rad voice and—
Behind Yusuke, Kurama muttered, "We're being brainwashed."
And just like that, the cloying thoughts about groovy talking dogs scattered. Yusuke's hand swung upward, aiming the beginnings of a Spirit Gun at Scooby-Doo—the dog who was staring at Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara without flinching, his tail moving back and forth, back and forth in purposeful circles through the air.
"Rack. Roff," Scooby-Doo rumbled—and when he at last bared his tombstone teeth, Yusuke felt tempted to obey.
NOTES: The truth is coming out, slowly but surely… also "Rack roff" is "Back off" in Scooby-speak. Yaaaay.