Warning: Mentions of child abuse.
Pack your bags. We're going on a guilt trip.
"You ruined my fucking life and broke my heart."
It's hardly surprising to Hinata that she ruined Naruto's life.
Hadn't she always been a pathetic, whimpering mouse-too shy, too insecure, too weak-to amount to anything?
Her father's voice follows Naruto's in her head. Reminding her...she is a failure.
Always a failure.
She can feel the phantom sting of a slap across her face-one slap for every stutter. Like that helped.
She can feel the bite of fingers in her shoulders and the harsh reminder for her to stand up straight. Slouching was for the cowardly-uncertain and afraid.
She feels old hunger pangs from being sent to bed without supper because she was too fat. A little piggy that needed to toughen up. Soft as those stupid pastries she was always stuffing her face with.
She can feel the heavy weighted stare of disapproval-watching and judging-and finding her lacking.
Someone like her could never be with someone like Naruto.
Naruto, whose life was a struggle from the very start-who fought his way through it with determination and grit and hope while she had run (run, run, don't look back) and hid from hers.
Yeah. No surprise there that she ruined his life.
Passionate and pathetic were never a good match.
"Is that really how you still see yourself? As pathetic?" Inoichi asks her at their next session.
Hinata twists her bracelet around her wrist and shrugs, not meeting his questioning gaze. She doesn't want to see his disappointment that she's still sliding backwards instead of moving forward.
"Hinata?"
Finally she lifts her head and sighs. "I'd think that was pretty obvious," she says. "It's like for every step forward I make, I slip three back."
"That happens during recovery-"
She sighs again, this time in frustration. "What exactly am I recovering from? From taking care of Naruto? I love him. I should have done more for him. If I wasn't so weak, then maybe I wouldn't have left him when he needed me most. Maybe he'd not think this ," she gestures to herself, "was his fault."
If Inoichi is taken back by her vehemence it doesn't show. His tone is still calm and even. "By your account, it sounds like Naruto is coping with being on his own pretty well."
"Of course he is. He doesn't know the meaning of the word quit."
"And if that's the case, then why not accept that, and let go of the guilt?"
That answer is easy. "Because I hurt him." She presses her lips together.
"People hurt one another," he reminds her gently. "It's one of the many unavoidable shortcomings of being human."
She shakes her head. "I promised myself that I wouldn't...I wouldn't be like everyone else in his life that only used and hurt him. I swore to protect him. Instead…" You ruined my fucking life and broke my heart. "Instead, I'm the worst of the bunch."
"It doesn't seem like Naruto agrees with that. Why else would he still reach out to you?"
Probably the same reason he still reached out to Sasuke. Naruto didn't know how to give up on people.
"Do you want him to give up on you?"
"Sometimes," she confesses on a whisper.
"Why?"
"Because I'm not worth it."
"Worth what?"
Any of it. "His love."
"And at the same time you're scared to lose it."
"Yes."
Inoichi sets his notes aside and leans forward. "Hinata... you are worthy of love."
Her eyes skirt away from his.
"Hinata."
She reluctantly looks back at him.
"Let's talk about your father."
She cuts the session short.
(Run, run, don't look back…)
She calls Naruto when she gets home.
It's probably a bad idea, but she's unnerved, and Naruto has always been a comfort to her. Plus, she spent the entire drive back thinking.
He answers right away, despite sounding sleepy. "Hey."
"Hi."
There's an extended pause. She's not sure what to say.
"Hina-? You okay?"
"I just wanted to hear your voice." she blurts out.
There's another pause and then, slightly more awake, "Yeah?"
"Yeah." She takes a breath. "Sorry it's so late."
"Nah, it's fine." He clears his throat, waiting for her to speak. She called him, after all.
She takes a steadying breath. "You were right, by the way."
"About what?"
"When you said before...that," I ruined your life... "that it was like you didn't know me anymore-"
"Oh, hey, I was just being an assho-"
"No, you weren't. And, please, let me finish."
He pauses again. "Alright."
"We've known each other a long time. Loved each other a long time. But...somewhere along the way, we stopped being friends."
He doesn't argue. Probably because he knows it's true.
"I'd like to be, though."
"Friends?" She can hear the disappointment in his voice. She knows this isn't exactly what he wants, but it's what she's capable of right now.
"Yeah." She takes another steadying inhale. "That's all I can offer you right now, Naruto."
He's quiet for a long moment before he says, "You always were a good friend, Hina."
It's a start.