Chapter 22: "A Gaggle of Giggling Gaijin"

The demon thundered into the foyer and loosed a mighty roar—because it promptly tripped over the see-saw floorboard, that is, and started hopping around in place clutching its taloned foot. It was spectacularly funny and now the canned laughter in the distance sounded super close, although Yusuke did have trouble hearing it over the sound of his (and Kuwabara's) guffaws. Even Kurama laughed behind a hand, eyes screwed up as they watched the demon jump around like a sentient pogo stick.

The gaijin also giggled, but they got over it pretty fast. Soon Daphne was leaning over the railing and shouting at the creature, "To the left, to the left!"

"Forward, forward!" Fred chimed in.

"At this rate, he's never gonna fall into the rest of the trap!" Velma sadly intoned as she shot a disappointed look at their contraption on the other side of the foyer (one that had incorporated a carburetor, an old washtub and a trio of garden flamingos Yusuke had no idea how they'd managed to get, among many other equally random things)—but then there came a horrific creak from overhead.

Yusuke looked up. So did his friends and the Scooby gang, who all gave a horrified gasp as the chain supporting the chandelier (a big round hoop of blackened metal with candle sconces around its rim) rattled and gave way a bit, sending it plummeting three feet downward.

Scooby, who was clinging to this chandelier, gave a mighty yelp and clung to it all the harder. "Rut roh!" he said, voice high and grating. He yelped again when the chandelier dropped a few inches further with another jolt. "Rikes!"

And then the chandelier fell completely, chain hissing through its mooring with the sound of angry snakes. Yusuke let out a bellow of shock and started to dash forward, try and help the deformed dog demon out and break his fall or something—but he stopped cold when he saw the big red oni stumble into the chandelier's path. The timing was almost too perfect (suspiciously perfect, in fact), and Yusuke watched with his mouth open as the chandelier conked the demon in the middle of its big dumb head. The demon froze with a bellow of pain, reaching for the giant metal hoop balanced precariously between its horns, but Scooby (still clinging to the light fixture like a goddamn spider monkey) did an impressively acrobatic kick-flip-twist that sent Scooby flying, the ring of metal falling neatly around the demon's shoulders, and the demon stumbling to the ground. As the demon lay in a heap on the floor, dazed, Scooby completed his absolutely insane stunt by landing safely in Shaggy's waiting arms, clinging with trembling limbs to the gaijin's thin neck.

And the rest of the gaijin didn't miss a fucking beat. They sprinted down the stairs and surrounded the demon, using the chandelier's trailing chain to further tie up its hands and ankles. Yusuke and company watched this go down in stunned silence, being far less accustomed to Scooby's antics than the gaijin who had so neatly captured a vicious demon.

"We did it, gang!" Fred declared when the demon had been trussed up like a BBQ ham. "We caught the demon of Onigumo Manor!"

"Like, you mean Scooby caught the demon of Onigumo Manor!" Shaggy called.

"You're right!" said Daphne.

"Good job, Scoob!" said Velma.

Scooby didn't move right away. But then, slowly, he lifted his head from Shaggy's neck and fluttered his eyelashes at his friends, enormously cheesy grin plastered across his bulbous face.

"Rhee-hee-hee." Scooby put a paw to his mouth, covering up his tombstone teeth. "Rhank rou!"

And the gaijin laughed like it was the funniest joke in the world while Scooby blushed. Blushed. The dog blushed. Yusuke was so fucking done with this place.

As was Kuwabara, apparently. "Why didn't they just drop the chandelier on the demon to begin with?" he said, looking peeved.

"I haven't the faintest idea," Kurama said, voice hollow.

"It all seems really—what's the word?" Kuwabara muttered. "Uh… oh yeah, unnecessary?"

"Rube Goldberg Machines almost always are, even when they do work. But we'll discuss that later." Kurama's eyes fixed steadily upon the gaijin and the demon they had crowded around. "Something tells me we'll want to pay attention to this."

The members of Mystery Inc. looked determined as they came within arm's reach of the massive demon. Fred approached the demon from behind, jaw firmly set as he grasped its enormous black horns and dug in his feet, arms tensing beneath the fabric of his letterman jacket. He yanked the demon's head upward with a grunt—and then there came a tearing noise, like seams ripping, and the demon's head separated from its beefy neck.

Because it was held on with seams.

Literal, actual seams—because the demon's head and neck were part of a very elaborate costume that actually looked super fake and stuff up close. Obvious rubber scales, big plastic talons, musculature not anatomically sound (though of Yusuke's party, only Kurama noticed that detail), it was a wonder Yusuke had ever mistaken this thing for a legit demon at all. The rush of the encounter had gotten the better of him, was his excuse. He'd been too distracted by Scooby to look closely enough to spot a fake.

Mystery Inc., however, had not been put off their game quite as much. The person beneath the elaborate mask bore the face of a stranger to Yusuke, but when their dazed features were revealed, Mystery Inc. let out a collective gasp… of recognition.

"Like, zoinks!" said Shaggy. "I know that guy!"

"Just like we thought!" declared Fred. "It's Old Man Jii-chan!"

"… fucking WHO?" Yusuke and Kuwabara said in unison, and beside them, Kurama let out a weary sigh.

NOTES: Inevitably Scooby episodes end with them building an elaborate trap to catch the perpetrator, but the trap either fails and yet Scooby saves the day anyway, or the trap simply works.

Also, Old Man Jii-chan. Old Man Jenkins? Ehh? Ehhhhhhh? (*gets shot for bad puns) Anyway, "jii-chan" means "grandpa" so it's also a Japanese pun as well as an oblique Scooby Doo reference. Props to Deamachi for seeing where I was headed with that.