Hinata has always spent more time waiting for the storm than enjoying the moment.
She's working on changing that.
She doesn't know exactly what she's dreading when she arrives at the diner, but she can't quite shake the feeling of anxious anticipation. Maybe it's leftover stress from the past week or so. Maybe it's just lingering concerns about Naruto. Whatever the reason, she feels flustered even as she exits her cab.
She takes a moment outside the quaint little restaurant to catch her breath and smooth her hands over her hair to smooth the flyaways from her bun. She pauses in the motion, a brief flicker of unease curdling like sour milk in her gut. Was this a date?
She's wearing loose lounge pants and an oversized shirt with no makeup. What if she had underdressed? What if he saw her and was repulsed by her lack of effort? What if-
Wait.
She inhales and exhales in a slow breath. Doing what she'd always told Naruto to do when his thoughts started veering dangerously off the road.
This was Naruto.
He once saw her green-faced face-down in a toilet after some bad sushi covered in sweat and worse and still told her she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever met.
Her lazy apparel wouldn't bother him.
But that wasn't even the real root of her nervousness.
She feels her lips thin, pulling tight, as she forces herself to confront why she was really apprehensive. What if he had called her here to cut off all ties? He'd already removed her from being his emergency contact. It wasn't like she wouldn't deserve it, if that was the case. And if that's what he wanted, she'd give it to him, but there was no denying the way her heart clenched up in her chest, curling itself into a protective ball against the very idea of it.
Taking another steadying breath, Hinata squares her shoulders. She wouldn't know what he wanted if she didn't get her ass inside to find out. Resolutely she opens the door and strides inside.
He's seated in one of the booths near the windows, looking like a bright spot against the dimness of the 'mood lighting'. He always was her bright spot. He stands when he notices her and waves her over.
He's smiling, so maybe he wasn't about to tell her to fuck right off and never look back.
When she's closer he pulls her in for a quick hug and her fingers reflexively tighten against his back, soaking in some of his warmth and familiar energy. When he steps back she can't help but feel a little pang, but she adjusts herself into the booth to avoid him seeing it and immediately blurts, "So, what did you need to ask me?"
He watches her for a moment, eyes lingering on the way she's twisting her bracelet. Guiltily she tucks her hands into her lap to fiddle out of sight and waits for his response.
"Do you always worry about everything I do?" He laughs but it doesn't sound light.
Yes. Yes I do, thank you for noticing.
His gaze is searching and she doesn't know what he's looking for so she just blinks at him a little stupidly. "What?"
He smiles at her, reassuringly. "You sound so stressed. All I said was I wanted to ask you something." His tone kind of reminds her of her own when she's talking to Argus if he's stressed.
Her shoulders relax a little though, because he wouldn't be smiling at her like that if he was about to unload some negative stuff. She doesn't let go of her bracelet though because he is clearly still nervous.
Nervous Naruto had never been a good sign for her.
Heh. Nervous Naruto.
Sounds like the title of a children's book. Maybe one about ramen. Where the noodles are the popular kids and the little naruto is scared but he overcomes his fears and becomes the favorite topping...wait. Focus up, Hinata.
Naruto, oblivious to her internal adventure as an award winning children's author, slides an envelope towards her. She opens it, reading the fancy scrawl and noting the heavy (expensive) cardstock. An election night banquet. A fancy election night banquet.
"This is yours?" She double checks.
He nods at her, clearly trying not to laugh at her befuddlement.
She glances at the invite again and feels something warm bloom where her curled up heart resides. Pride, she realizes. And affection. "Wow, that's such an exciting event," she breathes. "I'm really proud of you."
He must have worked so hard. She feels her cheeks tingle, her smile growing. She always knew he had it in him. It's so good that he's learning that too.
Across from her he clears his throat. "Well, I was wondering, if you'd come with me."
She blinks a few times. Had she heard that right? "Me?"
"Yes, you." He rolls his eyes a little, laughing.
The waitress interrupts them momentarily to ask for their orders before she can say anything in response.
Hinata orders a burger and fries, feeling a teensie bit guilty when Naruto orders a sandwich and a salad. But not guilty enough to give up her selection.
"So, will you come with me?" He asks again when the waitress has made her way to a different table.
She purses her lips, considering the invitation in her hand. "You really want me to come?" She asks him again. This is such a big, important achievement for him. She doesn't want to make it uncomfortable or awkward and she has never, ever, been very good in social situations.
Naruto makes a sound before hanging his head in his hands. "Ugh, your impossible." He lets them slide over his face, tiredly. "Why would I ask you here, tell you about it, and then ask you twice if I didn't 'really' want you to come?"
Okay. Fair point.
"Don't be mean to me. I spent the last two hours thinking you were mad at me." That's the truth. Even if it is avoiding his invite.
"Why? Because of the doctor thing?" He asks her, brows lifted. He continues before she can verify what he already knows. "I'm definitely not mad. I'm just trying to do my thing, ya'know. Isn't that what you wanted?"
She looks down at the table so he won't see the flicker of pain she feels, because- yes -that is what she wanted, but also no. Nope. Nuh-uh. Nyet. She wants him to live his own life...she just selfishly thought she'd always be a part of it. Even if they weren't a couple.
But being a part of it meant that she had to do it on his terms, and also to accept the boundaries that she, herself, created.
"Right?" He asks her again, softly.
She opens her mouth, but she really doesn't know what to say. She's not sure how to put all of the turbulent feelings regarding him, her, them into words. She's saved from responding by the shadow of the waitress returning with their orders.
She's picking at her napkin when she sees him move-his large, tan hand coming to rest on the table between them, palm up, fingers semi curled. It's relaxed, though his expression tells her that he's anything but .
It's an invitation.
She can accept or decline, but as always, the choice is hers.
Hinata's gaze flickers between his and his hand a few times.
Maybe he doesn't mean this decision to weigh as much as it does, but in Hinata's mind this moment is more than a simple choice between holding his hand or not. It's the choice between remaining aloof and casual and knowing that if she takes his hand then she is about to open herself up wide for him. Risk getting hurt again.
She's not sure she can handle that kind of pain again.
But...
Slowly, she places her hand in his. His fully encapsulated hers, rubbing the top of it, as gentle as possible.
She feels her eyes mist over. It's the feeling of home.
"Ask me." Naruto squeezes her hand softly, his voice equally soft.
"Ask what?" She asks, voice thin. She swallows the tremble.
"The stuff you want to. Need to, I mean." He flashes her another gentle smile, rubbing her hand again. "It's okay." He promises.
She looks up into his blue eyes for a long moment, his hand rubbing the back of her knuckles now, continuously, in little circles.
"Okay." She takes a small breath. First-most important: "Are you taking your medication?"
No hesitation. "Yes."
She nods, feeling relief course through her. Next: "Are you seeing your doctor?"
"Both."
That's impressive. He hated both of them. She wants some clarification, though. "Your psychiatrist and your therapist?"
"Yes."
"You've been getting to work on time?"
"Yep, for both." He beams at her-proud as Argus when he fetches her slippers in the morning.
She smiles a little. "And what about eating?"
"I told you about Mr. Umino, helping me out. Between him and Jiraiya, I've been eating clean. Cleaner than Clorox." He makes a face and she gives a breathless giggle. He's so resentful about it. "This is my first piece of bread since Jiraiya got me on program." He pokes the toothpick holding his sandwich together with his free hand. "So don't tell on me, m'kay?"
She nods. "Okay."
"Can I ask you a question?" His thumb is still making distracting circles over her knuckles.
It's only fair, she thinks, bracing herself.
"You've been good... right?" He leans forward a little bit. "You've been doing okay, right?"
Hinata looks back down at her food, her free hand shifting to her the bracelet. Was she okay? Yeah...she was definitely on her way there. She had stumbled a lot and some of the hardships that have happened recently have been the most difficult of her life, but she's pushing through. A genius of perseverance and all that. It's a struggle that she wants to share with him, but not right now. This struggle is still hers.
He squeezes her hand lightly again.
"Yes." She nods to him, focusing in this moment. Her hand in his. Yeah, she was okay.
"Good." He smiles at her, but she can tell it doesn't reach his eyes. She's about to ask him about it when he cuts her off. "Okay, just one more question."
Okay.
She inhales.
She'll be as candid as she can be.
She waits.
He tips his head. "Can I have a couple of your fries?"
That was not the question she expected. She splutters a bit. "My french fries?"
"I have many regrets about my side salad." Naruto admits, ducking his head sheepishly.
She laughs, shaking her head. "Yes."
Their hands separate. Hers going to her fries, scooping up a dozen of them and depositing them on a clear part of his plate. "I can't believe you're eating a salad." She tells him.
Naruto slumps dramatically, looking at Hinata in mock despair. "I've got to say, not all changes were for the better."
She smiles at him, soft and warm. "But a lot of them were," she reminds him. Like her leaving.
It stung-just a bit-to have confirmation that she had been part of the problem. Things between them could have been handled a lot better-on both their parts- but she was learning to accept the things that she couldn't change, and trying to make steady progress forward.
Dimly, from a distant memory of a happier time, she hears her mother's voice in her head, feels her hands on her cheeks. "Face towards the sun, Hinata, that way the shadows fall behind you."
She watched Naruto inhale her fries and smiles.
She's facing her sun.
She still needs to learn to shine on her own.
But she'll get there.